Zombie Apocalypse Now!

by Thorfinn Skullsplitter

  The late John Seymour, the father of self-sufficient living wrote some books of lasting value including The Fat of the Land,558 The Self-552 Zachery Nowak, Crash Course: Preparing for Peak Oil, (Green Door via Bonazzi, Italy, 2008), http://www.greendoorpublishing.com/.

  553 See Ted Trainer, The Transition to a Sustainable and Just World, (Envirobook, Canterbury, New South Wales, 2010) and the “Simplicity Institute” website at http://

  simplicityinstitute.org/ted-trainer.

  554 Carla Emery, The Encyclopedia of Country Living (Sasquatch Books, Seattle, 2012).

  555 John Storey and Martha Storey, Storey’s Basic Country Skil s: A Practical Guide to Self-Reliance (Story Publishing, North Adams, MA, 1999).

  556 A. R. Gehring (ed.), Back to Basics: A Complete Guide to Traditional Skil s, 3rd Edition (Sky Horse Publishing, New York, 2008).

  557 J. Cobb, Pepper’s Long-Term Survival Guide: Food, Shelter, Security, Off-The-Grid Power and More Life-Saving Strategies for Self-Sufficient Living (Ulysses Press, Berkeley, 2014).

  558 John Seymour, The Fat of the Land (Faber and Faber, London, 1961).

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  Sufficient Life and How to Live It 559 and The Forgotten Arts. 560 This latter book gives an outline, albeit a brief one, of a variety of traditional crafts, including some surprising ones such as wooden fork and rake making. Covered as well is the production of various tempered blades by blacksmithing, including the slasher which I mentioned earlier (and wherever else I can fit it in), which could serve the dual purpose of a land clearing tool, far superior to any machete, as well as a pole axe weapon for pruning the zombie herd.561

  Seymour’s masterwork is The New Complete Book of Self-Sufficiency,562 which in its 2009 publication by Darling Kindersley, compiles material from two of his older books, The New Complete Book of Self-Sufficiency (1976) and The New Self-Sufficient Gardener (1978). “Why should we all labour to enrich the banks?” he asks.

  Yes, screw the banks and the global financial conspiracy and all that. Instead, self-sufficient living, through moving from the cities to the countryside is a way of regaining our lost humanity: “[s]elf-sufficiency does not mean “going back” to an acceptance of a lower standard of living. On the contrary, it is the striving for a higher standard of living, for food which is fresh and organical y grown and good, for the good life in pleasant surroundings, for the health of body and peace of mind which comes with hard, varied work in the open air, and for the satisfaction that comes from doing difficult and intricate jobs well and successful y.”

  Seymour advocated the method of “high farming” used in Europe centuries ago, which involved a balance of plants and animals e.g. plants feed the animals, animal wastes fertilize the soil. Crops are rotated and there are no monocultures, to control pests. Animals are free ranged. He felt that a five-acre holding could easily supply all the 559 John Seymour, The Self-Sufficient Life and How to Live It: The Complete Back-to-Basic Guide (Dorling Kindersley, New York, 2003).

  560 John Seymour, The Forgotten Arts (Angus and Robertson Publishers, North Ryde, New South Wales, 1984).

  561 The slasher is pictured on p. 53 and p. 74, as above. See also pp. 134-135 on blade making in John Seymour, The New Complete Book of Self-Sufficiency: The Classic Guide for Realists and Dreamers (Dorling Kindersley, London, 2009).

  562 As above, p. 13.

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  food necessary for a large family, and has already been mentioned, it can be achieved with less than that. The color il ustrations alone, are almost works of art in themselves and far more productive to view than much of the toxic sludge filling our modern art galleries. There is useful information about how to butcher a pig, chicken and rabbit breeds, clearing, draining and irrigating land, hedging and fencing, using working horses, preparing land and sowing, harvesting, how to make butter and cream, cheese, bread, bottling, pickles and chutney, jams and syrups, brewing and wine-making, compost, dry composting toilets and a wide range of crafts and skil s.

  Small scale, largely organic farming, without electricity, and using horse power, has been practiced by the Amish in America. Life there has involved lighting and cooking with a wood stove, water without an electric pump, washing clothes without a washing machine, entertainment without tv or video games, communication without a phone or texting, transport without a car, farming without a tractor and running a farm and woodworking shops without electricity. As Scott and Pellman put it: “Unlike many North Americans, the Amish value simplicity and self-denial over comfort, convenience and leisure. So they try to discern the long-range effects of an innovation before deciding whether to adopt it.” 563 Electricity was seen to lead to a lifestyle contrary to church and family life (although some battery-powered devices are used). The Amish see “fol y in a lifestyle that avoids physical labor, then creates exercise in the form of jogging or aerobics.” For the Amish, the adoption of a self-sufficient lifestyle was done for the purposes of preserving their culture; but for us non-Amish, it will be needed to preserve our lives. The fact that a group of people has lived and striven to live this way indicates that it is possible, in the midst of our insane techno-industrial societies’

  death throes, to live an alternative life.564

  563 Stephen Scott and Kenneth Pellman, Living without Electricity (Good Books, Intercourse, Pennsylvania, 1990), p. 8.

  564 For a positive evaluation of Amish agriculture practices and lifestyle see Wendell Berry, The Unsettling of America: Culture and Agriculture (Sierra Club Books, San Francisco, 1977), Amish Economy (Adela Press, Versailles, KY, 1996).

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  Tools and the Craftsman

  One topic sometimes mentioned in survival books is the need to have a supply of hand tools for a grid-down situation. Today, whether it be those who work with wood, stone, metal, or the garden, most work is done with power tools. Land clearing of feral trees and vegetation is done with a chainsaw, whipper-snipper/brush cutter instead of an axe/handsaw and machete, slasher and scythe. It is said that these tools are faster and more efficient that their hand equivalents. I have cleared many acres of territory of blackberry, olive and other weeds using a hand saw, slasher, machete and even a “don’t care” katana.

  Here are my conclusions from a lifetime of hard sweat.

  Petrol driven chainsaws, if they are a quality brand and regularly serviced, usual y work wel . They are about three to five times faster than a good saw or axe man. However, on steep land they can be extremely dangerous and I have seen one chainsaw accident (a co-worker) and don’t want to see another. The axe and handsaw are much quieter and safer and do not require fuel beyond muscle power.

  Also, you don’t breathe fumes. One government site on weed control says that chain saws and mechanical slashers “create high levels of soil and vegetation disturbance.”565 Chopping and sawing wood is one of the best forms of exercise, having immediate spin-off benefits for melee weapon combat. If one can use a wood chopping axe wel , using a fighting axe (say a Viking short axe) or a tomahawk, is not too difficult. Hand-sawing is an excellent triceps developer. Hence, the art of the axe and saw needs revival. Further, one could bug out on foot with an axe or a good quality (sharpenable) handsaw, but it is impractical to lug around, while bugging out, a chainsaw, brushcutter and fuel. Consequently, the art and science of the axe and saw needs revival among survivalists.566

  565 “Physical Weed Control Methods,” at https://www.business.qld.gov.au/industry/

  agriculture/land-management/health-pests-weeds-diseases/weeds-and-diseases/

  controlling-weeds-property/physical-weed-control-methods .

  566 See D. Cook, The Ax Book: The Lore and Science of the Woodcutter (Alan C. Hood and Company, Chambersburg, 1999).

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  In terms of clearing weeds such as blackberry on relatively flat land, the modern hand held brushcutt
er is not used and a tractor with a slasher attachment rules. There is no contest against it – assuming that you own a tractor and can maintain it. But, the wheeled tractor becomes dangerous on very steep slopes (tractors with tracks are better, but have their limits as well) and both cannot be used on extremely swampy land. The hand-held brush cutter though is inferior to the manual tool equivalents of a slasher/machete/sword/

  parang for tough scrub and a scythe for grass. I have worked with many guys who have used a brushcutter or a string trimmer and have always beaten them in terms of amount of scrub cleared per unit of time, using hand tools.567 Much time is wasted clearing crap stuck in the whirly bits; not so for a scrub katana/machete.

  The survivalist/prepper/doomsteader needs to stockpile various types of hand tools, general tools and supplies. For the shorter term, tools needed for automotive and electrical repair and maintenance are needed. e.g. oil filler, wrench, a range of sockets, spanners, compression tester, battery charger, fuse wire, etc. However, the concern in this book is for long-term survival in a coming dark age and our thoughts are for tools that are man-powered only. In general, one will need: gardening tools, metal working tools, wood working tools, masonry tools and a range of basic supplies, including such items as duct tape (the more the better), pvc electrical tape, safety goggles, dust masks, sun glasses, hearing protection, parachute cord (can’t have too much), rope (can’t have too much), plastic sheets, water containers, buckets, tarps, barbed/razor wire, fencing materials (e.g.

  star droppers, wire mesh), hacksaw blades, fire starting mechanisms (matches, flint and steel etc.), bleach, flashlights, work gloves, hoses, water pipe, chain, scales, paint, paint brushes, plumber’s tape, wood and general purpose glues, massive quantities of nails and screws of various sizes, silicone sealant, washers, tire wire (the more the better), cement, wd-40, oils and lubricants and sand paper, to name but a few items.

  567 On the hand-held slasher see Edward Mundie, Go Country: A Troubleshooter’s Guide to Successful Country Living (Hyland House, South Melbourne, 1994), p. 53.

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  Woodworking tools include hand saws, rubber and wooden mallets, hammers, nuts & bolts, screwdrivers, chisels, adze, files, Stanley knives, drawing knifes, squares, tape measures, planes, dividers, and axes. Metal work and blacksmithing tools include a work bench, wrecking bar, nails, vice clamps, spanners, ball-peen hammers, files, (various types), hand-crank forge, bellows, grinding wheel, sledge hammer, forging tongs, a heavy-duty vice, punches, pliers, tin snips, leather apron, wire brushes, welder’s gloves, work gloves, pliers, hack saws, safety goggles and so on. Masonry tools include shovels/spades, trowels, bolsters, manual mortar mixer, builder’s square/tape measures, float, bricklayer’s hammer, spirit level and cement edger and joiner. Garden tools include a slasher, machetes, spades and shovels, rakes (including a fork rake), forks (including a pitch fork), saws, axes, hatchets, block splitters, wheel barrows, crowbars/fencing bars, sledge hammers, post-hole diggers, mattocks (with both pick-end types and axe-like end types), pruning shears, pruning saws, sharpening stones, wedges and picks, among many other items.

  Many, but not all commercial y made tools are somewhat fragile, especial y cheap Chinese made garden tools. I have purchased chipper hoes whose blade ends bend after hitting a few rocks, a problem due to either inferior slag-ridden steel incorrectly heat-treated, low carbon steel and/or thin hoe blades. Spades and shovels tend to be better so to make up hoes I have often cut up a spade and welded on a section to put a handle. Fork rakes can also be made up from garden forks. Anvils can be made from sections of heavy I-beams, railway iron or engine blocks. Knives can be made from old files, although they will be somewhat brittle as an impact tool or weapon, and thus need reforging and re-heat treating. Car (older models) and truck leaf spring steel is much better.

  One could of course purchase hand-forged tools made by local blacksmiths, but this may be costly, and the extra life needs to be balanced against the cost. For the longer-term, a survival workshop centered on blacksmithing needs to be constructed now for the use of 208

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  present and future generations.568 There is likely to be enough scrap metal in the decaying cities of the future to supply all the metal that remnant blacksmiths will need, perhaps for centuries. However, most of the steel in such cities is soft, low-carbon mild steel that can be case hardened (on its surface), but not hardened by heat treatment.

  To make tools and edged weapons, a supply of high carbon steel needs to be secured before the col apse as it may be hard to find in Post Apocalyptica under the masses of decaying humanity and their garbage.

  Tools, along with weapons are items which can, and should be stockpiled now at one’s “Sustainable Autonomous Base,” if one has one, or at least acquired now for early bird bugging out via a vehicle such as a light truck.

  The use of hand tools was once an important part of manhood, replaced by industrialism and consumer culture. The idea of craftsmanship was abandoned, to be replaced by mass production.569

  But, in Post Apocalyptica this ancient ideal, once a philosophical aid in living one’s life, will once more return.

  Zombie Apocalypse Preparation and Survival

  Philosophy

  Max Brooks’ The Zombie Survival Guide 570 discusses a Class 4 or doomsday outbreak of zombieism driving humanity to the brink of destruction.571 Such a scenario can be taken as a thought experiment 568 James Ballou, Long-Term Survival in the Coming Dark Age (Paladin Press, Boulder, Colorado, 2007), pp. 29-63. On beginning blacksmithing see Alex Bealer, The Art of Blacksmithing (Castle Books, Edison, 2009).

  569 Brett McKay and Kate McKay, “Measure Twice Cut Once: Applying the Ethos of the Craftsman to Our Everyday Lives,” July 3, 2013, at http://www.artofmanliness.

  com/2013/07/03/measure-twice-cut-once-applying-the-ethos-of-the-craftsman-to-our-everyday-lives.

  570 Max Brooks, The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection from the Living Dead (Three Rivers Press, New York, 2003).

  571 As above, p. 155.

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  for the real zombie apocalypse, the coming col apse of civilization.

  Brooks sees any attempt at urban survival as futile, because if the

  “zombies” do not get you, human barbarians and savages living a parasitic existence wil . To survive, a retreat to remote regions is needed, certainly to escape these bandits. This means a retreat from all civilization, or what remains of it. This remote retreat should have fresh water, good soils and the capacity to produce food. Ideal y, it should have ample natural resources such as timber from trees for building and the terrain offer natural defenses. Brooks concludes that a permanent refuge requires at a minimum, food, water and extreme distance, otherwise “you seriously compromise your long-term survival.” He considers deserts as offering protection from human raiders, but not necessarily Hol ywood zombies, especial y if the desert is between two population centers. There are, of course food and water issues for deserts, and perhaps a shortage of building materials.

  Jungle regions have water, food and building materials. The vegetation will provide cover allowing both ghouls and Hol ywood zombies to be neutralized, but they will be able to sneak up on you.

  There are specific challenges posed by jungle environments, such as disease and insects. However, jungles are preferable to temperate forests, which because of being a comfortable environment, are likely to be full of refugees and human predators, preying on them.

  Mountain regions, even in these zones, will offer good defense against human and zombie predators, especial y if the terrain is rough and lacks roads and access paths. However, security issues will arise if it is necessary for obtaining water, food and building materials to go down the mountain to ground level.

  Tundra and polar regions have the advantage of being improbable places for human and zombie predators to visit, at least in any concern
ing numbers. The main survival threat will be the harsh environment, the bitter cold, and unless one can live ultimately as the Inuits live, the threat of starvation. Islands will not offer safety from refugees – as the asylum seeker issue in Australia in past years showed. Pirates sail the seas today and will rule the seas in a post-210

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  col apse world, which makes living at sea on a boat, an unrealistic long-term option, certainly for a multi-generational scenario.

  In conclusion, Brooks’ approach to a doomsday zombie apocalypse, is consistent with the approach adopted by survivalists such as Mel Tappan, although the Tappan position is that some degree of remoteness needs to be sacrificed so that one has the advantage of safety in numbers of a small town. If Hol ywood zombies (or disease infected humans) were a threat, then one would need to abandon seeking a community and strive for a high degree of remoteness and isolation, and take one’s security risks.

  One’s Sustainable Autonomous Base (sab)/Retreat will need to be fortified and defended in any shtf/teotwawki situation, beginning with operational security by restricting information about what you are doing (e.g. blocking out windows, no cooking outdoors near the sab; not having tell-tale waste lying around). A passive defense may be to hide in plain sight, using a low profile and camouflage to make the sab look abandoned. Alternatively, one may go the way of overt fortification, hardening your sab in various ways, such as structural hardening to prevent entry into the retreat. It is also possible to combine elements of both approaches to some degree, with context and circumstances ultimately determining which approach or combination of approaches is adopted.572

  Conclusion

  … The stakes of the game, for true men, will soon be to survive.

  That’s all – to survive… [f]or one day, when the machine has exhausted all the possibilities of its original élan, it will totter and fal . Then, for us, it will be enough to be numerous, to maintain solidarity, so as collectively to regain control of our earth after we have fiercely defended our few areas of retreat.