She had already worn two sets of chicken fillets in her bra. She hadn’t particularly liked her body shape herself. Dresses that had fitted her around the hips and thighs had sagged over her chest—unless she’d worn her chicken fillets. But she could have lived with that because the rest of the world hadn’t seen her naked.
Only Jack had. But he hadn’t liked what he’d seen.
It had taken all her strength and resilience to get rid of him. Once she’d had the breast implants he’d started suggesting other improvements. So she’d made the ultimate improvement and got rid of him—tossing his clothes out onto the street—before he’d dragged her down any further.
She would never, ever let another man do that to her.
Let another man make her feel that way.
Not even Iain McKenzie.
It had taken her time to accept the changes to her body. To finally realise that she did actually like the shape she had now. She only wished she’d made the decision for herself. She wouldn’t let anyone chip away at her self-esteem again.
She started to walk in the rain. Striding down the same street that he’d taken, following the road to his townhouse. She didn’t care that it was late at night. She didn’t care that she was the only person crazy enough to be out in weather like this—right now it matched her mood.
And as if to magnify her building temper, there was a flash of lightning above her, closely followed by a rumble of thunder.
Her anger built with every step she took.
She knew there was something between them. Any fool could see that.
How dared he call what had just happened a mistake?
He’d felt every single thing that she’d felt. He’d felt every tiny little spark and electric current that she had.
He’d been every bit as turned on as she’d been.
Did he think this was something she did every day—in the middle of the street?
No. She wouldn’t let him treat her like that. Not for a second. Not in this lifetime.
Her footsteps quickened. Her normally bouncy curled hair was drenched, hanging in bedraggled ropelike swaths around her head. She reached up and rubbed her eye, coming away with a dark-washed smudge. What little mascara had been there was now obviously streaked down her face. But she didn’t care.
She had no desire to go home and get changed. To strip off her wet clothes and climb under a warm duvet. The lightning flashed again. It was spurring her on, guiding her path straight to his door.
She climbed up his steps and put one finger on his doorbell, pressing hard and leaving it there. The other hand she clenched into a fist and banged on the door. She wouldn’t be ignored. She wouldn’t let Iain ignore whatever this was between them.
The door creaked open just as a rumble of thunder sounded overhead again and the dark clouds pitched above her.
Iain was bare-chested, obviously in the middle of stripping off his clothes. The dark circles under his eyes and shadow along his jaw only fed her fury even more.
‘Lexi! What are you doing here?’
She pushed past him—not waiting to be asked to come in, and stood in the middle of his wide hallway, letting a huge puddle of rainwater form at her feet.
She clenched her jaw. ‘You. Won’t. Treat. Me. Like. That.’ Every word was forced. Every word angrily controlled.
His hands were trembling as he closed the door behind her, shutting out the storm outside but not the one inside.
She said nothing. Stared him down. Watched the changing emotions on his face. She was strong enough for this. Whatever it might be.
She could see the pulse throbbing at the base of his neck, see every dark, curly chest hair standing on end.
But he didn’t say a word. Not a single thing.
He just moved. And started kissing her like she’d never been kissed before.
CHAPTER SEVEN
IT WAS FIVE O’CLOCK in the morning and the first early streams of light were edging their way through the gap in the curtains. Lexi turned over in bed, her hand coming up automatically and touching her still-damp hair. It seemed impossible to believe that shaggy-haired Iain didn’t possess a hairdryer, and her thick, long hair held the dampness, causing her to spend most of the night turning her pillow over.
‘Wanna swap?’ Iain was watching her with his dark brown eyes.
‘Absolutely.’ She smiled. ‘I’m ruthless when it comes to bedding.’ She grabbed the pillow he offered and sank down into the soft dryness, pushing the still-damp one in his direction.
He picked up a lock of her blonde hair. ‘Doesn’t matter if your hair is damp, Lexi. You still look beautiful.’
She shifted in the bed, instantly uncomfortable. ‘You don’t need to talk me into bed, Iain, I’m already here.’
His eyes widened. ‘Why on earth would you think that?’
She pulled the light sheet a little closer to her body and sighed. ‘I know I’m not beautiful, Iain. I’ve spent my life living in the shadow of the “world’s most beautiful woman”,’ She lifted her fingers in the air to make imaginary quote marks. ‘You just learn to accept that will never be you.’
Ian lifted his head and propped it up on his hand. ‘What do you see when you look in the mirror, Lexi?’
She frowned. ‘What do you mean?’
He shook his head. ‘I’m betting you don’t see what I do. Not even close.’
She pulled the sheet up above her breasts, as if shielding herself from him. She was almost too scared to ask the next question. ‘What do you see?’ she whispered.
He lifted a finger and traced it lightly down the side of her cheek. ‘I see a gorgeous young woman, with beautiful skin, perfectly intact—not damaged by the sun in any way.’ He ran his finger over her eyelids. ‘I see the most beautiful blue eyes. There’s a little hint of turquoise and they remind me of the sea next to a Caribbean island.’ His finger dusted her eyelids. ‘I see thick, dark lashes that most women would give their eye teeth for and a pair of lips that were exclusively designed for kissing me.’
She smiled and he leaned over and kissed her gently on the lips. She closed her eyes a little. ‘Okay, so I’m starting to like that.’
His hand drifted under the sheet and she felt herself tense a little. He hadn’t mentioned her surgery. Hadn’t mentioned it at all. And it struck her as strange. He was a surgeon. He’d known from the very first time their bodies had made contact that she’d had surgery. And he had certainly appreciated her breasts last night.
The pads of his fingers caressed her shoulders then followed the curves of her body. He pulled the sheet back a little. ‘I’d ask you who did them, but I might get a little jealous. Because they’re perfect.’ His finger danced along the almost invisible scar under one of her breasts.
‘You really think so?’ Her voice was hesitant. She’d expected him to criticise. For all he was a surgeon himself, he didn’t seem to rate cosmetic surgery very highly.
He nodded slowly, his eyelids still heavy with fatigue. ‘I just wonder why you felt as if you needed them.’
It was a natural question, particularly for a surgeon, but it instantly caused her to bristle.
For a second it crossed her mind to lie. To act with a whole lot of bravado. But she was done with pretending to be something she was not. She was Lexi Robbins and she was proud of who she was.
‘I didn’t want them. Not to begin with. My ex—Jack told me to get them. He wore me down, kept telling me my flat chest did nothing for him and it made me feel as if I wasn’t worthy of our relationship.’
Anger flared instantly in Iain’s eyes. ‘What?’ He sat up, his voice incredulous. ‘Why on earth would he do that? You’re gorgeous, Lexi—and I’m sure you were absolutely perfect. What a complete—’
Her hand reached up and cut him off. ‘Iain. Don’t. I’ve spent a long time coming to terms with this. Jack never really loved me and it took a long time for me to understand that. Jack loved the idea of me. Who my parents were. The fact my name a
ttracted attention. The fact my name meant we got invited to every fancy party in town.’
Iain’s expletives filled the room. ‘Of all the low-down, monkey-brained—’
‘Stop that. Don’t insult monkeys. They’re highly intelligent creatures.’
But she could see the fire was still burning in his belly. ‘I don’t get it, Lexi. Why would you let anyone persuade you to have surgery? Didn’t your surgeon ask you questions about why you were there? I thought he’d done a good job but now I’m not so sure.’
She shook her head. ‘I gave him all the right answers, Iain. He didn’t do anything wrong.’ She sighed and lay back against the pillow again, her hands coming up and resting on her breasts. ‘I’ve come to like my boobs. They’ve given me more confidence. They’ve made me feel better about myself. Deep down, I was never really happy with my shape—Jack just amplified my own feelings in a cruel way.’
There must have been something on her face, something about the way she said the words.
Iain’s face darkened even further. ‘Was that all he did?’
She hesitated as she felt a little flush of colour come to her cheeks. It seemed ridiculous. She’d just spent the night with Iain, was lying naked in bed with him, and she was embarrassed to say the words.
‘What is it?’ he coaxed, intertwining his fingers with hers.
‘He said other things too. He didn’t just comment on my breasts—or lack of them. He told me I should be taking lessons … for other things.’
It took a few seconds for the penny to drop and Lexi was cringing. It was bad enough that Jack had said those things in the first place. She’d never told another living soul about them.
Iain looked incredulous. ‘He said what? How dared he?’
She looked down and shrugged her shoulders. ‘I’m not the most experienced. I’ve only ever had a few long-term relationships.’
‘And he thought he would criticise you?’ Iain’s voice was aghast. ‘Lexi, he should have been grateful, honoured even that you let him get that close to you. That you trusted him enough to share yourself with him. He shouldn’t have been criticising your technique!’
The fury of his words made her want to bury her head under the pillow. She kept her eyes averted. ‘This isn’t normal for me, Iain. This isn’t what I do. I don’t do—this.’
He put his finger under her chin and tilted her face up to look at his. ‘I get that. And I didn’t get that because I thought you were inexperienced.’ He gave her little smile. ‘I have no complaints at all—quite the contrary, in fact. I enjoyed every second. You were perfect.’
Was it wrong that those words gave her a little buzz all the way down to her toes? Was it wrong that she couldn’t help but smile? Smile at the gorgeous, handsome, strapping man who was lying next to her in bed, telling her that he thought she was perfect?
Even though she hadn’t realised she’d been holding it, her breath came out in a long, steady stream.
She looked back into his eyes. ‘Everything has changed. I’m a different person than I used to be—and not just physically. I like how I look now. I’m comfortable in my own skin. I love the fact that I’m doing a job that makes me happy. I don’t care that my parents don’t appreciate it. I know the value of the job I do. I’ve raised more money in the last few weeks than even I thought possible. I’ve got another few trips overseas to speak to some more potential clients.’ She ran her fingers along the stubble on his jaw. ‘And I’ve got a whole host of plans for raising the profile of the Harley Street clinic, some of which include a hunky Scotsman …’ she gave him a wink ‘… who might even wear a kilt for me.’
He rolled his eyes and she laughed, before rolling back onto her back and putting her hands on her breasts again. ‘This is me, Lexi Robbins. Take me or leave me.’
Iain’s hand came over and rested over one of hers. ‘So you’re happy?’
She nodded. ‘Yes, Iain, I’m happy.’
His hand ran down the outside of the sheet, resting on her hip. She wondered if he was about to ask other questions about her abdominal scar. Would she answer truthfully? Did she feel as if she could?
He wrinkled his nose at her. ‘Well, I’m not.’
Her stomach gave a little clench. What did he mean?
‘I want to find Jack Parker and wring his neck with my bare hands until I squeeze every last breath out of him. I want to bang his head off a wall to try and knock some sense into him. I want to take a walk down a dark alley late at night and show him what I think about how he treated you.’
She was struck by the intensity of his words. Maybe it was the aftermath of their lovemaking that had provoked such deep emotions in him but she could tell from the sincerity in his brown eyes that he’d meant every word.
‘Thank you,’ she whispered. ‘But this was about me dealing with things. I had to learn for myself that he wasn’t what I thought. I had to value myself enough to not allow him to treat me that way. He was never physical, he never laid a hand on me. But his constant comments on my face and figure wore me down. I’ve never felt so free than when I flung him out of our flat and dumped his designer wardrobe out of the window. At that point, it was probably the best moment of my life.’
Iain lifted his hand and rested it between her breasts. ‘But we both know that all beauty is superficial. I can make the most hideous person in the world look stunning on the outside. But it doesn’t change what’s in here. Who that person really is. There have never been truer words than “Beauty is only skin deep”.’
There was genuine warmth in his words, a warmth that swept around her like a comfortable blanket, shielding her from everything else. She could get used to this. She could get used to being shielded by Iain McKenzie.
‘I want you to know, Lexi Robbins, that you are one of the most beautiful people I’ve ever met. Both inside and out. And no matter what happens in the future, where we both end up, I want you to keep that with you. And if any time you’re feeling down, if you’ve had a bad day and can’t face things, I want you to come back and remember this moment, here and now.’
In one way the words were a comfort, and in another they made her stomach clench again. She’d no idea what she expected from Iain—none of this had been planned. But there seemed to be a little edge to those words. As if he knew there would never be a future for them so he was just giving her this moment instead.
And the fact was she’d never felt so perfect as she did at this moment. She’d never felt so valued.
He stroked his fingers down her face again. ‘We need to talk. There are some other things I need to tell you. But first I want to show you just how special you are.’
And for the next few hours he did.
By the time Iain woke up the sun was streaming through the windows. He turned to face Lexi. She was smiling. A real, genuine smile of contentment.
‘How long have you been awake?’
She looked over at the clock. ‘About ten minutes.’ She lay back and stretched her arms above her head. ‘I was waiting for you to make me breakfast,’ she said with a glint in her eye.
‘Do you have any preferences?’
‘Do you have any food?’
He cringed. ‘Have you already been up and looked through my cupboards?’
She touched his chin. ‘You just strike me as a guy who doesn’t do a weekly shop.’
He laughed. ‘You’re right. If you wanted dinner right now we’d be in trouble. But breakfast I can do. How does poached egg, toast and bacon sound?’
‘Heavenly.’ She glanced towards his en suite. ‘Can I use your shower while you make breakfast?’
‘Of course.’ Iain pulled on his dressing-gown and headed to the kitchen. His stomach was churning. He’d never brought a woman back to his London house before, let alone back to his bedroom. He’d spent so long partitioning these parts of his life and keeping himself away from people.
Of course he socialised when he had to. He kept in contact with some of his old fri
ends in Edinburgh—but those were fleeting hello-goodbye moments. But since moving down to London he hadn’t really been seeking the company of friends. He wasn’t really looking for friends. He was only looking for partial distractions. And his gut told him Lexi Robbins could never fit into that category.
He started boiling water in one pan, put the bacon under the grill and the bread in the toaster. The coffee was easy, he had a bright and shiny machine he hardly used. All he had to do was flick a switch.
He turned, his eyes catching on a photo on the window ledge. A photo of Bonnie, sitting on top of a hill in Edinburgh on a sunny day. She had wrapped her long pink flowered dress around her legs to stop it flapping in the wind and her hair was completely windswept.
Something curled inside him. It was going to be the three of them sitting in this kitchen, having breakfast. He wasn’t sure how he felt about that. He wasn’t sure if he was ready for that.
Everything with Lexi was so new. Attraction aside, he didn’t even know how he felt about her yet. Sure, she was beautiful. Sure, she was intelligent. But did that add up to anything else?
For a split second he considered putting the photo in a drawer. But as quickly as the thought flew into his head he pushed it aside. He could never treat Bonnie as if she hadn’t existed. He owed her so much more than that.
And Lexi was no fool. She knew nothing about his past. She would ask about the photo on the window ledge. It was if a dozen little pinpricks started on his shoulders at once. He would tell her. He would tell her about Bonnie. She’d been a big part of his life and she deserved her place there.
The bacon sizzled just as the coffee machine started to splutter and the water in the pot boiled. He dropped in the eggs and pulled out some plates and cutlery.
Lexi appeared a few minutes later, looking like the kind of pin-up poster a teenage boy would have on his bedroom wall.
She’d clipped her hair haphazardly on top of her head and pulled one of his long-sleeved blue shirts from his cupboard. The bottom buttons were fastened and the top two left tantalisingly open. Along with her long legs and pink toenails, the effect was stunning.
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