by Brenda Novak
Carrying her glass with her, she went out on the porch to get some fresh air. Nights were particularly beautiful in Silver Springs. She loved the smell of the valley. There was no exhaust, no stench coming from the family of ten’s garbage cans next door, no nasty marijuana smoke drifting on the wind from somewhere up the block. The air was clean. And now that she was outside and not staring at four walls, the quiet seemed more enjoyable and less oppressive.
She listened for the gurgle of the creek and couldn’t hear it, but she heard something else—a man singing.
Gavin. When she concentrated, she could recognize his voice even though she could barely hear him from where he was probably sitting, on his own porch.
What was he doing home? Why wasn’t he at his gig?
Unable to resist the temptation, she walked down to the creek so she could make out the song he was singing. But she remained behind the trees, where she could listen and watch without interrupting or disturbing him. She felt a little like a stalker, since she wasn’t making herself known, but she was too tired to battle the desire she felt whenever he was around. Since she’d learned about Heather’s pregnancy, she couldn’t even justify wanting him, and that added guilt to all her other emotions.
She needed to put a stop to what was happening in her head and her heart. And she would, she told herself. But tonight, she just wanted to enjoy the beauty of his voice, let it carry her away. What was the harm in that? She figured secretly listening couldn’t be too damaging or creepy if she remained on her own property.
He sang the slow version of “Dancing on My Own,” which she loved.
Gavin was good. Even better than she’d realized when she heard him before.
He sang the same song a few times—practicing, she supposed—but when she finished her wine, she pushed off from the tree she’d been leaning against to go in and check on her kids. She had enough going on without pining after a man she couldn’t have. She needed to let Gavin go and focus on rebuilding her life. The nightmare that’d started with the investigation into Gordon’s crimes wasn’t going to end as a fairy tale. Gavin wasn’t going to sweep her off her feet; he had his own problems to deal with.
Besides, the more she listened, the more she came to believe that he was doing the right thing marrying Heather and moving to where he could pursue his music. The world needed to hear him. And she needed to help find Emma Ventnor, or at least make sure Gordon was held accountable if he’d harmed her, get the farmhouse fixed up so she could sell it and pay her brother his half of their inheritance, money he would need to set up his practice once he got out of school, and continue to provide the love and stability her children needed.
And she needed to do all of that no matter how lost or lonely she felt herself.
22
Gavin had been up most of the night, wrestling with himself over whether to contact Savanna. He’d nearly walked over to her place a dozen times, would be lying if he said he hadn’t thought of the fact that, with Heather out of town, he had the perfect opportunity to see her—and yes, maybe even spend the night in her bed. She lived right next door, which would make it so easy. No one would see his vehicle in front of her house; no one would have to know they’d been together if they decided to keep it a secret.
But he had to stop seeing Savanna at some point. And he refused to be reduced to the kind of man who was sneaking around. He’d only hurt both women by doing that. So he’d stuck it out on his own last night—only to be hit harder than he’d expected by the sight of Savanna at the barbecue and pool party the next day.
She’d never looked better. She’d arrived in a pair of white shorts, a pretty shirt with full sleeves and sandals. But the kids had insisted she go swimming with them almost the moment she walked into the backyard, so those clothes had come off. Now she was wearing a nude-colored swimsuit that had nothing but strings connecting the front to the back, leaving four inches of her sides bare. A whole piece, it wasn’t as revealing as a lot of swimwear, and yet the sight of her in that suit had made his mouth go dry. With her dark auburn hair falling loose and curly, and polish that matched her hair on her fingernails and toenails—even a similar shade of lipstick—he couldn’t get over how golden she looked everywhere.
He wasn’t the only one having a difficult time keeping his eyes off her. Roger Nowitzke, the New Horizons grad who’d come back to visit Aiyana for the weekend, and someone Gavin typically liked, was making no secret of his attraction. He hadn’t left Savanna’s side. For the past twenty minutes, he’d been sitting on the lounge beside her, talking and laughing and doing everything he could to be charming while she watched her kids swim.
“You okay, little brother?”
Gavin glanced up to see that Eli’s wife, Cora, had walked over to the grill where he was flipping burgers. He was so miserable he hadn’t even noticed her approach. Today, everyone other than Savanna seemed almost invisible to him. They were just dark, murky shapes that hovered on the edge of his consciousness. “Yeah, I’m fine.” Trying to act more like his regular self, he added, “These are almost done.”
She put her arm around his shoulders. “You’re such a good guy. Eli and I—and Aiyana—we all want you to be happy. I hope you know that.”
“I am happy,” he lied.
She didn’t seem to believe him, but she acted hesitant to argue. They were in the middle of a party; it wasn’t the time.
With a sympathetic squeeze and a smile, she walked over to where Eli was talking to Cal. Aiyana had invited her own boyfriend and Dawson and Sadie Reed, as well as their son, Jayden, and Dawson’s sister, who had special needs and whom Dawson and Sadie cared for. Dawson was another alumnus of New Horizons. He’d settled in Silver Springs but knew Roger, too. Then there was Gavin’s youngest brother, Bentley, who was still in high school, and Liam, who was going to college in San Diego. Liam had made the drive to Silver Springs despite the fact that he’d miss two classes tomorrow before he could get back.
Gavin was just stacking the burgers on a plate so that they could eat when Eli came over.
“Roger really seems to like your girl.”
Gavin scowled at him. “She’s not my girl.”
“She could be,” he said with a wink, and took the plate of burgers over to the table.
Gavin sat as far from Savanna as possible. He knew he wouldn’t be good at conversation today. He was too twisted up inside, too consumed with jealousy. He had to let her meet and enjoy other people, had no claim on her, but watching her with Roger wasn’t easy.
Unable to finish his meal, he went inside and started cleaning up the kitchen so that his mother wouldn’t have to do it later. When he heard a creak behind him, he assumed it would be Aiyana. At various points since he’d arrived, he’d caught her watching him with a worried expression.
But it was Savanna.
“You’re already doing dishes?” she asked. “The party only started an hour ago.”
He shrugged. “My mom works too hard. Figured I’d get this done before she could even think about it.”
“Even though you’re missing the fun?”
“I have to leave soon, anyway.” He wasn’t sure why he’d said that. He had nothing in particular he had to do. He just hoped to escape having to watch someone else move in on what he wanted. “But you and the kids can stay as long as you like and swim. You don’t have to leave because I am.” If she was enjoying Roger’s attention—and she seemed to be—Gavin was sure Roger would stay as long as she did...
When he spoke over his shoulder, didn’t even turn to talk to her, she hesitated in the doorway. “Is everything okay? I feel like maybe you’re upset or something.”
“I’m not upset. I’m fine. I hope you’re having a good time.”
“I am. Thank you.”
Silence fell on the heels of that polite response. Then she said
, “If you don’t want to talk to me, would you mind telling me where the bathroom is?”
He ignored the first part of what she’d said. Now wasn’t the time to get into it. “I just heard someone go into the bathroom down the hall, so you might want to use the one at the top of the stairs.” He showed her where the stairs were and, since he stayed to watch her go up, saw her cast him an uncertain glance as she reached the top.
He went back to doing the dishes, but ultimately, the hurt behind her words—If you don’t want to talk to me—got the better of him. He couldn’t resist the opportunity to see her for a few minutes alone, if only to apologize for his surly behavior. It didn’t matter what he was going through. He was her only friend in Silver Springs so far. He needed to treat her better than he was. So after he heard Dawson leave the bathroom on the main floor and go outside, he went upstairs and waited until she came out.
She stopped the moment she saw him, and he opened his mouth to tell her he was sorry for behaving like a jealous ass. But then he saw the tears glistening in her eyes. “What’s wrong?” he asked. “Is it Gordon?”
“Gordon?” she echoed.
“Has something happened?”
“Other than the fact that I have to fly to Utah on Tuesday and visit him on Wednesday morning, no. I’m not looking forward to that, but I had been looking forward to this.”
“I’m sorry,” he said.
“You tell me we’re friends but you won’t even look at me,” she responded.
“Because I’m struggling! I need to keep our relationship within certain boundaries, but I can’t seem to do it. I’m trying—God knows I’m trying. But, for a change, friendship isn’t enough for me. I want you so badly it makes me frustrated and angry that I can’t have you.” He gripped her by the upper arms. He’d merely wanted to get her to look at him, really look at him and believe him, but touching her turned out to be a mistake, because the next thing he knew, they weren’t talking anymore. He’d ducked his head and found her lips, was communicating in a way that felt far more natural when it came to her.
They couldn’t be seen from the front door, but if someone climbed the stairs, they’d be right in plain sight. Despite the sudden deluge of testosterone and the relief of getting what he really wanted, that thought dimly occurred to Gavin. He tugged her into his old bedroom, but that was a mistake, too, because he couldn’t resist pulling down the top of her swimsuit so he could touch and taste her breasts.
“This is why I can’t even look at you,” he muttered as his mouth moved over her soft skin. “This is what I want to do when I see you.”
She lifted his head as though she’d stop him, take on the voice of his conscience. She looked unsure of what they were doing, maybe even a little frightened by the sudden intensity. They were at a barbecue with his family and her kids, after all. But once she saw his face, she must’ve changed her mind, because she guided his mouth back to hers and kissed him every bit as hungrily as he’d been kissing her.
* * *
“Mom? Mo-om?”
Branson was wandering through the house, calling for her. The last thing Savanna wanted was to be interrupted. She had Gavin’s hands and mouth on her again, was feeling all the wonderful things he could make her feel. When she was with him, there was such a sense of belonging, of having come home, which was strange considering she’d never known anyone like him in the past. The past ten days, she’d missed him more than she cared to admit. She wanted to stay right where she was, get even closer to him, and with a bed so close at hand, they’d been heading in that direction.
It was disappointing not to get what they both craved, but her son’s voice finally cut through the sexual frenzy, reminding her of her responsibility as a mother and that she was a guest in Aiyana’s house.
“That’s Branson,” she gasped, and felt everything come to a stop as Gavin pulled back, looking as overcome and disheveled as she knew she must. She’d removed the tie from his hair almost the moment he’d started kissing her so that she could bury her fingers in the thick mass of it, and she’d pulled off his T-shirt, which lay, probably stretched out at the neck, somewhere on the floor at their feet.
“Mom?” Branson called again.
She and Gavin were both breathing hard as they stared at each other. She swallowed, hoping to steady her voice before she responded. But Gavin put a finger to her lips to indicate silence. Evidently, he’d heard something she’d missed—someone else coming into the house—because a second later, she could hear Eli telling Branson to come back outside, that he’d watch him and Alia while they swam.
“We can’t get in the water until we check with our mom,” Branson insisted.
Savanna had made it clear that they weren’t to go near the pool if she wasn’t around. She would’ve been proud of him for his obedience, except his determination to find her put her in the awkward position of having to come out of an upstairs bedroom with her hair mussed, her face flushed and her heart racing. She was already trying to right her swimsuit, and Gavin was doing what he could to help.
“She must still be in the bathroom,” Eli said. “Let’s give her a minute, okay?”
“Eli’s got it,” Gavin whispered, attempting to calm her.
Sure enough, that seemed to be the case. “There are Popsicles in the fridge,” she heard Eli say. “I’ll get one for you and your sister, and by the time you eat that, you’ll be able to ask your mom if you can go swimming again.”
“Okay!” Branson seemed pleased by that solution, which made Savanna breathe a bit easier.
They heard some rustling below. Then the door slammed.
Eli and Branson had gone out.
“I have to get down there,” she said, and since she had her swimsuit tied again, Gavin opened the bedroom door for her.
Savanna found Eli sitting with her kids in the barbecue area, both of whom had red lips from the dye in their cherry Popsicles.
“There you are!” Branson cried when he saw her. “I was looking all over for you. Where’d you go?”
“To the bathroom.” She hoped the party would just move on, that no one else would remark on her prolonged absence or look closely enough to see how ruffled she was, and that seemed to happen. But Gavin never came out. She realized later, when she was helping to clean up and had a legitimate excuse to go back inside, that he must’ve left shortly after their encounter, because the dishes had only piled up from the point where she’d interrupted him.
She was just walking back to get more of the leftover food, which Aiyana was covering and putting in the fridge, when she caught Eli studying her with an appraising look. She gave him a tentative smile, and he smiled back when he realized that she’d noticed his attention.
“Thanks for inviting me to the party,” she told him. She was carrying the last of the food but had curved around the pool to get close enough to speak to him. “I had a lot of fun. So did the kids.”
He bent to retrieve a floating raft from the water. “I’m glad,” he said as he let the air out of it. “I’m sorry Gavin had to leave so early.”
She cleared her throat. “Maybe he had a few things he had to get done.”
“Maybe,” he responded, but the way he was grinning when he said it gave her the impression he found something about Gavin’s sudden departure more amusing than it should’ve been.
* * *
Gavin sat on the couch, facing Heather. She’d returned from Vegas sooner than she’d originally planned, hadn’t wanted to leave Silver Springs in the first place. And he knew he was the reason. She could sense that he wasn’t in the emotional space she wanted or needed him to occupy and that scared her. With a baby coming, he could see why. It worried him, too, but he was beginning to realize that he couldn’t get back with her. Not right now. He wasn’t feeling what he should be feeling, and he couldn’t live a lie.
She’d texted him while he was at the barbecue to see where he was. That was part of the reason he’d left early. He hated feeling as though simply attending that barbecue made him somehow less than loyal. His encounter with Savanna in his old bedroom had simply underscored the fact that he needed to let Heather know he was struggling, so it wouldn’t come as a nasty surprise later.
“I care about you,” he said. “I’ll do everything I can to support you during the pregnancy and after. I want what’s best for you and the baby, whether the baby’s mine or not.” He kept emphasizing that he wouldn’t abandon her, but it didn’t seem to help. She looked stricken.
The tears he’d anticipated, given the pitch of her voice and how rapidly she was blinking, began to roll down her cheeks. “But you can’t love me...”
“I’m not saying I can’t.” He didn’t want to make her feel there was anything wrong with her. There wasn’t. But he had to be honest. “It’s just... I’ve met someone else.”
“Your new neighbor.”
He tucked his hair behind his ears. After Savanna had taken the tie out of it, he hadn’t bothered to pull it back again. “Yes.”
“But you don’t even know her.”
“I’m getting to know her.”
“She’s only been here two weeks!”
“What does that matter? I’m attracted to her, and I can’t seem to change that.”
She laughed humorlessly. “I can’t believe this. When I ran into her that day while she was getting her mail, she told me she wasn’t interested in meeting anyone.”
“She wasn’t. I can vouch for that. The attraction has taken us both by surprise.”
Heather’s expression hardened as she lifted her chin. “Attraction? Have you already slept with her?”
Gavin didn’t answer. He didn’t consider the details of his physical involvement with Savanna to be any of Heather’s business. But he wasn’t going to deny that his relationship with Savanna had gone that far. He was trying to be as up front as possible. In his mind, that was the only decent way to be.
