A woman who wasn’t scared to eat. What a relief. At least fifty per cent of the women he saw at the Hunter Clinic had some weird ideas about diets and eating. Some of them were even refused surgery because their BMIs were so low it made them anaesthetic risks. It was nice to be in the company of a woman who seemed comfortable in her own skin.
The strange thing was, it obviously hadn’t always been the case. She’d already told him about her experiences of being compared to her mother, and there was the fact she’d obviously had implants. Why would someone like Lexi think she needed to have surgery?
But the more time he spent in her company the more he was drawn to her. She was warm and charming with a good sense of humour. And even though she’d spent part of her life in the spotlight she certainly wasn’t the vacant blonde she was sometimes portrayed as in the press.
Lexi was highly intelligent, well read with an opinion on everything. And pushing aside the breasts and fabulous legs, there was just more and more to like about her.
‘What did your parents think about you doing your degree?’
She stared at him and the edges of her lips curled upwards. ‘Why do I get the impression that you already know?’
‘I’m just guessing your mother might have had other plans for you.’
‘Oh, she did. And they all involved being her personal assistant and PR girl. She was most annoyed when I passed my exams with flying colours and got a place to study international business.’
Iain nodded slowly. ‘Interesting choice.’
‘It was fabulous. And in the final year you had a placement in a real business for six months. I loved it. They offered me a job straight after uni.’
‘And did you take it?’
‘I did for a few years.’ She took another sip of her wine. ‘Funny thing was, I actually found myself drawn towards PR work. Maybe my mother knew me better than I knew myself all along.’
‘So did you work for her?’
Lexi smiled. And it was the best smile of the evening, reaching all the way into her eyes and giving her a cheeky sparkle. ‘Not a chance.’
He laughed. There were so many qualities here that he hadn’t seen before. Hadn’t taken the chance to see. All because from the second he’d set eyes on Lexi she’d woken up his libido like a shrieking alarm clock. Something he definitely hadn’t been prepared for. And something he definitely hadn’t been ready to acknowledge.
‘So how did you end up being head-hunted by Leo Hunter at the clinic?’
She nodded. ‘Leo is very persuasive. I was working for a variety of charities when he approached me. At first I wasn’t interested in trying to raise the profile of a private clinic. It seemed almost the exact opposite of what I was currently doing. But Leo told me about the work they wanted to fund and the people he wanted to help by increasing the client base of the clinic …’ Her voice tailed off and Iain smiled.
‘I get it. Leo is very persuasive.’
She smiled again, her blue eyes fixed on his face. He pushed his wine glass aside. Lexi Robbins was beginning to wreak havoc on his senses.
‘I like the clinic. I’m proud of the job I do. I want to be known for me, Lexi Robbins. I hate it when a newspaper article starts, “Lexi Robbins, daughter of…”’ She shook her head. ‘I’m my own person. But I’m also wise enough to know that some of the clients I’ve brought to the clinic saw me in the first instance because I’m my father’s—or my mother’s—daughter.’
Iain lifted his glass and held it up to her. ‘Well, in that case I want to make a toast. To Lexi Robbins, PR genius of Hunter Clinic, who will bring in thousands of pounds to help fund the charity projects.’
She lifted her glass and gave him a wink. ‘Tens of thousands of pounds.’
They clinked glasses.
‘Dessert?’ Frank appeared at their side again, clearing their dinner plates. ‘Could I tempt you with a beautiful pear tart with chocolate sauce?’
Lexi shook her head. ‘It sounds heavenly, Frank, but I’m all chickened out.’
‘Too much?’ he asked.
‘No, just perfect. But I honestly couldn’t eat another bite.’ She glanced at her watch. ‘It’s been a long day and I’m feeling kind of tired.’ She looked apologetically at Iain and he stood immediately to come to her side and pull her chair out.
‘No problem at all.’ He pulled some money from his wallet to pay Frank and gave him a wave as he helped Lexi on with her coat. It was late. He should have paid more attention to the time. Not everyone was an insomniac like him. Not everyone did anything possible rather than go to bed and stare at the ceiling, hoping to have a dreamless night.
‘I hope you don’t mind, Iain.’ She spun round to face him and her big blue eyes and blonde curls were directly under his nose. Just inches away from him.
‘Of course not, Lexi. I’ll walk you home. I should have kept my eye on the time.’ He held out his arm as they walked down the stairs and out onto the street and was secretly glad when she slid her arm through his.
He was telling himself he was only being polite. It didn’t mean anything else. It didn’t mean anything at all.
But walking through the darkened London streets with a beautiful woman on his arm gave him a little buzz. And not in the traditional sense. As a surgeon Iain knew better than most that true beauty came from the inside. And tonight he’d been well and truly exposed to the true beauty of Lexi Robbins.
He’d watched a programme once where people sat behind a screen and described how they looked to an artist who drew a picture of them from their description. Then one of their friends described them to the same artist. The programme ended with the pictures hanging side by side. It truly reflected that people often didn’t see themselves the way others saw them. The pictures where the people had described themselves were nowhere near as beautiful as the ones where their friends had described them. And the friends’ pictures were a much more accurate reflection of the individual.
Why had this sprung to mind? Because he could tell—just from tonight and their conversation—that Lexi couldn’t see the beauty he could, both inside and out.
It still intrigued him why she’d felt the need to get implants. But it seemed too personal a question to ask. It could be that Lexi had had other reasons for surgery and the implants were a consequence of that.
They rounded the corner into her street.
‘You’re awfully quiet, Iain. Something wrong?’ Even her voice sounded merry. Lexi was a pleasure to be around.
‘Not at all. I’m just enjoying the company.’
‘That’ll be a first. You’re usually playing hide and seek with me.’
Yes. She was nobody’s fool, even if she was usually too polite to say so. It seemed the wine had loosened her tongue.
He stopped and spun her round, catching her around the waist. ‘Lexi Robbins, I have no idea what you mean,’ he said in mock horror.
She pointed her finger at his wide chest. ‘I’ll have you know, Iain McKenzie, that I was the champion hide-and-seeker as a kid.’ She lifted her hands in the air. ‘You can run but you can’t hide.’
‘Who says I want to hide?’ he said, closing the space between them in an instant and pulling her hard against his chest.
This time the sensation of her firm breasts wasn’t a surprise. But the way her body melded into his was. It was almost as if she … fitted.
This time her hands rested on his shoulders. The initial flash of surprise disappeared from her eyes and her gaze remained steady on his.
Her voice was a little breathless. ‘Admit it, Iain, you have been hiding from me.’ There wasn’t another person on the street. It was just the two of them. Nothing and no one to interrupt them.
‘And all of a sudden I can’t imagine why,’ he said quietly.
Silence. The tension between them was almost palpable. The air was practically crackling.
Then she almost tipped him over the edge. Her tongue ran along her red lips, moistening them and maki
ng them glisten in the dim light. Her voice was hoarse. ‘Neither can I,’ she whispered, as her fingers pressed into his shoulder bones.
He didn’t think. He didn’t stop to think for a second.
This was all about instinct. And his instinct was to make her his.
He bent his head, taking her lips as his own. Claiming them in every way possible. His hands pulled her hips close against his then he lifted them and wound them through her blonde hair. So soft, so silky between his fingers.
She let out a little gasp and raised herself up on tiptoe, trying to get herself even closer to him. Her hands left his shoulders and slid around to the back of his neck, curving themselves across the expanse of his back.
There was nothing tender and gentle about this kiss. This was pure and utter unbridled lust. That scent was under his nose again, drifting through his senses. It had followed him for days, driving him slowly and utterly crazy with the thoughts it evoked in his brain.
Lexi was matching him every step of the way. He pushed her back from the pavement towards the entrance of her flat. His hands were drifting under her coat, up the sensual curves of her waist and hips, relishing the feel of the clingy jersey dress beneath his fingertips. Then his hands met her breasts, the rational part of his brain wondering if she would react to his touch but the sensual part of his brain already on a mission he had to complete. Beneath the thin material her nipples reacted in his palms, making him stifle a groan in the back of his throat.
He pressed her further against the wall, one of her legs rising up and hitching on his hip, his hardness pushing against her core. His head had fallen to her neck now, to the source of that delicious sensual scent. He could taste it under his lips as his tongue moved around the soft skin at the bottom of her neck and along her fine clavicle. Her hands were moving in one direction—with a distinct purpose—and his back arched towards her.
His fingers were following suit, pushing up her dress and edging along the inside of her thigh.
‘Iain,’ she panted.
‘What?’ He didn’t even look up, didn’t want to stop what was happening.
Her body was reacting to his every touch, completely and utterly responding to every single move he made.
A cool breeze danced across his skin where she’d opened a few buttons on his shirt and the sweep of air caused him to stiffen.
He looked up. Lexi’s gaze was fixed on his. Part of it passion, part of it confusion. He could see the wealth of emotions behind her blue eyes and it brought him crashing to earth with an almighty thump.
Lexi. It was Lexi Robbins standing in front of him now.
It was Lexi Robbins who had stoked his emotions so high he’d almost choked on them.
Blonde hair, blue eyes. Staring at him with a look of expectation, a look of reciprocation of the feelings that were bubbling inside him.
It was like a bucketful of ice chips tumbling over his body. The horrible, stomach-churning realisation that not once this evening—not once—had he given Bonnie a second thought.
He stepped backwards, trying to put some distance between him and Lexi. Distance that had already formed in his mind a mile wide.
For the last few years he’d thought about Bonnie every single day. Every single day.
Whether it was first thing in the morning when he woke up, at some quiet time snatched in the middle of the day, or late at night when he was home alone, Bonnie had appeared in his thoughts every day. Sometimes the memories were good ones, happy thoughts of places they’d been, things they’d experienced together.
Other times he was in Theatre when he relived those horrendous moments. Losing his precious wife and losing his twins in one fell swoop.
Other times he was racked with guilt, replaying conversations when he’d persuaded her to give IVF one last go. To give that particular chance of having a family that way one last try.
So many steps in his life that he wanted to rewind. Wanted to turn back the clock and do differently.
But no matter what the thoughts, no matter whether the memories were good or bad, they had been there. Every single day. Until now.
The guilt was horrendous. From the second he’d got up that morning he’d thought about Lexi, knowing that she was meeting him at Kate’s.
He’d even thought about her at some points today during surgery. Unthinkable.
The only time today he’d given Bonnie any thought had been the tiniest fleeting moment at the end of the interview when he’d walked out.
But it had vanished in a flash when he’d realised his reaction had been over the top and his priority had been to apologise to Lexi. Not to sit down for a few seconds and wonder why he was so mixed up. Wonder why he was reacting in such an irrational way.
Somewhere along the way an invisible line had been crossed without him even realising it. A line that he’d drawn in the sand years ago to protect himself from taking actions that could affect the life of another. The consequences were too big a cross to bear.
Casual relationships were fine. But Lexi was no one’s casual relationship. And he’d known that from the second he’d seen her and realised the affect she had on him.
Avoiding her had been a self-preservation technique—one he should have stuck to.
‘Iain? Iain, what’s wrong?’ Her voice was still breathy, panting, as if she was full of pent-up frustration. The last thing he needed right now. What he needed right now was space. Distance. As much as possible.
‘This was a mistake. A big mistake.’ With every word he stepped back a little further, as if it helped him say the words.
A splash of rain landed on his nose and he looked upwards at the dark sky above him. Clouds were circling above his head in more ways than one.
‘I have to go. I’m sorry, Lexi. Let’s just leave it. Just leave it alone.’
She started to shake her head. Utter confusion was painted across her face and his gut clenched at the fact he’d hurt her. It had never been his intention. Things had just got out of control.
‘But, Iain—’
He whipped away as the rain started to deluge the pavement around him, his stride lengthening with every step.
He didn’t care about the weather, he didn’t care about the rain.
He just needed to get away from her. Get away from her intoxicating scent. Even as he walked down the street he could still smell her—smell her perfume on his clothes.
He lifted his hand and something reflected under the orange streetlight. A strand of shiny blonde hair, glittering like a moonlit stream. She was everywhere.
Not just in his head.
Guilt ground away at him. He should be thinking of Bonnie and his lost children. He should be remembering the terrible impact he’d had on three lives, all because he’d persuaded his beautiful wife to give IVF one last try. She hadn’t been sure. The previous two attempts had been tougher than either of them had anticipated, and they’d almost resigned themselves to the fact that they wouldn’t have a family by a natural means.
And he’d felt fine about that.
So, why, why had he pushed for one last try? Even he couldn’t fathom out the details now. The decision seemed so ridiculous, so misguided. And that had been before the eventual outcome.
Carrying two tiny white coffins next to his wife’s had been the end of Iain McKenzie.
It had been the end of the light-hearted, laughter-filled man that he’d become thanks to Bonnie. She had always been the person to lift his sometimes dark moods. She’d always been the glass-half-full kind of girl.
She’d been his shining light. And look what he’d done to her.
‘Beloved Wife. Beloved Son. Beloved Daughter.’
The words etched in gold on the black granite, along with the three red poppies, were forever in the back of his mind.
Maybe he’d been wrong to come to London. Maybe he should have stayed in Edinburgh, where he could have visited the grave every day?
But the smoky strands of depression had b
een circling around his brain. Creeping up on him with their strangulating hands. His parents, his friends and his family had all urged him to go with Leo. They had told him it was for the best. They had told him he needed a fresh start.
They hadn’t counted on Lexi Robbins.
And, three years later, neither had he.
CHAPTER SIX
THE DEMONS WERE whispering in Lexi’s ear again. Those horrible little voices of self-doubt and self-deprecation.
She’d fought hard to keep them at bay as it seemed as if there had been constant reinforcement of them in her life.
First from her parents. Then from her boyfriend. The one who’d liked her name and standing instead of Lexi Robbins the person, Lexi Robbins, the human being.
Jack Parker had spent most of his time mocking her bedroom performance and mocking her flat chest. It had taken her a long time to get the measure of him. And it had been at his insistence that she’d gone for the boob job.
Her hands went automatically to her breasts. Automatically to the over-sensitised skin that Iain McKenzie had just been touching.
The rain was pelting down, soaking straight through her thin raincoat and even thinner jersey dress. But Lexi didn’t care about the rain.
She was feeling a surge of anger in her belly.
It had taken too long, too many years for her to come to terms with who she really was and not who people thought she should be. The gentle, steady support from her aunt had been invaluable. She wasn’t about to stand back and let those old feelings invade her life again.
She was strong now. She was determined.
She leaned back against the wall as her legs gave way a little under the maelstrom of emotions that were threatening to overwhelm her.
She could see her ex’s face in her mind. The super-confident Jack Parker squeezing her small breasts contemptuously and comparing them to the latest model in the newspaper. Telling her that she’d never look good in their holiday shots in the Bahamas. The ones that he’d tipped the newspapers off about.
And his caustic, consistent putdowns had chipped away at her already low self-esteem.
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