by Paige Steele
“She was the first girl to ever make it to the main at a Supercross.”
“What?” I immediately shut the fridge, and I’m by her side in seconds.
“Haha, that got your attention.”
“Where does it say that?”
“Here.” Maddie is pointing to a little box off to the side, near the bottom of the page, but hell yeah; it really does say it.
“Congratulations to Kenna Brooks, otherwise known as KJ Houde, for being the first ever female to make to the main and then finish top ten.” I read the caption under the picture of myself with my mechanic and manager.
“Pretty cool, huh?”
“Wow. I can’t believe it.” I’m in utter awe from it. I don’t even know what to think, so I do what any girl would do…I start jumping around, doing a happy dance.
“Hell yeah.” Maddie grabs the remote for the surround sound and turns up The Band Perry, who is on singing Live Forever. We both start acting like a couple of teenagers at a dance party but we don’t care; it is time once again to do a little celebrating.
The song ends and we finish our dance with a hug. Maddie tells me that she’s glad she knows me, like really knows the real me, and that all my secrets are out in the open. I couldn’t agree more. It’s does feel good not to have to hide or hold back anything from them anymore.
I jump in and out of the shower because there is no time to waste. I want to start sharing my life with Ryan, the good times, the bad times, and the sad times. Standing in my room, I’m searching for something to wear, but not just anything. I need to make him see me as the girl he knows me as, not the rider. Even though that’s a huge part of my life, I want him to know I’m no different than I was two weeks ago.
“What are you doing?”
“Looking for something to wear,” I say, standing in just my bra and panty set.
“Your room looks like a tornado happened,” she giggles.
“I know, but I can’t find my cut off shorts.”
“I think they’re in the dryer. Why, where are you going?”
“To see Ryan,” saying it like it’s no big deal.
“Oh, I see. Does he know you’re coming?”
“Nope but he’ll soon find out.”
“Justin said he’s been gone for a couple days, so you better make sure he’s there before you go.”
“Then find out for me, will ya? I don’t want to text him. I want him to be surprised, so he has to talk to me. No skipping out on me, ya know?” I ask, as I look in one of my closet for just the right shirt.
“K, I’m on it.”
As Maddie turns to leave my room, I hold up yet another shirt against myself; boy this is harder than a first date. I finally decide, after trying on five others, that I’ll go with my white shirt; with just two words on it that seem more fitting than ever, ‘Be You.’ Pairing this shirt with my cutoffs and red Chucks seems to give me a bit more confidence that I’m going to need today. My hair is pulled back in a high ponytail, and I only put on light makeup with a touch of lip gloss. I know if tears start, I certainly don’t want them streaming down my face, taking my makeup with them.
“I think I’m finally ready,” I say, as I stare at myself in my full-length mirror…it’s now or never. Maddie lets me know that he just got home this morning. I wonder where he’s been…is he seeing someone else? Now I have a pit in my stomach; am I making a mistake? Maybe that’s why he hasn’t texted me back or why he hasn’t even contacted me. No, it can’t be. I think Ansley or Cooper would have said something; then again, maybe they don’t even know. Well, here goes nothing...
Ryan
Pulling into my driveway this morning I feel completely drained, and taking the overnight flight home didn’t help. But I have to get back to a routine of practice and working out every day, so I opt to suck it up and do it. Taking a deep breath before I open my car door is what I need; I am mentally exhausted from being home. My mom’s test results came back positive, so as soon as I was done with the race on Saturday night, I jumped on the next flight and flew across country back home to be with my parents. There wasn’t any other option for me, other than to be home with them.
Mom starts chemo and radiation next week; it’s going to require several weeks of treatments. We’re told she’ll be exhausted and probably experience nausea from it. They’ll give her medication for the nausea, and she will need to rest as much as possible to keep her strength up. Dad’s going to take off some time from his construction business, and I’m going to try and fly back home once a week for a couple days to see her. They both told me no, not to, but it’s not their decision to make. My parents have always been my support system, and now I’ll be a part of hers. Not knowing whether she’s okay, or if there is a problem, is not an option; so I’ll be building up my frequent flier miles.
I head in, drop my bag in my room, and then change to a pair of shorts and sneakers. Feeling the need to hit something, I decide a little kickboxing would do the trick. Walking toward the house gym, I hear the music already going; as I head in, I see one of my teammates on the treadmill. We both nod to each other to say hello, then I turn toward the bag that is soon going to receive a beating. Wanting to get out some aggression and frustration, I punch harder and kick stronger than ever before, then I jump on the exercise bike. I spend over two hours making my body burn, the sweat pouring out until finally, I’m ready to drop.
Stepping under the raindrop showerhead, while the water pours over my body, I once again take a much-needed breath. I can’t help but to feel my life is back out of control again. I just got it back and yet it’s falling apart. Everything has been weighing heavily on my mind: between racing, my mom, and Kenna, I might lose it. I know I have to take it one day a time, as my dad reminded me, but it’s getting harder and harder to do. It’s been difficult keeping everything to myself. I haven’t told anyone about my mom, not even Cooper and Ansley. Until we knew something concrete, we didn’t want others to worry.
After drying off, I tuck the towel around my waist as I shoot off a text to my two best friends, letting them know that I want to see them later, if they’re free. They’re already going to be pissed at me for not telling them as soon as I found out, so I need to share the news with them now. Ansley immediately responds.
Ansley: Hey, Ry, how does seven sound?
Me: Sounds good to me.
Ansley: We’ll bring dinner.
Me: Ok.
Ansley: See ya later then.
Me: K, love ya.
Ansley: love ya too, Ry.
I set my phone down and think I should send Kenna a text, tell her I’m sorry for not responding to the one she sent me a while ago. She took the time to reach out to me and I was a jackass, yet again to her. Honestly, I didn’t have it in me to text her, or I would have broken down. I was still processing everything my dad had just told me that night.
I decide I’ll get dressed, then think about what I should send her, because hers has to be just right. It’s been three weeks without her, and I need to figure out where to exactly start. Just as I’m ready to drop my towel, there’s a knock at my bedroom door, so pulling it back around my waist, I tuck it back in place.
As I open my door my heart skips a beat; there stands Kenna. We are eye to eye and my body starts to stir instantly. I take her in fully, from head to toe. I can’t help myself for wanting to pull her in close and kiss the lips that are ever so perfectly glossed. I see her eyes travel down, just enough to notice that there’s not much covering me, as the tip of her tongue comes out and licks just a bit of her lower lip.
“Hello, Ryan.” I barely hear her as she faintly whispers my name.
“Kenna.”
“Can we talk?”
I step aside to open my door fully, welcoming her into my room. As she walks in, her body slightly brushes against mine, and every inch south of my waist twitches. Knowing how long it’s been, since she’s been underneath me, makes me need
her even more. That’s right, I need her more than I want her, if that makes sense. Needing to hold her, love her, and show her just how much she means to me, is all I desire to do right now.
“Ryan, I need to explain everything to you…”
I promptly cut her off, wanting her know I’ve just been a jerk. “There’s no need, I should be the one explaining why I’ve been an ass.”
“No, really I wish I had told you everything before, so please let me do this now.” She’s almost pleading with me.
“You can, but it’s not necessary, Kenna,” I say, grabbing a pair of my boxer briefs, gliding them up under the towel. I also throw on my shorts as she sits on the edge of my bed.
“You want to head outside to talk? I can grab a couple drinks and we can sit under the tree out back.”
“Sounds good.”
Without thinking, I start to grab her hand, but I’m not sure what she’ll do, so I pull back. I step aside, allowing her to take the lead out of my room, down the stairs and to the kitchen. After I grab a Hyped Energy drink because I need it severely, and she takes a Diet Coke, we head to the backyard. The chairs under the tree are somewhat facing each other but are angled toward the track as well; it’s a great view. I love our setup here.
We both sit at the same time, and as she rests back, she gathers her thoughts before she begins to speak, “Ryan…I didn’t tell you about me racing because I was scared.” She’s looking down instead of at me, which bothers me greatly.
“Kenna, look at me.” She slowly raises her head, and I immediately see the worry in her expression. “What were you scared about? Were you thinking I wouldn’t like you because you ride?”
“When I was a teenager and started doing it, I kept it from all my friends. One day, I decided to race a local race and it changed everything. It got ugly, like really ugly.” I can see her eyes glaze over with tears in them, making it difficult for me to sit still; I’m craving to touch her.
“What happened, Kenna?” I ask in a hushed tone, wanting to show her through my voice that I care.
“The friends that I thought were my friends weren’t. Enough said.”
“You have to know that I would never treat you poorly because of it?” I don’t know if I want my words to be a question or a statement to her.
“I put a guard around myself and vowed I’d never lie about it again, but that’s exactly what I did. I got scared. The closer we got, the more nervous I got about telling you or anyone for that matter.”
“Come here.” Reaching over, I touch her for the first time since she’s been here; without a doubt both of our body temperatures just went up by ten degrees.
“What?” She seems confused.
I stand, stepping two steps until I’m right in front of her. Bending over, I scoop her up and then return to my chair, placing her on my lap.
“Now listen to me,” I say, holding her face in both of my hands. “I couldn’t, nor would I ever be able to treat you with anything but love, and the ones that did clearly don’t know just how special you are.”
She closes her eyes and a single tear falls from under her lids. “I’m sorry, I doubted you.”
Swiping my thumb across her cheeks, I catch her drops before saying, “There is no reason to apologize to me. I should to you, though. I should have come and talked to you, but instead I ran from you like an ass,” I chuckle a little, trying to lighten the mood.
“No, you had a right to. If I had been honest with you, then you wouldn’t have been shocked when you were asked, and for that I’m sorry.”
“Okay, no more apologies, got it?” I say, tapping her nose with my finger then kissing it. “And no more tears.” I now place a tiny tender kiss to her lips and she responds without hesitation.
“No more secrets ever, deal?”
“Well, I guess I should tell you something, then.” I swallow hard because I know I am about to admit my mom is sick to someone for the first time. I look down to find my words.
“What is it, Ryan? Did you sleep with someone when we weren’t together?” I can hear the worry in her voice.
“Oh, good God no. It’s nothing like that.”
“Then tell me.” She slips her hand around the back of my neck, forcing me to spill my news.
“It’s my mom, she’s sick.”
“What do you mean she’s sick?”
“It’s cancer. Remember when she had pneumonia?” Kenna nods so I continue, “Well, her doctors found a spot on her lung when they did the last set of chest x-rays. Then right after that they scheduled her to have a biopsy done, and it came back positive.”
“How is she doing, Ryan?”
“She and my father are both trying not to worry too much, so I don’t, but I know they’re both scared. Who wouldn’t be? The doctors have assured us all that they’ve caught it in enough time.”
“That’s a good sign, right?”
“It is. She’s going to start her first round of chemo and radiation this coming week.”
“Is that where you just came from?”
“Yes, but how’d you know I was gone? Checking up on me?” I chuckle at her.
“Kinda, I had Maddie check with Justin, because I wanted to come over. She found out you just got home.” She smiles brightly at me.
“I’m going to go there for the next three weeks, every Thursday, then take a flight on Friday mornings to the next race. I want to be there as much as I can while she’s going through this.”
“I want to go with you next week, Ryan. I mean, if that’s okay.”
“I’d love that actually.”
“I’m sorry this has happened to her.”
“I know, me too.” Kenna leans forward, hugging me tightly around my neck, while I squeeze her waist just as much.
We stay this way until she pulls back slowly; she drops her forehead to mine, and places a small kiss to my lips. Before she has a chance to back away again, I bring her closer to me and deepen the kiss. We soon make up for lost time.
“Cooper and Ansley will be here around seven tonight with dinner. I need to tell them about my mom.”
“Oh, they don’t know yet?”
“No, you are the first person I told, other than my manager and trainer, just because I won’t be here on certain days.”
“They might kick your ass for not telling them, ya know?”
“Haha, I do. But we decided it was important to know everything before we told anyone.”
“I get it and so will they.”
We sit around for a couple more hours chatting about what she went through growing up, and what has been going on now. She shares with me the conversation she had with her manager, when she came and asked her to race, then regarding what happened during her heat and main. She asks me if I’m truly okay with it, and I assure her that I am.
I apologize for not texting her back, explaining why I didn’t and she states that she understands. I tell her from now on we share a room while we’re at the races, and that there’s no discussing it. She raises her eyebrows and kisses me again, so I guess she’s in agreement.
When we start discussing the next race, she lets me know that her parents and their new spouses are planning on attending it, and so is her step-sister, Josie. Then she explains a bit about her family to me: her dad remarried two years after his divorce was finalized, and now has been married to Josie’s mom for almost seven years, while her mom remarried just over three years ago. She says they are both happier now than before and they remain good friends.
I can’t help but to plant another kiss to her extremely sexy lips. Talking is way overrated when you haven’t had your girl in your arms for a long time. Tonight will be a make-up session like no other; by the end of the night there will be no doubt in her mind that she is my Princess, and I’ll prove that I’m her Prince Charming.
Kenna
“Well, look who’s made up!” We hear Ansley yell over as she and Cooper com
e across the lawn toward us.
Leaning over Ryan, I smile at her then I kiss Ryan one more time, before getting up to go to her. Ryan stands and follows me. We meet up halfway and hugs are exchanged from us girls, as the guys give the half hug and pat one another on the back.
“So, you two are good?” Ansley looks cautious as she stares at Ryan and me.
“We are. I’ve been here a while, and we’ve been talking the entire time.” Ryan takes my hand and places his lips to the back of it.
“It didn’t look like you two were talking when we walked out here,” Cooper says with a cough.
Ansley smacks him in the stomach and we all start laughing. We head indoors so we can get ready to eat. They brought Mexican food from a local restaurant, which smells incredible. Ansley and I set out plates and silverware, while Ryan runs up to grab a shirt and Cooper is getting drinks from the fridge.
At dinner we discuss Ryan’s mom, and Cooper assures him that he will have his father’s jet, at a moment’s notice, to go home. In fact, after Coop talks to him, his dad offers to fly him back and forth every week, so Ryan doesn’t have to worry about booking anything. We’ve all decided to go with him this week, and then we’ll see what happens from there. I’ve assured him, I can go every week if he wants me there. I just know Cooper is close to them and I don’t want to step on toes.
This is the first time I have an opportunity to talk to Ansley about my racing and where that leaves me with Hyped Energy. We discuss going to the East Coast races, and then I let her know that I’m pretty sure she could get Josie to join on, if she needs someone to fill in for me. It’s helpful that Ansley is part owner of Hyped Energy, so she can make the necessary changes. With Cooper’s dad being her partner, it makes it even easier for her, as he pretty much said the company’s hers. Ansley loves the idea, even saying that she could use someone to fill in for her at times too. We decide after we clean up dinner, we’ll call Josie to see if she’s in. I know she’ll jump at the chance.
The rest of the night goes great with the four of us just hanging out telling stories about different things that have happened in our lives. I love when Ansley shares details about the three of them growing up. They’ve been best friends since high school and nothing has changed between them, other than Ansley and Cooper are engaged to be married now.
