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Collected Poems

Page 25

by Edna St. Vincent Millay


  xliv

  How healthily their feet upon the floor

  Strike down! These are no spirits, but a band

  Of children, surely, leaping hand in hand

  Into the air in groups Of three and four,

  Wearing their silken rags as if they wore

  Leaves only and light grasses, or a strand

  Of black elusive seaweed oozing sand,

  And running hard as if along a shore.

  I know how lost forever, and at length

  How still these lovely tossing limbs shall lie,

  And the bright laughter and the panting breath;

  And yet, before such beauty and such strength,

  Once more, as always when the dance is high,

  I am rebuked that I believe in death.

  xlv

  Euclid alone has looked on Beauty bare.

  Let all who prate of Beauty hold their peace,

  And lay them prone upon the earth and cease

  To ponder on themselves, the while they stare

  At nothing, intricately drawn nowhere

  In shapes of shifting lineage; let geese

  Gabble and hiss, but heroes seek release

  From dusty bondage into luminous air.

  O blinding hour, O holy, terrible day,

  When first the shaft into his vision shone

  Of light anatomized! Euclid alone

  Has looked on Beauty bare. Fortunate they

  Who, though once only and then but far away,

  Have heard her massive sandal set on stone.

  xlvi

  Sonnets from an Ungrafted Tree

  I

  So she came back into his house again

  And watched beside his bed until he died,

  Loving him not at all. The winter rain

  Splashed in the painted butter-tub outside,

  Where once her red geraniums had stood,

  Where still their rotted stalks were to be seen;

  The thin log snapped; and she went out for wood,

  Bareheaded, running the few steps between

  The house and shed; there, from the sodden eaves

  Blown back and forth on ragged ends of twine,

  Saw the dejected creeping-jinny vine,

  (And one, big-aproned, blithe, with stiff blue sleeves

  Rolled to the shoulder that warm day in spring,

  Who planted seeds, musing ahead to their far blossoming).

  xlvii

  II

  The last white sawdust on the floor was grown

  Gray as the first, so long had he been ill;

  The axe was nodding in the block; fresh-blown

  And foreign came the rain across the sill,

  But on the roof so steadily it drummed

  She could not think a time it might not be—

  In hazy summer, when the ho t air hummed

  With mowing, and locusts rising raspingly,

  When that small bird with iridescent wings

  And long incredible sudden silver tongue

  Had just flashed (an d yet maybe not! ) among

  The dwarf nasturtiums—when no sagging springs

  Of shower were in the whole bright sky, somehow

  Upon this roof the rain would drum as it was drumming now.

  xlviii

  III

  She filled her arms with wood, and set Her chin

  Forward, to hold the highest stick in place,

  No less afraid than she had always been

  Of spiders up her arms and on her face,

  But too impatient for a careful search

  Or a less heavy loading, from the heap

  Selecting hastily small sticks of birch,

  For their curled bark, that instantly will leap

  Into a blaze, nor thinking to return

  Some day, distracted, as of old, to find

  Smooth, heavy, round, green logs with a wet, gray rind

  Only, and knotty chunks that will not burn,

  (That day when dust is on the wood-box floor,

  And some old catalogue, and a brown, shriveled

  apple core).

  xlix

  IV

  The white bark writhed and sputtered like a fish

  Upon the coals, exuding odorous smoke.

  She knelt and blew, in a surging desolate wish

  For comfort; and the sleeping ashes woke

  And scattered to the hearth, but no thin fire

  Broke suddenly, the woo d was wet with rain.

  Then, softly stepping forth from her desire,

  (Being mindful Of like passion hurled in vain

  Upon a similar task, in other days)

  She thrust her breath against the stubborn coal,

  Bringing to bear upon its hilt the whole

  Of her still body . . . there sprang a little blaze . . .

  A pack Of hounds, the flame swept up the flue!—

  And the blue night stood flattened against the window,

  staring through.

  l

  v

  A wagon stopped before the house; she heard

  The heavy oilskins of the grocer’s man

  Slapping against his legs. Of a sudden whirred

  Her heart like a frightened partridge, and she ran

  And slid the bolt, leaving his entrance free;

  Then in the cellar way till he was gone

  Hid, breathless, praying that he might not see

  The chair sway she had laid her hand upon

  In passing. Sour and damp from that dark vault

  Arose to her the well-remembered chill;

  She saw the narrow wooden stairway still

  Plunging into the earth, and the thin salt

  Crusting the crocks; until she knew him far,

  So stood, with listening eyes upon the empty dough-nut jar.

  li

  VI

  Then cautiously she pushed the cellar door

  And stepped into the kitchen—saw the track

  Of muddy rubber boots across the floor,

  The many paper parcels in a stack

  Upon the dresser; with accustomed care

  Removed the twine and put the wrappings by,

  Folded, and the bags flat, that with an air

  Of ease had been whipped open skillfully,

  To the gape of children. Treacherously dear

  And simple was the dull, familiar task.

  And so it was she came at length to ask:

  How came the soda there? The sugar here?

  Then the dream broke. Silent, she brought the mop,

  And forced the trade-slip on the nail that held his

  razor strop.

  lii

  VII

  One way there was of muting in the mind

  A little while the ever-clamorous care;

  And there was rapture, of a decent kind,

  In making mean and ugly objects fair;

  Soft-sooted kettle-bottoms, that had been

  Time after time set in above the fire,

  Faucets, and candlesticks, corroded green,

  To mine again from quarry; to attire

  The shelves in paper petticoats, and tack

  New oilcloth in the ringed-and-rotten’s place,

  Polish the stove till you could see your face,

  And after nightfall rear an aching back

  In a changed kitchen, bright as a new pin,

  An advertisement, far too fine to cook a supper in.

  liii

  VIII

  She let them leave their jellies at the door

  And go away, reluctant, down the walk.

  She heard them talking as they passed before

  The blind, but could not quite make out their talk

  For noise in the room—the sudden heavy fall

  And roll of a charred log, and the roused shower

  Of snapping sparks; then sharply from the wall

  The unforgivable crowing of the hour
.

  One instant set ajar, her quiet ear

  Was stormed and forced by the full rout Of day:

  The rasp Of a saw, the fussy cluck and bray

  Of hens, the wheeze Of a pump, she needs must hear;

  She inescapably must endure to feel

  Across her teeth the grinding Of a backing wagon wheel.

  liv

  IX

  Not over-kind nor over-quick in study

  Nor skilled in sports nor beautiful was he,

  Who had come into her life when anybody

  Would have been welcome, so in need was she.

  They had become acquainted in this way:

  He flashed a mirror in her eyes at school;

  By which he was distinguished; from that day

  They went about together, as a rule.

  She told, in secret and with whispering,

  How he had flashed a mirror in her eyes;

  And as she told, it struck her with surprise

  That this was not so wonderful a thing.

  But what’s the odds?—It’s pretty nice to know

  You’ve got a friend to keep you company everywhere

  you go.

  lv

  x

  She had forgotten how the August night

  Was level as a lake beneath the moon,

  In which she swam a little, losing sight

  Of shore; and how the boy, who was at noon

  Simple enough, not different from the rest,

  Wore now a pleasant mystery as he went,

  Which seemed to her an honest enough test

  Whether she loved him, and she was content.

  So loud, so loud the million crickets’ choir . . .

  So sweet the night, so long-drawn-out and late . . .

  And if the man were not her spirit’s mate,

  Why was her body sluggish with desire?

  Stark on the open field the moonlight fell,

  But the oak tree’s shadow was deep and black and

  secret as a well.

  lvi

  XI

  It came into her mind, seeing how the snow

  Was gone, and the brown grass exposed again,

  And clothes-pins, and an apron—long ago,

  In some white storm that sifted through the pane

  And sent her forth reluctantly at last

  To gather in, before the line gave way,

  Garments, board-stiff, that galloped on the blast

  Clashing like angel armies in a fray,

  An apron long ago in such a night

  Blown down and buried in the deepening drift,

  To lie till April thawed it back to sight,

  Forgotten, quaint and novel as a gift—

  It struck her, as she pulled and pried and tore,

  That here was spring, and the whole year to be lived

  through once more.

  lvii

  xii

  Tenderly, in those times, as though she fed

  An ailing child—with sturdy propping u p

  Of its small, feverish body in the bed,

  And steadying Of its hands about the cup—

  She gave her husband Of her body’s strength,

  Thinking of men, what helpless things they were,

  Until he turned and fell asleep at length,

  And stealthily stirred the night and spoke to her.

  Familiar, at such moments, like a friend,

  Whistled far off the long, mysterious train,

  And she could see in her mind’s vision plain

  The magic World, where cities stood on end . . .

  Remote from where she lay—and yet—between,

  Save for something asleep beside her, only the window

  screen.

  lviii

  XIII

  From the wan dream that was her waking day,

  Wherein she journeyed, borne along the ground

  Without her own volition in some way,

  Or fleeing, motionless, with feet fast bound,

  Or running silent through a silent house

  Sharply remembered from an earlier dream,

  Upstairs, down other stairs, fearful to rouse,

  Regarding him, the wide and empty scream

  Of a strange sleeper on a malignant bed,

  And all the time not certain if it were

  Herself so doing or some one like to her,

  From this wan dream that was her daily bread,

  Sometimes, at night, incredulous, she would wake—

  A child, blowing bubbles that the chairs and carpet

  did not break!

  lix

  XIV

  She had a horror he would die at night.

  And sometimes when the light began to fade

  She could not keep from noticing how white

  The birches looked—an d then she would be afraid,

  Even with a lamp, to go about the house

  And lock the windows; and as night wore o n

  Toward morning, if a dog howled, or a mouse

  Squeaked in the floor, long after it was gone

  Her flesh would sit awry on her. By day

  She would forget somewhat, and it would seem

  A silly thing to go with just this dream

  And get a neighbor to come at night and stay.

  But it would strike her sometimes, making the tea:

  She had kept that kettle boiling all night long, for company.

  Ix

  XV

  There was upon the sill a pencil mark,

  Vital with shadow when the sun stood still

  At noon, but now, because the day was dark,

  It was a pencil mark upon the sill.

  And the mute clock, maintaining ever the same

  Dead moment, blank and vacant of itself,

  Was a pink shepherdess, a picture frame,

  A shell marked Souvenir, there on the shelf.

  Whence it occurred to her that he might be,

  The mainspring being broken in his mind,

  A clock himself, if one were so inclined,

  That stood at twenty minutes after three—

  The reason being for this, it might be said,

  That things in death were neither clocks nor people,

  but only dead.

  lxi

  XVI

  The doctor asked her what she wanted done

  With him, that could not lie there many days.

  And she was shocked to see how life goes on

  Even after death, in irritating ways;

  And mused how if he had not died at all

  ’Twould have been easier—then there need not be

  The stiff disorder of a funeral

  Everywhere, and the hideous industry,

  And crowds of people calling her by name

  And questioning her, she’d never seen before,

  But only watching by his bed once more

  And sitting silent if a knocking came . . .

  She said at length, feeling the doctor’s eyes,

  “I don’t know what you do exactly when a person

  dies.”

  lxii

  XVII

  Gazing upon him now, severe and dead,

  It seemed a curious thing that she had lain

  Beside him many a night in that cold bed,

  And that had been which would not be again.

  From his desirous body the great heat

  Was gone at last, it seemed, and the taut nerves

  Loosened forever. Formally the sheet

  Set forth for her today those heavy curves

  And lengths familiar as the bedroom door.

  She was as one who enters, sly, and proud,

  To where her husband speaks before a crowd,

  And sees a man she never saw before—

  The man who eats his victuals at her side,

  Small, and absurd, and hers: for once, not hers,

  unclassified.

/>   FINIS

  From The Buck in the Snow

  lxiii

  Life, were thy pains as are the pains of hell,

  So hardly to be borne, yet to be borne,

  And all thy boughs more grim with wasp and thorn

  Than armoured bough stood ever; too chill to spell

  With the warm tongue, and sharp with broken shell

  Thy ways, whereby in wincing haste forlorn

  The desperate foot must travel, blind and torn,

  Yet must I cry: So be it; it is well.

  So fair to me thy vineyards, nor less fair

  Than the sweet heaven my fathers hoped to gain;

  So bright this earthly blossom spiked with care,

  This harvest hung behind the boughs of pain,

  Needs must I gather, guessing by the stain

  I bleed, but know not wherefore, know not where.

  lxiv

  Grow not too High, grow not too far from Home,

  Green tree, whose roots are in the granite’s face!

  Taller than silver spire or golden dome

  A tree may grow above its earthy place,

  And taller than a cloud, but not so tall

  The root may not be mother to the stem,

  Lifting rich plenty, though the rivers fall,

  To the cold sunny leaves to nourish them .

  Have done with blossoms for a time, be bare;

  Split rock; plunge downward; take heroic soil,—

  Deeper than bones, no pasture for you there;

  Deeper than water, deeper than gold and oil:

  Earth’s fiery core alone can feed the bough

  That blooms between Orion and the Plough.

  lxv

  Not that it matters, not that my heart’s cry

  Is potent to deflect our common doom,

  Or bind to truce in this ambiguous room

  The planets of the atom as they ply;

  But only to record that you and I,

  Like thieves that scratch the jewels from a tomb,

  Have gathered delicate love in hardy bloom

  Close under Chaos,—I rise to testify.

  This is my testament: that we are taken;

 

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