Alluvium

by Nolan Oreno

  “You look really good, Asnee. You don’t know how happy that makes me," Hollis said, finishing up his drink and refilling it again.

  “Well, I hate to say it, but I have you to thank for that," Asnee firmly said, and they both smiled.

  14:18. 14:17. 14:16.

  The two friends bathed themselves in jokes and remembrance as the clock counted closer to zero. They talked about everything there was to talk about but Mars and their mission. They sparked again what was lost, and it seemed that everything was the way it should be. Unfortunately, as the numbers fell, the topics quickly changed into something of much more weight and seriousness.

  “So it seems we’ve got a new member joining the club," Asnee said looking out at Autumn and Saul dancing. “I didn’t know we were still accepting applications."

  Hollis stopped sipping the wine. “I suppose we do. I wish the kid all the luck, this isn’t an easy club to be in. I wouldn’t advertise it."

  “No, I wouldn’t either. But I must admit the news of a baby did a lot of good for the others. They needed something like this after all that has happened. People love babies, and more so when you’re tired of seeing the same damn faces every day. A little diversity never hurts. It’s almost like that fresh start you and Saul preached is possible after all."

  Hollis watched the couple kiss and the others clap. “Yeah, almost," he muttered.

  “There is a good that comes out of every bad. It’s yin and yang. There has to be a balance in the universe so it doesn’t collapse on itself. It’s simple physics," said Asnee.

  “Sure, balance is good. We need a balance," Hollis muttered stone-faced, eyes un-averted from the dance floor.

  Asnee grabbed Hollis’ arms and turned him away from the couple. “What I’m trying to say, Hollis, is that you helped me see this after what happened to Janya. You helped me more than you can imagine. I thought it was the end and the credits were about to roll, but you slapped me in the face just in time. You helped me realize that there is light just over the horizon, and although I am not there yet, I am closer." Asnee pointed out to the joyous people. “You did this for them too. That speech you made after we lost the Commander, it did so much for them in a time that could have ruined us all. You brought back their hope, if only for a night. It wasn’t just the wine that did this but you, and all we need to do now is watch over them and not let the fire go out as it did before. We need to keep the fire burning. So let me do the same for you. Let me keep your fire burning."

  Hollis frowned. “As poetic as all that sounds, I have no idea what you’re trying to tell me. Do I not look fine to you? We’re at a party for God’s sake, lighten up. You need some wine after all."

  Asnee spoke with seriousness. “I’m not a blind man, Hollis. The others may be oblivious to the truth, but I know you too well. I know your history. I know what you’re feeling and why you’re feeling it."

  “What the hell are you getting at?" Hollis asked. “Watch your next step, Asnee."

  “I know. I know about all of it. I know everything."

  Hollis sauntered backward. A splash of wine spilled to the floor from his cup as he steadied himself. “You know what? Tell me, what do you think you know? Because I can tell you right now that you know nothing about what’s happening. Nothing."

  Asnee flashed a smile around the ballroom in hopes that the severity of their discussion would go unnoticed.

  “You don’t have to be afraid, Hollis. This is only between you and me, and you need to believe me when I tell you this. You are my dearest friend and I would never put you in any position that might harm you. I am only looking out for you. I’m returning the favor."

  Hollis set the wine glass down on the decorated table-top and ran his fingers through his thick hair while venting out the stress from his lungs in an exaggerated exhale. He began to feel the alcohol sway the floor as if it were about to crumble beneath him.

  “This is not the time or place to be discussing this," Hollis said with a sharp tongue. “What do you actually think you’re doing anyway? Helping me by talking about speeches and hope? Don’t be so naive. We both know you’ve been wrong in judging these types of things before, so I hope for your sake don’t make the same mistake again."

  Asnee took the words as water, not fire. “Like I said, when people drink they express their deepest feelings and do it bluntly and haphazardly. I’m telling you what I know so that you might contain yourself, as a friend is obligated to do. The look you’ve had on your face is only getting worse as the night goes on. Soon enough I won’t be the only one noticing the hate that has infected you about this pregnancy. People will draw connections."

  Quieted now, Hollis looked back at Autumn and Saul as if he suddenly realized they were still in the same room. He rubbed the rough stubble on his chin concentrating on the advice he had just received. Asnee was right to warn him, he had been careless in handling his emotions the entire party, acting like a jealous boyfriend, and if Asnee could see him for what he was then the others surely could too if they had not been so preoccupied. He had felt Autumns dagger of deceit dig deep into his heart and turn and tear away his armor, but it was imperative he did not show it. It was uncomfortable, but it was bearable, and he needed to get through the night. Perhaps it was the wine that left him so misdirected, or perhaps it was his own unresolved unconscious issues, but either way he needed to control himself before he went off like a time-bomb counting down to zero.

  10:05. 10:04. 10:03.

  “I don’t know what I can do," Hollis spoke to the ceiling.

  Asnee watched as the numbers on the wall fell below ten.

  “You wait, just as I did," he said. “It’s all you can do until the path is shown to you."

  “I should leave-" Hollis started.

  Suddenly, the music lowered in volume and the dancers congregated to the center of the dance floor. From across the room, Saul raised his hand high.

  “Hollis! Asnee! Over here!" he hollered. “Come join the rest of us like the social creatures we are!"

  The journey across the room looked dauntingly great to Hollis just then, and he could feel his stomach bubble in the thought of walking across it. It was the same feeling he would get whenever he traveled deep into the desert. He felt unconditionally alone and insignificant, and it made him sick. He would soon faint if he dwelled much more upon the thought of it.

  Asnee shook him lightly. “I want you to act, Hollis. You need to be happy right now. You need to smile for them and talk with them and congratulate them for their pregnancy. Take control over your behavior and act as if there is nothing on this whole Goddamn planet to be worried about."

  He pushed Hollis toward the small cluster of people that huddled around Autumn and Saul. “It’ll be a piece of cake," he assured.

  Hollis’ heart beat faster and sweat collected on his palms, and as much as he wanted to leave, Asnee kept pushing him further in. Before he realized it, he had joined the party.

  8:50. 8:49. 8:48.

  “Hollis, look, I want to show you something," Saul beamed, pulling Hollis away from Asnee and under his own arm. He held up a small piece of cloth and turned it about in the air. Sew into its center was what looked like an oak tree. No, it was his tree. It looked like a crude copy of the one he had found his daughter beneath on that rainy day in the garden in France, and it brought back unwanted memories.

  “Do you see it? It's a colonial suit for the baby, our newest colonist. Jackie made it for us and look here- that’s your tree, EDN. She thought it was the perfect identifier for the baby. Renewal and hope, don’t you see?" Saul cheerfully shouted around Hollis to the encircling group.

  Hollis stroked the stitched insignia and felt his body stir, but a look from Asnee settled him again.

  Colonist Jackie Evans jumped in excitedly. "Of course, it’s not installed with all the protective hardware like our suits are, and the identifier doesn’t light up either, but I think it’s a fun idea for our newest member. Each thread is m
ade with all the love I have to give for the little one."

  Saul held the crude cut of fabric above everyone's head. “It’s great, Jackie. Both myself and Autumn want thank you with all our hearts. One day our child will be walking amongst us wearing this very suit. Thank you."

  Saul neatly folded up the beaten rag and placed it on a table. “Well, it looks like your tree is the symbol of this new age we find ourselves in, Hollis. We all hope you’re making progress on it," he said.

  The crowd turned to Hollis and he slowly nodded. “I am."

  “That’s great to hear, isn’t it everyone? We have life growing all around us, and because of our dedication and drive, life will continue to keep growing. I am proud of all the work that you have shown lately, both in the colony and in yourselves. This is exactly why I decided to throw this party: to announce a new beginning for us. Tomorrow, with the help of our technicians, I will be reactivating the builder drones and continue planning work in the Refugee Settlement in the outer edges of our territory. Days ago, I surveyed the city to find most of it in ruins, but with your help, we can lay the bricks again and make a new home for ourselves. I know that we’ll need the extra living space, because in the years to come, we'll be having many more baby showers like this one. My child is the first to come to our great colony, and who knows, perhaps one day this will not merely be a colony but a society full of people and life and trees. This world will be ours in time, but we need to keep up the fight for it."

  The colonists brought a thunderous applause to the ballroom.

  “I want to raise a toast!" Saul yelled above it. “To those that we have lost, and to those that we will gain!"

  Wine poured into overflowed stomachs.

  Colleen Ralph stepped towards Saul from the surrounding crowd. She held her head down in respect. “Can I-" she started. “Can I listen?"

  Saul smiled and moved aside, and Autumn brought herself forward. Colleen lowered herself to her knees and pressed her ear to Autumn's belly, listening to her as if she were a seashell in the sand. She could hear the soft stirring of a body in the water within, and tears rolled down her face.

  “It’s beautiful," Colleen cried.

  Autumn looked up to the colonists who all directed their gazes at her stomach. A strange sense of exposure came to her, but unlike before, she was embracing this feeling of nakedness. She felt beautiful, adored, and worshiped. Yet, even still, there was a kind of uneasiness about the eyes on her. It was a set of eyes in particular that made her feel this way. As she scanned the faces she had paused on Hollis, seeing the revulsion that showed on his face. As all the others looked at her with admiration and love, he looked at her with utter disgust. Suddenly, Autumn felt like she was no longer beautiful in her nudity and took a step away from Colleen. She wrapped her hands around her stomach as if she were suddenly carrying a heavy boulder that was pulling her down and drowning her.

  “Did the baby kick?" Jackie asked. “How does it feel?"

  Autumn tried to find the right words to appease the onlookers. “It feels-" she began, overcome with a rush of heat and dizziness. “It feels- I think I need to sit down for a minute."

  She quickly found a seat behind her at a table and leaned backward, tilting her head up to see the hanging banners swaying and sparkling beneath the dim lights.

  “It’s okay everyone!" Saul rushed forward. “These types of things happen during pregnancy."

  The colonists mumbled and a few looked horrified. “She shouldn’t be dancing so much!" someone yelled from the masses. “She didn’t drink any wine did she?" another asked.

  “No, everything is fine, isn’t it Autumn?" Saul pushed. Autumn nodded through rapid breaths. “She only needs a minute."

  “We need a fucking doctor!" a shout came. “Where the hell is Novak?!" said another. “It's been weeks!"

  Saul fought for control over the horde. “We still haven’t found Novak, but don’t worry. I’ve been studying pregnancy and the correct methods for safe childbirth in our databases for hours at a time, every day. I’m well educated in the subject, and I can and will deliver the child if it comes to it. We don’t need the doctor anymore."

  The people frantically looked around as if Dmitri Novak could be found in that instant. Some started to pace about and tremble. Fear was returning. Saul knew he needed to contain the situation and fast. He could not have a panic on his hands, not after all he accomplished with them.

  Before the crowd broke into a frenzy Autumn stood up, knowing what would come if she did not. She flashed a forced smile. “See, everything is fine. I only got a little winded from all the dancing, don’t worry. The baby is still kicking and everything. I trust Saul in keeping the baby safe, and you should too," she said. “He’s gotten us this far."

  The crowd calmed and the festive atmosphere returned, but Hollis remained clenching his fists and teeth.

  “Just as I said, everything is fine. And look!" Saul said, pointing to the clock on the wall. “Just in time too!"

  The people turned to the numbers on the wall and watched them as they fell.

  1:01. 1:00. 0:59

  “Let’s count it down!" Saul screamed.

  They read the numbers excitedly. At the number fifty the colonists grew listless and energized. When the clock reached thirty they became aroused and disorientated. At ten they felt the flash of hysteria and insanity.

  Nine. Eight. Seven. Six. Five. Four. Three. Two. One.

  The number zero came and with it the music started to play again and the people cheered.

  “Happy new year!" the room roared.

  All but one chanted the words. In the last minute of the clock, Hollis Reyes escaped from the ballroom and made it to one of the observation decks branching from the Hub. He lifted the blast shield surrounding the wide window and gazed intensely out into the night at the raging sandstorm that stirred in its darkness. He watched rocks twirl in the amber clouds and kick into the glass screen. He hoped the glass would shatter and the storm would swallow him whole, but it never did, and he remained safely inside with everyone else.

  Part Eleven: Perfume

  More than anything else, it was the faint smell that kept him coming back. He stayed standing in the bedroom’s center and refused to go back through the door from where he came. He kept his eyes closed, and the light out, and breathed the scent that coated the air around him. He held onto the smell as long as he could, tasted its familiarity as it rushed back memories, and then breathed out again, long and heavy, only to refresh the flavor a moment later. It was a taste that he knew well, and yet even with all the time in the world, he could not possibly describe its contents. In one intake, it smelled sweet, and then in another, it was bitter. At other times, it was something else entirely. He gave up on trying to define its most intimate features because each time it changed and the lines that outlined it blurred. It was the same with Allah, his God. If someone was to ask him to describe the face of Allah, he would say he knew it well, and yet the details alluded him. He was a faceless face. An undefined definition. Asnee knew that the details did not matter, but rather the experience of it all. The wholeness. So he thought no more about it and simply continued to breathe in the air.

  The smell was a smell of the past and of a girl who dwelled somewhere within it. It was the smell of cloud-breaking sunsets on the coast of the Arabian Sea with her in his arms and the waves licking their sandy feet. It was the smell of her pulling him towards the Taj Mahal and their agreement that they will live there, together, once the war had ended and the colony on Mars was finished so that they may grow old together and die together in their old age. It was the smell of their first conversation at a colonial banquet in a grand hotel in a grand city. It was the smell of their first fight in public and their first secret romance hidden from the news cameras. It was the smell of her, Janya, and still it lingered there in her bedroom on Mars, even after she left him many months ago to return to God. Still, she stayed, like the light after the sunset.

/>   Asnee could hear the sounds of the party still echoing down the halls of the Hub and finding their way through the cracks of Janya’s isolated cabin. He stuck his fingers into his ears so that he could drown out the late-night noises. He wanted to forget all other senses to be with one. To be with Janya.

  Asnee smiled, assured by some unseen force that their dream palace was there waiting for him, somewhere lost within the sands of time, and so was Janya with it. The palace would come, he knew that much, but first he needed to do one last thing on Mars before he would search for it and for her. Before his journey, he needed to help a friend in need, a friend who was there for him when he was lost himself and needed to find his way back home. He had to return the karma and make things right. Asnee needed to direct his friend through the heavy storm that was coming. It would require all the help he had to give, and perhaps even more. He needed to find Hollis Reyes.

  Asnee turned about the room one last time, taking in all of the things Janya left behind. The room was just the way she left it. He had demanded it to remain untouched to the others. Her possessions cluttered the floor and remained authentically her. Asnee believed that if nothing was moved or tampered with then her memory could never truly fade away, and he made it clear that no one was to enter the room but him in order to contain her purity. But he had begun to see the foolishness in this way of thinking. The better he envisioned the palace waiting for him, the less he stayed attached to this material world and the things within it.

  Embracing this revelation, Asnee began to move about the objects that lingered in her room. He picked up trash from the floor, organized her wardrobe, and put her belongings back on shelves and in drawers, happily lingering on old photographs of Janya in her childhood and with Asnee on Earth. Once the floors were cleaned, Asnee moved to the bed that still held her imprint. Her warmth. He stroked the waves the rippled in the bedding.

  “Goodbye for now," he whispered.