The One (The Halo Series Book 2)

by Kimberly Knight

  I felt like a part of me was missing. It wasn’t the baby that was missing anymore, it was Avery. He was missing from my life. I was missing him. Each day, I told myself that I’d go back home, go back to Avery. But then I’d stop myself because I didn’t want to hurt Avery more than I already was.

  I thought that I needed time away. Time to think. But the more I thought, the more I missed him. I was so scared that I wasn’t strong enough for him; that he’d want someone who could give him children on the first try. Each day I reread his text messages, replayed all our moments together and I knew. I knew I was a fool for walking out the door. At the time, I did what my heart was telling me to do, but each day seemed to be getting clearer, showing me that all roads led back to Avery.

  As I lay on the couch, pretending to watch the Red Sox game with my dad, there was a knock at the door. My heart stopped. I looked like shit. I hadn’t changed out of my pajamas in four days. I hadn’t brushed my hair or used deodorant and I hadn’t showered since I never left the house. If Avery was at the door, he’d probably take one look at me and turn around, running away because I was a hot mess.

  My mom opened the door and I held my breath, listening to her to see if I could tell who it was.

  “It’s about time you showed up,” my mom said.

  “Sorry, I had a doctor’s appointment that I couldn’t miss,” Brooke said.

  My heart sank. It wasn’t Avery. It was Brooke.

  “She’s on the couch,” my mom said.

  I stared at the archway that led from the hallway to the living room and waited for Brooke to round the corner. When she did, her eyes met mine and I started to cry again. Her diamond ring on her left hand reflected the light from the lamp by the couch and I lost it. I lost it because I’d thrown my happiness away. I wanted to marry Avery. I wanted to be with him forever. And now Brooke was engaged to his best friend.

  “Come talk to me,” Brooke said, motioning with her head towards my bedroom.

  I sat up, my dad staring at me. “Make her take a shower too.”

  I groaned, wiping my tears with my hand and followed Brooke as we walked to my room.

  “How is he?” I asked, closing the door behind me before Brooke could ask the same of me.

  “Pissed,” she said, sitting on the edge of my bed.

  I started to cry again. Brooke pulled me to her to sit on the bed and wrapped me in her arms. We didn’t speak for several minutes as she rubbed my back until my tears started to go away again.

  “Do you blame him?” she finally asked.

  “No,” I said, shaking my head and not lifting it from her shoulder.

  “I can’t even imagine what you’re going through, Nic. But you have to know that Avery would’ve helped you through it. He loves you.”

  “I know,” I said, sniffing. “But I didn’t want him to feel like he had to.”

  “Had to help you through it?”

  “Yeah,” I said dryly.

  “Are you insane?”

  “What?” I asked, flabbergasted. Lifting my head, I turned to her.

  “I’m gonna give it to you straight. For years, you told me to leave Jared. You knew my feelings for him, but yet you were still a bitch about it. Do you know why you were such a bitch?”

  I stared at her, my eyes wide with confusion. “I didn’t like the guy because he wasn’t good for you.”

  “Exactly. You knew he wasn’t and I know that Avery is good for you. So I’m going to give you the same treatment. You need to pack up your shit and go home, Nic. Avery’s your home now. I know why you came here. You wanted your mom and dad to take care of you. I get it. I can’t even imagine what you’re going through, but moving back in with your parents isn’t going to solve anything.”

  “I know. I just needed time.”

  “I came here wanting to see how you were doing and the first thing you asked me was about Avery. You obviously miss him and want to be with him. Why are you two hurting when you can be together and happy?”

  “He probably doesn’t want me back. I broke his heart—I lost our baby.”

  “Do you honestly believe he doesn’t want you back?”

  I stared at her, trying to find an answer to her question.

  “Do you think that, in just four days, Avery’s going to forget about you and move on?”

  “No,” I said shaking my head. “Why are you being so mean to me?” I asked, trying to hold back my tears.

  “It’s called tough love, Nic. You need tough love now. Two of my favorite people are hurting and if I need to slap one upside the head so she’ll open her eyes, I will.”

  “But I lost my baby, Brooke. My. Baby!”

  “And he lost his baby and the love of his life left him. I know it was tough—still tough. But you had a miscarriage. Women have those all the time. It doesn’t mean you can’t have children. I might… Look, why not try again? You’re not broken.”

  “You might what?” My eyebrows furrowed.

  “What?”

  “You said you might and then you stopped.”

  “Oh, I…I might force you to make another baby.” She laughed.

  That wasn’t what she was going to say, but I let it slide. She was actually making a lot of sense. I thought that I might never be happy again. I’d left what would make me happy again.

  “I didn’t just have a miscarriage, B. It was a fetal demise. The baby was dead inside of me for three weeks. Three weeks!”

  “I know, honey. I can’t even imagine.”

  I cried more on her shoulder while she held me, not saying anything. I thought about what she’d said and how I missed Avery like my next breath. She was right. It was time.

  “How do I get him back?” I asked.

  “I’d start with a shower.” Brooke laughed.

  Day Five Without Nicole

  Me: I love you!

  Another sleepless night.

  It seemed that I was only able to sleep an hour at a time unless I drowned my sorrows in a bottle of booze. My bed felt empty and cold and so did my heart. The pain was like daggers stabbing my heart over and over and over. I tried not to love her anymore—tried pretending. It wasn’t that easy. There was no unloving Nicole even though it would help my broken heart.

  I thought each day would get easier, but it didn’t. A part of me was gone—a part that may never come back.

  Each day when I went to work—went out in public—I tried to put a smile on my face. Inside, I was breaking. It was time for Nicole to come home. I was done with the bullshit. Brooke went to check on her, but she wouldn’t tell me what happened. The only thing she told me was that she was doing better.

  What was that supposed to tell me? That each day was getting closer to Nicole being with me again? I was tired of fighting with myself to give Nicole what she wanted.

  And then I got a text back from Nicole.

  Nicole: I love you more!

  That was the first text she’d sent me since she told me she needed time. I wanted to call her. I wanted to go to her. I wanted everything to go back to the way it was. I texted back.

  Me: You do?

  Nicole: Yes.

  Me: Does this mean you’re coming home?

  I waited for a return text from Nicole, but it never came. I never doubted if she loved me or not. She told me she did, but since I didn’t get a return text from her, the ball was still in her court.

  As I worked the happy hour crowd, my phone in my pocket felt like it was burning a hole through my jeans. I kept wanting to take it out, see if Nicole had texted again, but I refrained. I couldn’t get my hopes up.

  She didn’t text again.

  Maybe it was a spur of the moment. Lapse in judgment on her part. A mistake.

  When I left Halo, I drove to The Crawford’s for our weekly family dinner. I was going to get answers from Brooke. If I had to steal her phone to call Nicole, I would. I was tired of playing this game—this texting game.

  When I pulled up to Jimmy and Jane’s,
it was only the two of them in the house. Easton, Brooke and Cheyenne were still on their way.

  “Av, honey, help me form these patties,” Jane said as soon as I walked in the front door.

  “Do you really need my help or you want to give me motherly advice,” I asked, laughing as I walked into the kitchen to the left of the front door.

  “Well, I need your help because I had them already made and then I saw you pull up and I needed an excuse.” She laughed.

  “You never need an excuse, Ma,” I said, washing my hands.

  “Well, tell me. How are you doing?”

  “It’s been tough,” I said, rolling a chunk of ground beef into a ball.

  “I bet. You know, I lost a baby before Easton,” Jane said, giving me a sad smile.

  “You did?” I stopped rolling the meat in my hands.

  “Easton doesn’t know, but I did. I wasn’t as far along as Nicole was, but it still happened. Tore me up for a few weeks.”

  “Did you leave Dad?”

  “No,” she shook her head, “I didn’t, but I can see how Nicole thinks that’s the only solution.”

  “But it’s not,” I said, flattening out the meatball to make a patty.

  “When you lose a baby, even if you’ve never met it, even if it hasn’t fully grown, it’s like you’ve lost a part of you. You go into a deep depression.”

  “I get it. I was depressed, too. I still am.”

  “You will be for a while. She’ll probably be longer than you.”

  “What if she doesn’t come back?”

  “She will. She loves you. I can tell.”

  “I know she loves me, but she thinks she’s not strong enough for me and I don’t want her anymore because she lost our baby.”

  “Give it time.”

  And those were the words I was tired of hearing.

  “Yeah, time…”

  “She’ll come back when you least expect it.”

  “I hope so because I only have one thing to say to her.”

  “What’s that?”

  Before I could respond, Easton, Brooke and Cheyenne came in through the front doors. I turned and met the eyes of Cheyenne.

  “Uncle A, where’s Nicole?” she asked.

  Easton gave me a tight smile, apologizing for Cheyenne. I shook my head that it was okay.

  “She’s in Boston, C.C.”

  “Why?”

  “She’s with her parents,” I said, washing my hands of the hamburger meat.

  “Why?”

  “Peanut, that’s enough,” Easton said.

  “Why?” she asked, looking at Easton. “I don’t get why I can’t know where my favorite aunt is.”

  Aunt…

  All eyes turned to me and I took a deep breath. “C.C., Nicole and I broke up.”

  “Why?” she asked, looking around the room.

  Cheyenne was a big part of my life. She was bound to find out eventually.

  “Come sit down. I have some bad news.”

  “Av—” Easton said.

  “It’s okay.” I turned to Cheyenne as she sat next to me at the kitchen table. “Remember how we told you that you were getting a cousin?”

  “Yeah.” Cheyenne smiled, leaning on the table with her head in her hand.

  “Sometimes we can be wrong. I’m not going to be a…”

  I had to stop, a lump forming in my throat. Easton shot me a look. He knew he had to finish for me. Sorry, man. I thought I could tell her.

  “Peanut, remember when Mommy died?”

  “Nicole died?” Cheyenne whispered.

  “No, Peanut. But remember how she’s an angel now?” Easton asked.

  Cheyenne turned to face me. “I don’t get it. How can Nicole be an angel if she’s not dead?”

  “Not Nicole, C.C. Our baby.”

  She paused, staring into my eyes. I felt like she was looking into my soul, searching for answers I didn’t have.

  “Your baby died?”

  “Yeah.” I choked out, trying not to cry.

  “I’m sorry, Uncle A,” she said, standing and wrapping her arms around my neck. After a few seconds she pulled back. “But why did you and Nicole break up?”

  “It’s been a tough time, C.C. She needed to get away.”

  “But she’ll be back?”

  “She will,” Brooke chimed in.

  I looked up at Brooke, tilting my head slightly. “She will?” I mouthed.

  Brooke nodded.

  “Good because I really like her,” Cheyenne said. “What’s for dinner, Grandma?”

  The Day I Planned to Get Avery Back

  My morning started off with the usual text from Avery, but this time I responded.

  Avery: I love you!

  Me: I love you more!

  That was the first time I’d texted him since I’d told him I needed time to think five days ago. While I wanted to respond to his texts before, I couldn’t. I couldn’t give him hope until I knew for sure what I wanted. And you know what? I wanted him. I was prepared to beg. I mean, that’s what you need to do when you leave the one you love and want him back, right?

  I was finally starting to listen to what my parents and Brooke kept telling me. I realized that even though my heart was breaking, Avery was the only one who could put it back together.

  After Brooke had left my parents’ to visit her sister, who had moved back to Boston after college, I took a much-needed shower. For some reason, showers open up my mind; I was able to clearly think as the warm water fell down my body. As I stood under the spray of water, remembering all the words that were said in the past two weeks, I realized that Avery had the heart that any woman would die for.

  He was sexy, smart, caring, lovable, funny, romantic…and he loved me. He fucking loved me and I walked out on him. I didn’t want him to be with anyone else and I didn’t want to be with anyone else either. He was mine and I was his and if I had to drop to my knees and beg for forgiveness, I totally would.

  He was a good man; a good man for me. I knew for certain that I would never find another man like him. He was what I’d been looking for. I wanted to call him and tell him that I was sorry. I wanted to tell him that I was a fool and I needed him to help me put my heart back together again. I wanted to tell him that I’d do anything for him—but it had to be in person. He deserved for it to be in person.

  Stepping out of the shower, I dried off, got dressed and grabbed my phone to see if he texted back. He did.

  Avery: You do?

  I smiled and texted back.

  Me: Yes.

  A few seconds later he replied.

  Avery: Does this mean you’re coming home?

  I wasn’t sure why I’d texted him back in the first place. I wanted to do everything in purpose and when he asked if I was coming home, I couldn’t answer him. I was, but I couldn’t tell him.

  I went into the living room to see if I’d forgotten anything that I needed to pack.

  “Nic, sit,” my dad said, motioning to the couch next to his favorite reclining chair. I stared at him for a beat and then did as he said. “Did your mother and I ever tell you about how she’d once left me?”

  “What?” I asked, surprised.

  “Of course, it was under different circumstances, but the point I’m trying to make is that people make mistakes. I know you’re worried that Avery won’t take you back, but I know he will. When your mother left me before we were married, I was devastated. I screwed up, but she forgave me. Usually it’s the guy who messes up in a relationship, but given your circumstances, Avery will understand.”

  “What if he doesn’t?”

  “Then you fight. You fight for what you want.” I gave a tight smile. “When I met Avery, I could tell he loved you. He’d do anything for you and while I’m surprised he hasn’t beaten down my front door, I get it. His heart and ego are bruised. It may take him a few days to come around, but he will.”

  “I hope you’re right,” I said, sighing.

  “I know I am
.”

  “How can you know that?” I laughed, sarcastically.

  “Because if he breaks your heart, I’ll kill him.”

  I laughed again. “Well, I’m the heartbreaker.”

  “You need to be honest with him, baby girl.”

  “I will be.” I smiled.

  “Well, go get that boy back. I hate seeing you sad.”

  “I know. I will. I love you, Daddy.” I stood and gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

  “I love you too.”

  I packed up all my clothes that I’d taken when I left New York, loaded my car, and headed back home. If Avery didn’t take me back, then Brooke and Easton were going to have to make room for me because I wasn’t leaving New York again. I was going to fight for Avery.

  I knew I’d broken his heart—I’d broken mine too. But I had to pick up the pieces, and if I had to hand Avery the bottle of glue, I would. He was the answer to putting my heart back together. I loved him with every fiber of my being. He was the one, my one.

  The closer I got to New York, the more nervous I became. I’d never begged a guy to take me back. No one had ever been worthy enough to fight for—until Avery. I realized that I’d do anything for him.

  We were happy before we knew I was pregnant. We’d fallen in love before we knew I was pregnant. He’d asked me to move in with him before we knew I was pregnant. How could I be so blind? The baby wasn’t the tie to us being together—we were.

  He was always the one.

  I pulled into our driveway. Usually Avery parked in the garage, but as I opened the door, his truck wasn’t there. Remembering that it was family dinner night, I decided to wait for him inside.

  I wanted to drive to Jimmy and Jane’s, but I wasn’t prepared for rejection in front of an audience.

  I walked into our townhouse, using the key I still had. All the lights were off and it felt like he hadn’t run the heater since I’d left. Maybe he was like me and everything felt numb; it didn’t matter what the temperature felt like because I couldn’t feel it.