My Fairy Godmonster

by Denice Hughes Lewis

  “My darling Winifred. Please know that I love you more than life itself. Even death can’t change that. If you are reading this, then I didn’t survive your birth. The depth of my grief is unfathomable. I am so sorry. For myself, but mostly for you, your dad and David. I wanted to be with all of you more than anything in the world.

  “You have the right to know why this happened. I imagine your dad won’t tell you. At least, not until you are grown. He won’t want you to think that you are responsible in any way. You are not! It will be hard on him, especially since your brother is still a boy.

  “I almost died when David was born. There was no pain. Just an easy fading away. Hemophilia runs in our family, but we had three generations without male children. Although I don’t have the disease, I bleed more than normal in major situations, like childbirth.

  “I was never supposed to have another child. As careful as we were, God had other plans and blessed me with you.

  “The doctors are taking every precaution to insure our safety.

  ”For nine months, I will cherish every minute we have together. David and I are making the garden for you. It amazes me how smart he is. I will be watching to see how your gifts bloom if I can’t be with you.”

  The words blur with my tears. I can’t stop crying. I don’t notice Fairy Godmonster is back until she takes me in her arms.

  “Let go, child.”

  My whole body heaves with sobs. She holds me for a long time. Until a great calm washes me with warmth and the tears fade away.

  “Let’s finish this together.”

  We silently read page after page.

  I laugh when Mom tells me how she locked herself out of the house when she was twelve. She begged her mom to let her stay alone, that she was mature enough to take care of herself. She used a rope to shimmy down the chimney. When her parents walked in the door, she and the living room were black with soot.

  I cry when the same house burns down and she loses her best friend, the doll that knows her special secrets.

  As Mom tells me about her life, the hole in mine starts to fill. I get to know about her temper. Like mine! Her parents, boyfriends, heartaches and joys. And her one great love, my dad.

  “I wish for you the same kind of man as your dad, if you choose to marry. One who is gentle, giving, funny, thoughtful and loving beyond all measure. No, he’s not an angel. He sees only the good and sometimes lets people decide what they think is best for him, to his detriment. Perhaps his biggest fault is in giving too much to everyone and not saving enough for himself. For then he gets angry inside and frustrated.”

  I read with awe as Mom gives me all kinds of advice that can help me for the rest of my life. It seems like only minutes have passed when I reach the last page. I don’t want her words to end.

  “Be strong, but gentle, my Winifred. Passionate and committed to your dreams. And remember above all else, love is the most important essence in the world. Love everything, for you are a special part of it. Especially - love yourself. You are the only one like you in the world.

  “I am always with you. I love you forever. Mom.”

  I close the cover on Mom’s precious words, exhausted, but content. Gently placing the book back inside the trunk, I put the broken horse next to it and close the lid.

  Fairy Godmonster whispers, “You need to sleep now.”

  I nod.

  She carries me to the bed and tucks me under the covers. “Sweet dreams.”

  I fall asleep instantly, not caring what tomorrow brings.

  Chapter 20: Watch Out For Animals

  I float in a field of daisies with Mom. We laugh and fall into the soft petals. She touches my face gently.

  The alarm screams at me.

  Fairy Godmonster is on my usual side of the bed. She turns it off, moaning, “How annoying.”

  I savor the peace inside me. Content, for once.

  Fairy Godmonster sits up, still in her French maid’s outfit. Her clothes look bedraggled, but somehow she doesn’t.

  “How do you feel?” she asks.

  I sigh. “I had a dream about Mom.”

  Fairy Godmonster smiles. “Cool.”

  I climb out of bed and crash into her motorcycle. Dragging myself off the floor, I ask, “When did you get this up here?”

  “When I flew in last night. A little tricky getting it through the window.”

  I look at the gouges and wheel marks on the windowsill.

  “No kidding.”

  “If I ever get my whip back, I’ll fix it.”

  “Gazella, here kitty. Gazella!” Daria’s voice filters in from the open window.

  “The cat!” I exclaim.

  “Chill. She’ll show up. Probably freaked by now. We have to find her poop.”

  “Won’t she use her litter box?”

  “She’s kind of wandering around in limbo until the chip is out of her.”

  “How can we find it?”

  Fairy Godmonster glides out of bed and takes a small, silver cylinder from a compartment under the Harley’s metallic black wings. It looks like a flashlight. Except that it has three short rods that stick out of one end. She pushes a button and the rods move in all directions, shooting out purple beams.

  “Poop-finder extraordinaire.”

  “How’s it work?” I wonder.

  “This Luster Detector will find the surface plasmon resonance of the poop. We can retrieve the NTMT chip inside before anything happens to it.”

  “Why can’t you detect it in Godzilla?”

  “Her body has too much mass.”

  “What if the cat appears when I’m outside with the horses?”

  “If necessary, I’ll sneak around the house and look.”

  “You can’t do that anymore!” I exclaim.

  “I need that chip. You don’t think I’m going to spend one second longer than I have to in these clothes?” she huffs.

  I plop on the bed, overwhelmed.

  Fairy Godmother frowns. “Where is the spunk that your mom gave you?”

  I stiffen and jump off the bed. “I don’t want to talk about her.” I dress quickly and head for the door.

  She smiles. “Can you bring me some food after stable chores?”

  “I’ll add it to my list.” I rush out before she can say anything.

  The morning seems different. Maybe it’s me. Can you grow up overnight? I think about Claire and wonder if I should tell her what I know about her birth mother.

  “Morning,” says John when I meet him in the stable. “I fed the horses and let them out.

  Hope you don’t mind.”

  “Thanks. What would I do without you?”

  “I don’t like seeing you work so hard. If I didn’t have to study for my bar exams before David comes home, I’d be helping you in the house.”

  “When are the tests?”

  “Two days after the wedding.”

  “What are you doing here?” I ask amazed.

  “I wouldn’t miss David’s wedding. He helped me through some tough times this year. When Mom was killed, my dad fell apart and so did his business. It was almost like losing two parents.”

  “I’m really sorry.”

  “Dad’s doing better. I took a job at night to support us because I didn’t want to use Dad’s savings, but I need to pass the bar to keep Scott in school.”

  “How do you manage everything?”

  John shrugs. “They need me. You do what you have to. Like what you are doing while your dad is away. I couldn’t handle it if Mrs. Dudley started ordering me around.” He grins. “I’d kill the old bat.”

  “Hold that thought. I might need your help if she gets worse.”

  John laughs and starts hooking the first horse to the hot walker. I start to exercise the others. Sunshine is a pill and refuses to do anything. I finally give up on the pregnant horse and groom her. Brushing her silky round body, I try not to think of Mom and her pregnancy.

  John and I walk to the house for breakfast
.

  We hear Daria screeching through the screen door, “You can’t ground me. I need to find Gazella!”

  Neither one of us wants to go inside, so we go slower.

  “Shoplifting is very serious,” says Mr. Dudley. “Except for meals, you will spend the day in your bedroom.”

  “I need my cat!” wails Daria.

  “Otis, don’t you think you’re being a little harsh?” asks Weasel.

  “You weren’t easy on your brothers and sisters when you had to raise them,” he tells her.

  Weasel’s voice gets higher. “I treat her like I wanted to be treated. My parents were too busy making babies and drinking to care for any of us.”

  “What about Melinda?”

  Weasel hisses, “Don’t you ever mention my sister’s name again.”

  “Who’s Melinda?” asks Daria.

  “Never you mind,” her mother says.

  I stop in my tracks. Icky chills creep up my spine. Weasel’s sister is Claire’s mother? How awful.

  John says, “You all right?”

  “Yeah.”

  “I’m sorry about your lost childhood, Erminia. Letting Daria get away with this will not help her learn how to behave. Come upstairs, Daria.”

  “You’d better lock me up! I won’t stay in there!”

  “Very well.”

  Daria screams, “Let go!”

  John and I reach the door. I raise my voice, “Thanks for your help, John. I’m starving.” I push inside.

  Weasel wipes her face quickly while Mr. Dudley carries Daria out of the room.

  I grab cereal and a piece of ham from the frying pan, trying not to think about Weasel’s family skeletons.

  “Do you want eggs?” she asks.

  John says, “Please, I do.”

  “No, thank you,” I answer.

  “You need to polish the silver today, Winifred. The caterers plan to use it as well as their own.”

  “Yes, Mrs. Dudley.” I eat fast and snatch some fruit for Fairy Godmonster.

  Claire walks into the room smiling. “David’s coming home this afternoon.”

  “Guess I’d better study for those exams until he arrives,” says John.

  Weasel serves him saying, “I want you to run some errands, Claire.”

  “Of course, Mother.”

  There goes my help.

  After taking the fruit to Fairy Godmonster, I start polishing the silver. My fingers ache by the time I finish. Sometime in the next week-and-a-half, I still have to wash windows inside and out, mop and wax the wood floors, clean the stove and refrigerator, the bathrooms and dust and vacuum all over again. Without Fairy Godmonster’s help.

  Late afternoon, David drives up with a big trailer-load of benches.

  I glare at them, anger growing inside me. About everything.

  He jumps out of the truck. “Hi.”

  I swallow hard, trying to hold my temper. “Why didn’t you tell me Mom knew she might die?”

  David freezes. “Dad was going to, when he thought you were old enough.”

  “And when was that going to be?”

  “I don’t know.” He turns away from me and sighs. “How did you find out?”

  “She left me a diary.”

  “What?”

  “A book. For me. Hidden in a trunk.”

  “I didn’t know about the diary.” His face looks white.

  “Why didn’t you tell me why she died?”

  “I was only eight. It took me awhile not to blame you for her death. After I got over that, it was easier not to think about.”

  “How nice for you. I have a million questions. Did she get to see me?” I stop, choked with fury and fear, my stomach a knot of pain. “Am I going to die if I have

  babies, too?”

  Shock fills David’s face. “Oh, Win! You don’t carry the hemophilia gene and neither do I.”

  The knot goes away, but not the crack in my heart.

  “You and Dad always seemed to share a big secret about Mom. I felt left out.”

  David’s eyes get a faraway look. “Mom was beautiful and special. Being with her was magical. The three of us did everything together.”

  My heart thumps harder and harder, jealous of what I missed.

  He puts his arm around me. “I’m really sorry.”

  I pull away from him. “Being sorry is not enough. You are my brother. You should have told me.” I hurry away.

  “Win, wait!”

  Claire comes out the kitchen door and sees my red face. “Are you all right, Winifred?”

  “No.” I keep going. Begin to run. Faster, faster, until I reach the garden.

  Sinking to the grass, I’m ready to explode. “Oh, Mom. Help me.”

  A slight breeze sways the trees. Some of Mom’s advice pops into my head. “Anger is a negative emotion based on fear. You can’t love when you fear. Forgiveness is a blessing. You must pay attention to your feelings and change them if you want to be happy.”

  Her words soothe me. I stare at the garden, memorizing every detail before David changes it. Eighty-degree heat and blue skies make it shimmer. Bees flit from flower to flower over lazy ladybugs. I close my eyes and smell the fragrance of lilacs, pretending I can hear Mom’s voice.

  “Don’t resist change, dear Winifred. It’s what makes you grow and the world a better place. Change is to be cherished for the knowledge it brings.”

  I rise slowly and say my final goodbye to the garden.

  When I go back inside, David and Claire are busy opening wedding presents. The room sparkles like a wonderland of white, gold and silver.

  David looks at me, worry etching his face. “Do we need to talk?”

  “No.” All thoughts of forgiveness vanish.

  Weasel comes into the room. “Dinner is ready in the kitchen.”

  I look straight at her. “A girl should know the truth about her own mother. Don’t you think, Mrs. Dudley?”

  Weasel turns white. She looks away from my stare. Her voice shakes. “Of course. I-I expect you to write your thank you notes before the wedding, Claire. Some brides wait months which is extremely rude.”

  Claire looks from her mother’s face to mine, but says nothing.

  I go to the kitchen and hope Weasel tells Claire about her mother before I do.

  Daria sniffs through the meal, her eyes puffy and red. She looks so miserable, I actually feel sorry for her. I hope the cat turns up soon.

  “Thanks for dinner, Mrs. Dudley,” says David. “John and I are going to barricade the garden tomorrow. No one will be allowed there or in the barn until the work is done.”

  Weasel says, “I think we should be able to see the work in progress.”

  “I understand how you feel.” David’s voice is low and calm. “There won’t be room for spectators. And I don’t want any accidents.”

  “I insist that I have final approval,” sniffs the Weasel.

  The room goes silent. I try not to breathe. I peek up and see David’s stubborn face. He reminds me of Dad with that look. In a room full of people, loneliness squeezes my guts. Oh Dad, please hurry home.

  Mr. Dudley breaks the silence. “Erminia, this is David’s project. Leave him alone. You have enough to do without interfering with his plans.”

  Weasel starts to say, “David - ”

  Mr. Dudley raises his voice, “Drop it, Erminia.”

  “You can order your staff and children around, but not me, Otis Dudley.”

  He laughs. “I learned how from you.”

  She turns pink with embarrassment. “Well, you didn’t learn enough.”

  Wow. What happened to the soft-spoken Weasel? She’s like a tiger. It’s uncomfortable watching a real soap opera. When the telephone rings, I rush to grab it and see Fairy Godmonster’s tail swish into the study.

  I almost drop the phone before saying, “Hello?”

  “Hi Winifred.”

  Scott. A thrill goes through me. Then a chill.

  “Where’s Dad?”
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  “He’s paying the gas bill. There are tornado warnings and we gotta’ get out of here.”

  “Where are you?” I ask.

  “Grandview, Nebraska. We’ve made good time by driving non-stop. Your dad is anxious to pick up the stallion and get back home.”

  “Can I talk to him?”

  “Here he comes. Hold on.”

  Time creeps by.

  “Win!”

  “Dad! It’s so good to hear your voice.”

  Static electricity crackles on the other end of the phone.

  The line goes dead.

  “Dad? Dad! Are you there?”

  I stare at the silent phone. From the corner of my eye, I see Fairy Godmonster sneaking toward the Dudley’s room.

  David jumps up from the table and comes toward me. “Win, is everything all right?”

  I throw myself into his arms so he doesn’t see Fairy Godmonster.

  “The weather broke our connection. Dad’s in Nebraska and there are tornado warnings.”

  He pats my back. “He’ll be fine. Dad doesn’t take any chances on the road. I’m sure he’ll call back when he can.”

  The phone rings again. I jump a foot.

  David says, “Are you sure you’re all right?”

  “Of course.” I grab the phone. “Hi, Dad!”

  “It’s me, Jac.”

  “Oh.” Deflated, I lean against the wall.

  “What’s the matter?”

  “Sorry, I got cut off from my dad. Are you home?”

  “No, that’s why I’m calling. We won’t be home until the night before the wedding,”

  Jac says.

  Great, I think. “At least you’ll be here in time.”

  “How’s everything?” she asks.

  Suddenly, Godzilla appears on the table. She crashes through the dishes. Food spills all over. Everyone jumps up in surprise.

  “I gotta go. Call me back.” I hang up in time to see Godzilla knock milk all over Weasel.

  “EEKKK!” yells Weasel.

  “GAZELLA!” screeches Daria.

  I grab my mouth to keep from laughing. Fairy Godmonster peeks in and I almost have a heart attack.

  “Go away,” I whisper. “I’ll take care of this.”

  She frowns, but leaves.

  Weasel rises from the table with as much dignity as possible and tries to hurry from the room. I step in her way to give Fairy Godmonster time to get out the front door. She’s got to stop climbing out the attic window.