My Valentine’s Day (Single Wide Female)

by Lillianna Blake

  In the end, I had the chance to share burgers and fries with my best friend.

  Maybe the point of Valentine’s Day wasn’t about loving myself. Maybe it was about allowing myself to be loved, even if it was by a friend, instead of a lover. The feeling of being loved was just as good, no matter where it came from, and if I had stayed holed up in my apartment I never would have experienced it.

  As soon as the pictures loaded I began typing my blog post. I included all of the photographs of the embarrassing moments I had experienced. I also included a snapshot of the toy I had gotten from my kid’s meal. My attempt to reclaim Valentine’s Day had turned out very different than I’d first expected, and yet it was probably one of the most memorable Valentine’s Days I had ever experienced. As I finished my post I added a final few words.

  Happy Valentine’s Day, dear reader.

  Love, Sammy

  Dear Reader,

  The “Single Wide Female” books are written for every woman out there who has struggled with their weight, self-esteem and any number of issues that we all face as we work to become the best versions of ourselves that we can be.

  They are meant to be light-hearted and fun, but I do hope that they will inspire you to live your life to the fullest, loving yourself completely as you do so.

  If you’ve enjoyed this book, I’d really appreciate it if you would take a moment to leave an honest review here:

  http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00T02FS74

  And…

  ** I have a FREE book for you! **

  Wanna know what inspired Sammy to write her bucket list? Visit my website below and get your complimentary copy of “Sammy’s Big Plan!”

  LilliannaBlake.com

  Enjoy!

  Sincerely,

  Lillianna

  P.S. Also be sure to see the previews at the end of this book for introductions to additional series by Lillianna Blake.

  Please enjoy the following preview for

  #1 Learn Pole Dancing (Single Wide Female: The Bucket List)

  (currently Free at Amazon)

  Chapter 1

  I ran my fingertips over the well-worn piece of notebook paper. It had ridges from the amount of times I’d folded it up and tucked it away. I had written the list at a time when I didn’t really believe I would ever actually accomplish anything on it. But I had, and now it was time to look at the next item.

  I rolled over on my bed and stared down at it. When I had added it to my list, it was just a fun little whim, not something I thought I would actually do. But then again, I never would have thought I’d be able to lose so much weight either.

  “What was I thinking?” I said out loud as I gnawed on the pencil between my teeth. I was tempted to just erase the item and replace it with something else. No one would have to know. But I would know. I cringed at the idea of actually following through with it. But I had to do it. I had to. It was on the list. I groaned and rolled over on my bed. I stared up at the cracks in my ceiling for a moment. Then I sat up with a new determination.

  “Yes, I will do this,” I said, looking down at the item on the list. “Pole dancing class, here I come.” I was attempting to sound brave for myself, when I caught sight of the time on my alarm clock.

  I grabbed my jeans out of the laundry basket beside my bed, and slid the pants up over my hips with my eyes squeezed shut. With a sigh of relief, I let out the belly I had been struggling to hold in. I didn’t think the zipper would slide up so easily, but it did with one smooth zip. I smiled at my reflection in the tall mirror as I studied the way that my jeans hugged my hips and rear. All of my hard work, all of the passed-up snacks, had really paid off. My body looked different and I felt different.

  “Hey, you sexy lady,” I said to the shapely woman in the mirror, twisting my hips first one way and then the other. “Do you come here often?” I asked in the deepest voice I could muster and batted my long lashes at my own reflection.

  “Uh, Sam?” a voice said from the doorway of my bedroom.

  I froze and held my breath for another reason. It was Max. Max, my best friend. Max, with the deep green eyes and a body that would make any woman glance in his direction. I turned around slowly to face him, not wanting him to see what I knew would be sheer embarrassment on my face.

  “What?” I asked as innocently as I could.

  He stared at me with one quirked eyebrow, looking as sexy as ever. Max was not conventionally handsome, but a quirky kind of cute, like the kind of guy that got the lead in romantic movies. Not drop-dead gorgeous, but just goofy enough to grow on you and make you think he was adorable by the end of the movie.

  “I’ve heard of bisexual, but what would you call it if you try to pick yourself up?” He smiled and leaned against the doorway.

  God, but that smile made me want to snuggle right up to him.

  Friend, I reminded myself. Max, my friend. No matter what my fantasies wanted to believe, we had never been anything more than that. Of course, when my eyes were closed late at night he played a very active role in my life.

  “I don’t discriminate, Max. If I see something as hot and lovely as the lady in the mirror happens to be, I’ve got to give it a shot.” I grinned, hoping he would not notice that I was mortified.

  “Well, I’d have to agree with you there,” he said with a laugh, and shook his head as he walked into my room.

  We had spent hours snuggled up on this very bed on several occasions. Him thinking we were just watching a movie, me praying he would lean over and kiss me. He never did. At least, not in reality. The things that he had done in my mind…

  “What are you up to today?” he asked, perched on the end of my bed.

  “I’m going out,” I said, fluffing my newly bleached blonde hair with my fingers.

  He was smiling as he watched me.

  “Are you going out to break some man’s heart?” he asked, brushing his thick dark hair away from his eyes.

  He was studying me intently. It always unnerved me when he looked at me so closely. I could never tell if it was with approval, desire, or confusion.

  “Sure, of course,” I said and stuck my tongue out at him.

  He tilted his head to the side. “So you don’t have a date?”

  “Stop it, Max.” I sighed and shook my head as I turned away from him. Only then did I spot the black leotard and tights still lying on the bed. I felt a rush of horror flood me. If Max saw them, he’d be full of questions that I didn’t want to answer.

  “Stop what?” he asked as he leaned back on the bed. His hand came to rest just beside the tights. “I’m just curious. You haven’t had a date in a while.”

  “Thanks for pointing that out.” I reached past him to nudge the leotard away from where he was sitting. Sometimes having a man for a best friend was not ideal. “I’ve had plenty of dates. You don’t know everything there is to know about me.”

  Of course I hadn’t had any dates lately, but Max didn’t need to know that. As confident as I was in my beauty, it would appear that being big and beautiful hadn’t translated to a man tripping head-over-heels in love with me—not yet anyways—a fact that was beginning to make me slightly nervous. At thirty-two, my clock wasn’t quite ticking just yet, but I did feel that I was ready to fall in love.

  “Then tell me,” Max said, jolting me out of my thoughts. “Are you keeping secrets from me?”

  “Secrets?” I laughed a little at the idea. In the fourteen years that Max and I had been friends I had never been able to keep a secret from him. But this time I was determined to do it. My dignity depended on it.

  I sat down on the bed next to him and slid my hand casually back across the bedspread toward the tights and leotard, now behind him on the bed.

  “So are you saving yourself for me, is that it?” he asked and met my eyes.

  End of the preview. This book is currently FREE at Amazon.

  Get #1 Learn Pole Dancing (Single Wide Female: The Bucket List) here:

  http://www.amazo
n.com/dp/B00R334AE4

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  An introduction to the fun Alex in Onederland series…

  Note: You can download book 1 of that series for free and here is a preview of that book.

  Please enjoy the following preview for

  book 1 - “Common Grounds”

  Chapter 1

  I guided the sign over the hooks on the front door and felt my heart flutter. It was official. Common Grounds was no longer just a dream, but a reality.

  “Where do you want these books, Mom?”

  I turned to see my daughter, her arms full of books, near the front counter of the cafe. Rachel, with her golden hair and her bright green eyes, looked at me with pride. It was a wonderful feeling to see that in her eyes.

  “Right there on the shelf beside the counter. We’ll make that section the lending library.”

  “Great idea.” Rachel turned to shelve the books.

  Just as I was about to turn back to the front window, the door swung open and in whisked my best friend.

  “Alex! Oh, the place looks astounding!” She clapped her hands, which caused the multitude of jewelry she wore to jingle.

  “You just saw it yesterday, Willow.” I laughed and hugged her.

  “I know, but each day you add something new.” She hugged me in return. “I’m so excited for you.”

  “Thanks. I’m excited too. I can’t believe this is finally happening. And to think—when I first told you about the idea, I didn’t see how it could ever work.” I smiled at her. “But you were so supportive—never letting me give up.”

  “Well, I am always right.” Willow grinned. “By the way, have you heard from Samantha yet?”

  I was still pinching myself that Samantha Bradford, author of the B.I.G. Girls Club series, had agreed to come speak at my event. Her books and blog, Single Wide Female, had inspired me so much throughout all the changes I’d made.

  “Not yet. She’s supposed to arrive any minute. It’s still hard for me to believe that she’s actually coming here.”

  “Why? You’re an inspiration, Alex.”

  “I don’t know if I would go that far.” I shrugged and smoothed my dark hair away from my face. “Maybe I should have gotten my hair cut.”

  “Your hair is perfect.”

  “It’s not. It’s mousey and thin and outdated.”

  “We’re outdated, love.” Willow laughed. “Your hair suits you at that length. Besides, this is all about you embracing you, not you trying to look a part.”

  “True.” I smiled. “Maybe the real me wants to go purple.”

  “Purple. Hmm, I like that idea.” She fluffed her short, layered hair and showed off the black streaks beneath the dark red tendrils. “I can get you in to see my stylist.”

  “Let me get through my first week here, then we’ll see.”

  “Alright. Now, how can I help?”

  “If you’d like to line up the coffees so they face the customers, that would be great.”

  “I’m on it.”

  As Willow walked away, I nearly pinched myself. I was so excited, but I was also a little nervous. Most businesses failed in the first few months. I knew that. Even with my business degree and background, it would be a struggle. But, I was taking a chance—perhaps for the first time in my life. The thought filled me with anticipation and some dread as well.

  The door swung open and I turned to find the woman whom I’d admired so much from afar. I’d read so many of Sammy’s books and blog posts over the past months that I felt as if we were already friends. I still couldn’t believe that I’d gotten up the courage to invite her to speak at the opening of my cafe, and even more incredible, that she’d agreed to it.

  “Samantha!” I smiled so wide that my cheeks ached as I thrust my hand out toward her. “I’m Alex.”

  “Alex.” Samantha smiled and took my hand in her own. She gave it a firm shake, then patted the back of it. “The place looks beautiful.”

  “Thank you. It’s still in progress, but I’m sure it will be ready by tonight.”

  “Hi!” A little girl wound her hand around Samantha’s and gazed up at me with wide bright eyes. “I’m Abby.”

  “Hello, Abby.” I smiled. “It’s so nice to meet you.”

  “You too.” She giggled and ducked her head against her mother’s arm.

  My heart filled with longing, not for another child, but for the memory of Rachel clinging to my arm so many years ago. How was it that time had gone so fast?

  “Mom, do you want me to get some coffee going?”

  I looked over at my daughter and quickly brushed away the tears that had surprised me. I was proud of the woman she’d become, but there would always be a small part of me that missed those little fingers that had once gripped my own so tightly.

  “Sure, thank you, sweetie.” I turned my attention back to my guest.

  “This is my husband, Max.” Samantha said, her hand in his.

  “It’s so great to meet you.” I shook his hand, impressed by the warmth of his smile. “To meet all of you. I’m just so honored that you agreed to come here.”

  “Enough with that—it’s a pleasure for me to be here. I can’t even begin to tell you how excited I am to share this milestone with you.” Samantha squeezed my hand again. “You’ve come through so much to create this, and every single moment from this one on should be filled with celebration.”

  “I’m trying to keep that in mind. When all the little details come together and the doors are finally open, I’m sure I will feel much calmer.” I led them to one of the tables and we all sat down together.

  “You will.” Samantha nodded as she sat down across from me.

  “Your flight was okay?”

  “It was.” Max nodded. “It was much smoother than we expected. It even landed early.”

  “That’s good to hear.”

  “So, what do you have planned for tonight?”

  “Basically, I just want everyone to be comfortable and have the best night. More specifically, I’d like you to talk about anything you choose. I didn’t ask you here to advertise anything for myself. I want you to speak about whatever feels right to you.”

  “Okay, I think I can swing that.” Samantha laughed. “Are you sure you don’t have a certain topic you want me to highlight?”

  “No, not at all. The goal of this cafe is to gather together. When I thought of the name, Common Grounds, it had very little to do with coffee. What I want to create is a place where women can come—from all walks of life—to regain their strength and find their footing. It’s a place where they can expect support and friendship, without judgment.”

  “What a beautiful idea. I know that more than once in my life I could have used a place like this. It’s the perfect name as well.”

  “Thanks. Now I just hope the cafe can live up to it.”

  “I’m sure it can. The important thing to remember is that there isn’t so much to worry about. You will do well; just relax and enjoy your experience. Otherwise, you’ll look back and wonder how you missed out on all the great times.”

  “I hadn’t thought about that. You’re right. I’ve been so caught up in inventory and scheduling that I’ve almost lost sight of the whole point of this.”

  “Which is?” Samantha took a sip of her coffee and smiled at me over the rim.

  “That I survived—No! That I’m thriving.” Warmth filled my chest as I nodded. “I turned the hardest time of my life into the most liberating experience, and I’m going to continue to keep doing that.”

  “Stick to that feeling. Keep it very close to the surface. That’s what’s going to make the difference between this being just another cafe and its being the place you’re hoping it will be.”

  “I will. I’ll keep it in mind all night.”

  “Oh, I brought you something.” Samantha pulled out a small brightly wrapped present and set it on the
table.

  Chapter 2

  “You’re already giving me such a big gift by being here. What’s this for?” I glanced from Samantha to the present.

  “It’s to celebrate your big milestone of entering Onederland!” She grinned at me. “I figured that you might not have anyone else to give you a gift, and you’ve probably been too busy with the cafe to pick something up for yourself. So this is a just little welcome to Onederland surprise.”

  “Wow! Samantha, you’re so sweet. I never even thought about getting myself a gift. Well, I guess the cafe is a gift.”

  “It is, but this is something to remind you of just how special you are and how valuable all of your dedication and hard work is. You know, getting out of the two hundreds into the one hundreds is great, but it’s not just about the weight. It’s about moving forward in your life. It’s about being ready for a new phase and open to achievements of all kinds.”

  “I know what you mean. When I no longer saw that two on the scale, it was like a burden had lifted off me. I felt like I could do anything. I set my mind to meet that goal and achieved it, and it did really inspire me to set even more goals and work just as hard for them.”

  “Open it! Open it, please!” Abby kicked her feet and wiggled in her chair.

  “Of course. Would you like to help me?” I nudged the present between us.

  “Can I, Mom?” Abby looked up at Samantha with wide eyes.

  “Sure.” Samantha grinned.

  “Let’s do it, Abby!”

  We both tore at the bright paper until a snow globe was revealed. I thought it was a little strange at first.

  “Thank you so much. It’s beautiful.”

  “See this?” Samantha picked it up and pointed to the single yellow blossom in the middle of the snow globe.

  “Yes.”

  “That’s you.” She shook the snow globe until all the bits and glitter swirled and blocked the flower from view. “There will always be troubles that arise in our lives, and you can easily get swept up in them. But if you stand your ground and remember your roots, when the storm settles, you will always still be you.” She smiled as the yellow flower reappeared. “Never let anything make you lose sight of your goal, Alex. You’ve come this far. You’ve reached Onederland and that’s quite an accomplishment!”