Blackbird

by D T Dyllin

  I went to her, cradling her against my chest. “Kyle, shit.” Body dysmorphic disorder? I wasn’t sure about all the details but I’d heard of it before. How had I never known? I felt like a piece of shit for how I’d treated her. I was the one who didn’t deserve her. I can be better. I’ll be better. “And you’ve seen someone ‘bout this?”

  “Yeah.” She sniffled. “I was seeing a psychologist but it didn’t help much. The drugs worked better.”

  “Did they?” I grated. “Because as I recall, you just almost died from an OD recently.” My mind was reeling. I wanted to help her but I was at a loss. I didn’t understand what I was dealing with. I had to do something though. I had to fix it. “What can I do?”

  She shook her head slowly. “Nothing. You can’t do anything, Noah. No one can.”

  “That’s fuckin’ bullshit. If someone with bi-polar or schizophrenia is treatable then you are too. Just talk to me. What’s it like?” I ran my hand down her back, my dick pulsing at the small contact. Fuck, I needed to focus. She just smelled so fucking good and I was naked. Focus…focus…focus.

  “What is it like?” she croaked. “I’ll tell you what it’s like. I don’t see what everyone else sees when I look in the mirror. I see someone who is, on my best days, passable, maybe cute, on my worst, ugly, not fit for the public. If I see my reflection in anything I can’t resist the urge to check myself, for things that are wrong. For things that people could stare at and make fun of me about. Sometimes, if I look at myself naked, I can spend hours picking apart every flaw. I suffer from depression and anxiety. I really am my own worst enemy, Noah.” She paused, her head drooping forward as she whispered, “It’s been years since I’ve had sober sex. I just—I just couldn’t get past the anxiety all on my own.”

  My heart constricted painfully. Kyle had been struggling with all of this…alone? My mind flashed to the bag of prescription drugs I’d taken from her hotel room. No wonder. I wanted to tell her how ridiculous she was, how beautiful she’d always been and always would be, but I wasn’t so good with words like her. For me, actions always worked better. I unwound myself from around her tightly coiled body and rolled her back onto the bed. I tugged at her legs and gently made her lie flat.

  “What are you doing?” She whispered, fear playing across her features. “Say something, Noah.”

  I gazed down at her, trying to put all of my love for her in my eyes. If she thought I wasn’t going to want her just because things were going to be tougher than I thought, she really was crazy. I grabbed the end of her shirt and yanked it up, exposing her flat stomach and lacy bra. I bit back a groan.

  “Noah,” Kyle whispered, her voice addled with unfounded fear.

  I wasn’t sure what she wanted, so I continued on with my plan. I tugged her shirt over her head, roughly palming her breasts. “You think there’s something wrong with these?” I slid my hand under her back and unclasped her bra. Once I’d disentangled her, I tossed the scrap of lace aside. Dipping my head to capture one of her nipples in my mouth, I murmured against her breast, “Because I don’t see a damn thing wrong with them.” I sucked on one rosy bud, then the other, groaning against her sweet flesh. If anything, her tits were more magnificent than I remembered.

  She moaned, her hands tugging at my hair. “Noah, stop, please.”

  I ignored her, trailing kisses down her stomach. “I don’t see anything wrong here either.” I yanked off her stretchy pants and thong in one move, baring her completely to me. Kyle trembled as she tried to shut her legs. I pushed her thighs open, holding them that way while I gazed up at her. “Now this sweet pussy, darlin’, no man could ever find anything wrong with it.” I sucked her clit into my mouth, savoring the first taste of her in over a decade. My dick shot rock hard, my mind going blank with lust. I was naked, Kyle was naked… nothing else mattered in that moment.

  20

  ~Kylie

  Right on the heels of me proclaiming to myself that I wouldn’t let anything stand in the way of Noah and me again, I’d almost fucked it all up. It was just, the thought of him seeing me completely naked, the lights blazing bright, after so much time…I’d freaked out. Then when Noah had looked at me like I was rejecting him somehow, verbal diarrhea hit. Things I never wanted to tell Noah spewed from my mouth with no filter. I’d told him about my disorder in graphic detail. And he still seemed determined to fuck me.

  I was afraid—so afraid when he started stripping me. My muscles quaked with anxiety, and my stomach churned with bile. I was frozen, wanting to flee, and yet terrified of what that would mean for Noah and me. But as soon as his mouth sealed over my clit…game over. I arched up, gasping for air, my entire body narrowed down to the tiny bundle of nerves under his tongue. I thrashed mindlessly, clawing at his shoulders, yanking on his hair. All the while, he kept his cerulean gaze locked on me, assessing and studying my reactions. He gave me more of what I needed, exactly when I needed it. My entire body locked down, coiled tight, just as colors exploded behind my eyes as I hurtled over the edge, moaning his name over and over like a prayer and a curse all rolled into one.

  Before I had a chance to even catch my breath, Noah was sliding up my body. He nipped at my ear. “As far as I can see, you’re fuckin’ perfect,” he murmured huskily, just as he slammed into me.

  Unnngghh… So big. So good. Noah. I dug my nails into his back trying to escape and yet ground myself at the same time. Noah’s lips ensnared mine, his tongue invading my mouth, my taste flavoring our kiss. Then he began to move, not slowly, and not gently. Noah was claiming me for his again, from the inside out. There was no room for sweet ministrations, or softly whispered words of love. A time for those things would come later. Now Noah ravaged me brutally, and I loved every second of it. With each thrust of his hips, he pushed my doubts farther and farther from my mind. He was using his massive form to force my dark thoughts into submission.

  One orgasm rolled into the next as our sweat covered bodies slid and writhed against each other. We were one, bonded in the pleasure wracking our systems. When Noah flipped me over to take me from behind, I didn’t even pause to think how my ass would look or how my breasts would hang down in that position. I didn’t care, all I could think about was how good Noah felt and how I never wanted him to stop.

  Noah’s fingers dug into my hips as he pounded into me. I dipped my head, muffling my cries against the mattress. I shuddered, my nerve endings too sensitive, things starting to border on pain, but not enough to keep me from falling over the edge again. Noah joined me a moment later, his release pulsing hot within me.

  “Fuck,” he growled. “I missed you.”

  I let him push me all the way down to the bed while still inside me. He rolled us to the side so he could hold me tightly against his chest. As his hot breath fanned against the back of my neck, I attempted to collect my thoughts. It was a futile effort; Noah had effectively fucked me stupid. No dark thoughts and no anxiety either, that felt like a blessing. I laid there in his arms in complete wonderment. I felt good…pretty even. I realized in that moment that Noah was more addictive than any pill I could ingest, and there was no risk of OD’ing on him, at least I hoped not.

  I moved my fingertips over his arms in tiny little circles. “Noah, I—” I was at a loss for words. Me. Someone who made a living from crafting my feelings into songs.

  “Shhh...darlin’, I know.”

  Just like always music rose up within my mind, and words sprang to my lips. I whispered them softly, not really singing, saying them almost like a poem. “The taste of love is sweet, when hearts like ours meet. I fell for you like a child, oh, but the fire went wild. I fell into a ring of fire, I went down, down, down as the flames went higher, and it burns, burns, burns, the ring of fire, the ring of fire. And it burns, burns, burns.”

  Noah kissed my shoulder. “Your mind is always on music of some sort. I missed that too. How someone could just be having a conversation with you and suddenly you’d be humming a line triggered by their
words.”

  I wriggled in his arms impatiently. I was insatiable with him. He was still seated deep inside me from our last round and I was already eager for more of Noah’s ministrations. “I don’t always think about music, right now I’m thinking about you.”

  Noah chuckled, his laugh rumbling low against my back. “I don’t remember you bein’ so—so—“

  “Insatiable?”

  “Yeah, I suppose.” He nipped at my shoulder and gently squeezed my breast, growing harder within me. “I’m not sure I can keep up, darlin’. I’m not a spring chicken anymore.”

  “Well you better man up because women my age are just starting to hit their sexual prime, you know.” I pressed my ass against him, smiling to myself as he grew harder still.

  “Is that so?” he murmured against the side of my neck.

  “MmmHmm…plus we have a decade’s worth or sexual encounters to make up for.”

  Noah pulled out of me and flipped me onto my back. He moved down my body and spread my thighs. “While my…battery recharges…I’m gonna make sure you don’t get bored with me.”

  “Wait! Noah! I know I should have asked before—and—well—when was the last time you were tested? The fact that we haven’t been using protection, it just felt natural, like old times.” I swallowed. At least I hadn’t gone off the pill a year ago when I’d thought about it. I’d been taking if for so long, and at my age, well, I needed to take a break from it. Maybe I wouldn’t need it soon. Just being near Noah had my biological clock ticking.

  “I’m gonna pretend you didn’t just ask me that. Like I would put you at risk if there was even a chance.” He dove between my legs as if he sought to punish me with his tongue.

  “I—mmmm…” Yes, Noah was very talented with his mouth. I used mine to sing my songs and well…Noah used his to make me sing too. Just a completely different type of song, one that was completely inappropriate for the public.

  Had I asked him a question? Who could remember?

  When I woke up the sun was shining and I was alone. I rubbed my bleary eyes, stumbling from bed, and pulled on Noah’s discarded shirt. As I made my way out to the kitchen I heard pans clanging and the delicious aroma of breakfast met my nose. I sniffed the air eagerly, my mouth watering.

  Noah stood by the stove in nothing but a long pair of basketball shorts. His muscled back rippled as he labored over the food preparations. Warmth bloomed in my chest to see him in shorts. He’d never worn anything but pants around me before. Of course, until last night, I’d never seen him completely naked since he sustained his injuries. It was a good sign, I knew it.

  “Hey,” I said loudly.

  He glanced over at me and grinned. “Hey, darlin’, I was gonna serve you breakfast in bed, but since you’re up, grab a plate, breakfast is almost ready.”

  I was about to ask him where the plates were but then it occurred to me that they were probably in the same place as when I’d lived here, since he hadn’t changed anything. I shuffled over to the cabinet and peered in, sure enough, they were there. I swallowed around a lump in my throat. So much wasted time away from the man I love. “Ummm… so what cha making? And since when did you learn to cook?”

  “Since I had to.” Noah flipped off the stove and nodded for me to bring the plates over. I started piling scrambled eggs, bacon, and grits on both of our places. “There’s a bunch of mail for you from the hotel. I thought you might wanna go through it after.”

  I nodded as I slid, with plate in tow, onto one of the stools at the counter. On some level I hated the fact that Noah had been forced to learn how to cook for himself. It served as another reminder of our time apart. Noah kissed the top of my head before sliding onto the stool beside me. Without another word he started to eat.

  “Noah,” I said hesitantly as I pushed my grits around the plate. They were a bit runny. Maybe he hadn’t learned to cook after all. “Where do we go from here?”

  He stopped eating and sighed heavily. “It’s a bit early for this conversation, isn’t it?”

  “Early in the morning or early time wise?”

  “Both.”

  “Oh.” I wasn’t sure what to make of his response.

  His fork clattered onto his plate and he pulled me onto his lap. I wrapped my hands around his neck to steady myself and was met by his serious gaze. “Truth is, I don’t know where we go from here—what the next step is exactly. But I do know that I want you in my life for the remainder of it, so we’ll figure the rest out as we go.”

  “So what am I to you now?”

  “You’re my Kyle.”

  I slapped at his shoulder in frustration. “Noah, please stop being a jackass.” I tried to keep things light hearted but I was starting to get genuinely annoyed.

  “You’re the woman I love.” He grinned at me mischievously. “Is that good enough for you?”

  I scowled at him, knowing he was simply messing with me now. I swung my feet around to get out of his lap but he wrapped his arms tightly around my middle and leaned in to whisper in my ear. “What are you wearin’ under my shirt? You naked under there?” He placed one of his large hands on my leg and moved it slowly up my thigh. “What am I gonna find?” he huskily asked.

  I shrugged. I knew what he was trying to do, distract me with sex. I spread my legs and leaned back into him, my body thrumming with need. And it was working completely.

  21

  ~Noah

  After thoroughly distracting Kyle at breakfast with sex—I’d licked her sweet pussy dry right there on the counter, then fucked her until she was languid in my arms and couldn’t remember what she’d been annoyed with me about. It was a dirty job but someone had to do it. Truth was, I wanted her to be my wife again. I also wanted my second proposal to be a surprise unlike the first one, which Matt had somehow blown out of the water for me. Before I could worry about any of that though I needed to make sure Kyle was safe. Completely and absolutely. I needed to check in with my men, and the police to see if any leads had been found yet. Usually I was the one to head up such tasks, but Billy was taking the brunt of this assignment since I’d had my own distraction…Kyle.

  I made my way out to the living room after getting dressed. Kyle was sitting cross-legged on the couch, her guitar perched on her lap, while she scribbled something feverishly on a scrap of paper. She stopped writing when she saw me and smiled. “Hey, I was just working on some new song ideas. Guess you’re a wealth of inspiration.”

  Her gaze moved up and down my body with blatant lust. I was starting to believe she really was insatiable now. Not that I had a problem with that. Although at some point I may actually become genuinely concerned about not being able to keep up with her.

  “Yeah?” The thought of her writing happier songs inspired by me made a grin spread across my face so wide it almost hurt.

  “Yeah. Want to hear what I’m working on?”

  “Of course.” I made my way over to the couch and sat down beside her.

  “Okay, here goes…”

  Rocky Top you’ll always be

  Home sweet home to me

  Good ol’ Rocky Top

  Rocky Top Tennessee, Rocky Top Tennessee

  I sprung up and pried her guitar from her strangely strong grip, scowling down at her. “Now, darlin’ that’s liable to get you into some trouble in this house and you know it.”

  She scrunched her face up at me. “I didn’t start it.” Her eyes dipped to my faded grey t-shirt with Roll Tide scrolled across the front in red letters.

  I deposited her guitar on the couch and backed away slowly, my hands in the air. “I wasn’t thinkin’, I’ll change.”

  “You better, Noah! We agreed that neither of us would wear our team stuff unless it was game day.” I chuckled as I headed back to the bedroom to change. As silly as it seemed, we had indeed struck that deal. It was the only way to keep peace between an Alabama Crimson Tide fan and a Tennessee Volunteers fan. I’d almost forgotten how pissed off Kyle would get about my Alaba
ma stuff. I’d have to make it up to her real soon. I was already picturing her naked and underneath me again.

  I couldn’t stop grinning, our night and morning together had seemed like old times, and with that brought high hopes. We still had a lot of things to work out, issues to tread carefully around, but me and Kyle were going to work this time, I just knew it.

  “Nothin’,” I grumbled in frustration to myself. “How could they find nothin’?” I stared at my phone, turning it idly in my hands, as if I could will it to bring me different news. The cops hadn’t found anything odd about Kyle’s prescriptions. They hadn’t been tampered with in any way. Is it possible Kyle OD’ed all on her own and the message I’d found meant something else entirely? Maybe whoever was fucking with her was hoping she’d OD? The cell phone we’d found was untraceable. I already knew there’d be no viable prints on it. And nothing useful had been found in the package of dead birds left for Kyle either. I couldn’t shake the feeling I was missing something major. It wouldn’t surprise me since I’d been so distracted with Kyle herself.

  I spun around in my chair and fired up my laptop. If I couldn’t trace Kyle’s harasser at the moment then I’d try to help her in some other way. Despite how good things were going between us, I couldn’t shake the undeniable urge to fix things…to fix her.

  I typed body dysmorphic disorder into the search bar, clicking on the first legit looking link to pop up. It was also commonly known as BDD apparently. I started to read…