Release (Iris Series)

by Lynn, Rebecca

  They went in and found a table, turning a few heads from the male patrons as they traversed across the bar floor.

  After ordering their drinks, Ryann finally decided to fill Ayanna in on what happened with Jeremy that morning. When she told her about the things she had discovered on the internet, Ayanna listened intently, then sighed.

  “Ry, I understand that you want to be cautious, but how many more reasons are you going to come up with before you just say fuck it? I’m not trying to be difficult here, I’m really not. But.... I think he really might be a good guy. Of course he wasn’t going to tell you about his family and the foundation. It took some convincing on his part just to get you to agree to go to dinner with him. It’s not like he would want to shoot himself in the foot. And the other side of it is, maybe he really didn’t think it would be a big deal. Guys can be clueless that way.”

  Ryann took a deep breath. The fact that Yanna agreed with him stopped her. She asked in a small voice, “Do you really think I’m making an excuse?”

  “Sweetie, I think first and foremost you’re a little scared, which is understandable. But at the same time, you know you’re going to have to get back on the horse at some point. And do you really think you’ll find a better horse to get on than Jeremy McCallister?” she asked, wagging her eyebrows. Then she turned serious for a moment. “Just have fun, Ry. Having sex with him doesn’t mean you have to marry him.”

  That was a new concept for Ryann, given the fact that the only man she had slept with had been her husband. She allowed herself a moment to think of Jeremy...with no guilt... with no fear. She did want him. So badly. If it wasn’t for his multiple connections to the Institute, she probably wouldn’t have had such a difficult time making this decision. Right? Was she really letting her fear get in the way? Maybe they could work it out.

  She began to get excited. Maybe after she got home she would call him. She looked at Ayanna.

  “I love you, Yan. You’re the best friend a girl could ever ask for.”

  “Of course I am,” she said saucily. “So what are you gonna do?”

  Ryann smiled and said, “I think I’m gonna go for it. I’m gonna call him when I get home to say yes to dinner tomorrow.”

  “Woo hoo!! I’m so excited!” She took a deep smiling breath. “Okay. So when was the last time you got waxed?”

  “Ugh, don’t do this to me. I’m nervous enough as it is!”

  A year earlier, Ayanna had convinced her to get a Brazilian wax. Even though the experience had been more invasive than any gynecological exam she’d ever experienced, she had to admit she was happy she had gotten one. She liked the sensation afterward…sensual, smooth, slick, ultra sensitive, and in a practical way, clean. She never went completely bald on the top, liking to keep a wide “landing strip”, as they say.

  But ow, did it hurt! And she had been lax in the follow up department for the past several months.

  “Come on! I’ll make you an appointment.”

  There was no stopping her. She was on a roll. “There’s a really great place on 34th Street. I got waxed there a couple of months ago on my lunch break.”

  Ryann pinched the top of her nose, and had chosen not to ask Ayanna why she needed a Brazilian on her lunch break.

  “Maybe you should go tomorrow on your lunch break so you can be ready for dinner tomorrow. You need to have all of your lady parts ready, Ry,” Ayanna said, as if speaking to a five year old.

  “Trust me. They’re ready. And I don’t think I should have it done yet. Maybe if I remember I’m a hairy beast down there, I’ll have a little more control over my senses when he’s around,” she groaned.

  “No! That’s the point, you don’t want to control your senses when he’s around.”

  The thought of her losing control with Jeremy caused the rate of her breathing to kick up, and the butterflies to resume their place in her stomach. Ayanna was right. If she was going to do this, she was going to do this all the way.

  “Okay. Make the appointment,” she said with an eye roll.

  Ayanna giggled with glee and rubbed her hands together. They took the next couple of minutes discussing details, then Ayanna threw out an offhanded comment.

  “So how’s ‘Johnny Be Good’ doing?” she asked casually, taking a sip of her Shiraz.

  “Who?”

  “You know. That hunka hunka burnin’ love that you’ve been keeping a secret for years.” Then she mumbled, “He can’t ignore my feminine wiles forever.”

  “Yan,” she said in a warning tone. “Jonathan’s one of the good guys.”

  “Oh, I have no doubt he’s good.” Pause. “Don’t worry. He’s a big boy. He can take care of himself.”

  Ryann found it humorous that Jonathan had said a similar thing only hours before.

  Ayanna let go of a frustrated sigh, then looked Ryann dead in the eye.

  “How come the good guys aren’t drawn to me, Ry?”

  Wow. I guess it was time for the ‘heavy, deep, and real’, Ryann thought. Ayanna had never asked her that question before. And she had never been completely honest with Ayanna about her choice of men, mainly because Ayanna had never asked for her opinion before.

  Ryann took a deep breath, and grabbed Ayanna’s hand across the table. “Do you want a good guy?”

  “Just because I fuck around with men who aren’t marriage material, doesn’t mean that someday, I don’t want a good man.” Pause. “Deep down...I don’t know, I think it would be nice to have someone who just...wants me for me,” she said quietly.

  “Yan,” she said, her heart breaking a little for her. She hesitated. How should she start? “How would you describe your relationship with your parents?”

  Ayanna snorted. “Like you really need to ask that question? And what does that have to do with anything?”

  “Humor me.”

  She shrugged. “I’m not good enough for them.” She said it with such a cavalier tone, that the average person listening would think she didn’t give a damn. But Ryann knew better.

  “They had different expectations for you.”

  “Yup. And they’re just going to have to learn to live with disappointment,” she said bitterly, taking a swig of her wine, and releasing her hand from Ryann’s.

  Ryann grabbed it right back. “For as long as I’ve known you, you’ve been trying to prove your worth to your parents, Yan. I think sometimes we need to realize that our parents aren’t perfect, and may not give us the affirmation we’re looking for.” She paused, then continued quietly. “And sometimes, when we don’t get that affirmation from the people we need to get it from, we look for affirmation in other ways, from other people.”

  Ayanna continued to look at her, and her eyes began to water. She looked away. Ryann squeezed her hand. “Yan, you’ve spent your whole life looking for approval and unconditional love from your parents. And when you couldn’t get it by being yourself - you’re wonderful, beautiful, perfect self - you had to come up with ways of getting their attention instead. Because any attention is better than no attention at all, right?”

  Ayanna looked at Ryann, and mumbled, “Well, look at you with your little psychological profile. How long have you been putting this together?”

  “Stop. Don’t do that. I fuckin’ love you,” she said fiercely, feeling her own eyes begin to water. “You’ve never asked for my opinion on this before, but now that you’ve asked, I’m going to be honest. And you know I’m being honest out of my love for you.”

  “I know,” she whispered.

  “Have you ever thought that...maybe...the guys you’re choosing are solely the kinds of guys you know are going to piss off your parents? You start with a defiant attitude in middle school, move on to provocative clothing and more flirting in high school, and snag every guy you can find. Guys who will fill that void momentarily, and who will annoy the shit out of your parents in the process. Because then they’ll notice you...they’ll at least acknowledge your presence.”

  Ayanna loo
ked at her in complete shock, then let what she said sink in. “Shit. Are you saying they’ve manipulated me into being a slut?”

  “What?! You’re not a slut. Don’t you dare talk about yourself that way! I’m saying that their own unhealthy ways of relating to you, have spurred on your own unhealthy ways of relating...with guys. Maybe it’s time to stop the cycle and realize that you are wonderful, beautiful, and perfect just as you are. Maybe once you start showing your real self to men, you’ll snag one of the good ones.”

  Ayanna released her hand from Ryann’s, chugged the rest of her wine, then took a deep cleansing breath. “I need some time to process this. Because if I’m really doing that, then that really pisses me the fuck off. I haven’t been able to have a meaningful relationship because I’ve been subconsciously trying to get my parents’ attention? I mean, fuck.”

  Ryann was relieved that had gone as well as it had. If she was going to be honest, she had been thinking about it for years. She was glad she was finally given the opportunity to say what she had always wanted to say to her about the subject.

  Ayanna looked at her watch, and said, “I know it’s not even nine o’clock yet, but let’s call it a night. Is that ok?”

  Ryann could tell she needed to be alone, and ending the night early was fine with her. She still needed to call Jeremy.

  “Yup. I have my first day tomorrow, so I could use the time tonight to get all of my thoughts and stuff together.”

  “I know it’s going to be awesome, Ry. I’m excited for you... and, thank you. I love you more than I can possibly say,” she said emotionally. “It looks like I need a little time to think.”

  “I know. Now you know what I’ve been going through the last couple of days. Self reflection’s a bitch,” she said dryly.

  Ayanna smirked. They got up and paid the bill, then headed out the door.

  When they were nearing the apartment complex, they saw, of all people, Jonathan standing outside in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. He was helping a blonde woman out of a cab. She was pretty, petite, with dirty blonde hair, and stylish glasses. As she got out of the cab, Ayanna slowed her steps. The woman had two large suitcases with her, and they watched as Jonathan gave her a kiss and a hug.

  Ayanna cleared her throat, and continued walking with renewed purpose. Jonathan had the woman’s suitcases in his hands, while she paid the cab driver. Just as Ryann and Ayanna reached them, he looked up surprised, and glancing at Ayanna, tightened his jaw...and his grip...on the suitcases. He looked at Ryann with a wary smile, and said, “Hey.”

  Ayanna stepped in and put out her hand to the blonde woman. “Hi, I’m Ayanna.”

  The woman looked a little surprised, then smiled a genuine smile and shook her hand. “Hi, I’m Emily.”

  Ayanna looked at Jonathan. “I didn’t realize you were seeing anyone.”

  Jonathan quickly averted his eyes and asked Ryann, “How were drinks?”

  “Good,” Ryann said with an overly bright smile, trying to gauge how the next couple of moments would go down.

  Ayanna stopped the cab before it drove away by knocking on the window.

  She turned to Ryann and said, “Thanks for tonight, girlfriend.” She pulled her into a tight hug, and whispered, “Love you.” Then she turned to Emily and said, “Nice to meet you,” got in the cab, and was gone.

  Jonathan watched the cab drive away, an unreadable expression on his face, then turned to Ryann. “You heading in? We’ll walk in with you.”

  They reached the elevator, and Emily looked up at Jonathan with an uncomfortable and confused look, but wasn’t speaking. He finally cleared his throat, and said, “Ry, this is my cousin, Emily White. Em, this is Ryann Thornton.”

  They got on the elevator, and Jonathan turned to Ryann and said, “Emily’s staying with me for a little bit. She’s moving into the City because she’ll be starting her new job at Mitchell, Horton and Rose this week, but her apartment’s not ready yet. She came in from Boston tonight. Ryann teaches with me at the Academy,” he said, turning to Emily.

  “Oh! That’s great.” She smiled at Ryann and put out her hand. “It’s nice to meet you.”

  “Nice to meet you too,” Ryann said with a smile, while glaring at Jonathan. “Well,” she continued, “welcome.” The elevator dinged. “This is my stop. Good luck with the new job.” Then she gave Jonathan a pointed look, and said, “Later.”

  He smirked, and looked like he had just been chastised, even though Ryann hadn’t said much. “Talk to you later.”

  As soon as Ryann was off the elevator and in her apartment, she grabbed her phone and texted Ayanna.

  RT: Emily is his cousin.

  Ryann threw her purse on the sofa, and heard the ping almost immediately.

  AS: He is SO dead.

  Ryann smiled. Atta girl. Go get ’em, Yan.

  She looked up when a knock sounded at her door. She frowned wondering if Jonathan had come to say something about what had just happened, but that wouldn’t have made sense since he was still on the elevator with Emily.

  Her stomach began to flutter, and her palms began to sweat. There was only one other person who it could be. She walked over and looked out the peephole.

  And sure enough, there he was.

  …..

  Ryann took a moment to steady herself then opened the door.

  God, would there ever be a time when he didn’t take her breath away? He stood there in one of his gorgeous tailored suits, fitting his every muscle. His crisp white button down shirt was undone at the neck, and his hair looked like he had spent the last several hours combing his fingers through it.

  He looked at her intensely, with a hungry expression on his face, while his eyes traveled the length of her appreciatively. When his gaze reached her eyes again, he simply said, “Ryann.”

  She could feel the blood rush to her face. “I was going to call you,” she said breathily.

  “I know. But I couldn’t wait until tomorrow.”

  “No. I mean I was going to call you tonight.” She blushed even more.

  He looked at her. “Let’s have this conversation inside,” he said, his voice husky.

  “Ok,” she murmured, and stepped away, letting him in, and closing the door behind him. Once she threw the lock, she turned to face him.

  “What were you going to call me about?”

  “I talked to Ayanna.” Ryann’s breathing began to increase. He looked good enough to eat, and now that she had made her decision, she wanted to take a bite out of him.

  He waited for her to say more. She did.

  “I’ve changed my mind.”

  He walked toward her and didn’t stop until she had to tilt her head back to meet his eyes. “About what, exactly?”

  “About having dinner with you.” She licked her lips, and she could see his eyes darken even more.

  “When we spoke this morning, you said you needed to think about it. Does that mean you’ve changed your mind and don’t need to think about it anymore?”

  “Yes,” she said shakily.

  “And what did you decide?” he said as he cupped her face and began stroking her bottom lip.

  “That...I’ll have dinner with you tomorrow night,” she whispered against his thumb, still stroking her.

  His stance shifted, and he wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her in slowly to meet his body fully.

  “And what made you change your mind?” He stroked her hair with his hand at the nape of her neck.

  Ryann was trying to get her arousal under control. It seemed he wanted to talk after all, but that wasn’t going to be easy with her bottom lip tingling from his thumb, and her body pressed up against his, feeling every hard muscle, as well as the evidence of his own excitement to see her.

  “Ayanna helped me to see, that sometimes you just need to...put your fear aside...and go for it.” She met his gaze directly. He cupped her face, tilting her chin back to meet his own penetrating gaze again.

  “Remind me to t
hank Ayanna. She’s saved me precious time.” He shifted so his lips hovered over hers. “I came here prepared to convince you, and I wasn’t going to leave until I did,” he murmured. “Now I can spend it doing much more pleasurable things.”

  Ryann smiled. She put her finger up and rested it on his lips stopping him. “I need you to answer two questions first. One, just out of curiosity, how did you know I was home, and two,” she paused, and asked shyly, “how were you planning on convincing me?”

  Still holding her tight and keeping his hand in her hair, he nuzzled his nose with hers and said, “I knew you were home, because I was waiting outside.”

  Her smile got bigger. “Should I be worried that you’re some stalker guy, Mr. McCallister?”

  “Probably,” he nipped at her bottom lip. “It’s your own damn fault. You’re the one who’s turning me into a crazy fool.”

  She chuckled softly, and felt a warmth seep through her. “And the answer to the second question?” she whispered.

  “Mmm. That answer may take a while,” as he took her lower lip between his teeth, then sucked. He released it with a soft pop. “First,” he whispered, “I was going to remind you of all of my wonderful qualities.” He kissed her cheek, then began nibbling at her neck.

  “Then, if necessary, I was going to get on my knees and beg. And let’s be clear. I don’t ever beg,” he whispered.

  He was continuing to stroke the hair at the nape of her neck, while the hand around her waist found its way down to her ass, and squeezed. She was beginning to lose focus.

  “And how were you going to beg?” she whispered back. She moved her head to the side so his lips could continue their sensual journey.

  “Mmm. Well, it would’ve looked something like this.” Releasing her hair, but keeping his hand on her ass, he got onto his knees in front of her, his lips now at the same height of her belly button. His other hand grabbed her other ass cheek, and he began to knead. He looked up at her, and if a look could’ve incinerated her, she would’ve been a pile of ash.