An hour and a half later, with a shaky feeling of emptiness from more than just Tommy calling our thing to an end, I arrived at the Spa. Grabbing my bag from the trunk, I ambled in, hoping the registration process wasn’t too arduous. Somewhere, I could hear a bed calling me. I checked in by ticking random boxes, signing unread information sheets and throwing my credit card at the receptionist, before finally accepting a key and wandering down the corridor in search of my room. I felt emotional again when I got inside. It was beautiful and serene, and no expense had been spared to make you feel relaxed. I left my bag where it fell on the floor and kicked off my ankle boots before dragging back the covers on the bed and collapsing. My stomach was telling me it needed food, but the thought still didn’t sit right so I ignored it and fell asleep in my clothes.
My routine for the first two days didn’t vary much. I’d wake up and take a shower, put on a fluffy robe and head back to bed. When I felt inclined to do so, I ordered a raft of room service items for delivery, only to touch the barest amount and shove the tray back in the corridor virtually untouched. I was content with the silence. It was such a change after being surrounded by so many people for so long. I wondered if I was depressed because I had no desire to get out of the room and explore. My brain had stopped functioning and there were times when I realized I hadn’t really thought about anything. I was so exhausted I was happy to just exist. I hadn’t unpacked my bag. I didn’t need to. The bathroom was stocked with all the toiletries I needed and I was happy to use them. I didn’t get dressed. I lived in a cocoon of white toweling and delivered food. When the room service maid came, I simply moved to the other bed in the twin room and existed there. She’d go about her business quickly and leave me with a fresh bed I could wallow in if I could be bothered to make the switch back.
On day three, I ventured to my purse and pulled out my cell phone. It was dead, and that only made me annoyed that I had to venture further down the room and find the charger that was still in my bag. When I connected it and switched it on, it began pinging with messages.
Lottie:
Carly:
Jake:
It seemed my peace was going to end shortly. I considered replying to Lottie, but I knew she’d understand if I didn’t. I ummed and aahhed over replying to Carly, but figured she could get the advice she needed from Lottie who should be looking after her case anyway, and we both needed to accept the forced separation her Dad had dealt us.
Attempting to get in the mood for visitors, I tried to change things up a little, so I spent a few hours in the bathtub instead of lying in bed and then actually got some clothes out of my bag. I was trying to eat a late lunch of a chicken club sandwich when the doorbell to my room was pressed. I lumped the food back on the plate, feeling that icky stomach feeling, and cursed the kids from the home who’d brought the stomach flu home with them. I needed this week to relax and get my head on straight, not spend it with my head in the toilet.
“You got my text then,” Jake said as I opened the door, followed by, “Whoa! What’s the deal? You look squiffy.”
“Yeah, maybe you shouldn’t have come. Some kid has given me the stomach flu and I’m feeling woozy.” I stepped aside to let him in and ignored the food on the table, slumping back on the bed. “I’m just gonna lie down for a bit.” I heard his bag land on the clean bed next to me. “Mind getting rid of that food?”
“Already on it,” he said round a mouthful, and I fell asleep again.
Apparently I slept like the dead for the next four hours of the afternoon. I only knew this because my new roommate told me he had to leave the room to stop his head from splitting. Listening to me sleep was apparently like hearing a chainsaw on repeat.
“I do not snore.”
“Trust me, when you snore like you do, you do it regularly.” He laughed. “You look like some color is returning to your cheeks, though. Here…” He smiled and handed me a bottle of water. “This place is beautiful in more ways than one, if you know what I mean.” When he winked, I caught on straightaway… Full of potential women my best friend could hit on.
“Do you have to be a dog all the time?”
“It is my duty. I cannot keep this from all those wild women,” he said, indicating his own form, which was sweat covered and red faced.
“Where have you been?”
“Went for a run. Scoped the joint out. I’ve booked us a table for an hour’s time. Get ready, sleeping beauty. You need daylight and fresh air.”
“Ugh, I’m not well enough.”
“A couple of drinks and a decent meal may do you good. Go. Bathroom, now. Unless you want me to help you.”
I shot him a dirty look as I climbed out of my pit. I hadn’t achieved what I’d set out to achieve because I’d been too sick, and now he was here and in the mood to be entertained. The only reason I actually got up and followed his plan was because I knew he’d find a willing participant fairly quickly and I’d be allowed to leave him be so I could come back to my wallowing.
Wallowing… Was that what I was doing?
It seemed so, although I decided to ignore that until the stomach flu excuse had run its course. Right now, I was ill and when that passed, I’d admit I was wallowing.
Fifty-five minutes later, I was wandering down the corridor to the main dining hall in a really bad mood. I had not brought any clothes appropriate for full on dining, but apparently Jake didn’t care. My head was throbbing and I was struggling to keep up with him.
“This is a bad idea. I don’t feel so good.”
“Quit being a baby. Give me one hour of you upright, wearing actual clothes and then you can retreat to your sick bed.”
“Well can you wait for me? Slow the fuck down a bit!” He wasn’t used to me snapping at him, so he stopped straight away. I made it to him and felt my vision swimming.
“Hey, Lacey, come on. What’s wrong? You okay?”
“I just went a little wobbly.” I righted myself and stood next to him.
“That’s because you’re hungry. You haven’t eaten in a while and unless I bring you water to drink, you’re not getting any fluids. Dehydration is no way to fight the flu. You need to flush the germs out.” Jake put his arm around my waist and slowed his pace. “Let’s just get a bit of food in you and we’ll head back.”
I nodded in appreciation. I hated that he was here and I hated that he’d busted in on my time. I hated that Lottie had told him where to find me. I hated that I wasn’t well enough to get a grip on the real reason I was here. Right now, I just fucking hated everything and wanted to curl back up under the covers.
We sat in a corner of the bar area instead of the dining room. Apparently, neither of us was dressed for that occasion and the snotty old waitress was only too pleased to tell us. Jake was bothered at first, but then realized he was in a more trendy setting where he could mingle and find a date for the night. I stomached a small amount of fried chicken and some mashed potato. The first few mouthfuls were just heavenly and made me understand just how much I needed to eat. I followed it down with some sparkling water and felt a strange sensation in my stomach. It wasn’t queasiness but a sort of odd stitch, almost like a twinge of pain.
“You doing okay?” Jake asked.
“Yeah, just haven’t been eating great, which means that heavy load I just ploughed through is sitting like a lead weight.” Pushing my plate away, I began to squirm in the chair in an effort to find the comfiest position. Jake was looking at me like I had ants in my pants and when I did find a comfortable position, the relief only lasted for a few minutes before I had to squiggle around looking for the next.
Jake watched in amazement and nodded each time I settled to check I was okay before continuing to wade through his steak and fries.
“So why are you here?”
H
is question hit me square in the centre of my chest like a cement block. He tried to play it off as out of the blue, but it was obvious he’d been working up to something.
“Spa trip,” I told him, hiding behind my glass.
“Really? You’re different and I’m wondering why that is, when you changed and what I’ve missed?”
“Uh, no, I don’t think so. I’ve just been busy.” He knew I was a shit liar and he was expecting my guilt at being caught trying to deceive him to bring out my confession. This time, though, I was hoping I could outrun that guilt and survive the interrogation.
“Who is he?”
“He?”
“The dude who has you all twisted up.” He covered another spot on his plate with ketchup and then continued to plough on with his meal. “You can talk to me. I’m your best friend.”
“I know that. I just thought I was falling for someone and got my signals and wires all crossed up. It was nothing, just a crush. Us females have them sometimes.” It hurt to say those words and I knew my rubber band heart was stretching again, but it was reaching its capacity to deal with everything.
“Okay. I hate seeing a girl sad, but I know it’s part of the chick process to get over the superior race. So be sad, get over it and move on. There’s plenty more fish in the sea. Just make sure he’s a Nemo not a Bruce the shark.”
“Only someone with enough mental capacity to have an hour long relationship with a stranger would say that, Jake. And Disney, really?”
I watched as he stopped chewing his food, calmly placed his fork down and wiped his lips with a napkin. “Lacey, you can say all the hurtful things in the world to me and it doesn’t bother me. You know why? Because I know who I am and what makes me happy. You’re upset. I see that and it makes me unhappy, but if this guy didn’t see the gem you are then that’s his problem. You are someone special, Lacey. You deserve to be adored and treasured. If the loser couldn’t get that through his dense skull then you’re better off without him.”
I looked at my best friend and knew there was a big possibility I might burst into floods of tears right there at the table. He was right. I did deserve to be adored and loved. I deserved to be treated like I was someone’s everything and they needed me to breathe. If Tommy didn’t see that then it was him that was missing out. It didn’t matter that I loved him. If he didn’t love me back in return then I was never going to feel like I was his world. Someone somewhere would come along and make me feel like that. They’d treat me to the love and beautiful life I’d always dreamed of.
“Thank you.”
“Now, as pleased as I am that you’ve eaten, I don’t think a blubbering female will help my chances in the hook up arena tonight. The fact that I’m here having dinner with you is causing me extra conversation effort. I’ll have to explain who you are before they give in and let me do my thing. Apart from that one in the corner… She actually looks like Bruce the shark and her friend, well, let’s just say she doesn’t care that I may be sat here with my girlfriend. In fact, it seems that makes me more appealing. I’ll walk you back to your room.” Jake stood, and as I followed his action, I felt my stomach cramp and contract sharply, causing me to clasp the table for support. “You gonna puke again?”
“Maybe,” I mumbled, feeling sweat starting to line my forehead and rivulets of it dripping down my back. My hands didn’t feel like my own as I let go of the table, and I could feel my heartbeat in my forehead. I had definitely overdone it tonight.
“Come on.” I let him place an arm around my waist again and moved on autopilot beside him. By the time we reached our room, I was barely functioning on my own. My head was foggy and the stomach pains were increasing. I gave myself a mental pep talk just to keep the mashed potato inside. Right now, it was in danger of becoming an interior design feature for the corridor.
“I just need to lie down, gather some strength and wait for all of it to make a second appearance. I shouldn’t have eaten so much.”
“Eyes bigger than your belly, Lace.” He laughed and lay me on the bed. “I’m going to help you get undressed, okay? I don’t want you puking on your clothes and you’re sweating like mad. The fever is finally working its way out of your system.”
There was nothing sexual in his actions. He was clinical and goal orientated, leaving me in just my bra and panties. He covered me up and brought a damp wash cloth for my forehead along with a glass of water.
“I’ll go and have a few drinks and come back. Sleep, honey.”
I didn’t know how much time passed, but I began to shiver really badly and it didn’t matter how tightly I pulled the covers around me, there was no escaping the chill that was reaching my core. My head was pounding and the pain in my stomach was reaching new heights on the torture chart, so much so that I knew if I could just rid it of my dinner, I was sure I would feel better. For the second time I’d over stuffed myself and was going to pay the price. With a small spurt of energy, I threw back the covers and dropped my feet to the floor, feeling the shivers racking through my frame. I waited until the dizziness passed and then stumbled for the bathroom. I made it through the door before the most gut crippling round of cramps began twisting through my body, causing me to bend sharply in an effort to find relief. With one hand on the basin to steady myself, I started to pant and breathe sharply. Something wasn’t right and I didn’t know how to make the pain stop. As I tried to straighten myself, the pain intensified and I gritted my teeth and growled through it, only this time I felt water dribbling down my legs. I’d never been so ill before that I’d wet myself, and in all the times with my mom when I’d had to nurse myself better, I’d never wet the bed. If I had, I’d have wound up laundering them while I was ill. Otherwise there would have been no sheets to sleep on. Looking down at the white fluffy towel I’d left on the floor earlier for tomorrow’s housekeeping call, I started to panic.
Blood was dripping off my thigh and marking the stark whiteness in a gruesome pattern. Sheer terror engulfed me and the shaking returned with a vengeance. I wasn’t due my period and even if I had been, it would never have been this heavy. The clenching and twisting of my stomach ratcheted up another level and this time I succumbed to it, howling in defeat and falling to the floor. In an effort to make it stop, I rolled myself up into a ball and started rocking on the floor, clutching my side and pinching desperately to try to ease whatever my body was working through. I could feel my thighs slip and slide together and the rusty iron stench of blood was starting to overpower me. The bleeding was getting worse and heavier, so I dragged the dirty, bloodied towel off the floor and hastily shoved it between my thighs, wailing through the pain of movement in order to get it in place. I had no idea what was happening to me, and I knew I needed help but every time I moved, more blood seeped out of my vagina and ran down my legs. Deciding that staying put was the best option, I cried out for help a few times and when no response came, I started to panic and cry. I knew the balled up towel was soaked and something was desperately wrong. My hands became sticky and wet as I shuffled through the clumpy pools of blood on the floor and tried to crawl for the door. My body couldn’t understand what was going on and it hurt so much that when my vision started to go hazy, I knew I needed to stop and take a rest.
Crawling a few paces at a time, I made it to the bathroom door, knowing that my charging cell phone wasn’t much further. My vision started to fade in and out and I became scared as I knew this was as far as I was going.
Praying that Jake wouldn’t be long, I stopped where I was and lay my head down until the darkness completely swallowed me up and I fell unconscious.
Lacey Talbot
“Hello, Lacey, I’m Doctor Yung. It’s good to finally see you awake. Do you know where you are?”
I honestly didn’t.
The last thing I remembered was trying to reach the bedroom at the spa and all the blood leaking from my private area. I blinked a few times, taking in the room around me. It was white and sterile, and Jake was propped in
a chair in the corner looking worried out of his mind. I had a drip of clear fluid in one arm and what looked like a bag of blood attached to the other. When I waggled my fingers, I had one of those clothes peg things on one of them, which was hooked up to a beeping monitor next to me. Mostly, though, I felt thirsty and woozy, like I needed the coldest, freshest water to drink but I also wanted to close my eyes and go back to sleep. I felt that exhausted.
“I’m guessing a hospital.”
The attractive female doctor smiled back at me and began scribbling on a chart.
“You are at St. Joesph’s hospital and you gave us a bit of a fright. Shall I ask your boyfriend to leave while we discuss the details a little further?”
I glanced over at Jake, and the stern shadow that closed over him told me he was going nowhere and asking him was going to cause him to combust on the spot.
“He can stay,” I answered and watched as his shoulders sagged with relief.
“We just have to ask in situations like this, but we recommend both of you hearing all the details so you can support each other. Lacey, my dear, you’ve suffered a miscarriage.” The doctor stopped after she said those words, or maybe time did, or maybe the earth stopped spinning. I wasn’t entirely sure. I felt a bit odd after hearing them and the bleeping of the machine started to race a little. She said no more as she realized she needed to give me some time to fully commit the words to my brain. Words I’d never dreamed of hearing.
“I’m guessing from your reaction and the fact that you were only very early on in the pregnancy that you had no idea.”
I managed to shake and nod my head at the same time in some form of agreement. I could hear the sound of water whooshing inside my head and then that heartbeat thing in the center of my forehead. I was sure I was having an out of body experience. I glanced over at Jake and the thunder cloud was back, swamping his features. It seemed he’d never expected to hear those words either.
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