Wishing for a Miracle

by Alison Roberts

  The sound of their pagers going off should have been a blessing but it only added fuel to the unpleasant emotional mix for Julia. Good grief! The enjoyment of her job was going down the drain and now she couldn’t even enjoy her food. Scowling, she pushed her chair back and went to the office to get the details of the job they were being dispatched to, ignoring Mac who was following close behind.

  Joe was already in the office, looking at a wall map. ‘Police callout,’ he told them. ‘Incident in a known drug house.’

  ‘Great.’ SERT training involved the kind of specialist work that could come from this kind of police operation. Dealing with gunshot wounds or scenes where tear gas or pepper spray might be used. They usually involved people who had no respect for authority and for whom violence was merely a form of communication. Way down on Mac’s list of preferences any day. Taking Julia into a job like this was even less appealing.

  Working with her at all was losing its appeal.

  He had been doing so well since that visit to Ken. So confident he could handle this. And then she’d dropped that damned piece of chicken and stained her overalls and that mental key had shot out of its lock. He had lost control big time.

  The fabric of those overalls had become invisible and given him such a clear image of what her breast beneath would look like. His body had supplied what it might feel like to touch it. With his fingers…a soft, slow stroke, maybe. Or with his lips…

  The effort it had taken to drag his gaze away had been phenomenal and when he had, it had gone in the wrong direction and collided with hers for just long enough to register the way her pupils had dilated. With alarm, no doubt, because his reaction had hardly been subtle. Her skin had been flushed, too, making her look hotter and more enticing that that spicy sauce she had been throwing around.

  ‘I’m a piglet,’ she’d said, with that winning grin, and Mac had tried to smile back but he knew he hadn’t been forgiven. The look on her face when she’d scraped her chair back. The way she’d ignored him as she’d stomped off to the office. OK, so he’d slipped his control for a heartbeat. It wasn’t going to happen again. It was only a matter of weeks until she packed her bags and disappeared from his life. He wasn’t going to risk another slip and give Julia another opportunity to dismiss him like that. She could stop worrying. He was going to. He wasn’t even going to worry about the potential for this job to be no place for a woman.

  ‘Come on, then,’ he growled. ‘Let’s go and get it over with.’

  It was only a short helicopter ride. They landed in an empty car park between railway lines and the back of a rundown housing estate. Moving to a safe point, Mac was all too aware of how deserted it felt. Dark, blank windows towered menacingly overhead. Tattered plastic bags blew around like tumbleweeds and they walked past a burnt-out car chassis and an off-licence with thick iron bars over its door.

  Mac did his best to ignore it but every instinct was telling him that Julia shouldn’t be here. This was professional, not personal, he decided. For the first time they were in a situation where her size and gender were a liability. He had every reason to order her to stay with the police at ground level until this incident was done and dusted. It was part of being a mentor. It had nothing to do with any desire to drag her away and simply keep her safe because he cared about her in an inappropriate way.

  Not that she’d co-operate, of course. Even him thinking about the possibility had given Julia time to march right up to the police van and wait expectantly for their briefing.

  ‘It was a neighbour who made the call,’ they were informed. ‘Sounds of a fight going on and shots were fired. Then there was a lot of screaming. Still is. As soon as we can be sure it’s safe to enter and we’ve found who’s doing the screaming, we’ll send you guys in.’

  Mac eyed Julia, the words forming that would be an order for her to stay put while he went in alone. Except that he could almost see a balloon over his partner’s head right now. One that enclosed the words ‘I don’t think so, mate!’ They would end up having an argument in public and that would hardly be professional. Not only that, she might think he was trying to protect her for personal reasons.

  The same kind of personal reasons she had just been disgusted with, having caught him staring at the food stain on her chest. Mac stared back at Julia, aware of how frustrating this was. Couldn’t she see that her feistiness only generated problems? If she hadn’t been waiting for him in that car park, that kiss would never have happened and he wouldn’t be struggling to keep the key in that mental box in his head. Or was it his heart? Wherever. It was huge and heavy and dragging him down. And it was more than frustrating. It was infuriating.

  Fine, was the silent message he sent back. Do what you like. If you won’t listen to reason, be it on your own head.

  It took a good thirty minutes for police to gain control of the scene. The occupants of the dwelling, who hadn’t been at all eager to allow the police inside, were hauled out in handcuffs. They were cursing and spitting as they were dragged past Mac and Julia and into the back of a secure van. A police officer close to Mac was kicked in the shins and shook his head in disgust.

  ‘There’s one more up there,’ he told Mac. ‘Have fun.’

  The man lay on a filthy mattress in the corner of a room strewn with empty bottles, overflowing ashtrays, half-empty cans of food and piles of tattered clothing. His features were sharp, his hair long and scraggly and he clearly hadn’t washed or shaved for a considerable period of time.

  ‘Here he is.’ A police officer wearing a bulletproof vest stared down at the man, who was groaning loudly. He gave him a nudge with the toe of his boot and the man stopped groaning and began shouting obscenities.

  ‘Oi!’ The police officer looked unimpressed. ‘Mind your manners or I’ll send the medics away and we’ll just take you downtown. Do you want to get looked at or not?’

  ‘Not by him.’ The man spat in Mac’s direction and then bared yellowish teeth. ‘I’m no poofter. She can look at me.’ He leered in Julia’s direction.

  Julia could see the way Mac’s features hardened. He wasn’t about to be given orders by someone like this. He was on the point of stepping forward and making this situation worse than it needed to be. She didn’t need his protection. She didn’t want it.

  Those flickers of resentment and anger were easy to tap into. He couldn’t make her the bad guy and then step in and get all protective.

  Damn the man. She didn’t need his attitude or his protection. She could look after herself. It was Julia who took the first forward step.

  ‘What’s the story?’ she asked the police officer.

  ‘Says he’s got a pain in his stomach.’

  ‘I have,’ the man sneered. ‘Don’t make it sound like I’m lying. Arghh!’ He groaned convincingly and clutched his abdomen. ‘I think I’m dying. Give me something. Hurry up!’

  Julia avoided catching Mac’s gaze as she took in their surroundings again. Not that she needed to given the track marks she could see on the man’s arms but…yes, there were used syringes amongst the debris. This man was very likely to be a drug addict and this could be simply drug-seeking behavior. Mac would be thinking the same thing. He might disapprove of any intention on her part to take the performance too seriously.

  But there had been a fight. Shots had been fired. An intrinsic part of this career she had chosen meant that judgment had to be put aside. Nobody could be left in pain or in danger of a condition being left untreated that could endanger their lives.

  ‘Says he got kicked in the gut,’ the police officer added. ‘There was a fight going on when we got here.’

  Another two police officers were collecting weapons they’d found in the apartment. A sawn-off shotgun, knives, knuckle-dusters and ammunition were already in a pile near the door.

  ‘Have you been shot?’ Mac’s query was crisp. ‘Or stabbed?’

  ‘Get lost,’ the man told him. ‘I’m only gonna talk to her.’

  ‘Come on,
Jules.’ Mac’s tone was icy. ‘If he’s not going to co-operate, we’re out of here. It’s obviously not life-threatening.’

  ‘Ahh!’ the man screamed. ‘Ahhh! Ahhhh!’

  It was certainly a good impression of someone in agony. Julia shot Mac a warning glance. ‘Won’t hurt to take a look,’ she said.

  ‘I’m dying,’ the man howled. ‘Give me something…please, lady…’

  ‘Let me see.’ Julia took another step towards the mattress. ‘Pull up your shirt.’

  There were no marks visible on an emaciated-looking midriff but it would require palpation to check whether there was any guarding or swelling which could indicate internal damage that might explain the man’s apparent agony.

  Julia crouched. She hadn’t even got down to floor level when a skinny hand shot out and wrapped itself around her wrist, pulling her off balance.

  ‘Stop wasting time.’ the man spat. ‘Give me something now.’

  The training given to deal with situations exactly like this meant that her reaction was instinctive. She wrenched her arm down sharply, towards the man’s thumb, which had to give way. Then she rolled out of reach, coming to her knees and lifting her head just in time to see her assailant’s other hand coming out from beneath a puddle of blanket, a blade glinting in his grasp.

  All hell broke loose then. Police officers seemed to come from every corner of the room and within seconds the man was disarmed, on his stomach and handcuffed.

  One of the police officers smiled somewhat ruefully at Julia. ‘Sorry to have wasted your time,’ he said. ‘Looks like we can deal with this ourselves after all.’

  Julia nodded. She was on her feet now but the awareness of how close that had been was kicking in. Her stomach was a tight knot and she felt absurdly close to tears. Turning, she made an effort to give Mac a smile that would disguise her reaction. Hopefully one that would tell him this hadn’t been anything she hadn’t been ready to handle. But her smile faded instantly.

  Mac looked absolutely furious.

  ‘You just had to do it, didn’t you? Jump in without bothering to consult me. Without even considering the potential danger.’

  ‘I did consider it.’ Julia lifted her chin. She’d had to wait for this but she’d known it was coming.

  Mac hadn’t said a word as they’d marched along the concrete balcony of that tenement block or down flight after flight of graffiti-decorated stairwell.

  ‘NFA,’ he’d snapped at Joe, who’d looked bemused and had then sent Julia a ‘what the hell happened in there?’ look before scrambling to get them airborne again.

  A silent flight. An apparent absorption with a recent emergency medicine journal since they’d been back on station. Until the road crew was dispatched and they were alone in the messroom. Julia had gone to make herself a cup of coffee and had looked at Mac’s back where he was sitting at the table and sighed. Her offer to make him a hot drink had finally pulled the stopper from his bottled-up fury.

  ‘I could see he was an addict,’ she continued as calmly as she could. ‘And the fact that he could be drug seeking was pretty obvious.’ She held Mac’s gaze. ‘So obvious it would have been idiotic to waste time talking about it.’

  ‘No.’ Mac’s chair scraped on linoleum as he got to his feet. ‘I’ll tell you what was idiotic, Julia. Getting flattered because he wanted you to assess him. Making a unilateral, idiotic decision to go along with what he wanted.’

  Julia? He never called her by her full name. Or spoke to her as if he was disgusted with her performance or—worse—disappointed with her. And he was saying she was an idiot. Her throat tightened painfully.

  ‘Why do you think he was so keen on the idea?’ Mac continued relentlessly. ‘Because you were young and attractive and he’d do whatever you asked?’

  Julia stayed silent. Battling something that felt oddly like grief.

  ‘No.’ Mac’s breath was expelled in an angry huff. ‘It was because you were the weakest link. The person he was most likely to be able to hurt.’

  The weakest link? Oh, God! Mac was working up to telling her he didn’t want her on the team any more, wasn’t he?

  He was overreacting. She’d been in a room with a bunch of armed police officers, for heaven’s sake.

  As he had so often before in their time of working together, Mac seemed to read her mind but it didn’t take any of the heat from his anger.

  ‘What if those cops hadn’t been there?’ he demanded. ‘What if it had just been you and me, on a street corner somewhere?’

  She wouldn’t have gone anywhere near him, of course. Julia opened her mouth to try and defend herself but Mac wasn’t going to let her get a word in.

  ‘You would have been stabbed. Or worse. I would have had to protect you and I could have been taken out as well. We’re supposed to be a team. We look after each other and we communicate. Is that so difficult to remember?’

  She was going to cry. It didn’t matter that in any other circumstance she could have sucked this up and stayed in control. Or that crying in front of Mac was the absolute last thing she wanted to do.

  He didn’t want her on his team any more.

  He didn’t want her.

  Oh, hell!

  She was going to cry.

  The anger, which had very little to do with Julia’s decision-making on the last job and far more to do with the fact that he hadn’t protected her—that she had made it clear she didn’t want his protection—evaporated.

  They stood there, facing each other in the kitchen area of the mess, the room dim now because it was getting late in the day and they hadn’t turned on any lights yet. How had they got this close to each other? Had he been trying to intimidate her with his size as well as punishing her with his words?

  Whatever. He was close enough and there was still enough light to see the glint of too much moisture in her eyes. Horrified, Mac watched as the glint intensified and a single, fat tear escaped to roll down the side of Julia’s nose.

  Mac could feel that tear. Melting something inside himself, and he knew exactly what that something was. The lock on that damned box. Things that had been crammed inside started seeping out. Flickers of images like her smile and the way it made him feel. Pride in her courage. The knowledge that he wanted this woman more than he’d ever wanted any woman in his life. He’d give up anything for her. His life, even. And that was extraordinary. Terrifying. Because he’d honestly believed that nobody would ever be able to mess with his head to this degree now he’d finally got over Christine.

  ‘Oh, God…’ His voice sounded strangled. ‘I’m sorry, Jules. I didn’t mean—’

  ‘Yes, you did.’ Julia sniffed and scrubbed at her face with an impatient gesture. ‘And you’re right. It was stupid. I let you down and I’m not surprised you don’t want to work with me any more.’

  ‘What?’ Anger had become dismay. ‘When did I say anything of the kind?’

  ‘You didn’t have to.’ Julia was avoiding his gaze. ‘You think me being female is some kind of liability. That you have to protect me or something.’ She gulped in a breath that caught somewhere on the way to create a tiny sob.

  The sound undid Mac.

  ‘No.’ He spoke softly now. ‘Don’t you see, Jules?’ The words were being forced out. He shouldn’t be saying them. But he couldn’t no more not say them than take in another breath. ‘It’s not that I have to protect you so much. It’s that I want to. Too much.’

  Slowly, her gaze lifted. Caught his and held it.

  Mac’s hands fisted by his sides as a defence against the urge to reach out and pull her into his arms. He tried to smile but could only manage a brief, one-sided twist of his mouth. ‘It’s a bit of a problem,’ he confessed. ‘It has been ever since that…kiss.’

  She so hadn’t expected this. She had watched and waited for days for some sign of acknowledgement of that kiss that wasn’t running in the opposite direction as fast as humanly possible. In the wake of his anger this was such a twist that
Julia felt the earth tilt beneath her feet.

  Was the anger…the passion behind his reaction to that scare today about frustration, not disappointment?

  ‘I thought you wanted to forget about that kiss,’ she whispered.

  ‘I did.’ This time, both sides of Mac’s mouth moved but, endearingly, they seemed to go in opposite directions. ‘I tried to. It hasn’t worked.’

  ‘No.’ Julia’s agreement was heartfelt. She knew precisely how hard that kiss had been to try and forget.

  For a heartbeat, and then two, they stood there in silence again, watching each other. Julia was soaking in something warm. Joyous, even, because that kiss had had the same effect on him as it had had on herself. Awareness sizzled between them and she finally knew that it wasn’t just her feeling it. The acknowledgement that it existed was enough to have unleashed it and it seemed to be getting bigger and stronger with every second that ticked past.

  ‘Bit of a problem,’ Mac offered. There was something in his eyes that made Julia want to cry again, but for very different reasons. A vulnerability that tore a piece off her heart. For some reason, that scared him and now it was she that felt the need to protect.

  ‘Mmm.’ Were they leaning closer to each other or was that wishful thinking on her part? ‘Maybe it doesn’t have to be,’ she heard herself saying.

  Mac said nothing but she could sense his stillness. He was listening. Hard. Something Anne had said was trying to filter through this awareness of Mac that was filling her mind. Something about a fling doing her a world of good. That this was a perfect opportunity because it had a clearly defined end point.

  Yes. That was the key. Mac was still safe. He didn’t need to be afraid. Vulnerable.

  ‘Whatever it is that’s going on here,’ she told Mac, ‘it’s got a use-by date. It won’t be a problem for very long.’