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Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Plunges into History

Page 59

by Bathroom Readers' Institute


  NOSTALGIA AIN’T WHAT IT USED TO BE

  The mystique surrounding the Mafia is as old as the organization itself. Back in Palermo, two wildly popular plays about prison life, The Mafia and The Mafioso of Vicaria, packed Palermo theaters in 1860 and 1863. In Hollywood in 1972, the film The Godfather, based on the best-selling novel by Mario Puzo, packed American movie houses. The Godfather won the Oscar for Best Picture and spawned a sequel, The Godfather Part II, which also was named Best Picture by the motion picture academy. Puzo’s book became one of the best-selling novels of all time, now at 22 million copies sold and counting.

  MOVE OVER I LOVE LUCY

  The Sopranos, a TV series, follows the trials and tribulations of contemporary mobster Tony Soprano and his families—the one in the mob world, and the one at home. If the success of The Sopranos is any indication, the Mafia is alive and well—even if mostly in our imaginations. It may not be as powerful as it once was, but the Mafia holds a special, dark, place in both Italian and American history and culture.

  Queen Liliuokalani of the Hawaiian Islands was America’s first and only queen.

  GOODBYE, CRUEL WORLD

  * * *

  What some famous people had to say just as they were about to enter death’s door.

  John Adams, U.S. president

  “Thomas Jefferson. . . still survives. . .” (He didn’t know that Jefferson had died earlier the same day.)

  Ethan Allen, American Revolutionary War general

  In response to an attending doctor who attempted to comfort him by saying,

  “General, I fear the angels are waiting for you.”

  “Waiting are they? Waiting are they? Well, let ’em wait.”

  Lady Nancy Astor, English politician and society dame

  When she woke briefly during her last illness and found all her family around her bedside:

  “Am I dying or is this my birthday?”

  P. T. Barnum, entrepreneur

  “How were the receipts today at Madison Square Garden?”

  John Barrymore, actor

  “Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him.”

  Napoleon Bonaparte

  “Josephine. . . “

  Winston Churchill, British Prime Minister

  “I’m bored with it all.”

  Charles Darwin, scientist

  “I am not the least afraid to die.”

  Amelia Earhart, aviator

  In a letter to her husband before her last flight: “Please know that I am quite aware of the hazards. Women must try to do things as men have tried.”

  Final radio communication before her disappearance:

  “KHAQQ calling Itasca. We must be on you, but cannot see you. Gas is running low.”

  Thomas Alva Edison, inventor extraordinaire

  “It is very beautiful over there.”

  Elizabeth I, Queen of England

  “All my possessions for a moment of time.”

  Benjamin Franklin, American statesman and inventor

  “A dying man can do nothing easy.”

  There is no record of Patrick Henry actually saying, “Give me liberty or give me death.”

  Ernesto “Che” Guevara, revolutionary

  To his executioner: “I know you have come to kill me.

  Shoot, coward, you are only going to kill a man.”

  Heinrich Heine, poet

  “God will pardon me, that’s his line of work.”

  Henry VIII, King of England

  “All is lost. Monks, monks, monks!”

  Andrew Jackson, U.S. President

  “Oh, do not cry—be good children and we will all meet in heaven.”

  Thomas “Stonewall” Jackson, U.S. Confederate General

  “Let us cross over the river and sit in the shade of the trees.”

  Thomas Jefferson, U.S. president, died July 4, 1826 “Is it the Fourth?”

  Louis XIV, King of France

  “Why do you weep? Did you think I was immortal?”

  Louis XVIII, King of France

  “A king should die standing.”

  Louise, Queen of Prussia

  “I am a queen, but I have not the power to move my arms.”

  Malcolm X, African-American civil rights activist

  To the men who shot him: “Let’s cool it, brothers. . . “

  Karl Marx, revolutionary

  “Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven’t said enough.”

  Benito Mussolini, Italian dictator

  “Shoot me in the chest and don’t make a mess of it!”

  Anna Pavlova, ballerina

  “Get my swan costume ready.”

  Pablo Picasso, painter

  “Drink to me!”

  Pancho Villa, Mexican revolutionary

  “Don’t let it end like this. Tell them I said something.”

  Leonardo da Vinci, artist, inventor, Renaissance man

  “I have offended God and mankind because my work didn’t reach the quality it should have.”

  Florenz Ziegfeld, showman

  “Curtain! Fast music! Light! Ready for the last finale! Great! The show looks good!”

  Hi Mom!

  If you like reading our books. . .

  try

  VISITING THE

  BATHROOM

  READERS’

  INSTITUTE

  WEBSITE!

  www.bathroomreader.com

  • Visit “The Throne Room”—a great place to read!

  • Receive our irregular newsletters via email.

  • Submit your favorite articles and facts.

  • Suggest ideas for future editions.

  • Order additional BRI books.

  • Become a BRI member.

  Go with the Flow!

  HYSTERICAL SCHOLARS

  * * *

  Our contributors. Proud members of the Bathroom Readers’ Hysterical Institute. We couldn’t have done it without them.

  Christine Ammer

  Lee Bienkowski

  Allison Bocksruker

  Michael Cala

  Jennifer Carlisle

  Steve Cecil

  M. Christian

  Wim Coleman

  Kent Duryee

  Susan Elkin

  Diane Forrest

  Clay Griffith

  Kathryn Grogman

  Shelley Johnson

  Vickey Kalambakal

  Mark Lardas

  Jennifer Lee

  Christopher Lord

  Dennis Love

  Cynthia MacGregor

  David Scott Marley

  Elizabeth McNulty

  Art Montague

  Tia Nevitt

  JoAnn Padgett

  Ken Padgett

  Paul Paquet

  Pat Perrin

  Jessica Pierce

  John Michael Scalzi, II

  Frederick Sherwood

  Joyce Slaton

  Betty Sleep

  Stuart Smoller

  Stephanie Spadaccini

  Alan Spencer

  Susan Steiner

  Johanna Stewart

  Steve Theunissen

  Diana Moes VandeHoef

  THE LAST PAGE

  * * *

  Sit down and be counted!

  Become a member of the Bathroom Readers’ Institute!

  No join-up fees, monthly minimums or maximums, organized dance parties or quilting bees, solicitors or annoying phone calls (we only have one phone line), Spam—or any other canned meat product—to worry about. . .just the chance to get our fabulous monthly newsletter (and if you want) some extremely cool Uncle John stuff.

  So send us a letter at:

  The Bathroom Readers’ Institute

  P.O. Box 1117

  Ashland, OR 97520

  Or email us at mail@bathroomreader.com.

  Hope you enjoyed the book—and if you’re skipping to the end, what are you doing reading this page? Go back and fin
ish!

 

 

 


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