Hush

by Xavier Neal

  Quickly I disappear around the corner into the ladies room where I drop to my knees and heave up the only food I’ve had in my stomach for the last two days. While holding my hair out of my own face, I keep spewing until it is completely empty.

  Why don’t I feel any better?

  I flush, wash my hands, and wipe my profusely sweating face before returning to the table where Logan looks worried.

  “You okay?” he questions with concern.

  “My stomach is just upset.”

  “Again?” Tony ponders. “Wasn’t it upset yesterday?”

  “Yeah. Feels like a bug,” I sigh.

  “How about I take you home?” Luke volunteers.

  “No. She’s my girl. I’ll take her.” Logan begins to pull out his wallet.

  “It’s cool, Kellar,” Luke insists wiping his hands on his napkin. “I’ve got a 6 a.m. shift tomorrow so that I can come and watch you, remember? I should probably head out anyway. I’ll get her home. Enjoy your going away dinner.”

  “You sure?” The question is directed at me .

  “Yeah,” I softly insist. “Enjoy your meal, babe. I’ll see you at home.”

  Reluctantly, he nods and watches Luke escort me out of the restaurant. With one hand on the small of my back, he guides me to his car, opens the door, and helps me before sliding in himself.

  Luke starts the route home without saying a word. He lets classical music fill my ears instead. Doing my best to relax, I lean my head against the window, which is refreshingly cool.

  “How long have you been feeling this way?”

  That’s a good question. Couple of days? A week? Longer? I don’t even know. I’ve been feeling this way for so long I’m not sure I remember what I used to feel like.

  I shrug in response and he nods.

  Pulling into the Walgreen’s parking lot, he instructs, “Sit tight. I’ll be right back.”

  Where am I gonna go?

  Luke’s disappearance is brief, and when he returns he hands me a plastic bag. Immediately, I start rifling around in it, curious as to what homemade remedies his mother taught him that he plans to use on me. Inside I see ginger ale, a box of saltines, and pregnancy test.

  “I didn’t know you were ready to be a daddy,” I say showing him the box.

  “Cute. All that’s for you.”

  Sharply I snap, “I’m not pregnant, Luke.”

  “With the way you and Logan hump like rabbits right before hunting season, there’s a good chance you are. Let me guess, you stopped using condoms?”

  “I’m on the pill.”

  “Erin and I are both walking proof that the pill isn’t 100 percent.”

  My face falls.

  “Exactly. Now according to that pill you should’ve started your period when?”

  My brain racks to the do the math, but the idea that he’s planting in my head is getting in the way. “I’m not knocked up.”

  “Change of appetite. Mood swings. Nausea. All signs, Maxx.”

  “Luke—”

  “I’m a nurse for crying out loud. I know the signs. Besides, if you really don’t think you’re pregnant than you’re just peeing on stick. No harm. No foul.”

  “Other than the peeing on something I have no business peeing on part.” I chunk the box back in the bag.

  I’m not pregnant. There’s no way in hell I am. Logan and I just started sleeping together, no one gets knocked up that fast. And I’m on the pill. And why do I suddenly feel like an episode of some stupid television show where all signs point to yes, but the main character says no?

  Once we’re home, Luke helps me up the stairs and gets me settled in my room, urging me to take the test and then put something in my stomach while I wait. After acknowledging his requests and sending him away, I sit on the edge of the bed with the saltines cradled in arms, one in my mouth, and stare at the pregnancy test box.

  Damn these crackers are the shit! Why didn’t you tell me to eat them before? God I could eat a million of ‘em.

  Dusting my hands off, I open the ginger ale and have a sip. Then another. And another until the bottle is halfway empty. The sudden change from feeling disgusted to starving has my curiosity whirling.

  Holy mother of God. What if I am preggers?!

  Quickly I pull the box out and rush to the bathroom in the biggest hurry to pee that I’ve ever been. As soon as I’m done I flop back on the bed and shove crackers into my mouth by the handful.

  You know when you’re starving and you finally get to eat the meal of a lifetime? Yeah, that’s what this feels like. To the people who invented saltine crackers. Hats off.

  My cell phone alarm chimes and I sprint to the bathroom to check the test that’s waiting on the counter for me. With a deep breath I shut my eyes. You can do this, Maxx. You can do this. Just open your eyes and read what it says.

  The second I do I see the answer. I stare at it unsure of how to feel.

  “Maxx?” Logan’s voice calls out.

  Wrapping the test in toilet paper, I quickly shove it in the trashcan, and exit the bathroom to see the same worried look on his face.

  “You okay?”

  “I’ll be fine.” I nod a little too eagerly. Way to play it cool. “How was the rest of dinner?”

  “As much fun as it could be without you.” He wraps his arms around my waist. I tangle mine around his neck and roll my hips against his. Using one hand he tilts my chin up. “Not tonight, baby. Let me just take care of you, okay?”

  Was your world just flipped upside down? Because mine was. Logan ‘I’d have sex at a funeral if I was horny enough’ Kellar just turned me down so that he could hold me instead. That didn’t really happen, did it? None of this is really happening, right? I’m just stuck in some weird vortex where clearly nothing is what it seems. Is that like Wonderland? Or Neverland?

  “Okay.” I respond and move the items off the bed.

  The two of us slip out of our clothes and climb into the sheets naked. With my head on Logan’s chest, he takes the chance to stroke my back with his fingertips, any anxiety that was in his body evaporates with each touch.

  “The Kid was really worried,” he whispers as the darkness of the room and exhaustion of the day begin to takeover.

  Sleepily I question, “Yeah?”

  “Yeah.” Logan swallows. “And me. Promise me you’re okay, Maximus.”

  “I’ll be okay, Logan. I’ll be okay…”

  He holds me tighter to him in fear. I recognize this action.

  At this point, he’s not the only one who is afraid of exactly what lies ahead.

  Chapter 13

  Maxx

  Although I thought I was prepared for the insanity of the ‘School is in Session’ tournament, I was beyond wrong. Like if earth was the planet right, I would need to be in a completely different solar system kind of wrong. It’s packed all three nights, which was expected, but having the Fire Marshall called Thursday night was not. While Erin was asked to distract him in her naughty school girl outfit, magic tricks were pulled so that we were back in order when he finally got around to doing exactly what it was he’d been called to do. Never underestimate the power of that fantasy. I didn’t get home ‘til almost 1 a.m.. Needless to say, I was way too tired to have sex, which has to be the saddest thing in my entire life considering Logan’s leaving. Friday night, before the paid for fights, there was a brawl between some guys dressed as jocks and some guys dressed as nerds. Watching it felt like they’d really gotten too into character for their own good. Another late arrival home, and once again too tired for sex. And now here we are, day 3, the final night, and me and Logan’s last night together as well. Kill me please. Just end my suffering.

  “It’s okay, ya know?” Tony’s voice appears in my ear pulling me back to the fight that’s on stage.

  “What is?”

  “Kellar leaving. I mean it sucks, but it’ll be okay.” His speech falls short of helping me. He offers a crooked smile and adjusts his professor jacket
. “You know, because he loves you. He almost lost you once, Maxx, you’ve gotta know he wouldn’t risk it again.”

  Don’t you duh me!

  “Besides he already made me promise to look out for any guys that try to come your way.”

  Confused I ask, “When the hell did you two become friends?”

  “Shit happens.” he answers as Erin strolls over to us with a ruler in her hand.

  Why do I feel like I should warn C.J. that she is now equipped with a weapon?

  “What’s with the paddle, Professor Hart?” Tony jokes and she points it at him.

  “It’s a ruler, dumbass.”

  “You’re walking around a bar with a ruler and I’m the dumbass?” he quips and she immediately pops him with it. He winces in pain.

  “That’s why I have this! It’s my new favorite thing.”

  “I’m so glad you went to school to get paid to look like you make porn films,” Luke says, shaking his head in disapproval the moment he and Stuart join us.

  I press my lips together.

  You don’t laugh either! You’re gonna get me in trouble…

  “Who says I don’t?” she mouths off.

  “I think I would notice if my baby sister was a porn star.”

  “You’re gay. We don’t watch the same kinda porn.”

  Bewilderment and panic both collide on Luke’s face, forcing Tony to say, “She’s not doing porn. You can breathe.”

  He gives a long relieved breath, and Erin giggles evilly. “That’s what you get for coming at me with that.”

  “I was just saying—”

  “You’re always just saying. It’s the same shit you’ve been saying since Mom and Dad died, Luke! Let it go. I’m doing what makes me happy. Slutting people up and sending them out into the world. And if you must sit on your mighty high horse and judge, at least know that I have a real career now. I’m licensed and even doing styling for fashion events and a wedding thanks to Maxx who gave out my card a couple weeks ago. No it’s not conventional, but, Luke, look at our lives and tell me what is.”

  Her speech leaves us all silent as the D.J. makes the announcement that the next fight is about to start.

  “I knew I shouldn’t have had those two shots of whiskey,” Erin mumbles causing a little chuckle from us.

  “Whiskey makes your mouth run off…” I chime in before she playfully whacks me on the butt with the ruler.

  “Ouch!”

  “Shh. Class is in session!” she playfully demands right before the Ring Side Girl holds up Logan’s opponent’s sign.

  Don’t let Logan see her hit me on the ass, okay? You and I both know exactly what he would wanna do. Remember the tie. Mmm. Thinking about it isn’t a good idea right now. Focus! He’s got a fight to win.

  “And now, the champion, the undefeated legend himself. The one, the only, Unbreakable!” His announcement is followed by the Ring Side Girl wiggling her basically flat chest toward the crowd.

  Not everyone has wonder boobs I know, I know, but everyone can buy a wonder bra and she should. Oh no. I’m starting to sound like Erin.

  The audience goes wild and I know the drill. Quickly I hustle over, tilt my lips up, and let him plant a rough but sentimental kiss on me.

  Last kiss of the tournament. Last kiss of his days at TKO. Please remind me that now is not a good time to cry.

  With a self-satisfied smile on his face he backs into the ring as I slip over next to the rest of the family. Stuarts starts snapping shots, Tony holds up his phone and does the same. Erin taps her heel, while Luke holds his breath the same way he always does when the beginning fight bell is rung. A very strong wave of emotion falls over me at the thought of this being it. The final fight. Our final moment as a family.

  Looking back up, I see Logan land his fist in Tank’s rib cage. The crowd responds with an “Oh” but my prized fighter doesn’t slow his stride as he lands two blows with his knees in the guy’s stomach. We watch Logan deliver astonishing impact after impact while Tank struggles to make any progress. After a few more minutes, it’s announced that Unbreakable is still undefeated and retiring from TKO to join the pros. The crowd cheers and screams and chants his name, and he simply gives them a cocky nod and a wink.

  Did you really expect anything else?

  Once the fight disperses, I make my way back to the office with Tony and Stuart. We start approving shots and picking the ones to be used for merchandise purchases before actually placing the order.

  Tell me you knew that Frank was gonna milk this thing for as much as he could, right? Including selling Logan like a franchise piece before it’s too late.

  There’s a knock at the door and then Logan’s face. “There you are.”

  “Here I am,” I echo, the sound of Tony typing on his computer is so loud it feels like he’s banging on it with a baseball bat.

  “Like this right?” he asks pointing to his screen.

  “No. Like that.” I point to the option on the right.

  “I assume you’re not calling it any early night?” Logan playfully asks seconds before Stuart leans over showing me pictures from the first fight of the night. A fight with some guy named Lucky who Frank thinks will replace Logan.

  He fights pretty well, but no one could replace Logan. Ever. Trust me. I’ve spent years trying.

  “No. Here until close.” I answer and Tony nudges me for another approval. After I nod I meet eyes with Logan who clearly wants to say something, but doesn’t. “You headed home?”

  “Yeah. I uh…need to pack.”

  Don’t let me cry. Don’t let me cry. You. Your only job right now is to not let me cry. Pinch me or something.

  Tony and Stuart exchange glances but neither says anything.

  “I’ll see you later then.”

  “Yup.” I swallow the tears that are scratching in my throat, reminding me just how final all of this is. “Oh! Can you please make sure Dean has started his Math project? I know it’s Saturday night, but I don’t wanna spend all day tomorrow with him working on it.”

  He tries to crack a smile. “Will do.” His tongue moistens his lips before he adds, “I love you, Maximus.”

  “I love you too.” My voice threatens to choke before he shuts the door.

  As soon as he does my eyelids fall and a tear tumbles its way down.

  So sue me. This. Sucks.

  Chapter 14

  Logan

  “Watching you pack isn’t as exciting as I thought it was gonna be.” Dean groans from the edge of my bed while I toss my jeans in my suitcase.

  “Why would you think this would be exciting?”

  “I don’t know. Because it’s you. Figured you might have some cool shit.”

  “Mouth.” I point and he presses his lips together, almost in a smile.

  The little shit did that on purpose. Ha. Now that you mention it…I am gonna miss calling him on his shit.

  “You cool with this?” I take a moment and stop packing.

  “With what?”

  “With me leaving?”

  Dean briefly looks away. “You coming back?

  “Yeah.”

  “When?”

  “Don’t know.” I cross my arms. “But I am coming back.”

  He nods. “Don’t worry about Mo-” He catches himself quicker than usual, “Maxx. Don’t worry about her. I’ll keep an eye out for ya.”

  Chuckling I say, “That’s her job for you.”

  “Both ways.” He points at me.

  Curious, I question, “Kid…I’ve noticed you’ve almost been calling her—”

  “I know.” Dean cuts me off before I can finish. “And I probably shouldn’t because she’s not that much older than me but…” His eyes wander down to the ground. Patiently I wait for him to continue. “I don’t know, Logan. She’s the closest thing I’ve ever had to one. Just kinda feels like I should say it.”

  “Don’t say anything you don’t wanna say, Kid.”

  “I don’t mean like she expects i
t, but like I expect it. Like I want Maxx to be my…ya know. Ya know?”

  I nod.

  She really does make a great mom to the Kid. Helping with homework. Hygiene. Quality time. Everything you would expect from a real parent. I can’t blame him for wanting to feel that way. I’m a little surprised it happened as fast as it did, but that’s the thing with Maximus. You can’t fight feelings you have towards her forever.

  “Anyway, I know you’re worried about her.”

  Is it that fucking obvious? You’ve seen her lately. Tell me you’re not worried too? Better yet, tell me what the hell is wrong with her. Does she really not want me to go? Fucking tell me right now and I’ll stay. I swear. I’ll unpack every piece of clothing in this fucking thing. Um…hello? Not gonna answer? Great…

  “You worried too, Kid?”

  “Kinda,” he confesses. “She’s been acting funny. Not eating. I came home from school one day and she was crying while reading a book.”

  “That’s normal.”

  “It was upside down…”

  Well that’s new.

  “I don’t think she wants me to go, Kid. But I don’t think she wants to ask me to stay.”

  “So why don’t you just stay then?”

  I shrug. “Because…it’s complicated.”

  “You should trademark that phrase.”

  “Shut it.” I grunt and return to packing. “Did you start your math project?” When Dean doesn’t answer I look up to see him on his phone. “Earth to Kid.” His eyes shoot up. “Did you do your homework, lazy?”

  “I’m not lazy. I had a very hard day.”

  “I’m sorry, watching Spongebob in your gym shorts while eating three boxes of cereal all day must have been hard.”

  “Don’t forget napping.”

  “So I’ll take that as a no you didn’t start your math project?”

  “I started it yesterday.” His thumb types away a text message.

  I watch a crooked smile form on his face. I recognize it. I’ve had it more than once myself. “Kid, that’s either a dirty pic or a dirty text. Either way, take your cell phone sex life out of my room and off my fucking bed.”