Find Me Alastar

by T L Swan

  I shuffle around in my handbag and pull out the folder with the pictures of the stolen artwork. I start to pass them to her one by one. “See here, they are all wearing the ring. My ring.” I point at the ring in the pictures and she studies them one by one.

  “It’s a strange coincidence, I will admit, but that’s all it is. A coincidence,” she replies.

  “There are no such things as a coincidence,” I murmur. “I remember him, Brell.”

  “Who?” She screws up her face. “Did that fucking nutcase Alastar put this into your head? Last thing I knew was that he had pictures of tombstones with your name on them all over his basement.”

  I shake my head. “No, Brielle. But that is why he stole the artwork. He painted those paintings.”

  She rolls her eyes. “So, he is the guy you remember from your past lives?”

  I nod my head. “I know this is unbelievable.”

  “Yeah, it is.” She cuts me off. “You know what? I think it’s time we get you to a doctor. You are scaring the shit out of me.”

  I take her hand in mine. “Brielle, I know this is a lot to take in.”

  Her eyes hold mine.

  “But you are my best friend and I am scared and I don’t want it to be true. But it is.” My eyes tear up. “I need you to believe me when I tell you this, because I have no one else I can trust,” I plead in a whisper.

  She stares at me across the table.

  “I love him. I have loved him before and I have felt it all along, I know I have.”

  She closes her eyes in pain and takes my hand over the table. “Em, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but if Alastar is your eternal love from your past life or whatever, why has he treated you the way that he has?”

  I stare at her.

  She shakes her head. “I maybe could believe in reincarnation, Em, but I can’t believe that a soul mate would push you away and treat you the way he did if he truly loved you. If he knew you and loved you, why did he leave you?” She grabs my hand over the table in sympathy.

  I squeeze the hand that is in mine. “He was trying to give me a choice,” I whisper.

  She frowns. “From what?”

  “He can only find me when I buy this ring and he thought that if I didn’t have the ring than maybe I wouldn’t love him. So he tried to buy it from underneath me.”

  She shakes her head. “Can you hear yourself? He was pushing you away. He didn’t want you to have the ring.”

  I stare at her.

  “If this story is true—” she whispers.

  “It is.” I cut her off.

  She shakes her head. “Then there is something missing. What hasn’t he told you? Why did he push you away?”

  I hesitate and process her words as they slice into my happiness. “I’m marrying him this weekend,” I whisper angrily, she isn’t listening to me at all.

  She shakes her head and her eyes fill with sympathy. “No, baby.”

  “Come with me.” I angrily wipe the tears from my eyes. “You have been by my side since I was six years old. I need you to be with me on my wedding day.”

  “Emerson,” she whispers. “Stop. You can’t marry him. I can’t let you marry him based on some paranormal activity theory.”

  “Please,” I beg as I feel a shadow over the table. We look up to see Alastar.

  Brielle’s anger ignites. “What are you doing?”

  “Hello, Brielle,” he replies.

  She stands, her fury unmanageable. “What the hell have you put in her head?”

  His face falls. “Nothing. She’s telling you the truth,” he replies.

  She taps her head with the palm of her hand. “You are fucking crazy, too.” She stands and takes out her purse and throws some money onto the table.

  “Call me when you want to return to reality, Emerson,” she snaps. She glares at Alastar and points her finger at him. “I swear to God, if you touch one hair on her head, you will want to hope you never live again. Because I will fucking kill you in every life myself.”

  My eyes drop to the table in despair.

  “Are you coming, Emerson?” She growls.

  Pain slices through my heart. “Please, Brielle. Stay and listen to us,” I whisper.

  “No! I can’t believe this,” she snaps. “I’m calling your parents, Emerson. You have gone too far.” She storms from the restaurant and I drop my head as the tears begin to flow.

  * * *

  I wait patiently as Alastar opens the door of my princess room. The key turns and he kisses me gently. “Are you okay, my love? You are very quiet.”

  I smile. “Now that we are here I am.” It’s Friday and we have arrived at Ashford Castle for our wedding tomorrow. I’m elated, yet heart broken. I desperately wanted Brielle by my side.

  Connie, Alastar’s mother, and Thomas are arriving this afternoon to witness our nuptials. It’s a weird feeling, to finally feel so positive of my decision and yet have not one of your family or friends there to witness the most important day of your life. I wish I didn’t tell Brielle. I wish I’d acted like this wasn’t true like we first planned and then told her in twelve months’ time when we tell everyone else and remarry for their sakes.

  I thought she could handle the truth. At least, I thought she would try to for me.

  Alastar opens the suitcases and immediately begins to unpack while I go to the window and stare out over the view. I get a vision of Alchron standing before me naked, lit only by candlelight, and I get a carnal shiver of appreciation. My eyes instantly flicker to Alastar, and he smirks sexily as if knowing exactly what I am thinking about.

  I smirk. “Alchron was the quite the dominant lover.”

  He raises a brow and walks over to me. “Aye, and the princess was the perfect submissive.” His tongue slowly sweeps through my mouth and his hand slides down my skirt so that I am standing before him in my panties. I hold my breath as his lips drop to my neck.

  “It never gets old,” he whispers.

  I smile as I look to the ceiling, his fingers exploring my breasts. “What never gets old?” I ask.

  “The feeling of your body under my hands, underneath my body.” He bites me aggressively.

  He kisses me again and holds my head the way he wants it, to press my body to his. His hand slips beneath my panties and he slides his fingers through my wet flesh.

  I throw my head back and tear his pants down in haste. I push him down onto the wingback chair in the corner and straddle him, my legs in a squatting position. He holds my body up as he positions his cock underneath me and slides deeply home.

  We both sigh, the intensity almost too much. Both of us knowing that we have made love in this very position hundreds of times, over hundreds of years… yet somehow, it still feels as if it’s the first time. He grips the back of my shoulders as he pulls me down deep onto him, my knees around his chest. His dark eyes hold mine as he circles his hips.

  “You need to fuck me,” he breathes into my mouth.

  My eyes close. Yes, I do. I lift myself and slowly slide back down onto his thick shaft. It hits the very end of me and feels so damn good. He lifts me and slams me back down.

  “Does that feel good, my love?” he breathes into my mouth.

  I nod, unable to speak.

  He starts to move me up and down on his cock aggressively and I lose all coherent thought as my breasts take on their own agenda and start to bounce violently.

  He’s so big and so deep and I get a vision of Alchron underneath me. Oh God, Alchron.

  The warrior soldier.

  My warrior soldier.

  The thought drives me near mad. I feel like the princess in my beautiful surroundings and this is my man, one of my many men. This beautiful cock that has pleasured me for so many lives is nearly too much to comprehend.

  Alastar’s dark eyes watch me from below and I know he, too, is seeing his beloved princess above him.

  This is mind fuckery at its best.

  Same person, different bodies, s
ame desire, and the same deep, intense love.

  “Fuck me, Alchron,” I whisper. “I love you, my darling.”

  Alastar’s mouth drops open and he starts to really throw me down onto his waiting, hard cock. I can hardly open my eyes as I get a flash of the men before him.

  “Aye. There she is,” he whispers in wonder.

  I smile down at him.

  “My princess is here.”

  I kiss him and screw my face up as the intense emotion fills me. This beautiful man has loved me in all of my forms. He still loves me.

  He grabs my shoulders from behind for leverage and starts to really slam me down onto his body, and I cry out as a freight train of an orgasm rips through my senses.

  Alastar throws his head back. “Emmaline,” he cries as his cock jerks deep within my body.

  We stay still, gasping for breath as the tears escape my eyes. He kisses me and cups my face tenderly, and I know he is thinking of his princess and how he never got to hold her one last time.

  “Do you have any idea how much I love you?” he whispers.

  I smile through tears and nod. “I do,” I whisper as my lips find his. “I really do.”

  * * *

  I walk along the pathway of the beautiful grounds with Alastar’s mother’s arm linked with mine. Thomas and Alastar are about twenty meters behind us, deep in conversation. The sun is shining and the birds are chirping above us in the trees. This really is the most beautiful place. Connie and Thomas arrived two hours ago and we have just had afternoon tea in the garden. I have so much I want to ask her, but I don’t know how to broach the subject without sounding childish.

  “So…” I hesitate. “You know me.” I pause. “From before, I mean?”

  Her knowing eyes hold mine and she smiles broadly. “Aye, dear. Please feel free to ask me anything. I know this is a frightening thing to try and understand.”

  I nod. “I feel guilty.”

  She frowns. “How so?”

  I swallow the lump in my throat. I don’t want this to come out wrong. “It frightens me. This whole thing frightens me. What if…?” I hesitate.

  She smiles kindly. “What if what, dear?”

  “What if I don’t live up to his expectations? What if I am not as he remembers?”

  She stops and holds my hands in hers as she shakes her head. “Emmaline, beautiful Emmaline. He has loved you forever. He will always love you for the rest of forever. Please don’t be afraid.”

  I smile, grateful that I have her to talk to about this. We continue walking and my eyes flick to her. “You don’t remember your husband?”

  She smiles sadly. “No, although the way I feel about him tells me we have been in love before.”

  I smile.

  “I can never imagine being married to anyone else.” She smiles wistfully as she looks over the gardens in front of us.

  I frown. What must it be like to go through this?

  “Why do you think Alastar remembers everything?” I ask.

  She shrugs. “Don’t know. It is just how it has always been.”

  “Hmm.” I think for a moment. “Did you know me when this was my house?” I ask.

  She shakes her head. “No, dear, I did not have the privilege of meeting you in that life.”

  I smile gratefully. Thank heavens Alastar has had her to help him navigate his way through all of this. I look over and notice another entrance into the castle. “What is up there?” I ask.

  She frowns. “I think it’s the library.”

  I smile. Oh, a library. I love libraries. I need to see this. “I may just have a quick look.”

  “Okay, dear. I will meet you there in a minute.” She stands and waits for her sons to join her.

  I walk up the stairs and down the hallway into the large hall. My eyes scan the huge room in amazement and I put my hand on my chest. This is the most beautiful room. High wingback chairs sit in pairs, and books line the walls from floor to ceiling. A ladder wheels along the wall on a rail to allow access to the really high shelves. I stand for a moment and inhale deeply. I have been in this room so many times before; I can feel it so deeply within my soul. Only now that I am back at the castle is the significance of my past catching up with me. This is a blessing. This is such a blessing to be given more than one life with this beautiful man. A second row of large dark timber shelves runs in front of the back wall to create a hallway of books and I slowly walk down in between the shelving. I smile as I run my finger down the spines of the leather-bound books. Halfway down the hallway, I get to a deep mahogany large set of books with gold roman numerals on them. I frown. “What are these books?” I whisper to myself under my breath. I take one out and open it up.

  * * *

  La vida del Ysopet con sus fabulas historia.

  * * *

  I frown as I try to decipher its origin. I wonder what that means? I quickly type the title into Google on my phone and the results flash up.

  Aesop

  My heart skips a beat. Alastar quoted Aesop in the title of his photograph. I smile broadly and open the book to flick through the pages. The book falls open to a divide and I frown. A thick cream handmade envelope sits between the pages, as if it was once used as a bookmark and then forgotten about. I take it out, and on the front of the envelope in Alchron’s writing, it reads:

  Oh. My eyes fly up and look around nervously. This letter is mine. I hold the envelope in my hand and turn it over to see the back. The wax seal is still sealed. This letter has never been read.

  Holy shit. My heart rate picks up.

  I turn it back over and rub my finger over the beautiful handwritten word.

  Hang on a minute. Alchron only addressed his love as the princess and Henry never had access to this castle. This letter is from a different life. One that I don’t know about. I swallow the lump in my throat and my guilty eyes dart around the library. What do I do?

  This is my letter and was sent to me.

  I want to read it.

  Maybe I could just take it to read and I could return it tomorrow. Nobody will ever know… will they?

  “Emmaline?” Alastar calls.

  Shit. I quickly stuff the letter into my handbag so that he can’t see. “I’m here.” I smile as I come around the shelving.

  He smiles broadly and kisses my cheek. “Are you ready to go back to our room to get ready for dinner, my love?’

  I smile as he takes my hand in his. “I am and you need to move your things to Thomas’ room.”

  He rolls his eyes. “You are serious about spending tonight apart?’

  I smile and kiss him tenderly. “It’s bad luck to spend the night before the wedding with the bride.” I can read my secret letter tonight after he leaves.

  His hand roams to my behind and he pulls me forward onto his crotch. “But it is good luck to spend the night before the wedding with the groom,” he whispers into my lips.

  I smirk against him. “You are incorrigible, but you can visit me in the morning and we will have breakfast together.”

  He shakes his head in defeat and gestures to the door. “Let’s go then. I have to organize my things.”

  I laugh out loud as we exit the library. “Twinkle, your things are already super organized. What could you possibly have to do?”

  * * *

  Alastar’s lips lock on mine and he pulls me into his body, I laugh and try to pull back.

  “Tomorrow” I smile into his lips. We have had a divine dinner with Connie and Thomas and are now saying goodnight to each other at the door of my princess room.

  “Can I come in?” he whispers as he tries to walk me backwards.

  I grin against his lips. “No.”

  “Why not?” He smirks as he rubs his hands up and down my behind.

  “Because we are getting married tomorrow.”

  “Aye. That we are.”

  I push the hair back from his forehead and look into his beautiful eyes. “I am the luckiest girl in the world, Alastar O’Shea
, to have you loving me.”

  He smiles softly. “Tis I who is lucky.”

  He kisses me again and his tongue gently rims my lips. “Can I come in?” he breathes. “Let me show you how lucky you are with a preview of married life.”

  I giggle and push him backwards. “Stop it, you sex maniac. I will see you tomorrow for breakfast.”

  He kisses me again while smiling and I step back to close the door. He doesn’t move and stands still on the spot with his hands in his pockets.

  “Will you go?” I smirk.

  “I would prefer to come.” He smiles cheekily with a wink.

  I laugh, kiss him quickly on the lips, and with a shake of the head I close the door. I turn and flick the kettle on to make a cup of tea and go to the window, looking out into the countryside below. I smile as a sense of contentment flows through me.

  I’m actually here… in this house… doing this… with him. My phone beeps and I retrieve my handbag, catching sight of the letter that I found today. I take it out and put it on my pillow while I read the text.

  Brielle.

  I blow out a deflated breath. We haven’t spoken since our heated exchange in the restaurant the other night. It reads:

  Hi Em.

  Are you okay?

  I feel bad for our fight.

  I can’t stand the thought of you being angry with me.

  I stare at my phone for a moment before I reply.

  I could never be angry with you.

  I am disappointed.

  I wait for a moment and a text bounces back.

  Where are you?

  Tears fill my eyes and I text back.

  I am alone in my room at Ashford Castle preparing for my wedding tomorrow.

  I wait for a reply but it doesn’t come. I pace back and forth for a moment and then text back.

  I understand that this sounds crazy.

  And I understand the you don’t know or support Alastar.

  But I needed you here to support me.

  I’m hurt that you won’t be by my side at my wedding.