by Nolan Oreno
“Autumn, here!" Hollis yelled to her to join him, and he hastily turned his helmet back to the valley’s bottom looking for the ghost.
Autumn warily approached him up the incline. “The valley? It’s gorgeous isn’t it. My favorite place in the colony," she spoke solemnly. “We use to come here all the time together, remember?”
She joined beside Hollis at the edge, visibly upset behind the glass barrier of her visor. “I knew that I would find you here," she said.
Hollis persisted, still invested in the disappearance of the spirit. “No, I just saw someone! Something! I swear to you there was something here just a moment before you came, but it jumped into the valley! It was like a human, but different, and it had these great wings on its back!"
“Hollis, there’s nothing down there," Autumn said, and raised her voice. “Listen, everyone is back at the Hub dealing with Asnee, and you should be there too. He’s been trying to kill himself since we found Janya, but a few of us managed to restrain him. He’s safe for now, but we need you there for him. He’s your best friend, and he needs you to start acting like it." Autumn took a moment. “We all need you, Hollis."
“I’m telling you there was something here! It’s down there somewhere, right now!" cried Hollis manically still searching the valley.
Awareness swelled to Autumn, and she took a step forward. “Hollis, what’s wrong with you?" She looked far into his dilated and twitching eyes behind the mask. “Fuck, Hollis, you’re high aren’t you! You’ve been using those sick drugs of yours again! How could you do that at a time like this!"
“But there was something-" Hollis stumbled. “A visitor."
“No, Hollis! There’s no one there! There’s nothing else on this entire planet but the nineteen people back at the Hub who need your help! They can’t afford to have you wandering throughout the desert losing your mind! Come on, let's go! You’re done doing this shit!”
“I can’t go! It might come back, don’t you see! Maybe it has the answers! Maybe it can save us!" Hollis cried.
“Hollis, there’s nothing here but us, don’t you see that? No one is coming to save us. No aliens, no humans, no God! It’s only just us now!" she was crying and moving closer to him. “But that’s okay! We’ll get through this together! So come to me, please! Step away from the edge!" Tears trickled down her cheeks and formed a pool at the bottom of her visor. “There is nothing down there! It’s just us! Only us!"
“I can’t go. I can’t go. It might come back. I can’t leave. Not again. I can’t," mumbled the madman. He wobbled in his standing and took heavy breaths. The sprout logo on his suit began to flare red again, a warning of his failing body systems. Autumn’s suit logo, a cloud which designated her as the colony’s meteorologist, was burning a healthy golden radiance in defiance.
“Come back to me!" Autumn cried.
“I can’t go. I can’t go. It wants me to follow it," Hollis moaned as he stumbled to the cliff's edge, kicking off small rocks that tumbled in a cascade of clicks and crumbles. “I need to follow it."
“Please, Hollis! Stop!" Autumn outstretched a hand in horror, attempting to grab hold of his shadow before it disappeared over the crest.
“I can’t. I can’t go back," he repeated. The chasm was calling to the lost boy louder than the frightened girl beside him. Hollis had made his choice.
“I won’t lose you too!" cried Autumn.
“I can’t," whispered Hollis. He lifted one heel to the clouds. He was going over.
“I’m pregnant!" Autumn burst in a mixture of fear and love. “You can’t leave us both! You can’t leave your child!"
And Hollis thought for a moment. He thought with what little mind he had left. Pregnant. Pregnant. Autumn is pregnant? Mine?
Before the jumper could jump his legs buckled beneath him, and he fell instead, but not forward into the rocky abyss, but backward into Autumn’s awaiting arms.
The lights went out, and the world turned on its head.
Part Four: Homeostasis
Two voices.
“Where did you find him?"
“He was at outlook Station Seven at the Valles Marineris. He was crazed and delusional and wouldn’t stop screaming about seeing something inside the ravine. Some kind of an animal, he said. He was so certain something was in there he was about to jump in after it. God, I don’t know what came over him."
“Yes, yes I wouldn’t doubt that he was lost in the state he was in. The toxin he ingested is a very potent psychedelic and one of the more powerful grown in nature. He’s very lucky you found him when you did, and I can’t stress that more."
One voice high and gentle.
“So he’ll be fine? I can’t bare to see him like that again."
One voice low and harsh.
“I’m pumping out all poison as we speak. He should be clean by tomorrow’s daybreak and up and speaking again. Only then we’ll know the full story of what happened in the time that he was away."
A mother. A father.
“Okay, good. That’s so great to hear. Do you have any guesses as to what happened out there?"
Autumn. It’s Autumn’s voice.
“Like I said we won’t know for sure until morning, but it’s clear he consumed the Datura flower seeds intentionally, most likely to cope with all that has happened lately. We all have our ways out, his is only just bit more lethal than the rest of ours. I myself prefer a tall glass of traditional Russian vodka to wash the pain away."
“But this Datura flower, it couldn’t have possibly been the cause of all that insanity I saw. I mean, he was completely deranged. Out of his mind. How could something from nature turn someone against themselves like that, like some kind of zombie?"
“Well, Datura is known to do just that. In the past, people thought it was a witch’s herb because of the almost supernatural powers it afflicts on its host. The flower sprouts pods which contain seeds with anticholinergic agents, and if consumed, they essentially rewire and block nerve impulses in the brain. The side-effect to this is what you saw earlier this afternoon: Delirium, hallucinations, disorientated behavior, mydriasis and often amnesia. Because of this Hollis won’t remember much of what went on while he was away. He won’t know what day it is or even how long he was gone. He may think it has only been hours since he disappeared, so be careful in telling the truth.
The truth?
“I just hope he’s off this crap for good. He’s got all of these bizarre plants in the greenhouse, and I’ve been telling him to get rid of them. They’re in no way necessary for his research, and I don’t know why the project coordinators let him bring them here in the first place. He should just burn it all."
No. No. My garden cannot burn.
“We could only hope he would, but overcoming addiction is really hard on a person, take it from me. In these past months, Hollis has become dependent on the highs his drugs give him and getting him to give up on this would be difficult. People always find a way to look past all the bullshit if it only means they can feel a little good out of it, so this breakup will be a hard thing to sell. Now, I’m not saying we shouldn’t try, but we can’t expect him to sort this out right away."
“I understand, Novak. I just want all this to end. All this death and madness. I don’t think I can take it much longer."
“Yes, I don’t like finding bodies on my table either. One a week is more than enough. Also, I’m running out of my vodka."
Voices falling.
Darkness rising.
Between two worlds.
A rift of light split open in the cavernous depths of Hollis’ mind. A way out. Hollis could feel the cool air rush down from the breach and lift him up from the shadows. He did not want to leave yet and return to reality. He tried to impede his elevation by swimming back downward, but it seemed to do nothing for him, and the mouth of the hole drew nearer and nearer at a steady pace. He fought against the tidal forces. He did not want to emerge into the cold light and depart from a safe and quiet dar
kness. Hollis fought in any way that he could, but it did no good. The light overwhelmed him, and the surrounding infirmary leaked into his senses.
Hollis awoke to find himself wired to a white bed, basked in white light, and locked in a white room. The rhythmic beeping of a nearby machine synced with his quivering heart as it came back beating at full force, and he felt the tubes that were connected to his body pump in foreign liquids as they pumped out his own. He yanked and pulled at the piping, but they remained one with his skin.
“Don’t pull those out, Hollis," a foreign voice came.
Hollis turned his attention away from the streaming pipelines in his body and saw a weighty man entering the white room from the main door. Dmitri Novak, the colonial doctor, was flipping through an electronic tablet as he moved to the bedside. A few inches from the bed, the doctor stopped and placed the tablet on a nearby counter once he felt acquainted with the information it contained on his current patient. He silently fiddled with the plastic tank that all the medical tubes were sourced, wiping the sweat off his pale forehead as he did so.
“We’ve nearly got all the poison out of your system, but there is something else," Doctor Novak said between heavy breaths in his thick Russian accent. “It appears that your abuse of these highly toxic plants has disintegrated your liver to a threatening level. You won't die, but you will be in much pain for next couple of weeks until your body can mend the scars you made. It’s interesting, if you think, how separate your mind is from your body. You became so addicted to these drugs to point that it began to disintegrate your liver, and yet you still ask for more. I guess we only crave what harm us the most, wouldn’t you agree?" Novak laughed and reattached a loosened tube into Hollis’ skin. “The paradox of being alive. We live until we find a way to kill ourselves."
Hollis’ mouth felt dry and unused. He tried to speak, but his tongue was numb and wouldn’t flick out the words he wanted it to. Novak’s could ramble forever unless he put a stop to it.
“The sedative should wash-over in few minutes," continued Novak, uninterested in watching Hollis’ attempt to speak. “Your body is in the process of rebooting so don’t mash at the keyboard thinking that will help. Give it time."
Hollis could not wait. His lips curled outwards and spit dribbled from the corners of his mouth. “Whur- whur- whurs," he tried.
The impatient doctor cut him off. “Where’s Autumn, I think is what you’re asking? Just outside the room waiting for your recovery. She’s been awake all night, because from what I’ve heard, you gave her quite the scare back at the valley," he laughed. “Do you remember anything? She said something about you seeing some type of animal, which as we both know, there's really not a lot of wildlife here. But don’t worry, those types of visions shouldn’t come back. You won’t be seeing any more ghosts, anytime soon. That is, assuming you’re done abusing these drugs of yours, because I don’t think your body will be able to survive it if you do. You’ve pushed it too far already. You need to be smarter. Aren’t you supposed to grow us a forest here? That sounds like something only a smart man could do. Be a smart man, Hollis."
“I nee- I nee to see hur," Hollis sputtered forth, trying to end the conversation with the doctor who’s breath reeked of alcohol.
Doctor Novak pulled a handkerchief from his coat pocket and dabbed the leaking corners of his patient's mouth, sighing as he did so and sending out more fumes of sour vodka into the room.
“To be completely honest, you look like shit. This might not be the best time to have guests see your bright shining face," the Russian doctor laughed. He placed the spit-soaked handkerchief on the side table and took back his electronic tablet under his arm. He straightened his back, trying his best to look professional and sober, and made for the door in heavy, serpentine strides. “Nevertheless, I will go and get her."
Before the door locked behind the doctor, Autumn burst through. She sprang towards the bed. “Hollis, you're awake, are you feeling any better? My God, I was so worried you wouldn’t wake up. We were all so worried."
Autumn looked like a young girl waking her parents on Christmas morning, and to Hollis, she was just that: a young girl. She was only twenty-six years old, hardly making her an adult in society’s eye, and her youthful character matched her youthful age. Hollis himself was no more than a two years older than Autumn, but sometimes he felt far older. That’s how Hollis loved Autumn: as an old-soul seeking to feel young again. She did just that for him and more, and the twinkling look in her eager eyes brought a calming reassurance that nothing was as serious as it seemed.
But to Hollis, everything was as serious as it seemed: a good friend of his had died, and he nearly did the same. There was another thing too, something of equal importance, but what it was Hollis could not remember. He had learned something vital just recently, at the valley, and Hollis was attempting to recall it while silently watching Autumn sit down at the edge of his bed.
Autumn matted down the sheets as she sat and smiled a youthful smile. “You don’t know how happy it makes me to see you feeling better. After we lost Earth, I never thought I could feel so relieved again. Funny thing is, it’s a strange feeling now, to feel happy."
A sudden anger festered inside Hollis, and he did not know exactly why it came to him at that moment. Why should she be happy? What was there to be happy about, after all that he happened? Nothing.
“Glad one of us can feel something," he grumbled through the spit that clogged his throat.
Hollis was conflicted when hearing his own words. A second ago he was overjoyed in seeing Autumn, and now he despised her presence. He wanted her to leave him alone. He wanted the drunk doctor to come back to replace her and spout lame jokes under his sour breath. He didn’t want anything to do with Autumn, and she began to feel this shift in emotions.
“Hollis, is something wrong?" she asked.
There must be, thought Hollis, but what is it? Why did he resent her so much? What has changed? What was so important? What was he forgetting? And then it hit him. He remembered the moment before the fall. He remembered everything.
“You’re pregnant?!" screamed Hollis in both a question and a statement. His face was filled with blood, his temples pulsing, and all the numbness was lost.
Autumn bounced back from the bed, unexpectant of an altercation.
“Be quiet Hollis, please," she said to him in fear, checking to see if the door was sealed and their voices contained. “The other’s- they don’t know yet."
“You think I give a damn if the colony knows?! I’ll scream it from the mountains! You act like this is nothing, but this is everything!" Hollis was sitting up now, and in his sudden jolted rise he disconnected some of the medical tubings from his body. Clear fluids poured from the plastic pipes onto the white sheets of his bed, streaming along canals in the cloth and making small waterfalls at the bed's edge onto the white floor. A soft alarm went off on the nearby machine, but Novak did not show at the door. Hollis assumed that the doctor was probably deep within a bottle of liquor in some dark corner of the Hub, far away from them now. A dramatic entrance did not concern Hollis anytime soon, not at least until Novak’s bottle of vodka was dry.
“Hollis, be careful. Just calm down and listen to me. I thought you didn’t remember. I thought the amnesia blocked it all out," she quickly said.
“No, I remember Autumn! The moment before I fainted you told me you were pregnant! Pregnant with my child, for fucks sakes! How did this happen?!"
“Keep your voice down, please, they can’t know. Saul can’t know. If he find’s out I’m pregnant and it’s yours, he’ll lose it entirely. Who knows what he’ll do to you. To me. I’ve been together with him for three years now, and these day’s, with this population, that means everything. It means a future," Autumn begged. “Please, think, and stop this."
The reality of the situation sank in, and Hollis ceased his screaming. He leaned back in the inclined bed and rubbed his temples.
“This can’t be real.
This can’t be happening. Not now. Not here," breathed Hollis. He kept the pressure on his aching head. “It could be Saul’s. It could be his."
Autumn pulled back her head, holding back tears. “No, it can’t be. The date of conception was when I was with you." She paused. “That night in Station Seven, a few months before we lost Earth."
“Stop saying that!" Hollis screamed. “Stop reminding me that we lost Earth as if I don’t think about it every passing second!"
“I’m sorry," Autumn whispered.
“Why did you do this? Why did you do this to me?" he panicked.
“It takes two. It’s not like I just woke up and decided for this to happen to me. I didn’t want this either, how do you think I could?"
“I don’t know what you want."
“You don’t? Do you really think I want to have a child here, on this awful planet? You think I want my child to grow up in a world without grass or trees or water? You think I want to raise someone that would always be hidden under a mask, quarantined for life. Someone who can never feel the wind on their face or a river running through their fingers? Do you think I wanted any of this? You can hate the situation we’re in Hollis, and you can damn well even hate me, but know that we’re in this together whether you want it or not. There’s no denying that much. There’s no denying that this is a problem we created together and we can only fix together."
Autumn was desperate for a reconciliation. She shielded her eyes anticipating a brutal response, and her legs trembled in the waiting. She was more afraid than him, and Hollis saw that now.
He spoke softly, in reluctant understanding. “So how do we fix it?" he calmly said. It wasn’t exactly what she wanted to hear, but it was a start to a much-needed conversation.
Autumn came back to the bedside eyeing the broken tubing building puddles on the sheets and floor. “Should we reattach-"
