Robin Alexander - The Secret of St. Claire

by Robin Alexander

  “Tea would be great, thank you. Can I help with dinner or set the table?”

  “Oh, no.” Rose shook her head and smiled. “You make yourself comfortable. Once I convince you to do this more often, I’ll let you help.”

  “Well, all right then.” Nicole grinned when Alexis handed her Peepers. “Hey there, big boy.” She cuddled him close and scratched beneath his chin. Purring immediately started and rumbled against her chest. Nicole took a seat on the couch, and the cat settled into her lap. “So tell me, Lexi, what have you been up to?”

  “Is that going to be my nickname?” Alexis climbed onto the couch and sat as close as she could to Nicole.

  “You like it?”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  “Then it’s yours. So how’s school?”

  “It sucks,” Alexis said in a whisper. “Billy Meyers is really getting on my nerves.”

  “What does he do?”

  Alexis made a face. “He picks on me all the time. At recess, he runs by and pokes me in the ribs. It makes me so mad.”

  “Sounds like he likes you. That’s how little boys show their interest.”

  Alexis shifted so she could look at Nicole. “I don’t like him,” she said with a face full of disgust. “His breath stinks, and his skin smells like bologna. He’s not as mean as Mark McCreedy, though. Sometimes when we get off the bus in the afternoon, he and his friends are walking by, and Mark pulls our hair till we cry.”

  “Have you told your mom about this?”

  Alexis shook her head and lowered her voice as she looked at the stairs. “He says if we tell, he’ll tell his older brothers, and they’ll egg our houses and beat up our moms.”

  Nicole tried to keep her face neutral. “How old is Mark?”

  “He’s a teenager, but he doesn’t drive yet.”

  “A teenager?” Nicole said with a frown. “What time do you get off the bus?”

  “Three thirty, but—” Alexis clammed up when Lindsay came down the stairs taking two at a time.

  Nicole gazed up at her and decided then and there she shouldn’t have come. She recognized the skip in her heartbeat, the way her skin warmed as she took in the body wearing a faded pair of jeans and a snug-fitting, long-sleeved gray shirt. She was attracted, and it had little to do with being in a small town with only one lesbian prospect.

  “Hey, Nicole.” She smiled and tucked her hands into the front pockets of her jeans. “Did Mom offer you anything to drink?”

  “Grams was gonna get her some tea,” Alexis said.

  “Let me check on that.” She disappeared into the kitchen and came back a minute later with the drink. “Mom got distracted by a phone call.” She handed Nicole the glass and took a seat in the recliner. “Is Nibbles still happy?”

  Nicole laughed before taking a sip of her drink. “So happy that I called Mrs. Berthalot to pick him up. You should’ve seen her face when I told her she’d have to take the slipper home or get a rabbit playmate for Nibbles. After I explained that the slipper ate far less and didn’t need any shots, she reluctantly agreed.”

  Lindsay looked as though she were tempted to make a wisecrack and thought better of it when she glanced at Alexis. “I see Peepers is content to warm your lap.”

  Nicole looked down and stroked the cat. “I like this fella. He makes me want to get another one.”

  “Oh, you should,” Alexis chimed in. “Morgan Tinsley’s cat had six kittens. There’s a gray one I just love.”

  Nicole looked up and smiled sheepishly at Lindsay before addressing Alexis. “You’d put in a good word for me and assure Morgan that I’d give it a good home?”

  Alexis jumped off the sofa. “Mom, can I use the phone, please?”

  Lindsay pulled her close and stroked her hair. “Let’s give Ms. Nicole some time to think about this and see if it’s really what she wants to do.”

  “Okay, but can I call Morgan and ask her if she still has the gray one?”

  Lindsay looked over at Nicole, who grinned and nodded. “Yep, sure.” Alexis darted into the kitchen with a squeal. “You realize the can of worms you’ve opened, right? She’s not going to be satisfied until you have that cat.”

  “I know,” Nicole said with a smile. “I think it’s time.”

  Lindsay nodded. “Good for you.”

  “You, Rose, and Alexis have a lovely home.” Nicole looked around. “There’s a lot of warmth here.”

  “Mom lives next door in the house I grew up in.” Lindsay’s gaze followed Nicole’s to the pictures on the mantel. “I bought this place after the divorce. That’s Mike in the picture on the end.”

  Nicole moved a sleeping Peepers and got up to take a closer look. “He’s a nice-looking fella. I expected his hair to be dark. Alexis has his dimples, but the rest is all you.”

  “Who do you look like—your mom or dad?”

  “I’m my dad in female form.” Nicole stuffed her hands in the back pockets of her jeans. “My brother Brian and I took after him, and the rest look like my mother. They have her curly hair and dark skin. We all have her eyes, though.”

  “Obviously, I took after my dad, too. He had the dark brown hair and eyes. Mom always said I passed straight through her and didn’t pick up anything on the way.”

  Nicole shook her head. “You have her compassion and her ability to size people up.”

  Lindsay grinned. “Now how would you know that?”

  Nicole turned and looked at her. “What you said about Ruby Crantz and why she feels the need to give gifts.” She shrugged. “Deana told me that Rose is the town’s confidant. Everyone goes to her for advice, and she’s known for her discretion. I imagine you’re much the same.”

  “To a degree,” Lindsay conceded. “I’m a bit more reserved than my mother.” Lindsay clamped her hands over her mouth. “We were supposed to take Ruby’s animals back today.”

  “I spoke to Ruby earlier. Stickers’s dewclaw was seriously infected. I wanted to get some antibiotics into him before I remove it. I told her I’d bring them out tomorrow. Are you available then?”

  “You’re still not ready to go by yourself?” Lindsay asked with a laugh.

  “I don’t know if I’ll ever be. No pressure, though. Deana said she’d borrow her dad’s truck and take me.”

  “I don’t mind, but Mom said the next time you go, she wants to take you so she can talk to Ruby. She’s worried about how extravagant the gifts are becoming.” Lindsay turned serious. “And she probably wants to get all up in your business.”

  “I won’t do or say anything to hurt you,” Nicole said softly. “I understand your situation.”

  Lindsay looked back at the kitchen door. “Explain.”

  Nicole reclaimed her seat on the couch. “If I were to be honest about myself, it would make things difficult on you, like you said. You’d have to decide on maintaining our friendship or protecting your family from ridicule.”

  Lindsay licked her lips and looked away. “Now isn’t really the time to talk about this. Will you stay for coffee after I put Alexis down for the night?”

  The smart side of Nicole wanted to say no and that nothing else needed to be discussed. As she looked at Lindsay, she was helpless but to accept the invitation.

  *******

  “This is absolutely delicious.” Nicole speared a potato and popped it in her mouth. She chewed slowly with her eyes closed, eliciting a pleased chuckle from Rose.

  Alexis was so excited she could barely eat. She was bouncing in her chair. “Mrs. Tinsley said you can come over anytime and look at the kittens. And she said you could have as many as you wanted.”

  Nicole waved her fork. “Just two.”

  “Two?” Lindsay said surprised. “Earlier, it was one.”

  “Two would entertain each other when I’m working.” She smiled at Alexis. “I don’t have a precious little girl to cuddle one while I’m at work.”

  Alexis grinned. “I can come over after school if you need me.”

  “Now who
would help this old woman around the store if you did that?” Rose pouted. “I’d miss you so much.”

  “Well, Grams, you could get a kitten, too, and I could take care of it while I was helping at the store.”

  The adults laughed at Alexis’s logic, and she grinned.

  “Did you have a lot of pets growing up, Nicole?” Rose asked.

  Lindsay smiled at her mother’s smooth subject change and looked at Nicole.

  “We had three dogs and one cat. When my father couldn’t find homes for the strays, we ended up with them. My mother put her foot down when he brought home the cat, and it climbed the drapery. Stripey the cat was kinda crazy. One night at dinner, he jumped up on the table and snatched a piece of chicken off my mother’s plate.”

  Alexis busted out laughing.

  “True story.” Nicole nodded. “She told my dad no more pets or she was moving out.” Nicole leaned in close to Alexis. “And do you know she still has that crazy cat? I have a picture at the office. I’ll show it to you the next time I see you.”

  “How about tomorrow? We can go to Morgan’s and look at the kittens.”

  Rose pointed her finger at Alexis. “That child is going to be the best salesperson we’ve ever had.”

  *******

  After dinner, Rose took Alexis upstairs for her bath. Nicole helped Lindsay clean up the kitchen and entertained her with stories of her childhood. “So you really thought you were a boy?” Lindsay dried a pot that Nicole had washed and put it away.

  “I knew I wasn’t actually a boy, but I wanted to be one so badly, I prayed that God would change me. Every time I went to the bathroom, I was disappointed. Being a girl was just so unfair to me. We had to do chores like this.” Nicole rinsed a saucepan and handed it to Lindsay. “The boys only had to take out the trash and mow the grass. I loved to mow the grass, but my mom would make me stop every time she caught me. And she didn’t want me to play sports. I had to sneak down the street to play football with the guys. It wasn’t until I turned thirteen that I decided I liked being a girl, but I still played ball with the boys.”

  “I was a tomboy, too, but Mom never tried to dissuade me. She’d let me pick out my own clothes, which were mostly shorts and T-shirts. She’d sneak in the occasional dress for church, but as long as my clothes were clean and they matched, I pretty much wore what I wanted.” Lindsay smiled wistfully. “I remember that I wanted a baseball uniform, not the kind of thing that girls played softball in, but a real baseball uniform. My dad was opposed, but Mom got it for me anyway. I think that was the first and only time I ever saw them argue.” She shook her head. “Alexis is so different. She likes dresses, but she likes the sporty clothes, too. She’ll play in the dirt with the boy across the street, but if a girl comes over, she’ll drop him like a hot rock to play Barbies.”

  “I played with Barbies, too,” Nicole said. “I liked to dismember them because it made my sister furious.”

  Rose walked into the kitchen. “Girls, is there anything I can help with?”

  “You bathed the Tasmanian devil, you’re off the hook for dish duty.”

  “Then I’m going home, love.” Rose kissed Lindsay on the cheek. “Your Tasmanian is tucked in bed reading her book and awaiting good night kisses.” She walked over and pecked Nicole on the cheek, too. “So glad you could join us. I expect to see you back real soon.”

  “Thanks, Rose. You’re a wonderful cook,” Nicole said.

  “Lindsay’s pretty good in the kitchen, too. Come back and sample some of her cooking. Good night.” Rose slipped out of the door quickly without looking back.

  She was in a hurry, Lindsay thought idly as she put the last pot away.

  “Is Grams gone?” Alexis peeked around the corner.

  Lindsay put a hand on her hip. “Yes, and why are you hiding from your grandmother?”

  “She made me get in bed at seven forty-five.” Alexis held up both hands. “My bedtime ain’t until eight.”

  Lindsay glanced up at the clock. “Your bedtime isn’t until eight, but it’s seven fifty-seven now, so say good night to Nicole, then we’re headed upstairs.”

  Nicole knelt and held out her arms. Instead of a simple hug, Alexis wrapped herself completely around her new best friend and whispered in her ear. “The chocolate pie rocked. Come back tomorrow and we’ll go to Morgan’s and get our…your kittens.”

  Nicole smiled and squeezed Alexis tight. “All right, Mrs. Bieber, it’s a date.”

  Lindsay watched the exchange with a mixture of amusement and trepidation. Alexis didn’t get attached easily. It took months for her to warm to Mike’s fiancée, and she still shied away from some of Lindsay’s friends. Yet something about Nicole captivated her. Nicole was entitled to live her own life however she pleased. A part of Lindsay wished she could share Nicole’s devil-may-care attitude, but when it came to her child, all bets were off.

  “Nicole, if you’ll put the coffee on to brew, I’ll tuck this wild animal into bed.” Lindsay grabbed up Alexis in her arms and tickled her ribs. “The decaf is in the cabinet above the maker.”

  *******

  The smell of fresh-brewed coffee filled Lindsay’s senses as she came down the stairs. Nicole stood with her arms folded, leaning against the counter, and appeared a million miles away as she stared into the darkness of the kitchen window. “I have some amaretto. Would you like some in your coffee?”

  “Sounds delicious, sure.” Nicole kept the same pose, but she watched as Lindsay filled two cups with coffee and added a dash of the liqueur to both.

  Lindsay handed Nicole a cup. “Porch or living room?”

  “Porch.”

  Lindsay smiled. “I was hoping you’d say that. It’s my favorite place to unwind.”

  “Mine too. I fell asleep in the porch swing the other day. Sometimes, I wonder what the neighbors would think if I dragged a mattress out there.”

  “They probably wouldn’t think anything of it. Now the mosquitoes that are here year-round would consider you a buffet.”

  Nicole followed Lindsay through the screen door onto the porch where they sat in a pair of twin rockers. “This town is like something out of a Norman Rockwell painting.”

  Lindsay nodded. “That’s exactly what I think of it. Time forgot us somewhere along the way, and the people here want to keep it just like that.” Lindsay cleared her throat. “I realize that I’ve been selfish. What I said was true—people won’t take kindly to having someone different than what they’re used to in their midst. But it’s wrong of me to say I won’t be your friend if you…step out, so to speak.”

  “My intention was never to hang a LGBT flag on my porch. We take stands in our own way.” Nicole took a sip of the coffee and raised her cup. “This is good, thank you. I prefer to let people get to know me and draw their own conclusions on who I am, not what I am, first. The only thing that separates me from the people in this town is my sexual identity. I worry about the economy, and our men and women fighting in other countries. I don’t want to live in a place where I’m afraid to go out after dark. I want freedom of religion and freedom from religion. And just like everyone else, I’m tired of putting half of my paycheck in my gas tank. It’s my opinion that people need to see that side of me first, and if they hate me once they know all of me, then…that’s their problem.” Nicole began rocking the chair back and forth slowly. “I understand your need to protect your family from hypocrisy and ridicule.” Nicole pointed to Lindsay’s free hand that was holding white-knuckled to the chair. “But I need to understand why it makes you so nervous to discuss it.”

  This was Lindsay’s moment of truth. She wanted desperately to trust Nicole with a secret no one knew but her. “I’m…” She looked down at her hand and relaxed her grip, only to tighten it again as the words tried to force their way through her clamped lips. “We’re not that different.” It came out in a rush, but Nicole didn’t appear to be taken aback. “I’ve never been with another woman, but I’ve known for a long time that I’m n
ot intended to be with a man, either.” She released the chair and lifted the cup to her lips with both hands to keep the liquid from sloshing out.

  “Now we’re getting to the heart of the matter,” Nicole said. “I take it you’ve never made this admission before?”

  Lindsay shook her head.

  “Your secret is safe with me. I’m honored that you trusted me with it.” Nicole moved her chair around until they were face-to-face. Lindsay found it nearly impossible to look at her. “You obviously trust me because you took a big risk just now.”

  Lindsay glanced at her, then away quickly. “I don’t believe you’d do anything to hurt Alexis.”

  Nicole was quiet for a moment. “I won’t do anything to hurt you, either. We’ll trade secrets. I’ll tell my darkest, then we’ll be even.” She poked Lindsay in the knee playfully. “I hope then that you’ll relax around me, and we can talk candidly. Deal?”

  Lindsay met her eye for a second and nodded.

  Nicole exhaled loudly. “Before God and everything out here, I promise that what I’m about to tell you is the truth. When I realized that I couldn’t work for my brother, I started working at a clinic in a neighboring town. Dr. Heidelberg had a sixteen-year-old son who would work with me on the weekends and after school. I liked Tyler right off the bat, and we got along great. What I didn’t realize is that he developed a crush on me. We were at the office alone a lot, and he told his friends that we were sleeping together.”

  “Typical of a teenage boy,” Lindsay said in understanding.

  “That’s not how the mother of one of his friends saw it.” It was Nicole’s turn to be nervous. She began rocking the chair back and forth furiously. “Instead of going to Tyler’s parents with her concerns, she talked to everyone she knew about it, then went to the police.” Nicole’s dark expression turned even more grim. “They questioned Tyler, and I can only assume that he was trying to save face at that point. So he made up details and gave specific times that we had supposedly had sex.”

  “Oh, my God.” Lindsay momentarily forgot about her discomfort.