by Paige Steele
“Let’s go, Son.” My dad stands just off the podium calling to me.
“Yep.”
I take the goggles off, which have been hanging around my neck and hand them off to him, as I jump back on my bike. My mechanic says he’ll meet me back there, allowing my dad to hop on the back of my bike behind me. We ride back to the pits, killing the engine once we are in our roped off area. I hand off my bike to another mechanic and head indoors.
“I’m proud of you. That was some good racing.”
“Yeah, but fuck that KTM in front of me was flying around out there. I gave it all I had, but damn, he was hauling ass.”
“He was. He made up time in the whoop sections, every time.”
“You’re right, I know what I’ll be working on this week.”
“Head upstairs for a shower, then we’ll get back to the hotel for a bite to eat.”
“Sounds good.”
After I come out from cleaning up, I see everyone has made their way under my tent. There stand Cooper, Ansley, Jesse, Maddie, and Kenna. I stop for a minute because I’m not sure what to say or do. My dad calls me over after my mechanic asks me a couple questions about my bike. He wants to change a couple things with my suspension for the next race, so we are going to play around with it this week in practice.
“Jesse, dude, what the fuck happened to you out there?”
“That fucking asshole took me out.” I look over at Maddie as she stands there, not saying a thing. Knowing it was her boyfriend, I think maybe she is going to defend him, but again, not a word comes from her mouth.
“I saw the footage, he came at you hard in the corner. That pass wasn’t clean at all.”
“Yeah, the AMA is looking at it now to see what happened. The officials on the track thought it looked dirty too. What a fucking tool. I’m not sure what you see in him, Mads.”
“Don’t worry about it, Jesse.” She seems pissed, but I’m not sure if it’s at Jesse for his comment, or Justin, as she’s not defending his actions.
“Ryan, did you hear? Our girl finished tenth.” Thanks to Ansley the conversation just went from a bit awkward to holy shit this is fucking uncomfortable.
“I did, congratulations,” I say, glancing at her then looking away.
“Thank you.” I feel her eyes are on me still.
I turn my face to stare directly at her. Seeing the hurt in her eyes is breaking me, so I excuse myself immediately. Cooper follows me toward the trailer.
“You need to talk to her. Don’t be a fool.”
“Talking from experience, Coop?” There’s a bit of bite to my words because I’m frustrated as hell right now.
“Yes, dude, as a matter fact I am. You’ll regret it if you don’t.”
“I know, but right now I’m still trying to process the fact that my girlfriend raced right before I took the track. So forgive me if I’m having a difficult time. I mean, what the fuck?” I shake my head as I look out at the rest of the pit area.
“I can’t say that Ansley’s and my situation was the same, but seriously every time I turned around there was a misunderstanding with the two of us, which was the cause of all our problems. Just don’t make that same mistake. Let her explain and see what she has to say.”
“You know her reasons, don’t you?” I look down at the ground and not up at him, because I don’t want to see the disappointment in anyone else’s eyes.
“I do, but it’s her story to tell, not mine.”
“I’m being an asshole, aren’t I?”
“Not entirely, because she kept it from you, but not giving her a chance to explain makes you look like one, yes.” He chuckles at me a bit.
“Thanks, Cooper.”
“What are friends for? If I can’t call ya an ass, who can?” He continues laughing as he pats me on the back and walks away.
Everyone starts to head out as my dad puts his arm around my shoulder. “Let’s help everyone pick up, then we’ll head out.”
“Sounds good, Dad.”
Once we are back at the hotel, we head up to my room. Dad’s going to stay with me as I have a room with two queen beds. I love having my dad with me; it’s like it was when I first started out. Nothing like having family around to ground you and remind you of the old times. I seriously have the best parents a guy could ask for. They’ve supported me through everything; from when I got my first bike and got in trouble with Cooper for riding in the backyard, then when I was racing every weekend at the local track, to where we are today, racing professionally.
After we both clean up, we take the elevator back down to grab a bite to eat. I can tell he wants to discuss something, because he’s doing a lot of small talk. Mom didn’t come because he said she still wasn’t completely feeling up to it. The pneumonia she’s had is clearly taking its toll on her.
We stand at the bar, grabbing a beer before we walk over and sit at one of the tables in the far side of the sports bar at the hotel. The waitress comes over and we both order a burger and fries. Again with the small talk. I can’t figure him out tonight. He seems to avoid answering some questions regarding Mom, so immediately I go into question mode.
“What’s going on, Dad?”
“Nothing, Son, why do you ask?”
“Dad, it’s me. I can tell when you’re avoiding things, and right now you’re avoiding questions regarding Mom, so I’ll ask again…what’s going on?”
“I didn’t want to discuss things here but you need to know.” He hesitates with his next words so I ask another question.
“Is everything okay with Mom? Has her pneumonia returned?”
“Umm, well, we went to the doctor this week for her follow up, so they did another set of x-rays of her chest.” Again he stops and swallows hard.
“Dad?”
“We don’t know everything yet, so I don’t want you getting too worried.”
“Why will I be worried, Dad? What did they find?”
“There’s a spot on one of her lungs that they tested. The doctors are pretty positive that it’s cancer.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?”
“No, Son, I’m not. But they assured us both that they’ve caught it in enough time to do something about it. She’s in the early stages, if it comes back positive.”
“Ok, what do we do next then?”
“Unfortunately, we wait until the biopsy comes back. She’s home right now with your aunt. She’s been pretty exhausted from all the testing. But she insisted on me coming to tell you in person and not over the phone, so here I am. I didn’t want to leave her.”
“Dad, I’ll come home. Racing can wait.”
“No, absolutely not. Your mother and I discussed this, and you will not stop racing.”
“The hell I won’t. Racing means nothing compared to both of you.”
“And we love you for that, but she’d be disappointed if you stopped. Right now, she follows everything on social media and loves reading all that is said about you, the good, bad, and ugly. It gives her a chuckle when someone says something that isn’t true. I think she looks for the stories that are lies so she can laugh at them. Please stay where you are and focus on winning this title.” Dad chuckles a little.
“Well, I’m glad I can give her some entertainment.” I laugh at the thought of her sitting on the couch reading all of my social media pages. “Okay, I will, but I want to be kept in the loop. When will they get the test results back?
“We’ll know for certain what is going on this Thursday, and of course, you’ll be the first call we make.”
“How is she feeling?”
“She’s been tired, but what they thought was pneumonia was the same spot they ended up doing a biopsy on this week.”
“So, it still may come back as nothing, right? Like it might be absolutely nothing.” I can’t help but be excited at the possibility.
“Yes, but they are pretty certain.”
“Okay, well my fing
ers are crossed that it comes back negative.”
“Mine too, Son, mine too.” My dad takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly.
We sit eating and chatting about the race, and then Dad asks me about Kenna. I start explaining what happened and how things are now. He tells me to think back to the days of going to the local races, and how we used to stand at the fence, watching the girls take off from the starting gate. Dad also reminds me that I used to say, “Now those girls are cool.” He assures me that things will work out the way they should, but if I don’t man up and talk to her soon, I may just lose out on a great girl. Just as he finishes his sentence, in walks the topic of our conversation, looking hot as hell in a little black skirt, heels, and a cream colored top, that shows just enough of her tight midriff. I can’t help but to stare.
Kenna
Walking into the bar at the hotel with Maddie and Ansley is just what I need. I want to celebrate a little, since I kicked ass today for all the females out there. I made it to the main and then finished tenth overall in a Supercross. This is huge!
We are waiting for my mechanic, manager, and the two other girls that came to watch me ride today to arrive. We all need to toast to an awesome day. I know I couldn’t have done it without their support.
All three of us are standing at the bar, ordering a drink; my back is to the rest of the area until my drink arrives, and I turn toward Ansley. That’s when I see him. Our eyes are at a dead lock and my body immediately lights up from just his stare. He has both sadness and lust built up in his, and I can’t help but notice it.
“Kens, right?”
“Kens, earth to, Kens.”
“Kenna!” Maddie shouts.
“Huh, what?” I think I answer, but I can’t seem to pull my eyes away. He looks incredible in the dark grey t-shirt that he is wearing, that fits snug around his arms and across his chest. His black hat is set backwards on his head, which he knows I absolutely love.
“You could go talk to him,” Ansley whispers close to my ear.
“No, tonight is about me, damn it. If he wants to talk to me, he comes to me. He knows where I’m at,” I say, as I remove my eyes from his, but I’m not sure if I mean it. I think I do, but truly, I’d go to him if I thought he’d give me the time of day.
“Pretty soon, I’m going to kick his ass for being so stupid,” Maddie says, lifting her arm up to show off the tiny, yet fierce, muscle that she has in her bicep.
We all start laughing when the rest of the people we are waiting for come in. We take a couple higher bar tables and put them together and pull up several stools for us all. As the night gets started, we order a ton of food as the drinks start to come by the dozen. The conversation starts out about how we killed it tonight, then turns to what adjustments we are going to make, so we are ready to go in four weeks when the West Coast races start back up again. Since the lites class is split up into two groups, East versus West, we have some time to play with. Tonight was the last West race until the first Saturday in April, now everything turns to the East. There is a new group of riders that will start to race, while the West Coast starts to train again and figure out where, if any, adjustments need to be done. Until once again, we all meet up in Vegas for the East vs West Coast Shootout that’s where the best of the best come together, and we get to see which man or woman will be on top of the podium for the entire class. Now, that race I’ll be more nervous than I’ve ever been.
It’s now close to two in the morning, when we start to call it a night, and what a night it’s been. Cooper and Jesse came in and had a quick beer with us. They visited with Ryan and his dad, and then left, but not before Cooper came and planted a huge kiss on Ansley’s lips, which made me miss Ryan even more. Jesse and Maddie talked for a bit. She still looks like she wants to say something more to him, but doesn’t, so he walks out after getting a small but meaningful hug from her.
Heading up to our room, I’ve got a good buzz on and my phone is in my hand, so we all know what that means…it’s time to send a text. I mean, I’m not drunk, so it’s technically not a drunk text but it’s definitely not a sober one either.
“What are you doing?” Maddie asks laughing because, well, she’s pretty loaded.
“Umm, nothing,” I say, laughing back.
“It’s not nothing, you’re texting. Give me your phone, I’ll text Ryan and tell him he’s an ass.”
“Oh, no you won’t.” I hold my phone up over my head. Since I’m a bit taller than Mads, there’s no way she’s reaching it. She’s hopping up and down, and we are laughing so hard we are both holding our stomachs.
“Fine, give it to me, and I’ll tell him you want to fuck his brains out. Is that better?”
That only makes us laugh even harder until a hotel door opens and we are told by a guest staying there to shut up. Well that was stupid I think, because that only encourages Maddie to scream out, “Okay geez!” Then she grabs my hand as we both take off running down the hallway, laughing like a couple of teeny boppers.
After we finally find our room, we go in, and get ready for bed. We have an early flight tomorrow, and it won’t be pleasant going up in a plane with a hangover. We both pop a couple aspirin, drink down a bottle of water, then climb into bed after changing into our sleeping attire, which happens to be our Hyped Energy boy shorts with matching t-shirts.
Once the room is dark, I plug in my phone but before it lands on my nightstand, I send off that text I was going to earlier to Ryan.
Me: Congrats on your finish tonight, I miss you.
Before hitting send, I read it once, twice or three times and think…do I write that I miss him or not? Then I hit send before thinking about it anymore. Screw it, I mean, I am missing him, so why not? Setting my phone on the stand in between the two beds, I roll over and I’m out.
Waking up the next morning, I check my phone. Nothing: not a thank you or I miss you, too. What the hell? It puts a damper on my good mood immediately because, well, I’m getting so frustrated with the situation. I think I will have to show up at his house and get it over with. Whether it’s a shouting match or a makeup session, it needs to happen, and clearly he isn’t going to do it.
Both Maddie and I take showers and get a bite to eat from room service, before we gather everything that has been emptied out of our entire suitcases and spread across the room. We need to make our way down to the front desk to meet my manager for a ride to the airport.
Settling in our seats, we laugh about last night, and how stupid we must have seemed to that guy that yelled at us. This sends us into a bunch of new giggles as we think about it. It’s a quick two-hour flight home and now we’re walking out to my car, which has been parked in the garage at the airport.
It feels good to know I’ll be sleeping in my bed tonight. But knowing that I will be home for the next four weeks, while he leaves again on Thursday, only means I need to go talk to him sooner rather than later. I unpack and take a long hot shower, then decide it’s a pizza and movie kind of night for me. Maddie comes in and agrees with me. As she heads out of my room, she informs me she’s in charge of picking out the movie and ordering the pizza. She’s such a little bossy thing but I love her.
A week passes by and here it is already Monday again. I’ve had a long intense week of training and today was no different, so right now I’m ready to crash and burn into my bed. Once I lie down, I take the time to see what’s been being said on my social media pages. I haven’t looked all week, in fear of the haters out there. Honda hired a PR rep to follow all my pages, post things and comment back to fans, but I explained that I want to be the one answering questions about me, my riding, or my personal life. We agreed that she’d email me with anything that arises, I’d answer, and she’d post it. So far, so good.
Once I click on my Facebook page, I realize that I now have over ten thousand people following me. That’s up from just hundreds last week, and Twitter is the same, but Instagram is in a league all its own
. I’ve got close to one hundred and twenty thousand followers…HOLY SHIT! I stare at it for a moment to take it in, then I smile proudly; that’s right, I’m proud. I can’t believe some of the comments I’ve been getting, they range from ‘I love you’ to ‘you’re amazing,’ and ‘thanks for being you.’ The rep has done a great job posting some incredible pictures of me at the race last weekend and even from practice this week. I guess fans want to know what I do during the week to practice, what I eat, what I do during my downtime, and if Ryan and I are together still. It’s kinda crazy, I have to admit.
I answer a few questions, and then I shoot an email off to the PR rep, to let her know what I’ve done and I call it a night. I smile as I lie there thinking of everything that has gone on in the last two weeks, and then I think about Ryan. Before rolling over I grab my phone and pull up his social media pages one by one. I immediately make a decision, that tomorrow after my workout, I’m going to see him; the time has come. I fall asleep with a pride settling in, but with a sense of loss for not being able to share it with the one person that matters.
Waking up, I find the house empty. There’s a note on the counter from Maddie, saying she went to the store to pick up tampons because she wasn’t prepared for her ‘Aunt Flow’ to come a couple days before she was supposed to arrive. I giggle at her words as I go around and pour myself a cup of coffee. I dump a bunch of vanilla creamer in it because I’m in the mood for something sweet and this will hit the spot. Turning on the T.V., I watch the news for a bit, until I’m down to the last of my coffee and decide I want to go for a run to clear my mind. If I’m going to Ryan’s today, I need my thoughts in order. I still have to figure out how I’m even starting this conversation.
Walking back into the apartment, Maddie’s at the counter reading a gossip magazine she must have picked up when she was out this morning.
“Hey you, whatcha reading?”
“Oh, just about some girl that did something incredible.”
“Really? What?” I ask with my nose in the fridge as I’m in need of some water.
