Wishing for a Miracle

by Alison Roberts

  So Julia sat in what had to be an intimidating row of a selection committee, on one side of the huge boardroom table. Applicants came in one by one and sat on the other side of the expanse of polished mahogany.

  The first was an Australian. A confident man in his early thirties with great postgraduate qualifications and an impressive history of service in a helicopter squad.

  ‘I’ve been on the choppers for years,’ he told them. ‘I’m just looking for a bit more. I compete in target shooting as a hobby and I do combat obstacle courses as exercise training. Working with the cops is an edge that appeals to me.’

  ‘He seems well qualified,’ the clinical instructor said to lead the discussion after the interview. ‘Young, fit and keen. Ideal.’

  ‘I think he should be looking to join the police force,’ the district manager suggested. ‘Or the army.’

  Two candidates were local. One had excelled in academic achievements and road-based work but would need full helicopter training.

  ‘Too expensive,’ the district manager decreed. ‘Can’t justify it for a locum position.’

  One candidate was female. A thirty-four-year-old paramedic from the north island.

  ‘I want to challenge myself,’ she admitted frankly during her interview. ‘I’ve just completed my helicopter training and I’m excited by the opportunities this job could provide. I think I’d learn a lot and it would help me gain a permanent position further down the track.’

  ‘She’s got no idea how tough it can be,’ was Julia’s opinion, after asking searching questions during the interview. ‘I think she needs more experience in general helicopter work. She’s not ready for something like this.’

  ‘We’re getting through them,’ the district manager reminded them. ‘And so far there hasn’t been one who’s impressed us unanimously. That Aussie seems like the best bet.’ He sounded weary. ‘Guess we’d better see number five.’

  The other members of this committee could empathise with the weary tone. Four hour-long interviews and a discussion after each one with only a short break for lunch. Julia’s brain was beginning to feel fuzzy. The room was very warm so maybe she was getting dehydrated. She reached for the water jug to refill her glass, aware that the door was opening to admit the second to last applicant.

  The jug was full and quite heavy so she had to watch what she was doing but that didn’t prevent the hairs on the back of her neck lifting in an odd prickle of awareness. Maybe it was due to the sudden silence in the room as any shuffling or movement ceased. She had the sensation that everyone on her side of the table was sitting up and taking notice of the newcomer.

  Already impressed.

  And why wouldn’t they be? Looking up as she gingerly set the water jug down, Julia was stunned to see the big, solid shape of Mac directly in front of her.

  ‘Please…sit down,’ the district manager invited. ‘Alan MacCulloch, isn’t it?’

  ‘Mac will do just fine.’

  Mac. He was here. Really here. Only a few feet away from her, but Julia couldn’t move. These men around her were all well respected, top-of-their-field professionals. Should she step out of this interview, perhaps, because she was unable to be unbiased?

  No. No way was she moving any further away from Mac. She was too stunned to make her legs work in any case.

  ‘You have a very impressive C.V.,’ the clinical instructor said, his tone slightly awed.

  ‘Thank you.’

  ‘And you’ve come from Glasgow, Scotland?’ The police representative sounded amazed.

  ‘Aye. I have.’

  ‘That’s a very long way to come for an interview for a position that’s only temporary.’

  ‘It is indeed.’

  Julia cleared her throat. It had to be her turn to ask a question.

  ‘Can…can I ask why you have?’

  ‘Of course.’ Mac smiled at her and Julia was aware of a melting sensation she’d been sure she would never feel again. It was one of those smiles. For her.

  ‘I’ve been hearing what a bonny place New Zealand is,’ Mac said. ‘And I’ve had a yen to come and see for myself.’

  Goodness, he was laying it on a bit thick, wasn’t he? Even his accent seemed stronger than Julia remembered. It curled around her and seeped into her cells and warmed her whole body. Everybody else on the committee seemed to be lapping it up as well. Everybody had a smile on their face.

  ‘I felt as though I’d reached the full potential my last position could provide,’ Mac continued. He glanced at each committee member before making eye contact with Julia again. ‘Like it had…gone past its “use-by” date, perhaps. I need something else and I’m ready to meet any new challenge.’

  Julia’s breath had caught in her throat. Had he known somehow that she was going to be sitting in on these interviews?

  Surely not. But he knew where she lived, didn’t he? He had posted her boots back.

  The district manager’s smile had faded. ‘I have to say you’re almost over-qualified for this position, Mac. We’re a small operation compared to what you’re used to. The time frame is also somewhat limited.’

  ‘It’s more than enough time,’ Mac said. ‘I’m confident I can find exactly what I need here. I’m confident I can provide exactly what you need.’

  His words were being heard by the whole selection committee but it was Julia he was looking at. It was Julia he was really talking to.

  Her mouth was as dry as the Sahara but there was no way she was about to reach for her water glass because she knew her hand would be visibly shaking.

  The implications of this were slowly sinking in.

  Mac was here. Because of her.

  He had left his job.

  They’d kept their relationship a secret so that it was no threat to the job he loved with such a passion. But he’d left it. His ‘last position’, he’d said. Had he resigned from the SERT to come to the opposite end of the earth simply to find her? On the off chance he could carry on with his career?

  ‘I’m sure your skills would be welcome anywhere you chose to take them,’ the district manager was saying now. ‘You’re clearly a valuable asset to any specialist emergency service.’

  ‘Aye.’ Mac’s smile was modest. ‘I’ve had a few offers. I need some time to choose where I want to be from now on. Where I’m needed the most.’

  I need you, Julia wanted to whisper.

  He’d said he was confident. He sounded confident. He said he could provide exactly what she needed.

  What did he mean? What had changed?

  God, it was so good to see him. Unbelievably good. Julia drew in a shaky breath and only then became aware of the silence. Of the fact that everyone seemed to be looking at her.

  ‘So…’ The district manager raised an eyebrow. ‘Did you have anything else you’d like to ask Mac, Julia?’

  Oh…yes. Absolutely. But not here.

  ‘No,’ she said aloud. ‘And I have to confess that I know Mac. I can tell you that this man’s experience and reputation are unparalleled. If he wants to be here, for whatever reason, we would be privileged to have him.’

  There were heartfelt murmurs of agreement from everyone else on the selection committee. It was a done deal but they had to be seen to be going through the process so the final applicant had to be interviewed.

  And maybe that interview was the shortest one of the day but it was still far too long as far as Julia was concerned because it was long enough for Mac to have vanished by the time she could escape from the boardroom.

  A wave of disappointment strong enough to make her falter and stand absolutely still, feeling utterly lost, fortunately lasted only the time it took to take a deep, steadying breath.

  Mac had posted her boots back to her.

  He knew where she lived and Julia knew exactly where he would be right now.

  Waiting on her porch.

  Because they needed to talk.

  He had so much he wanted to say to Julia but there wasn�
��t a single, coherent word in Mac’s head when he saw her coming up the tidy brick pathway to where he was waiting on her porch.

  The need to take her in his arms and hold her close was so powerful it drove any other thoughts into oblivion because she was running. Discarding her bag heedlessly at the bottom of the steps. Flying up and into his arms with the force of a small tornado. Mac was actually knocked off balance and laughed aloud with the joy of it as he caught her.

  And held her.

  Laughter faded then. Julia’s head was buried against his chest and he could feel her fierce need in the way her arms were reaching as far as they could around his body. In the tremor that came from muscles held so tightly. The catch in her breath that was a tiny sob.

  He tilted his head so that it rested against the top of Julia’s. He pressed his lips to her hair.

  ‘It’s all right, hinny. I’m here. I’m sorry it took so long.’

  ‘What do you mean?’ Julia’s voice was muffled. ‘What took so long?’

  ‘For me to get here.’

  ‘I wasn’t expecting you.’ Julia raised her head and Mac could see bewilderment in her face. Tears in her eyes. ‘You never called. Never wrote. The only thing I’ve had was the parcel with my boots in it and I thought…’

  ‘What?’ Mac gave her an encouraging squeeze.

  ‘I thought that you were sending the boots back because you didn’t want any reminders of me. That you thought my stupid boots were the only thing I could be missing.’

  ‘Weren’t they?’

  Julia gave his chest a tiny thump. ‘You know they weren’t.’

  Mac let his breath out in a satisfied sigh. ‘I didn’t know but now I do.’ He kissed her forehead gently. ‘And I have to admit I’m quite relieved.’

  ‘You are?’

  ‘Of course. Here I am, jobless and homeless and with everything I need for the rest of my life right here. I was a bit worried about what I’d do if you weren’t pleased to see me.’

  Julia was wriggling in his arms, looking around behind her.

  ‘You’ve only got a backpack.’

  ‘I travel light.’

  ‘But you said you have everything you need for the rest of your life.’

  ‘I do. I’m looking at it.’ He could see the words hadn’t connected. Julia was frowning.

  ‘Have you really resigned from your job?’

  ‘Aye.’

  ‘But…you loved that job.’

  ‘I can get a job I love anywhere. I wasn’t lying in that interview when I said I had plenty of offers to choose from. What I can’t get anywhere…’ He turned Julia back to face him properly. To make sure she heard what he was saying. ‘Is the woman I love.’

  His voice cracked and Mac had to close his eyes for a heartbeat. The porch they were standing on in an ordinary little house in a Christchurch suburb vanished. He was on the beach on Iona now and the magic was strong. He opened his eyes to find Julia’s gaze fixed on his face with a look of wonder. She could feel that magic too.

  ‘I’ve missed you so much, Jules,’ he said softly. ‘I could have gone looking for someone else, like you suggested. Some woman who could give me ten children, but I would always feel like something was missing.’ He had to swallow the lump in his throat and drag in a new breath. ‘Part of my heart. My soul. The part I gave to you without understanding what was happening. The part I can only ever have back if you’re by my side.’ He tried—and failed—to smile. ‘I want it back,’ he whispered. ‘I want you. I need you to trust this. To trust me.’

  Her heart was filling to bursting point with something that felt like music.

  All the time Mac had been holding her and telling her how much he loved her, Julia had been searching his face. Sinking into the depths of his eyes and trying to locate even the smallest hint of the doubt she’d seen there the day they’d said goodbye.

  It wasn’t there. Her head had to surrender to her heart this time. There was no reason not to trust this.

  ‘I do trust you, Mac,’ she whispered back. ‘And I love you. I’ve missed you so much but…I don’t understand…’

  Mac’s hold on her was gentle now. He raised a hand and brushed tears from her cheeks but didn’t say anything.

  ‘I know how much you wanted that baby,’ Julia said bravely. ‘Even after so many years I could see how much you wanted it and how important it had been.’

  ‘Aye…’

  A shiver ran down Julia’s spine at the quiet confirmation. Mac must have felt that shiver because he pulled her closer.

  ‘I didn’t understand either,’ he told her. ‘I hadn’t thought about Christine or the baby for years. Not until I saw that woman on the train. Until you made me talk about her. I did a lot of thinking after you left, Jules, and the pieces finally came together. The whole picture.’

  ‘What did you see?’ The porch was an odd place to be opening their hearts like this but it didn’t occur to Julia to invite Mac inside her home just yet. There was magic happening here and it wasn’t about to be broken.

  ‘I thought I loved Christine,’ Mac said, ‘but what I actually fell in love with was that baby. The feeling like something had already been born that I could protect from anything and love for the rest of my life. It was…the feeling of family, I guess. Or something more important than myself. Something huge and warm and…more important than anything else could ever be.’

  Julia could feel her whole body tensing. She’d been right. A baby…his baby…was that important. Something that had been ripped away from him and something she could never give him. So why was he here, holding her like this? How could she ever persuade him that he would regret giving up the chance to have that family?

  ‘I was missing you so much I couldn’t breathe without it hurting,’ Mac said then. ‘And, finally, I understood.’

  ‘Understood what?’ Julia’s words were a whisper of hope.

  ‘That I don’t need a baby. That I already had that feeling when I was with you. That urge to protect you from anything. So much love I know it will last for ever. I love you…’ he smiled ‘…and that’s all that matters.’

  ‘But…’

  Mac gave his head a tiny shake. ‘We could have children,’ he said. ‘Our own with a surrogate or adopted. We could foster some or just borrow some from a friend for a weekend but it would be a bonus. We could have a puppy or a tank of goldfish or an elephant in the back yard if we wanted but we don’t need any of that to be a family. We’re the lucky ones.’

  ‘We are?’ She certainly felt lucky. Blessed beyond measure, but hearing Mac say these things was unbelievably wonderful. Maybe she’d heard them before but only with her ears. This time she could hear them with her heart and soul and she couldn’t doubt a single syllable of them.

  ‘Some people have to have children to make a family and then the kids grow up and leave home and they haven’t got it any more. We’ve got it now. We’ll still have it when we’re old and grey.’ His brow furrowed. ‘If that’s what you want, too?’

  ‘Of course it is. I want to be with you, Mac. I want you by my side just as much as you want me by yours. And you’re right.’

  ‘About?’

  ‘I hadn’t thought it through, really. I thought about adopting children and that I could do it by myself if I had to and I would be able to love those kids as if I’d given birth to them myself. I could have made a family but it would never have stopped me missing you. I love you, Mac.’

  ‘Will you marry me?’

  ‘Yes.’ Julia’s joy bubbled out in laughter. ‘Absolutely, yes.’

  Mac’s lips touched hers almost reverently and those dark eyes Julia loved so much were suspiciously bright.

  With love. For her.

  ‘Thank you,’ Julia breathed.

  ‘What for?’

  ‘For making a dream I didn’t dare have any more come true.’

  ‘We can make all our dreams come true if we do it together.’

  Julia’s smile wobbled. ‘
You know what?’

  ‘What?’

  ‘I actually believe that.’

  Mac’s brow creased thoughtfully. ‘You know what?’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Bed’s a very good place for dreaming.’

  Julia’s laughter sounded like a joyous peal of bells. ‘You’d better come inside then.’

  EPILOGUE

  ‘I’LL give you a moment to yourselves,’ the doctor said. ‘To let you make a final decision.’

  He shut the door behind them and they were alone in this treatment room of the specialist private fertility clinic.

  Julia’s hand was being held tightly by that of her husband.

  Her other hand was being held almost as tightly by her sister.

  Anne lay on the bed, wearing a hospital gown, a sheet covering her bare legs.

  Mac was eyeing the stirrups attached to the end of the bed. Julia followed his gaze and then looked back at her sister.

  ‘Are you sure about this, Annie? It’s not too late to change your mind.’

  ‘I’m hardly about to take back my wedding gift to you guys,’ Anne said calmly. ‘Not when it’s taken this long to get you to accept it.’

  It had taken a while but there had been good reasons for that.

  The first month after Mac had arrived in New Zealand had passed in a blur of happiness and making plans. At the end of that month, they had been married in a simple ceremony on a beach.

  Anne had been there, of course. She had loved Mac from their first meeting but the short engagement and low-key celebration of their commitment to each other had concerned her a little. When Julia had chosen a pretty sundress for the occasion, Anne had shaken her head.

  ‘Are you sure this is all you want? I mean, you wanted to do the whole meringue thing last time.’

  Julia had grinned. ‘The dream wedding dress. Yeah…but this time I’ve got the dream man, Annie. I don’t need anything else.’

  ‘This is all happening so fast. I haven’t even thought of what to get you for a wedding gift.’