Summer of Secrets

by Charlotte Hubbard

  He took in a breath to settle himself, his contrition echoing in the stillness. “And I also told Rebecca that her mamm loved her no matter how she looked—and that she’d better not go breakin’ her mother’s heart. Rebecca wouldn’t talk to me in the pool hall, with the others lookin’ on, so when she drove up alongside me I figured it for the only chance I had to say my piece.”

  “And you didn’t take Rachel or Rhoda with you? Or Miriam?” Hiram quizzed him. “At least some sense of propriety would’ve been preserved, had this young woman’s sisters or mother accompanied you.”

  Micah’s head remained bowed. “No, sir, I didn’t. The girls had other plans, and—well, Rachel thought I was payin’ too much attention to this stranger, as it was. She was upset with both of us.” He glanced at Miriam then, but said nothing about her visit to Morning Star that same day.

  “So you went to see this young woman on the sly, Micah? In secret, so your sins would go undetected?”

  Rachel’s head began to swim. Confessions always made her feel like someone was offering up tattered, discolored underwear for all to see, and Micah might as well be waving some of hers.

  “Jah, there was that. I knew I was breakin’ the rules and breakin’ Rachel’s heart, too,” Micah replied hoarsely. “And I confess to a curiosity about Rebecca that got the better of my good sense. Rachel’s already forgiven me for this, and I thank God for that. I also admit to seein’ Rebecca a second time, at the apartment where she was stayin’—”

  The women looked up suddenly, while the men shifted on their benches. Rachel exhaled and held tightly to Rhoda’s hand as Micah continued. He was speaking the truth, after all. Not really pulling her into the mire with him.

  “—and I’ve also confessed this to Rachel. And bless her, she believes—as I do—that this whole situation has been guided by God’s hand,” he said in a reverent tone. “With all humility, Bishop, the Lantzes and I see Rebecca’s survival in the flood all those years ago—and her reappearance now—as a miracle. I did wrong by breakin’ our rules, jah. But I’m not a bit sorry I took that risk.”

  A few folks sucked in their breath. Rachel gazed carefully at Hiram Knepp’s face to gauge his reaction. The black-haired bishop stood poised to point up more of Micah’s sins, but Micah continued before their leader could lecture him further.

  “I looked beyond the tattoos and the black, spiky hair to see one of our Lord’s children, needin’ compassion now that the woman who raised her has died,” he explained earnestly. “She needed to hear that her Lantz family loved her, while she sorted out the confusin’ parts of growin’ up, under a different name, with the couple who rescued her from the river but didn’t go lookin’ for her real family. Any one of us would have a hard time dealin’ with all that stuff.”

  Hiram’s scowl had deepened. “You’re walking a very thin line, presuming to know the mind of God while taking matters into your own very human hands, Mr. Brenneman. Such pride is the ultimate sin, and when I hear—”

  “I couldn’t sit by and watch a family be separated by religious differences! I saw the chance to reunite the Lantzes, and I took it!” Micah raised his head to look directly at Hiram, and then to entreat the People. “A lot of wounds are on the mend now, Bishop,” he rushed on in a voice choked with emotion, “and I’m grateful that God has allowed me to be a part of that process. All that aside, though, I stand in need of the People’s forgiveness for the way I started down this path.”

  The room vibrated with Hiram’s power and presence as their bishop, and with Micah’s heartfelt entreaty as a younger man who knew he’d done wrong. Rachel sat on the edge of her pew, ramrod straight. Surely Hiram wouldn’t bring the ban down on Micah for doing what he felt was right ... and if the bishop recommended such a punishment, surely the friends and family in this room wouldn’t agree to it! Would they?

  “I’m sorry I got irritated when we talked about this the other day, Bishop,” Micah added quietly. “I—I hope now to behave in a way that makes me worthy of the Lord’s love. I’m mighty grateful for the grace that gets me through each day.”

  The room seemed to breathe in deeply and then let out a collective sigh. Rachel let a tear dribble unchecked down each cheek: Micah had risen above the bishop’s insinuations to walk the higher road. He had taken a potentially immoral situation and tossed it as a lifeline to Rebecca ... and Rebecca had grabbed it. She seemed eager to know them now, to learn of Plain ways even if she didn’t intend to join the Amish Church.

  Rachel glanced around the crowded room as Micah rose from his knees. His shoulders looked straight and strong, his head high, as he started up the stairs toward the light of the open doorway.

  “Is there further discussion?” Hiram asked tersely. “Preacher Gabe, has Micah rectified your earlier misgivings?”

  The old fellow still appeared cranky and rumpled, as if he’d gotten up on the wrong side of his bed. “Young Micah has a ways to go to approach the humility we Amish aim for! Sayin’ he followed God’s lead, callin’ this situation a miracle. And then ridin’ on its coattails to claim he was takin’ a wrong and makin’ it right—”

  “And I’m mighty proud of him for it, too,” Mamma spoke up boldly. “He talked to Rebecca about our faith—even when she and her friends made fun of him. He went lookin’ for answers instead of standin’ on his presumptions and takin’ her at face value. Because of Micah, my Rebecca came to visit us again last week—and she’ll be celebratin’ her birthday with her sisters for the first time in ... in eighteen years.”

  Several sucked in their breath. Mamma’s’ remark sounded none too contrite, especially considering she was the next one to confess. But several of the women wiped at their eyes as they whispered of this unexpected turn of events—a celebration any mother would thank God for. Hiram stood before them, assessing ... taking his flock’s emotional temperature as he considered what punishment to vote on.

  “Preacher Gabe and I were concerned enough about the gravity of Micah’s repeated offenses that I believed a shunning was the only effective way to—”

  “How can ya say such a thing, Bishop?” one of the women pleaded. “What do ya hope to accomplish by separatin’ Micah from his family, when he brought Miriam’s family back together? He said he was sorry for the way he went about it, and I believe him!”

  Hiram pivoted to face the women’s side of the room. “Stand and be recognized! Our discussion must be open—transparent to all, before God!”

  Rachel’s jaw dropped. Never had anyone dared to challenge Hiram Knepp in such a tone! From the end of the pew in front of hers, a figure in dark brown slowly rose.

  “Aunt Leah!” Rhoda whispered.

  Rachel nodded, shifting on the hard bench. Their aunt stood, clasping her hands as though afraid to proceed yet compelled to by a higher presence. “My sister and I have had our differences over the years—and for that I need your forgiveness, Miriam,” Leah said in a tremulous voice. “But, Bishop, I’m sorriest about bein’ the one who told ya Miriam went to Morning Star to see Rebecca. It was my need to spread a juicy piece of news—my tattletale’s heart—that started this whole unfortunate wagonload rollin’ down the hill.”

  Heads swiveled. Whispers hissed in the dim room.

  Leah’s shoulders sagged. “And now Miriam’s losin’ her buildin’. And Micah’s family might forfeit both his income and Naomi’s—”

  “I heard about Micah’s misbehavior from other sources, as well,” Hiram pointed out.

  “—so I’m sayin’ if anybody’s to be punished for this,” she went on doggedly, “I oughtta be among them.”

  The room went silent again. Across the way, Leah’s husband, Daniel, looked none too pleased about his wife’s calling attention to herself. Her sons Nate and Bram sat taller, too, watching the emotions play over the bishop’s slender face.

  “You have confessed freely and spontaneously, Leah. I see no sin in bringing the questionable activities of other members to my attention, as you did.�
� Hiram then squared his shoulders, looking stern as he stood before them in his black trousers and vest. His shirt was so white it glowed in the light from the basement windows. “What say you, the People? Shall we accept Micah Brenneman’s confession, or does he require further discipline?”

  Down the rows he went, listening to each man’s vote in turn before turning to hear the women’s replies. Rachel held her breath. No matter how long it took, the bishop would seek a unanimous verdict. As the young women along her pew chimed in with “Jah, I accept Micah’s confession,” her heart fluttered rapidly.

  “Jah, I accept his confession. He’s a gut man,” she insisted when it was her turn, and Rhoda echoed her sentiment. Minutes later, when Micah was called inside, she wanted to stand up and shout about how wonderful he was, and how much she loved him. But, of course, that would be inappropriate in church. When he heard he was fully pardoned, his face lit up and he beamed at her. What a wonderful relief, that neither he nor his mother would be chastised for speaking and acting in a way that had raised the elders’ doubts.

  But that still didn’t mean Mamma could keep her building. Hiram had already decided that, and as the voices around them quieted again, her mother stood. Mamma looked shorter ... as vulnerable as anyone who’d ever gone before the congregation. She knelt before the bishop, in the center of the room.

  See my brave mamma there, Lord? Rachel prayed as she gripped her sister’s hand. She needs our help and support now ... needs Your guidance while Hiram leads her through his questions and answers. Give us all the strength to accept Your way.

  Chapter 21

  “Miriam Lantz, what do you come before us to confess today?”

  Rachel swallowed hard. Didn’t the bishop usually announce why someone had come to kneel before them? By putting Mamma on the defensive from his first words, he had put the little woman in black at a disadvantage right from the start. She sensed Hiram Knepp had saved her mother’s confession for last to make an example of her ... or to show her, in front of everyone, that he was in total control of this situation.

  Cleanse me from suspicious thoughts, God. You chose Hiram by holy lot to be our leader. It’s my place to believe he carries out Your purpose for all of us.

  Beside her, Rhoda tensed. Her sister’s blue eyes were fixed on their mother, who lowered her head, facing the leader who held her future in his hands.

  “I’ve come to confess my sins, Bishop, and to be made right with my God again.”

  “And what sins would those be?” he repeated. “It’s important, when we petition for God’s pardon, that we have a clear idea what we’re asking for.”

  “Puh! Like the Lord doesn’t know!” one of the women muttered under her breath.

  Rachel suspected it was Naomi, voicing the exasperation Mamma surely must be feeling right now. A warning glance from the bishop stifled any further whispering.

  “Even though it was on a nonpreachin’ Sunday—our day for visitin’ kin,” Mamma pointed out in a wistful voice, “I disobeyed the Ordnung by hirin’ Sheila to drive me to see my Rebecca and her dat—even though Sheila refused my money. Took along food for the fella who pulled my daughter from the river eighteen years ago, as he’d just lost his wife. And jah, I did this in secret. Had I known Micah was goin’, I could’ve ridden along and saved us both some grief, ain’t so?”

  Rhoda grinned and closed her eyes. On Rachel’s other side, Annie Mae Knepp stifled a snicker.

  “Mrs. Lantz, this is a serious matter—”

  “I’m as serious as can be, Bishop.”

  “—and I must ask you to come to your point with appropriate solemnity,” Hiram warned.

  Mamma lowered her head farther. “I’m givin’ the full story, like you asked, Bishop. My point bein’ that while I broke some of our rules, I felt I was doin’ it for the right reasons,” she said contritely. “Was it wrong to thank the man who saved my little girl’s life? Or wrong to express my sympathy for his loss? Sundays are the only time I have for doin’ that.”

  Rachel nipped her lip to keep from chuckling. The sparkle had returned to Rhoda’s eyes, too, because their mother was trying Hiram’s patience as only she knew how. It was good to hear Mamma stand her ground and state her priorities. Were the unwritten rules of their Ordnung more important than caring for those who’d lost family members? More important than expressing love—and thanksgiving—for a daughter returned? It was an issue that seldom came before them in such a dramatic way, and everyone in the room followed this discussion closely.

  Hiram cleared his throat purposefully. “And you have only Sundays for this purpose because you work in your café the other six days. Which—as we have discussed several times, Miriam—has taken over so much of your life that you’ve not opened your heart to the love of another husband.”

  Mamma shifted on her knees. “My heart’s open, Bishop. But my head’s sayin’ the right man hasn’t shown himself yet.”

  “Miriam!” His voice rang like a thunderclap in the low-ceilinged room. “This is precisely the sort of hubris—the lack of humility—that has brought you before us today! And the very reason I have insisted you sell your building! Your dealings with the English have eroded the basic faith, obedience, and submission we all witnessed when you were Jesse’s wife.”

  Rachel held her breath. Once again the bishop was exercising his power as their spiritual leader, and he sounded like he might just slap a ban on Mamma the moment she dared defy him again. Lord, please help those two come to Your understandin’, she prayed with all her heart. It’s not like either of them is wrong, but this isn’t soundin’ right, either.

  “Things were different when I was Jesse’s wife,” her mother stated quietly. “While I confess to enjoyin’ my business and jah, takin’ pride in feedin’ people, I thank God that He has provided me a means of supportin’ my girls ... while also showin’ me just how strong He created me to be. ’Tis a gift, to realize that just when ya feel you’ve hit rock bottom, ya have—for sure and for certain—landed on the Rock, indeed. It’s God’s own hand you’re sittin’ in.”

  A hush went over the crowd. All present sat absolutely still. The bishop’s knuckles went white. From in front of Rachel, Hannah Brenneman’s stomach rumbled loudly, announcing the lateness of the hour in the absence of a clock. While their church services and members’ meetings were lessons in patience and waiting, Rachel wondered how long Hiram Knepp might press his point for the sake of putting Mamma back in her place.

  Apparently the other elders wondered this, too: Preacher Tom and Reuben Reihl, the deacon, took the bishop aside for a whispered conversation. Hiram didn’t look happy about what they said, but when the two sat down he once again stood before Mamma. “Have you anything else to say before you go outside, Miriam? I sense nothing further will be accomplished if you continue to respond so glibly, rather than with heartfelt contrition.”

  Glibly? Did Hiram feel their mother wasn’t stating her faith in acceptable, worthy terms? Or did he sense he’d lost the confidence of the congregation?

  “‘The Lord is my light and my salvation,’” Mamma replied quietly. “‘Whom then shall I fear? Of whom shall I be afraid?’”

  Rhoda squeezed her hand so hard Rachel nearly yelped—but she squeezed back. There was just no arguing with Dat’s favorite Psalm. At a time like this, no one could deny the power of the Holy Scripture to answer every question and speak to any accuser.

  “You may step outside, Miriam.”

  Mamma nodded, and when she struggled to rise from the hard basement floor, Micah stepped forward to steady her. “Denki,” she murmured, and then she hurried up the stairs.

  “Do you, the People, accept Miriam’s confession as the true, contrite request for God’s forgiveness?” the bishop asked. “If anyone doubts her sincerity, it’s your Christian responsibility to speak up rather than to let her attitude pass because of your friendship with her or the lateness in the day.”

  Once again Rachel held her breath and her si
ster’s hand as the vote followed the rows of men on the other side of the room ... and then went quickly from one woman to the next. Did she dare celebrate this affirmation with the same joy she’d felt when Micah’s confession was accepted? “Jah,” she said proudly, “I accept her confession.”

  “Jah, me too!” Rhoda echoed.

  Happiness made her heart flutter like butterflies as Preacher Tom went to fetch Mamma. When their mother paused in the doorway to read the faces she knew so well, it was a joy indeed to see her smile return before Hiram Knepp announced their verdict.

  At last the day began to move again. As everyone filed up the stairs and began setting out the long tables for their lunch beneath the trees, Rachel hugged her mother. With Rhoda on their other side, they formed the tight triangle they’d come to love, rocking each other with a love that would not let them go.

  “Oh, Mamma, ya sounded so strong! So confident,” Rhoda murmured. She thumbed a tear from their mother’s cheek and then swiped at her own eyes.

  “I was prayin’ for ya,” Rachel said in a voice that wavered. “Askin’ God to let the truth be told—held up for all to see, no matter how Hiram seemed to—”

  “And that’s all we’ll be sayin’ about the bishop and his way with words.” Mamma gazed pointedly at Rachel and then at her sister. “Truth be told, my mouth’s my worst enemy sometimes and I do sound like I’m makin’ light of important matters. It’s best we don’t continue doin’ that, ain’t so?”

  At least not here, Rachel mused as she saw friends coming across the yard to greet them. The same thought sparkled in her sister’s eyes.

  “I’m thinkin’ the faster those tables get set, the sooner we’ll eat,” Rhoda remarked. As she looked over Mamma’s shoulder, she smiled. “And I’m thinkin’ Aunt Leah might want a word without us listenin’ in, too. Mighty surprisin’, when she stood up that way—and mighty gut, too.”