Breaking Free

by Teresa Reasor

  “What do you mean attacked?”

  Hawk fought his rising impatience. “I mean the fucker threw her over the back of a chair and she smashed her leg on a table.”

  “Jesus!” Brett shook his head then rubbed his temples as though in pain. “God damn mother--”His head came back up. “You said searching, not robbing.”

  “HQ has been waiting until you were stronger to question you about it. I’m not waiting any longer. Something happened in Iraq, Brett. You weren’t taken down by a tango. One of the team bashed your head in and left you to be buried inside the building.”

  The shock of it seemed to hit Brett broadside and his features went slack. Hawk quashed the quick feelings of sympathy and continued. “I know about Strong man’s assault charges and I know about Flash’s gambling debts and I believe it’s one of them. I need to know what you do about both of them. In short, I need you to get your fucking memory back, and tell me what went down that almost got you killed. Because that something just got Zoe attacked.”

  Brett drew a deep breath. “My memory is a black hole just before the mission, Hawk.”

  “What’s the last thing you remember?”

  “Doing the practice runs to get our timing down.”

  “What do you remember about Derrick’s assault charges?”

  “He beat up his girl friend and when the cops showed up they brought charges against him. When she wouldn’t testify they dropped the charges. They cut him some slack because he’s in the teams and he was getting ready to ship out.”

  Hawk ran his hand over his hair roughing it up as he beat back the urge to bite his fucking head off. “And you didn’t say anything to me.”

  Brett grimaced. “I had hoped I’d be able to talk to him. I thought I’d convinced him to see someone when we got home.”

  “But?”

  “I can’t talk to you about this, Hawk. When someone takes you into their confidence--”

  “He may have beat your head in and left you for dead.”

  “No.” Brett shook his head. “Derrick would never do that.”

  “You knew something that could end his career as a SEAL. What about Flash?”

  “I don’t know. He and I aren’t buddies, we’re team mates.”

  “Who is he close to in the team?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe Bowie. Bowie’s buds with everybody.”

  “Flash has a gambling problem. Did you know anything about that?”

  “Yeah. I knew.”

  Hawk focused on him and shook his head. What else had his men kept from him?

  He shook off the sense of betrayal and continued. “All right. What I want you to do is spend some time thinking about what could have triggered the attack. If you think of anything, call me.”

  “Yeah. You’ll look after Zoe.”

  Hawk flinched. How was he supposed to do that now? “I’ll look after her. You can count on it.” He’d find a way.

  CHAPTER 24

  Just as Zoe lowered the lid on the washer, a knock sounded on the apartment door. She glanced at her watch. It had to be Bowie. He stopped by every day to check on her when he returned home from the base. She adjusted the crutches under her arms and made her way down the hall to the front door.

  Had she not already lost her heart to Hawk, she would have certainly lost it to Bowie. She’d been unable to stay perturbed with him for long. His support had eased some of her anxiety. She felt safer with him next door.

  A greeting hovered on her lips as she opened the door. It died as Flash’s lean form and smiling face came into view.

  “Hey,” he said. Dressed in a desert camouflage print with his bonnet under his arm, he looked pure SEAL, until he smiled.

  “Hello.”

  “I came by to see Bowie and thought I’d stop by and see how you were doing.” He eyed the crutches with a frown. “Bowie told us what happened. How are you doing?”

  “I’m all right.”

  At his expectant look past her into the apartment, Zoe eyed him for a moment. Was he the one who had attacked her? Had he slapped her brother? She’d never know if she didn’t talk to him. Her breathing quickened and her throat felt tight as though something were pushing against the base of it holding back both her breath and the blood. Without the crutches her legs would have wobbled like rubber. She forced herself to move back. “Would you like to come in?”

  “Sure.” Flash stepped into the apartment and waited for her to lead the way into the living room.

  “How long are you going to be on those?” he asked.

  “About two weeks.” She set aside the crutches, leaned them against the table next to her within easy reach, and lowered herself into a chair. Her mouth was dry as she continued, her breathing still labored. She had to calm down. “The bone wasn’t broken. I have a titanium rod imbedded in it so I’m part bionic woman. But the muscle was bruised, and since I don’t have the whole thing, I have to rest it until it’s healed.”

  Flash sat down on the couch, his expression grave. He shaped the bill of his hat with his hands in a gesture of nervous energy. “I heard Cutter was going to be released.”

  “Yes, on Wednesday.”

  His smile held a charm she was afraid to believe in.

  “That’s great.” He leaned forward to toss the hat on the coffee table and rested his elbows on his knees. “You haven’t had a very good experience here in California. With Cutter being in the hospital the whole time and---everything else.”

  So he knew about Hawk breaking it off. “I won’t hold it against the state. I’ll come back again when I can visit just for fun.”

  “Does that mean you’ll be leaving soon?”

  “As soon as Brett can drive again, and I’m sure he’s on the road to recovery. So, it will be another couple of months at least.”

  “You’ve been great about putting your life on hold to come out here and support him.”

  “Isn’t that what families do?”

  “Not always. My own---”Flash gave a shrug, and his Boston accent thickened. “That’s another story I’ll share with you some other time.” He slid to the edge of the couch and leaned forward. “You haven’t had much time to enjoy anything but the beach that one time and a few barbeques. I came by with an invite. There’s been some rumblings that we may be shipping out again.”

  A dropping sensation hit Zoe’s stomach and she placed a hand against her midriff. Had Hawk known this when he pushed her away?

  “I thought you were on a six month rotation then had eighteen months off to train.”

  “In a perfect world, that’s the way things would go. But we’re not living in a perfect world right now. We won’t know until the orders come down twenty-four hours before.” He cleared his throat. “While Cutter’s surrounded by medical personnel, he’ll be taken care of. I wanted to invite you to go to Vegas for a day before he’s released. We could fly up or drive either one. Flying might be more comfortable for you.”

  Zoe tried to shake free of the shocking news of their going wheels up and his invitation. “What if they page you to report for duty?”

  “My gear’s already packed and I know a guy in Vegas who can fly us back. It’ll be my last opportunity to go and yours too, unless Cutter feels up to it later.” He shifted. His blue eyes held an earnest expression. “Look, I know you had--have a thing for Hawk. So, it wouldn’t be a romantic thing. I know you’re not ready for that so soon after--” He cleared his throat. “I just thought it might give you a change of scenery for a day. And everyone needs to go to Vegas at least one time in their lives. There’s no other place on earth like it.”

  “So, I’ve heard.” Why was he doing this? Was it pity? She studied his even features and sun-streaked hair and felt no tug of attraction. Even the affection she held for Bowie wasn’t sexual attraction, but just--a liking.

  Flash had remained a stranger to her. For all his flirting, and teasing, he kept himself distant. Was it true he had a gambling problem? And would she just be a
cover for that, if she went? And why was he inviting her to begin with? A guilty conscience? It would be impossible for her to relax with him. They hadn’t had time to cultivate feelings of trust between them. And as long as there was a shadow of suspicion in her mind concerning him, there couldn’t be.

  “I don’t think I can go, Flash. I appreciate your trying to take my mind off of things. It’s a generous offer. But I’m still anxious about Brett and don’t want to get too far away from the hospital--just in case.”

  After a brief pause, he nodded. “I understand.” He rose to his feet.

  Sudden anxiety sliced through her with his six-foot frame towering above her, and Zoe rose from her seat to position the crutches beneath her arms. When all he did was stride down the hall to the door, she breathed a sigh of relief.

  He turned to look at her as they reached the door. “Maybe, Hawk will come around. I wouldn’t give up just yet.”

  Trish had spent an hour telling her the same thing, the night she’d spent with them. Langley hadn’t stated an opinion one way or another. Had he held any hope Hawk would change his mind about them, surely he’d have said so.

  “The thing with his mother a few years back, really tore him up. I’m sure he’s carrying around a lot of guilt because of that and with your--” His voice drifted off.

  What was he talking about? Was there some reason behind Hawk’s pulling back? If there was, she at least deserved to know about it.

  “With my leg?” Zoe encouraged.

  “Yeah. He’d be worried the same thing might happen while he was gone.”

  “He told me his mother died of breast cancer.”

  “Yeah. It was before my time, before I became a member of the team. He was in--the real world--and no one could reach him when she went into the hospital.” Flashes pale brows drew together in a frown. “He didn’t tell you about this?”

  “No.”

  “I shouldn’t have said anything then. I just assumed he’d---”

  Zoe caught his arm as he reached for the doorknob. For a moment she struggled to maintain her composure. If there was a chance they could work through what had caused Hawk to draw back, she had to know. “Will you tell me what happened?”

  He studied her expression for a moment. His gaze dropped to the leg she held suspended. “He was out of reach and she died alone at the hospital. When he came in from the mission they told him. From what I heard, she was the only close family he had. They gave him hardship leave. Veronica---” He glanced up.

  “She’s the woman Hawk was going to move in with before his last rotation.“ Zoe guessed.

  “Yeah. She accused him of using his guilt over his mother to get out of their relationship.” He shifted as though uncomfortable. “I wouldn’t have known any of this, but I saw them fighting in the parking lot before we were shipped out and it was pretty intense, so I asked around.” He shrugged. “This time, I really thought he was hooked. I still do.”

  “Thanks, Flash.” Her throat, clogged with emotion, strangled her voice to a whisper. “Thanks for telling me.”

  “Guess, that knocks me out of the running completely doesn’t it,” he said with a lopsided grin.

  Zoe dragged a smile to her lips. “No one else even had a chance from the first moment we met.”

  “Ouch!“ Flash grabbed his chest. “Don’t let me down easy, now.”

  Zoe smiled with a little less effort. “I thought you’d appreciate my honesty.”

  “I do.” The teasing light in his eyes died, and his expression grew serious. “I’m really sorry things haven’t panned out better.”

  He opened the door and stepped out into the hall. “I’m sorry about the leg too, Zoe.”

  She searched his expression. Was there a deeper meaning behind the apology than just sympathy? “It’ll be fine.”

  “If you change your mind about the trip, I won’t be leaving until tomorrow and there’s always a seat available. They want to pack those tables in the casinos.”

  “Thanks.”

  She watched him stride down the hall, his heavy boots loud in the hallway. Could he really be that good an actor? Yeah, he could, the Navy had trained him to be.

  ****

  Hawk settled back against the car seat with a sigh. Damn it! Why couldn’t he get his butt out of the car and just go knock on her door? Instead of sitting here hoping to catch a glimpse of her.

  Because things hadn’t changed. He was still going wheels up with his team and he still wouldn’t be there for her. But he wanted to be. Badly. He squeezed the steering wheel hard and with a sigh reached for the key in the ignition.

  From next door, a bright red sports car shot free of the connected parking structure like a bullet and sped down the street. Flash.

  Hawk started the car and pulled out into the flow of traffic. Flash wove through the streets like a stunt car driver in a car chase. Hawk followed him from a cautious distance. When he pulled into the parking lot next to his apartment, Hawk pulled in right behind him.

  Flash had exited his car when Hawk pulled in and cut the engine. Flash paused as Hawk got out of the car. “Hey, LT. What’s up?”

  “I thought you might have time to show me the CD of images you’ve pulled off the video I gave you from the hospital.”

  “Sure, come on up.”

  The apartment looked like a show place for chrome and glass. The modern furnishings looked expensive but dust coated the glass-topped tables and where a flat-screened TV used to hang was an empty spot. A tall entertainment center took over one wall. The shelves that had contained electronic equipment, a DVD burner and recorder, VCR-DVD combo, and an expensive stereo system, stood empty.

  “What happened to all your stuff, Flash?”

  “I’ve put everything but my computer in storage, for when we go wheels up. If someone breaks in they won’t have anything portable to steal, but the microwave.”

  Flash led the way into a bedroom converted into an office. His duffle bag with all his equipment sat in one corner already packed. The wide, flat computer screen nearly took up the top of the desk. He popped in a CD and waited for the images to come up. “I got quite a few stills of the top of the guy’s head. He knew the cameras were there so he kept his head turned. But I caught a glimpse of his mouth and chin on one slide.” He clicked through the images one at a time then paused on one. He looked up at Hawk. “What do you think?”

  Hawk studied the curve of the man’s jaw and the thin set of his lips. It looked like Derrick Armstrong. A sinking feeling hit the pit of Hawk’s stomach and he drew a deep breath. He’d known all along that it had to be one of them, but affirmation dealt a blow that hurt.

  Flash leaned back in his seat. “I’ve been sitting on this. I didn’t want to bring it to you, LT. We’ve been in the same team since buds and I didn’t want to believe Strong man capable of turning on one of us, but---if it isn’t him it looks a lot like him.”

  Hawk nodded. “Burn me a copy of the images you have. I’ll need to turn it in to Captain Jackson.”

  Flash unscrewed the lid on a canister of blank CD’s and popped one into a drive. “I invited Zoe to fly to Vegas with me. I thought she might enjoy checking it out.”

  A rush of pain caught Hawk unaware and his face grew hot. “When do you plan to go?”

  “Tomorrow. They haven’t canceled leave yet and I have a buddy who can fly me back if we get called in.”

  Silence stretched between them. Flash continued to monitor the progress of the disk. Hawk nursed his pain and the sudden flare of resentment. She hadn’t wasted any time moving on.

  It was his own fault. He’d had his chance and he’d thrown it away.

  Flash popped the disk out, labeled it and handed it to him.

  “Thanks.” Hawk swallowed against the knot in his throat.

  As he walked back to the car, he drew deep breaths to contain the pain.

  He sat in the car for several minutes, the silence beating at his ears as heavy as his heartbeat. He’d bee
n going through old letters from his mother, trying to get a handle on his guilt. Trying to understand why she hadn’t sent for him. Something his mother had written to him played through his thoughts.

  Every day we have together is a gift. Every experience we share another gem to cherish. As a son, you’ve filled my heart with pride and love, always. But I worry that you’re waiting to live your life after you’ve served your country, instead of living it while you’re serving it. You’ve chosen a difficult path, but you don’t have to be alone to follow it.

  Had she known she was dying even then? Had she been trying to prepare him for it? Saying good-bye? And trying to tell him other things as well?

  She had faced his decision to be a SEAL with pride, though he knew she’d worried for his safety, just as Zoe worried.

  The jealousy and pain he’d been feeling eased. Zoe loved him, and she didn’t take that love lightly. She wouldn’t throw herself into someone else’s arms hoping to fill his place.

  She’d been offering him a gift, a gift that had cost her dearly to give him. She’d known what she was taking on, had seen it first hand with her father, her brother, and still she’d been brave enough to do it.

  And he’d shoved it aside. And the words he had spoken to her--He flinched.

  He’d been without her for nearly a week. A week of pure hell. At least together they’d see each other, share things. If she’d let him make it up to her. But first, he’d have to get her to talk to him.

  Hawk reached for his cell phone, flipped it open, and selected the number. “Hey, Trish. I have a favor to ask.”

  When he shut the cell phone a moment later, he looked down at the CD he still held. Lang hadn’t found an image like Flash had and he’d been all over the footage. He’d compare the footage himself with both CD’s before he took everything to Jackson.

  A guy who had bashed in his teammates head wouldn’t think twice about framing someone for it. He had to know he wasn’t helping him do it.

  CHAPTER 25