by D T Dyllin
“Noah?” I placed my hand on his muscled thigh and squeezed to get his undivided attention.
“Yeah, darlin’?” He forced a smile on his face but it didn’t reach his eyes.
“If you don’t want to do this with me, you don’t have to. I’ll understand.”
He blinked down at me with confusion. “What are you talkin’ ‘bout? I—”
“Noah, I’ve known you practically all of my life, and I’ve never seen you so on edge. You weren’t even this nervous when you proposed to me.” I bit my lip and cupped his cheek. He turned into my palm, his whiskers pleasantly abrasive. I shivered as I thought about them scraping against my inner thighs. “I can live without you attending events with me. I can—”
He leaned forward and ensnared my lips with his. The kiss was rough, demanding, as if Noah was seeking to leach some strength from me. He pulled me onto his lap and shoved his hand up my skirt. His fingers were surprisingly gentle as they slipped under the edge of my thong to encircle my clit. I moaned into his mouth, overwhelmed. He pulled away abruptly. I sputtered at a loss for words.
“Shhh…darlin’, I want you to think about what’s gonna happen the second I get you back home. I want you to think ‘bout it all night.” His lips quirked up and his eyes smoldered. “I want you to think ‘bout the fact that my mind is fully consumed with gettin’ back inside you. I won’t be able to think of scarcely anythin’ else.”
It dawned on me what he was doing. “So you’ll think about fucking me instead of…anything else.”
He nodded, bringing his fingers to his mouth to lick them slowly. “Fuckin’ you every which way I can.”
If anyone else had done what Noah just had, I would have thought it was weird somehow, all of it. Or maybe weird wasn’t quite the right word. Invasive, controlling…not something I would want. Everything with Noah was different. Gazing into his heated blue eyes made my insides quiver. The man owned me completely. I was his to do with whatever he wanted.
I glanced to the front of the car, the fact that we weren’t alone just now occurring to me. Thankfully the privacy divider was up. “Well fuck,” I muttered as Noah set me back on the seat beside him. I was kind of annoyed even though I tried not to be. Noah wanted to focus on something else besides his nerves because he obviously wanted to escort me to the listening party. The problem was, now I was really hot and bothered, and about to spend the next few hours not being able to do anything about it.
“Is it too late to turn around and go home?” I wriggled in my seat, wanting to tell Noah to finish off what he started right now. It wasn’t fair. I wasn’t accustomed to this kind of thing anymore. The men I’d been with since Noah had been all about instant gratification. They didn’t have Noah’s apparent patience. Even when we’d first been together, Noah was always teasing and playing. He seemed to get joy from the entire process, not just the end game. I wasn’t opposed to teasing and playing—Noah was just so damn addicting. I wanted a hit now…and later.
“Noah,” I whined, wriggling in my seat more. I wanted to take his hand and shove it right back to where it was, or unzip his pants and climb on.
He chuckled, the sound making me want to slap him for mocking my current state. “I like seein’ you so anxious to have me inside you,” he husked, his voice dipping an octave lower than normal. “Fuck, Kyle.” His eyes slid from my exposed legs up to my face. “I missed you so damn much. I really don’t know how I survived all these years without you.”
Weeelp, that cooled me off instantly. I knew exactly how he’d survived. He’d been fucking other women. Younger, prettier women. An uncertain number of said younger and prettier women, a number that had to be high since he refused to share. I didn’t want to hear how special I was because I was me. I wanted him to tell me I was the best he ever had—that I was the best in every way possible. You’ll never be good enough. I ground my teeth together wanting the hateful voice in my head to leave me alone. You’re not good enough for him.
“Kyle, look at me.” Noah grabbed my chin and forced me to face him. “Stop it.”
“Stop what?” I snapped.
“I can see the wheels turnin’. You’re thinkin’ ‘bout me with other women again. You need to stop. It’s ridiculous. I love you. I’ve only ever loved you.”
I closed my eyes and attempted to push the dark thoughts from my brain. Noah was right. I was being absolutely ridiculous. I hadn’t exactly been celibate, and I couldn’t expect him to be either. I grunted in frustration. “I’m sorry. It just popped in there.” Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! I mentally shouted at myself.
“Well, whenever it just pops in there, pop it right back out again.” He released my chin and leaned into me. “Remember how much I love you, Kyle.”
I forced myself to think about the house, and how Noah hadn’t changed anything in it since I’d left. All of our pictures, all of all things…the same. He wouldn’t have brought any of his women there, right? He’d kept our house because he couldn’t bear to let me go, at least not really. “I love you too, Noah, so much.” I leaned into him and pressed my nose into his shirt, inhaling. His spicy unique scent helped to center me…finally. “I’m sorry.”
“I’m here for you, darlin’. No matter what happens. I’ll never leave you again.”
I smiled. Noah was mine. All mine.
Billy pulled the Lincoln around so we could use the back entrance to get in The Stage, the bar on lower Broadway in downtown Nashville where the listening party was being held. The event was private but the bar was located on a very public street. What I liked best about Nashville was that the locals were casual about star sightings. I wouldn’t find any paparazzi or hordes of fans outside waiting for me. Someone might stop and ask me for a picture or autograph, which I was happy to oblige, but I didn’t have to suffer from the overwhelming claustrophobic feelings like when I was somewhere else, L.A. for instance. I hated L.A. I’d once had a paparazzi follow me to the bathroom at an event. I didn’t know what kind of photo she was going for, but the invasion of privacy just wasn’t right.
“You sure you want to do this?” I asked Noah just before stepping out of the car.
The corner of his full lips tipped up. “Can’t get my mind off what’s to come later, so yeah, I’m good.”
“’Kay.” I took his hand in mine and tugged him out of the car. I glanced over my shoulder at Noah, and his nerves did in fact seem to be under control. I smiled to myself. It wouldn’t have been a deal breaker for him not to attend public events with me, but I wanted to show him off. Noah James was a catch. I was proud to have him on my arm. I shivered, thinking of getting him naked later. I peeked over my shoulder again, letting my eyes roam over his large muscled body. He filled out his button down and khakis to perfection. I wanted to untuck his shirt and run my hands over the sculpted ridges of his abs down to his—
“My eyes are up here,” Noah said, his smile widening.
“Yeah, well…” I bit my lip and focused on the entrance to The Stage. Two large bouncers were standing at the door, one with a clipboard. Recognition lit in both of their eyes and they stepped aside for us. I didn’t know either of them personally. I used to bartend and perform at The Stage back when I was just making a name for myself, so I was guessing I’d still know some of the staff. Or not. A lot of bars downtown had a high turnover.
The over saturation in Nashville of musicians who want to be heard is unparalleled. Even the most popular bars don’t pay the musicians. All you make is tips, definitely not enough to live off of. It’s all about supply and demand. No one wants to pay for something that people will do for free. Almost everyone you see up on stage in Nashville has a second job. The lucky ones eventually get a record deal, like me. It all really comes down to luck or the connections you can make though, being at the right place at the right time. Someone who is someone hearing you. Nashville is filled with talented people that never make it. It’s sad really. Every year new faces come to town wishing and dreaming to be the ne
xt thing; most end up back home in a few years. I was prepared for the life, having grown up in Nashville. Plus I’d been lucky. Nashville tastes sweet once you’ve made it, but until you have, the bitter taste of desperation colors everything. Walking into The Stage brought back memories, not all of them pleasant.
I made my way down the short hallway that would deposit us on the second level of The Stage. Noah followed closely behind me. Most of the crowd was down on the lower level, having drinks, and smoozing. Not just people who were signed to my label got invites to this shindig. It was always a veritable who’s who of country music at these types of things. I usually enjoyed these social events because I got to talk with my peers, and friends, people who understood how lonely being at the top could be. Of course someone in the bar could also be the person who’d been harassing me, the whole smiling in my face, knife in my back spiel.
My gaze snagged on a tall blonde who looked familiar somehow. She glanced up in my direction, the smile on her face faltering before she moved out of my line of sight. I felt compelled to follow her, I wasn’t sure why. That’s when it hit me—she was the maid from the hotel who’d given me my meds. It couldn’t be a coincidence, could it? I had to find out.
25
~Noah
Kyle rushed away from me suddenly, a determined expression etched into her face. She sped down the stairs and off to the right. I grimaced as I tried to match her speed, but unfortunately I’d chosen to wear my less mobile prosthetic again. And stairs always slowed me slightly down to begin with. “Shit,” I swore under my breath. What was she doing?
As soon as I was on the first floor, I swept my gaze around to locate some of my men. I knew where to look, and… Bingo. He was leaning against the wall right under the hand painted mural that depicted some of country music’s biggest legends. Mikey nodded at me once, and I heaved a sigh of relief. I wasn’t sure what I thought could happen to Kyle but the whole blackbird thing had me on edge.
“Hey, man, you must be Noah,” I turned to accept the hand of none other than Blake Shelton. “I’ve heard so much about you. Miranda and Kylie went to the ladies’ room. You know how it is.” He smiled good naturedly, and laughed.
I couldn’t help but return the smile. Blake was one of those people who could infect you with his good humor. I instantly liked him. “Yeah, I know how it is.”
“It’s real good that you came back in the picture to watch Kylie’s back. I don’t know what I’d do if it was Miranda. I’m more of a lover not a fighter.” He chuckled. “Sorry, I don’t mean to make light of the situation. It’s some scary shit.” His eyes glinted with knowing. “But hell, at least somethin’ positive came out of it. You two officially back together?”
I shouldn’t have been surprised that Blake seemed to know so much about my and Kyle’s relationship. From how he was talking, it seemed like her and Miranda were tight. Blake had probably heard it all. The thing was, it made me wonder how much Kyle really talked to any of her friends. She had this aura of loneliness about her, like she was desperate for attention, and for something real. It seemed at odds with how many people were always around her. “I guess I’m glad she talked so much ‘bout me. How’d you know we were together again? Official or not?”
“By the way Kylie said you were here with her and did that girly excited shriek, then off to the ladies her and Miranda went. I’m guessing Kylie’s fillin’ in Miranda on everythin’ right now.”
I laughed and groaned simultaneously. “Sounds ‘bout right.”
Blake’s face got serious all of a sudden. “Look man, I know a little bit ‘bout what happened to you in Iraq and your leg from Kylie. I just wanted to take the opportunity to thank you for your service. I think men like you get over looked often enough. I have huge respect for you. You should be proud.”
“Thanks.” I didn’t know what else to say. Blake was a good guy and I appreciated the sentiment. Even if it did make me uncomfortable.
Kyle and Miranda approached us, arms linked, cat just ate the cannery smiles on both their faces. Just then a man in a suit stepped on stage to announce the band we were all here to listen to. Miranda offered me a hushed hello as she slid in next to Blake, and Kyle took my hand. Everyone was focused on the trio who took the stage. Well…everyone but me. I couldn’t keep my eyes off Kyle. I didn’t care that we were surrounded by celebrities, the biggest people in the country scene, none of it impressed me, except Kyle.
I pulled her in front of me and wrapped my arms around her middle. She leaned into me as I dipped down to whisper in her ear. “Why’d you run off like that? What happened?”
She shifted uncomfortably. “It was nothing. I guess I’m just seeing things is all.”
“Seeing things?” I pushed.
“I thought I saw a maid from the hotel, which if I did would have been really weird. It turned out to be nothing though.”
We would be talking more about that later, since the time wasn’t right. The band started playing, I hadn’t caught their name, and I’d already forgotten from when Kyle told me. It incorporated the fact that there were three of them. Caddies three, three Cadillacs—something like that. They were good, whatever their name was. The song they were playing, White Lightning, reminded me of Kyle. The lyrics transported me back to the last time I’d been in The Stage, only Kyle had been the one up in front of everyone and it’d been just a regular night at a lower Broadway Honky Tonk.
I’d been forced to stand in line just like everyone else to get into The Stage since I didn’t want anyone to know I was there, especially Kyle. It was packed inside from wall to wall. I hadn’t expected any less, it being a Saturday night. It’d been a week since I’d let Kyle walk out on me and I missed her. I missed her so fucking much my chest physically hurt like she’d ripped my heart out and taken it with her. So here I was, just wanting to get a glimpse of her…a fix to keep me going.
I moved to the back of the bar, into the shadows, where I belonged. I stared up at her, my golden angel with the voice that matched, as she sang her heart out. People were listening too. Not just in the way revelers do when they’re out, with half of their attention, but entire groups of people were facing her, transfixed. I studied her, looking for, I don’t know what? A sign that I’d made a mistake maybe? That was a joke. She was going to be somebody, and I wasn’t good for her anymore.
“Wow, that Kylie James is fucking hot,” a guy near me said loudly to his friends. I eyed him and his buddies, Vandy kids for sure. They had the look about them, floppy hair, collared shirts, and expensive watches. Not all Vandy kids were bad. Hell, I had friends that’d gone there. But there was a particular breed of Vandy punk who was drunk on his or her daddy’s money. They were spoiled and entitled, and gave other hardworking Vanderbilt students a bad name. I supposed there were some at every school though. Or maybe I just hated them because I was a Crimson Tide fan—that’s what Kyle always said. Of course she didn’t like them either, always complained with all their money they were shitty tippers.
“Yeah, and she can sing too. Not that she’d have to with that body. I’d love to get a piece of that,” douche number two responded to douche number one.
My muscles tightened as I reined myself in. The last thing I needed was to draw attention to myself by getting in a bar fight. My fuse was shorter than normal due to my PTSD. I needed to learn to control it…all of it. The little punks were just that and I needed to ignore them. We were in a bar and guys were going to say shit about Kyle. Let it go. Let it go.
My attention swung back to Kyle when she moved into another song. Her voice caressed me with its rich tones, moved through me straight to my heart.
How do I
Get through one night without you?
If I had to live without you,
What kind of life would that be?
Oh, I…
It was a cover of How do I Live by Leann Rimes. I’d heard her play it before, but not the way she was now. Her voice—her voice was so raw with emotion,
it was as if she was singing right to me. I fought the urge to step up where she could see me, to go to her, tell her I’d been wrong, that I felt the same way. I took a step and pain shot up my leg. I winced. How could I have forgotten? We couldn’t be. We just couldn’t be. I clutched my hand to my chest and rubbed. She’d get over it. I wouldn’t. It didn’t matter though, because I was doing it all for her. I’d do anything for her. Always would and always will. Even let her go.
Kyle leaned into me and squeezed my hands. “You okay?” Concern played across her face.
“Fine, darlin’.” I kissed her forehead. Kyle never found out I’d come to see her that night. Or that I’d waited where she couldn’t see me to make sure she got to her car safe on the nights she worked. Sometimes I’d even follow her all the way home, grimacing in pain from driving when I wasn’t supposed to yet. I’d watched over her, wanting to make sure she’d be okay, and she hadn’t been, at least not on the inside.
I moved my hands up and down her arms, greedy for her. I wanted to take her to the men’s room or the ladies, I wasn’t picky, and fuck away all our past mistakes. It was an impossibility, I knew, but I was willing to try.
“Noah, I’ll be right back,” Kyle stood on her toes and kissed my cheek. She headed off in the direction of the ladies’ room, and it took everything in me not to follow her, to pull her into a dark corner and slide into her. I could almost feel the way her body would encase mine perfectly. She’d moan softly as I rocked into her—Shit. My plan to force myself to think of nothing but sex with Kyle was working a little too well. I was hornier than a brass band on Flag Day. I couldn’t wait until the listening party was over so I could do everything I was imagining. My dick pulsed in my pants. Fuck, it’s gonna be a long night.
