Seeker (The Seeker Series Book 1)

by Amy Reece

  “What about Danny? Does he know?” I asked gently. She shook her head. I didn’t know how to broach the subject that I really needed to ask about. I mean, I have no intention of telling her that I’d been having visions about her. This was a very delicate topic and I didn’t want to screw it up. I also didn’t have much time before her mother returned. “Veronica, I know it’s really none of my business, You and I don’t really know each other that well anymore, but, well…” I decided to jump in. “Danny’s not the father, is he?”

  She jerked her head up and stared at me, wide-eyed. “How could you possibly know that?” she whispered. Then she started crying.

  I went to the bed to sit next to her and put my arm around her. “I don’t really know,” I explained. “I get the feeling from some of the things you’ve said. And trying to kill yourself is a really extreme solution to a fairly common teen problem.”

  She looked up at me, tears streaming down her face and said, “Danny and I have never even slept together. I know I have this really slutty reputation, but it’s not true. I don’t sleep around. How can I tell him about this? This has gotten so out of control. I don’t know what to do.”

  “Veronica, who is the father? How did this happen?” Of course, at this crucial moment, her mother returned with the ice cream. Veronica wiped her face quickly, trying to hide her tears from her mom.

  “Thanks for coming, Ally. I appreciate you bringing my homework. See you after Thanksgiving.”

  I left, frustrated. I had no clue how I was supposed to help her when I couldn’t even get her to talk to me. Again I wondered what possible good this gift I have was. I see things that I have no control over and have no way of stopping. Why was I having these visions about her? What was I supposed to do?

  ***

  I took the bus to Manny’s shop to meet Jack as he was getting off from work. Tomorrow was our last school day before the Thanksgiving break and we planned to work on an English paper together that was due. We had finished The Scarlet Letter and were reading Heart of Darkness. I really didn’t love the story, but Joseph Conrad is a great writer. I mean, the guy’s first language wasn’t even English! I find it very impressive that he chose to write an entire novel in what was like his third or fourth language. I can’t even manage to learn Spanish and I’ve been taking it since middle school. I will say that it helps a bunch to have a boyfriend who speaks fluent Spanish. When I get stuck on something in my homework, I give him a call.

  He was actually speaking Spanish when I got to the shop, or rather yelling it. Jack seems to be a pretty even-tempered guy most of the time, but I sure got to see another side of him that afternoon. Shelly had sent me back to the garage area to find Jack. He was shouting at another employee, one I had never met, and gesturing to a grey, primered car they were apparently both working on. They were speaking so fast I didn’t manage to catch much of what they were saying, but the gist of it was obvious.

  “¡Qué pendejo estás! ¿No ves que se va a despintar cuando lo pintes? ¡Mi tío te mataría si le dieras algo así al cliente!” Jack yelled.

  “No tienes idea de lo que estás diciendo,” the young man replied. “Yo he estado haciendo esto mucho más tiempo que tú. ¡Mi papa nunca se ha quejado de mi trabajo! ¡Parece que voy a tener que arreglar tu desmadre, pinche culo peludo!”

  Jack looked like he was going to launch himself at the other guy. “Vete a la madre wuey…”

  Well. Jack was angry about something the other young man had done to the car and ended his commentary by calling him a dumbass. I’m fairly up on my Spanish curse words so I was able to keep up. The young man was not taking this lying down and returned fire, ending with a nice culo peludo (hairy asshole). Jack was in the process of telling him to go to hell, when the young man noticed me over Jack’s shoulder. He stopped arguing and literally pushed Jack aside to come and greet me.

  “Hi, how can I help you?” he approached me with a complete change in attitude from what I had seen when he was yelling at Jack. He was now oozing charm and graciousness.

  Jack turned and saw me. The smile that lit up his face was gratifying, immediately putting me in a better mood. “Ally,” was all he said as he shouldered the other guy out of the way, took my hand, and pulled me into his arms for a brief kiss.

  “Ahh, this must be the famous girlfriend I’ve heard so much about,” the guy said. “I can’t believe Jack finally managed to get one. Well, she hasn’t met me yet. Jack, introduce us,” he commanded.

  Jack rolled his eyes at me. “Ally, this is my cousin, Mateo. Manny’s youngest son.” I could definitely see the family resemblance. He was shorter and stockier than Jack, but had a very similar look about him. They could probably pass as brothers.

  “Mat,” he corrected, taking the hand I had extended for a shake and raising it to his lips, kissing the back of it. I raised my eyebrows at Jack.

  “Knock it off, pendejo,” Jack took my hand back from him. “Stop slobbering all over her.”

  “Nice to meet you, Mat.” I laughed. It was obvious that he wasn’t serious and that he and Jack were on good, brotherly even, terms. “I’ve heard about you. You’ve been visiting your great grandmother in Mexico?”

  “Yeah, I was taking a break from CNM and decided to go see her. We’re trying to get her to move up here, but she’s being stubborn. I’ve heard about you too. Now that I’m back, you can stop wasting your time with Jack. You can go out with the handsome cousin.”

  I laughed. “Oh, I’m perfectly fine with this cousin, thanks. I think I’ll stick with him. Are you about done, Jack? I can get a bus home if you need to work.”

  “No, I’m done for the day.” He picked up a rag and wiped his hands. “I need to change. You can wait with Shelly if you want. I’ll only be a couple minutes.” We started to walk away.

  “So, I’ll fix this mess you made, okay, Jack?” Mat called after us, laughing.

  Jack gave him the finger without turning around. Mat laughed harder. “Nice to meet you, Ally!” he called out after our retreating figures.

  I started to turn around to wave and say good-bye, but Jack stopped me. “Don’t encourage him, querida.”

  ***

  Jack ate dinner with Grams, Mom, and me. I loved how easy-going he was with them, able to take Grams’ teasing and inappropriate comments without batting an eye. After dinner we settled in the living room to work on our papers. Grams had left for bingo at the senior citizens’ center and Mom had an odd school night date with Brian, a guy she had been seeing for a few weeks. Hmm. That might need some looking into.

  We had to write a minimum of three pages on the role of obsession and ambition in Heart of Darkness. I finished before Jack and then quietly watched him while he worked, tapping away at his laptop. I was curled up in a corner of the couch with Wicky purring in my lap while he sat on the floor, leaning against the couch with his long denim-clad legs outstretched. He looked so adorable as he concentrated, black hair falling over his brow, eyes pulled together in a scowl. He highlighted a passage, read it back over, muttered, “shit” under his breath, and deleted the entire paragraph. I set Wicky aside and crawled up behind him, leaned over his shoulder, and said, “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing. I hate writing conclusions. They always suck. I don’t know how to end this effing essay.”

  “Undelete it. Let me read it,” I commanded. As he did as I asked, I began to knead his shoulders with my hands. “God, Jack, you’re so tight! You need to relax.”

  “You touching me is not exactly relaxing, Ally. Kind of has the exact opposite effect, in fact.” He groaned in appreciation and laid his head back.

  I gave him a quick kiss and said, “None of that right now. Work now, play later.”

  He kissed me back quickly and complained, “Such a task master! Here.” He handed me the laptop with the restored paragraph to read. “It seems too repetitive.”

  I read it, typed in a phrase after the restatement of the thesis, and handed it back to him. “See
what you think of that.”

  He took the laptop and without even looking at the addition to the paragraph, pressed ‘save,’ snapped it closed, set it aside, and pulled me down onto his lap. “It’s later,” he said and began kissing me.

  We had not had much time to be alone since we started dating, so we were both reveling in the luxury of being able to kiss each other at length. I loved the taste of him, the feel of him, the smell…I couldn’t get close enough. If I could crawl inside his skin I would. I rearranged myself so that I was straddling his lap, facing him. He moved his warm hands all over my back, soothing and massaging. Then I felt him slip his hands under the edge of my shirt, caressing the flesh of my back. It felt so incredible. “Oh, God, Jack,” I moaned into his mouth. I kissed his neck, working my way down and began unbuttoning his shirt. I slipped my hands inside and began to smooth them over the hot skin of his chest. I was discovering the crisp feel of his chest hair when he stopped me.

  “Ally, sweetheart.” His hands came up and covered mine, stilling them. “Ally, we have to stop.”

  I didn’t even hear him. I was so intent on discovering…him…this…everything.

  “Ally, stop!” he said more forcefully and pushed me gently away from him.

  I blinked and looked at him in horror. “Oh my God! I’m sorry! I didn’t…I don’t…” I suddenly couldn’t get off his lap fast enough. I was so embarrassed, I’m sure my face was bright cherry red. I stood up, preparing to run and lock myself in the bathroom out of shame.

  He must have sensed I was about to run, because he caught me, and brought me back to the couch, setting me in one corner while he sat in the other and re-buttoned his shirt. “Oh, no you don’t. You are not running away from this. If you can nearly seduce me, then you can stay and talk about it,” he said sternly. “We need to be able to talk about anything, sweetheart,” he said more gently.

  I drew my knees up, put my head down on them, and cried, “I’m so embarrassed! You must think I’m some kind of sex-starved maniac! I’ve never done anything like that before. I don’t know what got into me.”

  “Jesus, Ally,” he said, reaching out and pulling my bare feet onto his lap. He began to rub them soothingly. “I don’t think you’re a sex-starved maniac. I know you’ve never done anything like that before. That’s why we needed to stop. You were quickly pushing me to the point of no return.”

  Tears started rolling down my face. “I’m so sorry,” I whispered.

  He pulled me to him, putting his arm around me, wiping my tears away. “No, I’m the one who’s sorry. I let that get way out of hand.” He laughed mirthlessly. “I didn’t realize you’d be so…responsive.”

  “I liked it so much,” I said in a small voice.

  He laid his head back on the top of the couch. “Yeah, me too.” He sat up and turned to face me, seriousness gleaming from his eyes. “Look, Ally. We need to take this slow. You are a seriously sexy girl, and I would love nothing more than to make love to you right now, believe me, but it’s not right. That should be a decision we make together, not in the heat of the moment. I have no intention of taking your virginity on the floor of your grandmother’s living room when she or your mother could walk in at any moment. Okay?”

  I nodded. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to embarrass you or make you feel awkward.”

  He laughed and rubbed a hand over his face. “Believe me, what I’m feeling right now is not embarrassment.”

  “Jack,” I continued, whispering, “You’ve done this before, haven’t you? You’re not a virgin, are you?” Some sick and twisted part of me needed to know.

  He sighed and shook his head, sadness in his eyes. “No, I’m not. I’m sorry.”

  I couldn’t help the little sob that escaped. I don’t know why I was crying, why I should be surprised. I mean, how many 18 year old guys have never had sex? I guess I had hoped to be his first everything, like he was for me.

  He pulled me back into his arms. “Shh. It’s okay, Ally.”

  “I know.” I sniffed. “It doesn’t matter.”

  “Of course it matters,” he said. “I was such a mess a few years ago, into drugs, stealing, a gang, and, yeah, sex. I did a lot of things I’m ashamed of. I treated the girls I knew with no respect.”

  “It’s fine, Jack. You don’t have to tell me anymore.” I really, really didn’t want to hear about the girls he had been with before.

  “No, I think you need to hear it. I think you need to know the truth about who I was and what I did. Maybe you’ll finally realize you shouldn’t be with me. Ally, I was in a gang. We spent our days stealing, breaking into houses, and selling drugs. Our weekends were for partying: it was all about getting drunk, getting high, and getting laid. I can’t even tell you how many girls I’ve been with, because I don’t remember.”

  I did not enjoy hearing that. But as I stared into his eyes I could see that the Jack I knew and had fallen in love with was not the person he had described. Yes, that person was a part of his past and would probably cause problems from time to time. I had a decision to make: I could either cut and run because I couldn’t handle the things he had done before, or I could accept him as he was today and try to show him how much I loved him. I chose the latter and leaned in to kiss him.

  He kissed me back so, so sweetly. “Ally, you are beautiful and pure and innocent. I absolutely don’t deserve you. And I’m not going to mess up what we have by trying to rush you into a physical relationship.” He smiled at me, kissing me on the nose. “And I’m not going to let you rush into something neither of us is ready for. Agreed?”

  “Agreed,” I sighed and settled further against his side.

  He kissed the top of my head. “Someday, I hope to God I’m lucky enough to be the first man to ever make love to you, but now is not that time. I have to be able to look your mother and your grandmother in the eye. I have to be able to look myself in the eye.” I smiled up at him. “Ally, what we have is special. Really special. You’re special. You deserve the best.” He finished this speech with a soul-searing kiss. “You are the best thing that has ever happened to me.”

  “Jack, you’re the best thing that has ever happened to me too. I’ll be honest: I don’t love hearing about the things that you did in your past, but they are in your past. It’s part of the man you are today, and I’m extremely fond of that man. I’m not running, Jack.” I kissed him. This time it was my tongue seeking entrance to his mouth, although I kept my hands away from his buttons.

  He groaned and pulled away. “Now, I’m going to go home and take another in the long line of cold showers I have been taking since we started dating.”

  I don’t know if it’s a sign of some new sort of maturity, but I had absolutely no desire to share what had happened with anyone, not even Tara, with whom I have previously shared every type of secret. I wanted to keep what had happened between Jack and me to myself.

  ***

  Spending the first day of our break at the mall with Tara made it difficult to keep the juicier details of my newly activated love life a secret. She was persistent in her attempts to get me to spill.

  “I want you to know you can come to me for advice, Ally. You know, if you any questions.” She was trying to sound nonchalant, and failing, as we browsed the racks at Macy’s.

  “So, kind of like my own personal Dr. Ruth, huh?” I asked.

  “Yes, exactly, but without the accent.”

  “And you think that you’re the expert in all things love-related? You’re not exactly the poster child for long-term relationships, Tara. What was your longest, like a month?”

  “It’s not the length that matters, sweetie. It’s how deep you get.”

  “We are still talking about relationships, aren’t we?”

  She smirked. “Seriously, though, Ally. Do you have any questions, need any advice? Like, how far to let him go or how to tell him nicely to stop?”

  “Tara, I’m absolutely not going to tell you how far Jack and I go or don’t g
o when we make out. It’s private and special.” I held up a blouse against myself for her inspection.

  She scrunched her face up and shook her head, nixing the blouse. “So, there are make out sessions, at least? You don’t have to give me all the juicy details, although I wish you would. Please tell me that it’s not a completely platonic relationship.”

  I laughed. “You’re pathetic, you know that? Yes, there are make out sessions. Happy? It’s definitely not platonic.”

  “So, Jack’s got some moves, huh? Is he a good kisser?”

  “He’s an amazing kisser. And that’s all you’re going to get out of me. I’m not going to kiss and tell. Now help me choose an outfit for Thanksgiving with his family. I may not want your advice as it pertains to my love life, but I do need your fashion sense. I think I was born without one.”

  “I think so too. That color is disgusting,” she referred to the dress I had taken off the rack. “Here, you should try this one on.” She handed me a dress I had overlooked. “You two are being careful, right? You’re taking precautions?”

  “Wow. I already got that speech from Grams, thanks. She actually tried to check his wallet for condoms. And then later, being the true feminist that she is, she bought me some to carry.” I turned to look her straight in the eye. “I’m not having sex with Jack, nor do I plan to anytime in the near future. I still have my V-card intact. I keep it right next to the condoms in my purse.”

  She laughed. “Well, I still have mine too, but it’s got a little more wear and tear than yours. So, he’s not pushing you or anything?”

  I laughed. “No, not at all. In fact, he’s the one who refuses to let it get too hot and heavy. So, now that you’ve tricked me into telling you way more than I wanted to, let’s go try this stuff on.” I marched off toward the dressing rooms huffily. Tara followed behind gleefully.