Rejoice

by Karen Kingsbury

  Ashley finished for her. “Now you need us to tell you, right?”

  “I guess.”

  Ashley met Kari’s eyes, and the two exchanged a look that said they were up to the task. If their mother needed them, they’d be there for her. The same way she’d always been strong for them through every twist and turn in their growing-up years.

  “I think this calls for a cup of tea.” Ashley turned and snatched the kettle from the stove top. She filled it with water, turned on the burner, and pulled three of her mother’s delicate china cups from the antique hutch that stood between the kitchen and dining room. “Remember what you used to say?”

  Mom couldn’t resist a single short laugh. “Nothing in the world that God and a good cup of tea can’t fix.”

  “That’s it.” Kari walked her to the table, and a few minutes later they were talking about Luke’s wedding, doing just what their mother had always taught them.

  Look for the good in any situation.

  Even one as grim as Brooke’s.

  Chapter Seventeen

  After a week of putting it off, Ashley and Cole went to visit Brooke and the girls. From the moment they pulled up out front, the visit was difficult. How could it be anything else? Everywhere Ashley looked she could picture her blonde niece, skipping across the grass, playing duck-duck-goose with Maddie and Cole, keeping up in footraces.

  The memories inside Brooke and Peter’s home would be just as painful. Ashley held Cole’s hand as they made their way up the walk, but halfway there she stopped and touched her fingertips beneath Cole’s chin. “Don’t forget what we talked about.”

  “Okay.” Cole lowered his eyebrows and gave her a serious nod. “Hayley’s still not better even though she’s home.”

  “Right.” Ashley was tired, not quite up to the visit. “And she can’t run and play like before. Not until—” she drew a slow breath and found her voice again—“not until she’s better.”

  “Okay, Mommy.”

  Brooke opened the door then, and Ashley was struck by the look on her face. It was peace, perfect peace. Anguish and sorrow and pain, yes. But overriding all of the devastation she’d suffered that season was a peace that shone from the center of her being. “Hi, guys.” She opened the door wider. “Thanks for coming.”

  Ashley’s eyes met Brooke’s and held for a moment. They’d talked about this, about how Cole would react since this was the first time he’d seen Hayley since her accident. Now they could only watch it play out.

  Cole hugged Brooke and looked past her toward the dining room. “Where’s Maddie?”

  “Upstairs.” Brooke roughed up Cole’s bangs and grinned at him. “She’s waiting for you.”

  Cole ran his tongue over his lips and shifted his weight from one small tennis-shoed foot to another. “Can I say hi to Hayley first, Aunt Brooke?”

  “Yes, honey. She’s at the table. She’s just about to have applesauce.” Brooke stooped down, her hands spread out above her knees. “Come with me, okay?”

  Knots formed in Ashley’s stomach, and she hugged herself to ward off the horrible feeling. “Sure, Cole. Let’s go say hi.”

  Cole reached back for Ashley’s hand. “Together, okay, Mommy?”

  Again Ashley and Brooke exchanged a glance. Cole understood something had changed; he must have. Otherwise he would have run ahead to find Hayley, the way he’d done a hundred times before.

  The three of them went to the dining room, and Cole stood back for a moment, clinging to Ashley’s hand, his chin on his chest as he peered at Hayley. She was strapped to a small wheelchair, her head angled sharply to one side. Ashley followed Cole’s gaze as he looked at her hands, hanging small and limp against the wheelchair arms, and as his eyes lifted to her mouth, which hung open.

  “I think she’s hungry.” Cole looked at Brooke.

  “It’s okay.” Brooke’s eyes glistened some. “She can eat after you say hi.”

  One finger at a time, Cole released his hold on Ashley’s hand, and with nervous steps he walked the few feet separating them until he stood in front of Hayley’s wheelchair. Ashley studied her niece, the way her eyes followed Cole. She seemed to notice him. Yes, but there wasn’t a glimmer of recognition. Ashley tapped Cole’s shoulder and nudged him forward, her tone soft so it wouldn’t startle Hayley. “Talk to her, honey. She sees you.”

  Cole looked at Ashley over his shoulder. “What do I say?”

  His question tore at her heart, and she could only wonder how it made Brooke feel. Ashley gave a quick look at her older sister and searched for the right words. “Pretend she’s healthy, Cole.” Again her voice was a quiet whisper. “That’s the best way to talk to her.”

  Cole nodded and pulled himself up a bit taller than before. Then he turned and leaned closer to Hayley. “I’m glad you’re back home, Hayley. I missed you when you were gone.”

  A noise gurgled up from Hayley’s throat, and her mouth lifted into a smile.

  “Cole! See.” Brooke gave him a half hug from behind. “She likes when you talk to her.”

  Ashley was thinking the same thing. Cole looked back at Brooke. “Is it okay if I touch her?”

  “Yes, honey.” Brooke brought her fingers to her mouth and hung her head for a moment. “Please, Cole. Go ahead and touch her.”

  Hayley was moving her head now, turning it in that slow robotic way from one side of the chair to the other. From past experience, Ashley knew she was about to cry. But the moment Cole reached out and set his fingers on top of Hayley’s hand, she grew still.

  “Hayley, can I tell you something?”

  The little girl lifted her eyes to Cole’s, and for a moment she looked almost well again.

  Cole swallowed big. “I talked to Jesus about you, Hayley.” He worked his fingers around hers and held her hand, the way he’d done so often before her accident, she the little cousin, he the big-brother type. “I asked Jesus to make you better so we can run races again, okay?”

  The corners of Hayley’s mouth lifted again, and she uttered a short sound that could’ve passed for a laugh.

  “’emember, Hayley?” Cole stuck his thumbs in his ears and waved his fingers at her. It was something he’d seen Helen do at Sunset Hills Adult Care Home, the sign the old woman made to show that one or more of the people at the table with her had perhaps lost their mind. Cole thought the gesture was hysterical. When he’d showed it to Hayley and Maddie a few months ago at the Lake Monroe picnic, both girls had fallen to the ground laughing.

  Now, Hayley watched Cole with a look that was more intent than before. When her eyes lifted to see his waving fingers and his thumbs stuck in his ears, she began to laugh. Not a normal laugh, by any means. But a laugh that was more genuine, more like Hayley than anything Ashley had heard since the accident. She glanced at Brooke and knew. Her sister had seen it, too. Something about Cole’s communication was taking Hayley to a cognitive level she hadn’t so far reached.

  Encouraged by Hayley’s laughter, Cole kept waving his fingers and making a face, and this time he also pumped his legs and made a goofy circle around Hayley. Once more Hayley reacted, the tone of her laughter changing, becoming more natural with every passing second.

  Finally Cole stopped, breathless and grinning. He went to Hayley’s side, leaned in, and kissed her on the cheek. “I love you, Hayley.”

  Her eyes found him, and this time Ashley was sure. Hayley knew him, remembered him. Even through the fog of brain damage the bond between the two was intact. Hayley made a throaty sound, almost as if she wanted to answer him.

  Cole patted her on the head and gave her a smile as genuine as it was sweet. “I’m glad you’re okay, Hayley. I’ll come back later and we can play more.”

  With that, he flashed a grin at Ashley and Brooke, his hesitancy forgotten, his childlike assessment of his cousin all that the moment needed. Never mind that she wasn’t the same child she’d once been; never mind the distance she had to cover in order to find her way back to that place. The w
ay Cole saw it, if Hayley could laugh at his jokes, she was just fine.

  When they could no longer hear his feet pattering up the stairs toward Maddie’s room, Ashley sat across from Hayley, and Brooke, beside her.

  Brooke looked at her and lifted her shoulders. Tears filled her eyes, but rather than cry she let loose a laugh that released the tension. “Okay, then.” She dabbed at the wetness on her cheeks. “When he kissed her, I thought I was going to lose it.”

  “Me, too.” Ashley sniffed. “I’m glad I brought him.”

  “That’s why she’s home.” Brooke drew a long breath and shifted her eyes to Hayley. “So things can start feeling normal again.”

  Snow was falling outside, and a vanilla candle burned on the kitchen counter. Brooke began to spoon-feed applesauce to Hayley. “She isn’t stiff anymore; did you notice?” Now that they were sitting across from each other, Ashley could see that Brooke’s eyes looked tired, the lines around her eyes more pronounced than before. But there was no denying the hope in her voice.

  “Yes.” Ashley looked at her niece, the way her mouth hung to one side, how her head rested motionless against the back of the wheelchair. The way to feel comfortable around this new Hayley was to never picture the way she’d looked before the accident. Only then could the situation seem positive. “She doesn’t seem like she’s in pain.”

  “It’s the medication.” Brooke dipped the spoon into the applesauce and held a small amount near Hayley’s mouth. “They’ve found the right mix of muscle relaxants and antiseizure drugs. It’s been wonderful, really.”

  Ashley crossed her legs and managed a smile. Wonderful? Wonderful would be the day Hayley could jump down from the wheelchair and run upstairs with Cole. The day she could stick her thumbs in her ears and wave her fingers right back at him. But that wasn’t what Brooke needed to hear. “I’m glad, Brooke.” Ashley reached across the table and squeezed Brooke’s fingers. “She’s making strides for sure.”

  Brooke nodded and moved the spoon closer to Hayley’s lips. As Hayley felt it, she bobbled her head ever so slightly toward the spoon and opened her mouth wider than before. Brooke eased the spoon past her lips and used the roof of Hayley’s mouth to brush the applesauce off the spoon. Ashley watched the process, aching at how painfully slow it was.

  God, she’s in there somewhere. Heal her, Lord . . . please.

  A verse flashed in Ashley’s mind, one Pastor Mark had shared with them that past Sunday: Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, to him be glory forever and ever, amen.

  Yes, amen, God. That’s exactly what I know you’ll do with Hayley. Immeasurably more than all we could ask or imagine. A sense of peace washed over Ashley’s heart. She could do nothing but believe it was true, that God would continue healing Hayley the same way he continued to work on all of those who loved him.

  “Look!” Brooke’s tone was shrill and upbeat. “She’s swallowing, Ash. She’s really doing it. Do you know how huge that is?”

  “Wow!” Ashley watched her little niece, the way she made slow smacks with her mouth until the applesauce slid off her tongue down her throat. “Can she drink yet?”

  “This morning she took the smallest sip from one of her old sippy cups.” Brooke looked at Hayley, and Ashley was struck by the love in her sister’s eyes. A love stronger than anything she’d shown before the accident. “I’d say she’s at the developmental stage of about a four-month-old.”

  “Mmm-hmm.” Ashley was sad again. Glancing up, she could see the kitchen and with it another dozen memories of Hayley jumping up onto the counter to grab a cup for water or running in and snatching two cookies before Brooke could stop her. Hayley had been a sunbeam of light and little-girl laughter, but now . . .

  Ashley blinked and the memories disappeared. God, help me focus . . . help me be positive for all of us.

  Brooke set the spoon back in the applesauce and dabbed a napkin at the corners of Hayley’s mouth. She was going on about how great the situation was. “ . . . and her doctors say we should keep seeing improvements for the first two years. Some drowning victims make giant strides, and others make very minimal advancement.” She looked at Ashley again. “But after Hayley got her vision back . . . anything’s possible, Ash. Really. She’s relearning a month of behavior every week to ten days.”

  The conversation fell quiet for the most part, Brooke intent on helping Hayley finish at least half the jar of applesauce. When she was done feeding her, Brooke cleaned the child’s nose tube and reinserted it. Ashley could only watch for small moments at a time.

  Next, Brooke went to the refrigerator, pulled out a bag of medicine vials, complete with attached clean needles. Expertly, Brooke transferred two vials of medicine into a small tube taped to Hayley’s lower arm.

  Ashley marveled at her sister’s ability. She was as gentle and patient as anyone Ashley had ever seen. All while remarking occasionally about how well Hayley looked or how far she’d come or how she was making more sounds lately, trying to remember how to talk.

  “You’re trying, aren’t you, Hayley girl?” Brooke nuzzled her nose against Hayley’s.

  In return, Hayley made her slow laughing sound.

  “That’s right, baby. Mommy knows you want to talk.”

  Ashley looked on, amazed. How much her older sister had changed in the past two years. Watching Brooke work with Hayley, seeing in person the light in her sister’s expression, the hope in her voice, Ashley was struck by a thought. Here, before her eyes, was something good that had come out of the disaster of September 11. If it hadn’t been for that awful day, Brooke never would’ve felt driven to come to church, to learn more about God, and eventually to develop a personal relationship with him.

  A silent shudder made its way through Ashley. How awful, how desperate the situation with Hayley would’ve been without the hope and joy Christ brought to the picture.

  When Brooke was finished, she unstrapped Hayley from the chair, cradled her in her arms, and motioned at Ashley. “Let’s sit in the living room.”

  Ashley followed, mesmerized at the way Hayley’s eyes stayed locked on her mother’s face while the two of them sat in an oversized leather recliner. The moment they were situated, Brooke began working Hayley’s right foot, flexing it first up and then out in a series of gentle moves that were obviously a part of some physical-therapy program.

  Brooke smiled at Ashley. “What do you hear about Luke and Reagan’s wedding?”

  Ashley angled her head, her eyes locked on her sister’s. “Mostly that you’re thinking about staying home.”

  “I probably should.” The light in Brooke’s eyes dimmed some. “I won’t have Peter to help me with the girls, and with Hayley, well . . . it might be too much.”

  “Can she . . .” Ashley hesitated. She hated asking too many questions about Hayley, in case she hit on an area that might be hard for Brooke. “Can she travel? Is it okay for her?”

  “Definitely.” Brooke released Hayley’s foot and began working the left one. “She’s very stable. I would have to keep her in a car seat on the plane, but she’s completely mobile. Anything I do for her here—her meds, her therapy, her feeding tube—all of it can be done somewhere else.” Brooke looked down and cooed at Hayley. “Right, sweetie? You could hit the road anytime, huh?”

  Ashley didn’t understand. “So why not go, Brooke? We want you there.”

  “Because the rest of you are spending a week in New York City, aren’t you?”

  “Yes.” They would be staying from one Saturday to the next, through Christmas. “Erin and Sam, Kari and Ryan and Jessie, Mom, Dad, me and Cole . . . all of us fly in Saturday afternoon.”

  “See, that’s just it. I don’t want Hayley away from her doctors for that long. So if the wedding’s on Wednesday, that means I’d be flying in by myself on Tuesday, and back out Friday, the day after Christmas.” She lifted her eyes. “I’m not real excited about that, Ashley. It’s one thing to care for Hayley. But Maddie
and Hayley . . . by myself . . . traveling to a place as crazy busy as Manhattan? That might be too much.”

  “Hey . . .” Ashley leaned closer. “I was serious about taking Maddie to The Lion King. She could fly in with me and Cole on Saturday. Then when you arrive, you and Hayley could share a room with us. That way you could focus your attention on Hayley.”

  “Hmmm.” Brooke considered that for a moment, and she lifted her eyebrows. “That’s an idea.”

  “It’s a great idea.” Ashley rested her chin on her hands. “Even if you only came for a few days, Brooke. It won’t be the same without you.”

  Brooke began massaging the muscles in Hayley’s calves. “Did I tell you I’m going back to work?”

  “Work?” Ashley lowered her eyebrows.

  “Yes. Two days a week.” She looked at Ashley. “I have a nurse coming to stay with Hayley those days.” She hesitated. “I have no choice, Ashley. With Peter gone I’ll have to bring in some money. His child support won’t be enough.”

  “Child support?” Ashley hadn’t even thought of the possibility that Brooke would face financial struggles, too. It was one more reason to feel depressed about her sister’s situation. “So he’s serious about the divorce?”

  “He’s seen an attorney. He doesn’t want a fight; he’ll give me half of everything and let me stay in the house, but still . . .” She drew Hayley closer to her chest. “We were used to living on two doctors’ salaries. Eventually I’ll need to work at least three days a week.”

  Ashley clenched her teeth and swallowed her anger. Couldn’t Peter see what he was doing to Brooke and the girls? Was he so blind? “I’m sorry, Brooke.”

  “It’s okay. I can feel God telling me that somehow he’ll get me through. I hang on to that every minute of the day. Even when I’m crying my eyes out. Believe me.”