Star Wars: I, Jedi

by Michael A. Stackpole

  I felt a shot coming in from directly above me. My initial reaction was to raise the blade and stab it back behind my head, but Mara was standing there. Given no choice, I leaped up as high as I could and thrust the lightsaber above my head. The silvery blade took the dart on the point, infusing my blade with a red sheen for a moment. I laughed triumphantly, then saw Mara’s cerulean blade whirl through a complete circle, passing beneath me, as it picked off three darts vectoring in at odd angles.

  I landed and crouched again, then pivoted left and blocked another shot a second before Mara’s blade came around and struck mine. Light flared where our blades intersected, then I threw myself backward and rolled off to the right, letting the strength of her cut provide the energy for my roll. Coming around and up I one-handed the blade with my right hand, flicking two more remote darts off into the darkness, then I took one straight in the stomach.

  I shunted the pain away immediately and stepped back. I saw Mara spin away from a trio of darts, one of which hit her in her right shoulder. Her blade moved a fraction too slow after that, allowing two more to lance through her right hip. Her spin, which had started voluntarily, continued without her consent, dropping her to the hangar floor. Her blade came up and warded off another shot, then a dart hit her in the small of the back, collapsing her legs as she tried to get back up.

  I saw her lying there on her belly, her legs tangled, her hair a veil that picked up argent highlights from my lightsaber. At the same time I felt three remotes moving around, closing in for the kill. Two were coming in toward her feet and one near her head. Her lightsaber had winked out and lay there, next to her left hand, now useless in her defense.

  I was left one choice that was no real choice at all.

  I dove toward her, slicing my lightsaber through the air near her legs with my right hand. The argent blade blocked the two darts meant to further cripple her. I couldn’t help letting a smile get started when that happened because I knew it would not last long.

  Two centimeters in front of her face, my left hand snatched the third bolt from the air. Searing pain shot up my arm, but I pulled the energy into me and turned it around to help calm furious nerves. My smile continued to grow as that transformation took place and my spirit soared because of my success.

  Unfortunately, a soaring spirit does little for a falling body. I hit the floor rather hard, landing solidly on my chest. I bounced back up a bit, with my toes hitting just before my knees. I tried to twist around and land on my left hip so I could keep my blade in the air and active, but all I really managed to do was start myself rolling, which resulted in my wrapping myself around a pillar. My lightsaber whirled out of my grasp and spun to a stop about ten meters away.

  Its silvery glow illuminated the remotes closing in on me.

  I sighed. “I have a bad feeling about this.”

  The remotes did not shoot.

  I rolled over and flopped on my back. In the distance, between my upraised knees, I could see Mara Jade on her side, dragging herself along in my direction. Sweat had pasted strands of her hair to her face and gave her skin an icy blue gleam in her reignited lightsaber’s backlight. The flesh around her eyes tightened as she moved her legs, but she gave no other indication that she felt any discomfort.

  Kam’s voice echoed through the chamber. “That’s enough for now. You did pretty well.”

  I laughed. “If that’s true, why do I feel so bad?”

  “It’s because, Keiran, you didn’t do well enough.”

  “Thanks for the clarification, Kam.” I dropped my knees and laid my head back down on the cold stone floor. I ran a hand through my goatee, brushing away the sweat that had collected in it, then felt the sting of sweat leaking into my eyes. I let my head loll to the left and smiled as Mara inched her way into view. “Hurt much?”

  “A Jedi doesn’t know pain.”

  “Right. Me, too.” I looked over at where my lightsaber still lay. I extended a hand in that direction and tried to call the blade to me, but all I got was a little twitching of the hilt. “These are the times I could really use better telekinesis skills.”

  “You’re just being lazy. Just walk over and get it.”

  “Okay. In a minute.”

  Mara laughed lightly, then sighed. “Thanks for the save.”

  “No problem. You’d do the same for me.”

  Her voice drained of all lighter tones. “Would I?”

  I had to think for a second. “You would. The universe you knew growing up may have changed, but your core values of duty and loyalty haven’t. Not that I think you’d ever feel yourself that beholden to someone else, but you’d extend that sort of courtesy to someone you see as a friend, right?”

  Silence answered me.

  I rolled myself up on my left flank and rested my head on my left hand. “We are friends, right?”

  Her eyes narrowed, then her lightsaber went out again, sinking her into shadow. “I don’t know if I really know what it means to have a friend in the same sense you think of it. I do think I trust you.”

  “I’ll take that.”

  “Is that why you sacrificed your hand to protect my face, because you think of me as a friend?”

  “In part, yes. A very big part.” I nibbled my lower lip for a moment, then continued. “I also did it because I knew I could and, therefore, it was my duty to do so. Even back when I entered CorSec, I knew there were things that I’d be called upon to do, dangerous things, that I would do because others could not. My role in society was to take action and responsibility for those who could not. I think, deep down, that’s the essence of being a Jedi. A Jedi places himself where he can defend the greatest number of people from the greatest evil.”

  “Even if it costs him his life?”

  I exhaled slowly. “You never want to think about that, but it’s part of the job. I remember a couple of times in my life, with Rogue Squadron and before, when I knew it was my duty to get a job done. I felt pretty certain I would die in those attempts and nearly did on Talasea. Fact was, though, that I had friends who would die if I didn’t do anything and somehow my life didn’t seem to matter all that much in the equation.”

  Mara snorted. “The Emperor would have considered you a sentimental fool who deserved to die.”

  “I’ll remember that next time I dance on his grave.” I levered myself up into a sitting position and crossed my legs beneath me. “There are just times the sacrifice feels right. It did then, it did today. Just a judgment you’ll have to make for yourself when the time comes, I guess.”

  “Not an easy decision to make.…”

  “Nope.” I stood and offered her a hand. She took it and I steadied her as she got back onto her feet. “But then, as you said, easy isn’t for a Jedi, is it?”

  TWENTY

  Master Skywalker tossed his cloak to Kam and brought the hilt of his lightsaber to hand. “Thank you, Kam. If you would see to the others for a while.”

  “As you wish, Master Skywalker.”

  The Jedi Master looked up at me as I slipped my lightsaber into my right hand. “We don’t have to do this, Keiran.”

  I gave him a wry grin. “I think we do, Master. And I think you have a question you want to ask.”

  Luke nodded slowly. “Is our duel a prelude to your leaving, too?”

  The pure pain in his voice sank into me and pinned my heart against my spine. Luke was watching his dream of the Jedi academy collapse around him. Gantoris had been roasted alive with his own hatred and anger. Kyp, his most promising student, had fallen under the sway of an ancient evil and had vanished. Mara Jade, one of the Emperor’s trusted practitioners of the Force, had come to the academy for instruction, but inside a week had chosen to leave again and even that morning had been whisked away by Han Solo and Lando Calrissian aboard the Millennium Falcon.

  For having been open for only a little more than a month, the failure rate for promising students was staggering. I could have taken Luke’s question as a confirmation of m
y abilities, but I felt it really marked how battered he felt at the moment. I could understand that because I was feeling a little betrayed by Mara’s departure as well.

  I saw her that morning when I’d arrived to get her for our run. “Ready to go?”

  “Yeah,” she replied, “but not running.” She stood in her room in the color-shifting flightsuit in which she had arrived. Her bed had been made up and the Jedi robe she’d worn had been folded neatly and placed at the foot of the bed beside her heavy satchel. “Thought another candidate might find a use for the robe.”

  I leaned against the door jamb, using my body to bar the way out. “I thought you told me you weren’t a quitter.”

  A little fire blazed in her eyes, but she brought it under control with an ease that surprised me. “I’m not. I’ve learned a lot here, but what I needed to learn isn’t exactly what you need, or what others here need to learn.”

  “Want to run that by me again, with the help files enabled this time?”

  She relaxed just ever so slightly, shifting her weight to her back foot. “When the Empire trained me, I learned a lot of the things all of you are learning. I practiced them and perfected them. You and I have trained together with lightsabers. Do you think I picked all that up in an afternoon or two of quick study?”

  I shrugged. “Well, with Kam and me as examples, it’s possible.”

  “Cute, Corran, but you know it’s not true.”

  “Okay, score one for Mara Jade.”

  The flesh around her eyes tightened: “My Imperial training directed me toward using dark-side techniques for tapping the Force. I let emotions fuel what I did. I came here thinking Luke would show me new things I could do, new abilities to learn, but what he did instead was show me how to employ the light side. I’m still doing the same things, but I have a new fuel source.”

  “One that runs a bit leaner, isn’t as easily accessible.…”

  “Right, but one that won’t burn the engine out.” She graced me with an open, green-eyed gaze that surprised me with its vulnerability. “The other day, when you were talking about the willingness to sacrifice yourself for others, you mentioned friends and those who could not take responsibility for themselves. I started thinking about the Smugglers’ Alliance. I’ve got a lot of things to think about.”

  I nodded slowly. “And your little sojourn here was prompted, in part, by being uncomfortable with that responsibility.”

  “And here I thought all CorSec agents were not that bright.”

  “We have our moments.”

  “Up to now I’ve been responsible for myself. I’ve been able to make decisions, but I’ve been comfortable with them on a tactical level. With Karrde putting me in charge of the alliance, I need to think more strategically. He’s counting on me to do the right thing. More pressure. I can handle it—I refuse to fail him—but …”

  “But you aren’t sure you’re comfortable doing it.” I smiled. “I understand. This is why I am content to be a pilot in Rogue Squadron, not someone leading my own group of fighter pilots. I don’t want to get so spread out that I can’t make a difference when I need to.”

  Mara’s gaze sharpened. “I bet the smugglers working your sector of the Corellian system didn’t like you at all.”

  “Can’t understand why. Should I have had my sting operations catered or something?” I shook my head. “They traded in rare commodities and I traded them the rarest of all for their wares: time.”

  “Yeah, on Kessel. Time goes a long way there.”

  “And I didn’t even charge extra for it.” I straightened up and offered her my hand. “I’m sorry to see you go. I thought between us we could really kick some life into this place and help Luke move the students on to the next level of development. I hesitate to say it, but it’s been fun working with you.”

  Mara gave me one of her carefully hoarded smiles. “For something that started off with our arguing and my ship getting stolen, the experience hasn’t been as bad as I would have thought. Thanks for your help. If there is anything I can do for you …”

  “Actually there is.” I gave her a weak smile. “With your contacts in the smuggling community, maybe you will hear something about Mirax. I’d appreciate hearing anything. I’d owe you.”

  “How about a swap?” She hitched for a second, then glanced down at the floor. “Watch out for Luke for me, will you?”

  “Sure, gladly.” I frowned. “Anything specific? I know he won’t like your leaving.…”

  “That, certainly.” Her voice shrank a bit. “His involvement with the dark side. I know it functions as a spur to drive him on to teach his students, but I don’t think he knows how much he was hurt by it. The experience had to be unbelievably traumatic and he’s still healing. I don’t fear a relapse, but maybe, I don’t know.”

  “He might try to do too much, too fast?”

  “That would be like him.”

  I nodded and wanted to kick myself for not having seen it sooner. For Luke, for anyone, the journey to the dark side and back would have been like being shot multiple times at point-blank range. Bacta therapy might heal the physical wounds, but the memories and nightmares resulting would take time to work out. While the Jedi calming techniques might get rid of the resulting anxiety, they just treated the symptoms without curing the underlying problems. Only time could heal them; time and the love and support of friends.

  “I’ll watch him for you. Take care of yourself, okay?”

  “Will do.”

  “And if any of your smuggler pals manage to have some spare food—good food they need to offload somewhere, you know where we could use it.”

  Mara shouldered her satchel and slipped past me. “You’ve got it, CorSec. See you a couple parsecs down the line.”

  After Luke saw her off, he took us listlessly through the morning’s exercises. He clearly was trying to do his best with us, but his heart wasn’t in it. I recognized in him the same sort of behavior Iella had reported in me after my father’s death. He was thinking too hard about what had happened and allowing himself to dwell in the past while the rest of the universe was sliding on into the future.

  In my case, Iella and Gil Bastra had taken me to one of the seediest cantinas on Treasure Ship Row. The place called the Fel Swoop was packed with a rough crowd of swoop-riders and speeder bike jockeys. After a lot of Corellian whiskey, they got me singing a little song about the lack of brains and intestinal fortitude of speeder bike enthusiasts. My singing voice, even at the best of times, would cause a riot in a receptive audience, and the resulting brawl kind of tore the place apart. Fact was, though, that the aches and pains and scars that resulted brought me back into the real world and anchored me there.

  Unfortunately for me, we didn’t have any cantina to hit, nor did we have any whiskey to drink. I felt a little physical activity would still be good for Luke and help ground him again, so I challenged him to a duel. Kam explained that there were things I needed to learn from a living foe and that he, Kam, did not have the control necessary to spar with me. It would be up to Luke to make sure I didn’t hit him and he didn’t hit me, causing him to concentrate.

  I lit my lightsaber, letting its snap-hiss fill the hangar. “Fair question to ask, if I’m leaving or not. You’ve got ample reason to ask it. No, I’m not going anywhere unless, of course, this fight goes badly for one or the other of us.”

  Luke’s green blade sprang to life. “Let me see what you have learned.”

  I closed with him and arced a cut in toward his left shoulder. He came up and blocked it high left, picking it up in the outer ring of defense. I came down and around in a sweeping blow at his left leg, but he brought his lightsaber down and batted mine aside easily. The spark of light exploding from the contact of the two blades washed shadows across Luke’s disinterested expression.

  About what I expected. Shifting my lightsaber to my right hand, I closed quickly and snapped the blade down in an overhand cut. I picked up my speed on the cut, forcing
Luke to block me in the middle ring. Continuing my forward movement, I pushed in with my right hand, then slid the lightsaber’s hilt down. I hammered his breastbone with the lightsaber’s hilt, then hooked my right leg behind Luke’s right leg and dumped him to the ground.

  I backed off as his blade’s green light illuminated the surprise on his face. I let an edge drift into my voice. “If you aren’t going to respect me, at least respect what Kam has taught me.”

  Luke slowly climbed back to his feet, but did so with his lightsaber always remaining between the two of us. I kept my blade angled across my body, with my hands held near my right hip and the blade’s tip hovering near my left shoulder. I stamp-feinted with my right foot, as if I were beginning a charge, and Luke withdrew a half-step.

  He’s got to focus. I waited for him to set himself, then I came in on a circular approach that worked me toward his left. I slashed twice, crosswise, forehand and back, to keep him away from me, then drove straight toward him. I lunged with the blade. Luke’s green lightsaber came around in a circular parry that carried my blade wide to my right.

  His triumphant laugh died abruptly as my right foot kicked him in the gut. While he’d parried, I’d recovered from my lunge and kicked out straight into his midsection. He doubled over and fell back a couple of steps, his left hand rubbing his belly, but I gave him no chance to recover. I came on hard and fast, whipping my silver blade through an infinity loop, lashing out high and low.

  Luke looked up at me and his eyes hardened.

  Which is when I ran into a Force wall that bounced me back a couple of feet and set me on my heels. I tasted blood on my lips, but knew it was really coming from my nose, which hurt. I didn’t think it was broken, but bumping it up against anything solid is seldom a pleasant experience.