Friends Like Us

by Siân O'Gorman

  A woman was striding along the street, dressed in a long camel overcoat. While everyone else was in unflattering woolly hats, she wore her brown hair down her back and she wore long boots and a fur scarf.

  Erica.

  Melissa didn’t know whether to smile and wave or to duck down and keep walking. Erica looked her usual gorgeous self. She didn’t even seem bothered by the abysmally-dismal weather. Melissa wondered about Erica and Cormie’s first Christmas together. Would they be roasting a goose or a turkey? Organic, obviously. Or maybe some kind of Gwyneth Paltrow-inspired nut roast, all chia seeds and baobab (whatever that was).

  ‘Melissa!’ She had been spotted. Immediately she felt awful for skulking around. It wasn’t Erica’s fault that she and Cormie had met and fallen in love. She was blameless. It was she, Melissa, who had brought all this misery on herself.

  ‘Erica!’ She smiled, faking her surprise delight.

  ‘I thought it was you, buttoned up. It’s so hard to tell what people look like in this weather.’

  ‘Yes, it’s total pants, isn’t it?’

  Erica looked puzzled.

  ‘It’s pretty bad, that’s what I meant,’ Melissa explained. She was dying to ask how Cormac was… was he okay? Was he eating? Was he still beautiful? Was he still alive? She hadn’t seen him since Nora and Walter’s party. It had seemed so strange to carry on with life without him, and all the things that had happened to her since them. She lost a job and gained a sister. Not bad going.

  ‘Yeah, y’know,’ Erica was saying. ‘I don’t think I can do another Irish winter. It’s not the cold, it’s the constant drizzle. It’s so not good for my body, y’know?’

  ‘It’s not good for mine, either,’ agreed Melissa. ‘It’s not good for anyone’s. That’s why they invented the Aran sweater. It’s the only thing you should wear in Ireland. And a tweed cap. You should get one.’

  Erica looked confused and then tried to laugh. ‘Oh, you’re joking again. Cormie always said you had a great sense of humour.’

  ‘Right…’ said Melissa, wondering how to end the encounter and not wishing to know about Eric and Cormie’s life together.

  ‘So…’ Erica took charge of the conversation. ‘I’m heading back to the States. Better weather, for one. Nicer food and I think… I think it’s a good move. Professionally and personally. I’m leaving tomorrow.’

  Melissa quickly put aside her indignation of the casual assassination of her nation and desperately thought of Cormac. He was leaving? But what about the bakery? And Rolo? He would never survive quarantine… he wasn’t… no, he wasn’t going to give him to the pound? Not Rolo. Thoughts of poor Rolo locked in the cage, desperately seeking a new owner were interrupted by Erica, saying: ‘You didn’t know about me and Cormie?’

  ‘No…’ said Melissa, miserably, as the drizzle segued into rain. And Cormac on the other side of the Atlantic, time zones away.

  ‘Well,’ she said. ‘It wasn’t working. He’s super nice and everything but he doesn’t have the drive of guys from the US? He’s easy-going, too easy-going.’

  ‘He’s not going with you?’ Melissa dared to hope.

  ‘We’ve broken up,’ said Erica. ‘No, he would never leave Ireland anyway. He’s a home boy.’

  ‘And of course Rolo.’ Melissa almost punched the air. Of course Cormac would never leave Ireland. He loved the rain too much.

  ‘That dog! Don’t talk to me about that dog. It was always scratching at his fleas.’

  ‘I don’t think Rolo has fleas,’ said Melissa stiffly, thinking that Erica could slag off Ireland if she wanted to, it was, after all a free would, but criticising Rolo was going too far. ‘He’s pristine. He’s a dog who takes his personal hygiene very seriously.’

  ‘Yeah, right.’ Erica was sceptical. ‘Anyway,’ she looked away for a moment. ‘I think Cormie is in love with someone else?’

  Melissa was again plunged into the depths of despair. What fresh hell is this? Who was this new rival?

  ‘Really? Who is it?’ she asked, weakly.

  ‘Just someone he can’t get out of his head. Someone he’s been in love with forever.’

  Melissa racked her brain. It wasn’t… it couldn’t be…

  ‘Someone who might just love him back,’ said Erica.

  ‘Who?’ croaked Melissa. ‘Who?’

  ‘You.’

  Tears filled Melissa’s eyes. ‘Me?’ she managed. ‘He loves me?’

  ‘Y’know, he tried to tell me that you were gay. And it was then I knew exactly what was going on. Call me Jessica Fletcher if you like, but as soon as he said that I knew the truth.’

  ‘But I’m not gay…’

  ‘Exactly.’ Erica looked at her watch. ‘Listen, there’s a gathering at the bakery tonight. It’s already started. Why don’t you get yourself down there and see what happens? You never know, y’know.’

  ‘No,’ said Melissa, ‘No you don’t.’

  ‘So, what are you waiting for?’

  ‘I’ll go, I’m going… oh, thank you Erica.’ Melissa suddenly wanted to hug Erica, months of bad feeling and resentment melted away as she realised Erica was not just a pretty face, she had a very beautiful soul too.

  Erica was smiling at her. ‘If I am not going to have a Christmas romance, then someone else might as well. And, anyway, I like playing cupid.’

  ‘But you don’t mind?’

  ‘No, I’ll just find myself a new guy back in the States. It won’t take me long.’

  ‘I don’t doubt it.’

  ‘See you, Melissa. I hope I get to hear how it turns out.’

  Melissa began to run towards the Dart station and turned to shout to Erica. ‘Thank you! And happy Christmas!’

  Erica gave her a wave and turned back, gliding effortlessly through the bedlam of the city centre.

  What a woman! If Melissa actually was gay then there might be a different ending to this story, but she wasn’t and so she ran through town, zig-zagging around shoppers, dodging buses and taxis, almost coming a cropper with a child on a scooter and avoiding gangs of lads in Christmas jumpers. She took the short cut through Trinity College, colliding with students and tourists and, finally, arrived on the Dart platform gasping for breath.

  On the train, she urged it forward, heading towards her destiny. I am not afraid, she wanted to shout out for everyone to hear. I am not scared! But she was. Was Erica telling the truth? Would he want to see her? Would she embarrass herself? She didn’t care, all she needed was to give this one last chance and this was it.

  She disembarked at the station in Dalkey and ran down to Church Street, festive lights swaying in the dark and whirling wet of a winter night. It was no winter wonderland but she didn’t care about the weather, she was right where she wanted to be.

  Outside The Daily Bread, where the blinds had been pulled down, making the figures in the shop look like shadow puppets, she could hear music and voices and laughing. She paused at the realisation that Cormac was on the other side of the door and so was, perhaps, her destiny. She gulped a breath of freezing air. Come on, Melissa. Take charge of your life. Stop hiding and being scared. You can do this. She knocked on the door.

  No answer.

  She knocked again, louder, knowing that she still had time to walk away. No one would ever know. She may yet survive this night without making a fool of herself.

  Too late, the chance had passed and someone was unlocking the door.

  It was Cormac’s mum, Meenie Cullen. ‘Melissa, loveen! I was wondering where you were. Cormac said you were far too busy. That’s not like our Melissa, I said. Always there. Part of the family.’ She called to the room behind her. ‘Melissa has arrived. Finally!’

  And then she turned again to Melissa. ‘Come on in.’ They hugged hello.

  ‘I just wanted to pop in and say Happy Christmas,’ said Melissa to Meenie. ‘You know, see you all and everything.’ She had known Meenie Cullen for so long now but, for the very first time, Melissa felt awkward. I’m
in love with your son, she wanted to say. So in love with him you wouldn’t believe. I can’t breathe when I think I might have lost him, and I needed to see if he could, perhaps, maybe, love me.

  Suddenly she was nearly knocked off her feet by a ball of fur. Rolo! A tartan ribbon around his neck, he was licking and jumping up. ‘Hello boy!’ she said, grabbing him and kissing him. Even if things don’t go to plan, she thought, she was glad to have seen Rolo and who couldn’t love this little bundle of joy. Well, obviously Erica couldn’t but she did. She wondered would her reunion with Cormac be so exuberant. Somehow, she didn’t think it would.

  The bakery was decorated beautifully and bathed in candlelight. There was a tree with decorations made out of dough in star and heart shapes tied on with neon ribbon. The room was crowded with people. There were Nora and Walter, the new baby with a pair of reindeer horns on his head, Axel hitting someone with his sword.

  And there was Cormac, standing at the back, talking to his dad and brother, Ciaran, holding a bottle of red and a bottle of white in each hand. Melissa put up her hand and gave an arthritic wave. But Cormac seemed to be frozen to the spot.

  Oh no, thought Melissa, this has been a mistake. He doesn’t want to see me. This was a bad idea, thought Melissa, beginning to plan her escape.

  Cormac handed each bottle to his dad and stepped towards her.

  ‘I’ll go and get you a glass of something…’ Meenie disappeared in search of refreshments.

  ‘Hi,’ he said.

  ‘Hi.’ They stood there for a moment. ‘So,’ she said, ‘the shop looks amazing.’

  ‘Thanks.’

  ‘So… Anyway,’ Melissa said, ‘I just wanted to say Happy Christmas.’

  ‘Melissa… it was… what I said before… I…’ he began.

  ‘No, don’t say it. I want to talk. I have something to say…’ she began stuttering a bit. ‘Um.’ She gulped some air. ‘Right.’ Here we go, she thought. Come on Melissa, this is your chance. Come on, girl.

  ‘I’ve missed you, Cormac Cullen,’ she said, letting the words rush over themselves. ‘Appallingly, in fact. I’ve missed every single thing about you. Every single thing. I’ve missed being in the same room as you, breathing the same air as you. I’ve missed knowing you and being with you. I just want to tell you that. I want to say that you are the most important person – thing – in my life and I am really miserable without you. And I am sorry, I am really, really sorry that I took you for granted and I was so selfish. And all I was consumed with was me and my life. And I’m sorry. And I have missed you so, so much. I don’t want to do life without you, I don’t not want to see you all the time…’

  She stood awkwardly as her words sunk in. She felt raw and exposed.

  ‘I… I… I want… I want you, she continued, trying to fill the silence. ‘I want to be with you. That’s all I have to say. I want you, simple as that. I want you. I love you. But if you don’t want me, that is fine. And I will go and I promise, promise, promise, never to call around again and make a holy show of myself. And I’ve missed Rolo, terribly. I didn’t think you could miss dogs but it turns out you can. And their owners. I’ve missed the whole package, you and Rolo.’ There. She had said it.

  ‘Right,’ he said.

  ‘So…’ she said. Of course he doesn’t feel the same. Of course he doesn’t. She’d got it all wrong. As had Erica, obviously. ‘Anyway…’

  Should she crawl away now or wait for Meenie to come back with the drink? She had never worked out the protocol for awkward situations.

  ‘I know someone who has been equally miserable,’ he said.

  ‘Who?’ Melissa didn’t dare to hope.

  ‘Himself there.’ Cormac pointed to Rolo looking up at them with his brown eyes. ‘He’s been pining for you.’ Rolo had pushed himself against Melissa’s legs and had sat down on her shoes.

  ‘Have you, sweetheart, have you?’ Melissa bent down and stroked his ears. It gave her something to do. It was obvious that Cormac didn’t feel the same. If he had once, then he didn’t any longer. Erica had been wrong. Well, at least she had tried. At least she had Rolo’s affections. ‘Okay, so…’ she stood up again.

  ‘Well… there’s someone else too… Someone else who’s been pining for you.’

  ‘Who?’ She sounded like she had laryngitis.

  He coughed. ‘Me. I hate life without you too. It’s been the worst time of my life. I really wanted to invite you tonight. It seems so wrong to have something like this and not have you here, but I thought you wouldn’t come after how I’d treated you. I treated you terribly. I hurt you, I pushed you away. And I’m sorry, so sorry.’

  Meenie bustled up. ‘Red or white? Melissa? I know you like a drop!’ She had a bottle in each hand and a glass precariously sticking out from between her fingers.

  ‘Neither, thank you Meenie. Do you have juice or something?’ She was giving alcohol a wide berth these days. She sometimes wondered if she would ever drink again.

  ‘I’ll have a look through the minerals, for you now, loveen. Stay right there,’ said Meenie, ‘I think we have some of that Seven Up… on my way.’

  Cormac and Melissa stood looking at each other, both of them grinning. Melissa felt like she was exploding with happiness. Was it this easy? she thought. Is it this easy to be happy? Was it here all the time and I never knew?

  Cormac reached across and took her hand and brought it to his lips.

  ‘You are the brightest and best person I have ever met,’ he said. ‘Oh my God, life is just so boring without you. Everything I do, everything I have ever done is to impress you. I can’t move for wondering what you would say. You’d drive a man to poetry.’

  ‘Please don’t,’ said Melissa, laughing.

  ‘No, wait,’ he said, it’s coming to me. What rhymes with Melissa?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ she said, delighted, holding his hand and thinking how gorgeous he was and loving the feeling inside, the warmth, the happiness spreading through her body. And, of course, the warmth on her feet of Rolo.

  ‘There was a young woman called Melissa,’ he began. ‘And when she was away I would miss her. She turned up one night, and try as I might, I couldn’t get the courage to kiss her.’

  But then he did. Right on the lips and Melissa thought that she couldn’t feel any happier or more right.

  ‘But you did,’ she said, ‘you did get the courage.’

  ‘You were the brave one,’ he said. ‘I was the coward, running away.’

  ‘No, I get it,’ she said. ‘It was both of us. We nearly missed each other.’

  He looked at her. ‘Thank you,’ he said, ‘for coming here tonight. You have made my life.’

  ‘And you mine,’ she said, grinning at him.

  ‘Here we go.’ Meenie was back with a brimming glass. ‘It’s a great man Seven Up. Great for all sorts of sicknesses.’

  ‘What about lovesick. Does it cure that?’ said Melissa, looking at Cormac who was squeezing her hand tightly.

  ‘I’ll leave you two alone, so I will,’ said Meenie, bustling off, smiling broadly.

  Melissa and Cormac gazed into each other’s eyes.

  ‘I love you,’ he said quietly, into her ear. ‘Always have.’

  ‘And I love you,’ answered Melissa. ‘Always have.’

  ‘Always will,’ he said.

  ‘Always will,’ she echoed.

  And then they realized that the whole room had gone silent, everyone had been listening in and watching. And then there were cheers and yelling and shouting. ‘About time!’ called Ciaran. ‘We’ve been waiting for far too long for ye to get it together!’

  Cormac and Melissa laughed. She could feel his strong arms pulling her into him and as she did, she realized that all the other relationships may not have failed because there was something wrong with her, that they may have failed because they weren’t the right man. They weren’t Cormac.

  ‘I’m never letting you go again,’ he whispered into her ear. ‘Never.’


  ‘Promise me?’

  ‘I promise.’

  And they kissed and kissed to the sound of cheers. And it was as wonderful as she could ever have dared to imagine.

  49

  Eilis

  After Rob had left, Eilis stood in the kitchen thinking. Suddenly, it felt as though life was kicking in. Her flickering excitement about life’s potential kept getting stronger and stronger. She was totally utterly free, unencumbered, she had only herself to worry about. Brigid, she was sure, would have agreed.

  She almost felt giddy. It could all go wrong but she didn’t care. The feeling of being alive was intoxicating. She had been toying with a business idea for a while now but it would involve making room in her professional life. There was no time like the present and she thought she had better send an email before she stopped feeling giddy and began feeling sensible and normal.

  ‘Dear Mohit,’ she wrote. ‘I am writing to tender my resignation from the hospital… I have spent many rewarding and happy years there but have decided to pursue other interests…’

  She pressed send.

  She would work out her notice and then… who knew what would happen? She was stepping off the cliff and she wondered what parachute – if any – would open; it was now or never. Rob had freed her. Maybe she should thank him.

  But there was someone else, someone she wanted to see and talk to and explain everything to. Someone who she couldn’t shake from her mind, someone who had sparked something inside her and had made her entirely revaluate her life. Charlie. But would he understand? There was only one way to find out.

  It was the evening and dark out but she got in the car, the roads lit by flashing Santas and fairy lights, and drove to O’Malley’s Garden Centre.

  The shop was closed. There was a silver birch in a pot decorated with lights, old-fashioned baubles hung in the window. Pressing her face against the window, she saw a lamp glowing in the office. She knocked on the glass. She waited and then a face appeared, looking out. Charlie.

  Her heart began thudding. Part of her hadn’t expected him to be here. She waved at him, wondering what he would do. She felt butterflies in her stomach, she felt the joy of being alive, of taking risks and being in love. Finally, she could admit it.