Teaching experience. Look for an adult with a history of teaching or tutoring experience. Students learn in a variety of ways. Understanding learning styles and how to present information that accommodates for learning differences is critical to comprehending challenging content.
Subject-specific expertise. Tutoring for advanced math, science, and English classes may require the experience of a subject matter expert. College students majoring in a specific field can be great tutors if they can explain the concepts in kid-friendly vocabulary.
Reliability and consistency. Ask for a few references from past clients. Inquire about the tutor’s reliability in maintaining a consistent schedule for tutoring sessions. You may find it hard to reschedule a missed session within a busy after-school schedule.
What do tutors charge? The range is wide; you could pay anywhere from $20 to $100 per hour for a one-on-one tutoring session. College students tend to fall on the lower end of the pay scale, whereas teachers with advanced degrees will expect payment on the higher end. Remember, tutoring should remain a short-term endeavor, so think twice before trading experience for affordability.
In the coming chapter we leave academics to examine a realm of great interest for many middle schoolers: extracurricular activities. Athletic teams, volunteer events, and school clubs are a few of the many options that middle schoolers can add to their schedule. Our goal will be to create a sustainable plan for both you and your middle schooler that balances extracurricular goals with academic aspirations.
CHAPTER 4
Achieving Balance
between School
and Activities
HAVING EXPLORED the academic challenges facing your child, we now turn our focus to another equally challenging, but highly engaging area of middle school life—extracurricular activities. Kids enter middle school from various points along the extracurricular spectrum. For some children, middle school may be the first time they have engaged in an after-school pursuit; for others, the addition of another activity to an already full schedule could tip the balance from enjoyment to stress. Athletes and kids with a long-standing commitment to the arts often struggle to maintain balance in their academic and extracurricular lives. Learning how to explore new interests while managing the ongoing demands of middle school academics takes time and patience. Many adults still wrestle with maintaining balance in their personal and professional lives, so imagine the challenge our kids face while trying to do the same. Yet whether your child is new to the idea of after-school activities or a seasoned veteran, participating in something new can open fresh opportunities to explore interests and build friendships. Again, the key is finding the right balance.
Planning a balanced schedule is not that difficult; with the help of a few guidelines, you can coach your child as she creates an appropriate blend of activities and academic courses. That’s the easy part. It’s the actual implementation of what you have planned that takes effort, consistency, and persistence. Participating in a variety of school activities while striving to achieve in class can leave kids feeling stretched. It’s important to remember that each child is unique with respect to the number of activities and expectations that he or she can commit to without becoming overextended. Creating a plan in advance of the school year can limit the number of conflicting extracurricular events while still enabling your child to explore new opportunities.
The planning process is one that parents and kids can work through together. All too often kids and parents plan separately; this leaves them at odds when it comes to fulfilling the chosen commitments. If you give children complete autonomy in the decision-making process, you run the risk that they may opt to take on either too much or nothing at all. Kids with an appetite for activity may want to try more than they can really handle; those who are more introverted may want to steer clear of any social commitments outside school hours. Parents, on the other hand, tend to err on the side of overcommitting their child to a schedule of activities, without accurately gauging the child’s level of interest or ability to take on more responsibility. The result in either scenario can be an awkward mismatch of activities that leaves both kids and parents frustrated.
During the elementary years your unsolicited attempts at scheduling may have met little resistance from your child. Soccer kept kids busy through the fall. Basketball, hockey, or dance classes were staples during the winter months. Baseball opened the spring season. But middle school kids want more control over the scheduling process, particularly when it means dedicating more time and effort out of an already busy day. At this age, children are also keenly aware of the need for social time with friends. Assuming that last year’s routine is still agreeable without consulting your child is a mistake.
An intermediate step on the way to relinquishing full responsibility for scheduling your child’s after-school life is to work together toward building a balanced schedule. Coaching your child through the scheduling process allows you to encourage and suggest ideas while acknowledging the interests and activities your child would genuinely like to pursue. Many parents learn a lot about their child during this process. And at a time when kids generally are not very talkative, this extra insight may be a godsend. Although your child may prefer complete autonomy as she sorts through the planning process, she still needs your guidance.
Planning for a balanced schedule
Does your child’s current schedule inspire enthusiasm and excitement or does the weekly calendar leave her feeling exhausted and short-tempered by week’s end? Kids depend on parents to accurately gauge their ability to meet the academic demands of middle school while leaving them time to pursue new and interesting extracurricular interests. Kids don’t like struggling through week after week trying to fulfill an endless slate of responsibilities. The burden on parents can also become tiring after a few weeks of shuttling their kids back and forth to after-school commitments while battling with nightly homework assignments. But choosing to opt out of all activities in favor of sitting in front of the TV every night has equally negative consequences. Opt instead for a “win-win” plan whereby both you and your child feel excited, but not overwhelmed, about the year ahead.
The first step in building a balanced schedule is to create an accurate picture of your child’s current commitments. This gives you a baseline for the planning process. Find a time when you can share ten to twenty uninterrupted minutes with your child. Together, create a list of activities or commitments that currently occupy the after-school hours. Include sports practices, art classes, volunteering, or hobbies that occur on a regular basis. Your goal is to create an accurate picture of how busy your child is today so that you can anticipate a manageable level of activity tomorrow.
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If your child’s after-school schedule has her moving somewhere different every day, consider plotting events on a desktop calendar. Events laid out on a calendar can be a vivid representation of just how busy your child’s life has become. One family, frazzled from their continued scheduling conflicts, decided to use color-coded sticky notes to denote each family member’s activities. Conflicting events were immediately visible, as was the very graphic image of how busy their family had become.
With an accurate picture of the current commitment load, take a moment to check in with your child. Staring at a lengthy list or full calendar of activities can be disheartening for kids, particularly when you are headed into a discussion about adding more to their plate. If your child responds to the current tally of commitments with a look of bewilderment or an exhausted sigh, consider prioritizing the activities on your list. You could replace the lowest-priority with something new to try in the coming year; this will likely be a welcome relief for the child who has been caught in the doldrums of a routinely rigorous schedule.
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Parents have the power to guide the exploration of new interests that grow into lifelong passionate pursuits. Yet you should take care not to push your child to take on an auxilia
ry list of activities that you believe to be wonderful but your child couldn’t care less about. Guide, but leave room to be guided by your child as he explores the world and its many opportunities.
Some families experience the exact opposite of an over-planned schedule—nothing appears on the calendar. What do you do if your list is empty? Your child’s nonschool hours may be devoid of scheduled activity, and that can be OK. Organized sports and specialized activities require a significant investment of time and money that many families cannot afford. Yet it can be an intimidating challenge (for some kids as well as parents) to stir yourself from a habit of chronic inactivity to explore a more active lifestyle. Consider local community service organizations or volunteer opportunities that appreciate an extra hand from time to time. Having the flexibility to drop in may eventually expand your child’s interest into a regular commitment.
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Watch out! It’s easy for kids to become too busy. A recent study conducted by researchers at Columbia University found that seven out of ten kids experienced stress on a daily basis. For many kids, middle school marks a shift toward becoming more socially active. But keep in mind that it’s essential for a child’s growth and well-being to leave room in his weekly schedule for unstructured time with friends.
Having made an accurate accounting of your child’s current commitments, turn your attention to the gamut of extracurricular choices middle school has to offer. A list of common, school-sponsored activities appears in the next section. Review your school handbook or website for a specific list of activities. Typically, these resources will also have a basic description of the activities, including the duration of the commitment that kids are expected to fulfill. As you and your child scan the list of potential offerings, consider looking for a few activities that may coincide with your child’s current interests but not be directly related to them. For example, chess club members are often avid computer fans. Engaging in a one-on-one competition with someone while learning basic strategies is similar to the attraction kids experience while playing games online. The yearbook or news club can be a likely outlet for enthusiastic writers and photographers to exercise their passion. At this point in the planning process every activity should be open to discussion and further exploration. Aim to create a list of three to five school-sponsored activities that your child would like to learn more about in the weeks prior to the school year.
“There were so many activities to choose from when I started middle school. I made the mistake of signing up for too many things and then missing commitments before finally having to quit a few of them when my grades went down.”
—Sam, eighth grade student, Palatine, IL
“My daughter is the classic overachiever. She wants to be involved in everything. Helping her find a healthy balance where she could feel successful in school as well as in her extracurricular life was a real challenge.”
—Sarah, middle school mom, Las Vegas, NV
“I really struggled with my child’s extracurricular involvement. He didn’t want to do anything except sit in front of the computer after school. It wasn’t until we started looking at activities out in the community that he was willing to trade a few hours of computer time for time outside.”
—Senna, seventh grade parent, San Diego, CA
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Most schools offer a smorgasbord of after-school activities for kids to pursue. Some kids, however, need or want a change of venue after the school bell rings. Consider looking for activities in the community. Try checking the city’s recreation calendar or a newspaper listing for local volunteering opportunities.
Common school-sponsored activities
Activities vary from school to school, but most middle schools will offer a healthy menu of both athletic and nonathletic options for kids. Here are a few of the more common activities as well as a short description of each. Give the following list to your child to peruse.
Language Clubs: These clubs are great for meeting new people. Whether it’s your first time learning to speak a new language or the third, language clubs give kids a time and place to talk and build friendships. Language clubs are focused on talking and learning more about the culture that surrounds the language. This type of club is likely to host field trips to local restaurants and community centers, both great opportunities for gaining cultural awareness.
Yearbook: The end of a school year signals the arrival of yearbooks. Most people don’t know about the year-long commitment required of a dedicated group of kids who work to collect the pictures and stories that fill its pages. Although many schools send their yearbooks to a printing company when it comes time to assemble and print the books, the majority of the year is spent by students attending school events, gathering photos, and designing the pages. Kids interested in writing, drawing, or photography will enjoy this high-energy club.
School Newspaper: If writing, reporting, or even reading the news sounds exciting, the school newspaper would be an ideal group to join. Newspapers need a lot of students to fill a variety of different positions. Editors, reporters, photographers, and comic writers are among the many jobs on a newspaper’s staff. Meeting new friends will come easily in this fast-paced club.
Live News Reporting: In place of printed newspapers, some schools now offer live TV news. The school news comes to students directly from an on-campus recording studio. Video cameras, microphones, and sound editing tools provide additional opportunities for students to join this activity. The focus on computers and movie-making software programs makes this a natural fit for kids interested in technology.
Chess Club: Board games and checkers may have sparked interest during the elementary years, but in chess club strategy takes game-playing to a new level. Chess clubs invite participation from all player levels—novice through advanced. Often chess club members are few in number, but grow to become great friends as well as competitors. Traveling to local tournaments or hosting a tournament can add to the commitment level for club members and inspire camaraderie and excitement as well.
Drama Club: Actors, singers, and dancers will find the drama club is a natural fit for their passion in the arts. Most drama clubs schedule one or two performances each year. Kids experience all areas of theater, from acting on stage to creating sets and choreographing dance moves. Trips to local theater performances as well as meeting actors and actresses may also be a part of the drama club experience. As opening night approaches, club members should be prepared for an extensive time commitment. Evening and weekend rehearsals will be added to the after-school schedule in the weeks leading up to the performance. Participation in this extracurricular club generally lasts all year; some acting roles require auditions.
National Junior Honor Society: Like its high school counterpart, participation in the junior honor society is based on academic grades, citizenship, community service, and participation in additional school activities. The general requirements for admission to this organization can be found at www.nhs.us. Schools have some flexibility in the structure of their National Junior Honor Society program, so review the school handbook for a more specific description and detailed membership requirements. Although membership in the junior level organization doesn’t guarantee admittance at the high school level, most kids enjoy the challenge of excelling in a variety of areas and consequently receive invitations to the National Honor Society.
Band: Music lovers who enjoy sharing their talent will find a group of lifelong friends in the school band program. In addition to after-school performances, band members also add another class to their daily schedule, which adds more time to what could already be a busy school day. Band classes are typically slotted either early in the morning or as the last class of the day. Tryouts for the school band may happen as often as twice a year; however, incoming middle school students typically participate in spring tryouts for the coming year. Fall band classes are typically limited to students who have either been admitted through a tryout or demon
strated prior musical experience.
Academic Teams: Math and science wizards are often drawn to competitions like the school science fair and math super bowl. Middle school offers a host of new opportunities to challenge a student’s academic knowledge. Connecting with those who have similar interests never hurts, either.
Sports Teams: The range of athletics offered by your middle school will vary depending on the season, climate, and size of the school population. Densely populated areas in the more temperate climate zones have the luxury of offering sports activities to their students nearly year-round. In contrast, schools with a smaller number of students may field a single team in a limited number of sports. If you already participate on an athletic team outside of school, review your practice and game schedules before trying out for the school team. Players and coaches from both teams will want to know when you have scheduling conflicts. Stretching yourself to meet the expectations of two teams inevitably means a scheduling conflict, forcing you to decide which team activity to miss. Making your priorities known to both teams is an important part of taking responsibility for your participation. You can also consider taking a break from your off-campus team to play for the school team. A temporary break from the routine of regular competition can give you a chance to reconnect with school friends.
If the list of available options doesn’t spark your child’s interest, suggest that he band together with a group of friends and create a club of his own. New clubs crop up every year, often in response to the shared interest of a small group of excited kids. Many of the recent additions to your school’s slate of activities were most likely created by students. Here are a few examples of student-created clubs and activities: ping pong club, readers and writers club, builder’s club, tech club, and anime club. You can support your child’s effort and interests by contacting the school to inquire about the rules for starting a new extracurricular activity.
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