Least Said

by Pamela Fudge

  I gave Jon an over-to-you kind of look and he picked up the baton and ran with it. ‘That’s because we weren’t sure we would ever get another little boy as perfect as you.’

  I just melted at his words and I swear that at that moment I fell in love with Jon all over again.

  ‘Well, have a little girl then,’ was Will’s common sense response, and we laughed and said that maybe we would do just that, one day.

  As I lay in Jon’s arms that night I was quite sure that life itself couldn’t be more perfect – and then I saw him again.

  Chapter 3

  I could have been wrong – but I knew by the sudden dread I felt in the pit of my stomach that I wasn’t. It was him. The rugby player I had tried so hard to forget – and pretty much succeeded for the past seven years – was even closer to home than before. This was Bournemouth town centre, and not the much bigger city of Southampton where I had seen him the first time.

  I took a mad dash into the nearest department store and stood taking a few very deep breathes to get the panic attack that was threatening under control, and then I left quickly through another exit, raced back to the car park, and drove straight home.

  It didn’t matter that I hadn’t purchased a thing, or that I had nothing to wear for a wedding that was fast approaching, all that mattered was that I had escaped without him seeing me.

  Seven years, seven whole years without sight or sound of the man, seven years of being certain that my shameful secret was safe and there would be no repercussions, and then up he pops – on two separate occasions now - the man who had the power and the knowledge to destroy my family.

  I felt sick and ill, but knew I had to get a grip and try to get what had just happened into perspective. I couldn’t – I just couldn’t – get on the phone to Tina again knowing how busy she was. So I tried, instead, to imagine what she would say.

  She would say that it was a complete coincidence he should appear in front of me - twice - in a very short time, when there hadn’t been a single sighting of him in seven years. I had to agree that it very probably was. Tina would then ask me the question - was I really certain, completely certain - that it was the same man I had seen on both occasions?

  Well, I gave the matter some serious thought and reminded myself that on this second occasion I hadn’t actually come up face to face with him. It was more of a caught-sight-of moment, if I was being honest with myself. I had taken in the height of the man, the short dark hair and a glimpse of chiselled features that seemed familiar, and totally freaked out. And what was it about seeing him – if it was him – that had upset me so much?

  Did I really believe that he was out there searching for me? Tina would look at me quizzically with her head on one side. ‘Really?’ she would ask.

  She would then remind me that it didn’t actually seem very probable he would have waited seven whole years and then suddenly woken up one morning, wondered what had become of me, and set off to find out.

  She was right, of course - the idea was so highly unlikely that I wondered why I had been taking it all so seriously. I had no doubt at all that I would have been just one of many such interludes in his hedonistic life, and I would be very surprised if he remembered even a single one of us.

  But then I recalled that he had actually asked me, ‘Hey, don’t I know you from somewhere?’

  In all probability he hadn’t given me a thought in all these years, but now seeing me again had reminded him of my existence, and maybe sparked an interest that hadn’t been there before, even a desire to pick up where we had left off. I shuddered at the thought.

  Most worrying of all was the fact that William had been with me. What if seeing my son had allowed him to put two and two together and come up with a very accurate four? I shivered and looked longingly at the phone.

  I could speed dial Tina and be speaking to her in seconds, knowing she would have no problem with that. In fact, I reminded myself, she would have a problem with me if I didn’t ring her over something as important as this.

  I reached out my hand, and it was actually touching the receiver when it rang. I jumped so much that I knocked the handset to the floor and ended up on my hands and knees, scrabbling under the hall table for it.

  I thought it would be Tina. In fact I was certain it would be Tina because we had always been so in tune that I was convinced that she would instinctively know that I needed her.

  When a man’s deep voice said, ‘Is that Mrs Wendy Hammond?’ my heart literally stopped beating, and when it started again it beat so fast that I couldn’t catch my breath and almost keeled over. I couldn’t have spoken if my life depended on it. The man persisted, his tone becoming impatient, ‘Hello, hello, are you there, Mrs Hammond?’

  I forced myself to take a deep steadying breath, resisted the urge to simply replace the receiver without saying a word, and finally responded with a very brief, ‘Yes.’

  It was him, I just knew it. He had found me. How he had found me or why didn’t occur to me – only that he had.

  The man started speaking, quite rapidly, and the state I was in meant I couldn’t quite take in what he was saying. It took me a moment to pick apart the words and assimilate them into some kind of order and work out the right kind of response.

  ‘No,’ I said, quietly but firmly, ‘I haven’t been mis-sold PPI, but thank you for calling,’ and then I dropped the phone onto its stand and I laughed.

  I laughed, and kept laughing so hard that it was bordering on hysteria, and tears came to my eyes and rained down my face. The relief was such that the strength went from my legs and I sagged against the wall – and then the doorbell rang.

  The laughter died on my lips as suddenly as it had started and the fear was back with a vengeance as I realised I should have known that he wouldn’t ring first, but would just turn up on my doorstep unannounced.

  He must have seen me earlier, followed me back to the car, and then all the way home. Why hadn’t I thought to use diversionary tactics? I knew the area like the back of my hand, for goodness sake, and could easily have avoided the main route from Bournemouth to Brankstone, taken the back roads, and thrown him off the scent.

  The bell rang again, a long drawn-out peal this time as an impatient finger pressed a lot harder. He wasn’t going to go away, was he? Eventually, I was going to have to go out there to collect Will from school. The thought of my son hardened my resolve and I wrenched the door open, ready to do whatever it took to keep this interloper away from my family.

  I was shocked into silence for several seconds and then I screamed and threw myself forward and straight into Tina’s arms. I trusted that she would catch me and hold me safe – and she did.

  ‘Oh, my God,’ I finally stood back and looked my fill at my dearest friend, ‘what on earth are you doing here?’

  She laughed, a light-hearted, carefree laugh, and I envied her a life that had finally given her everything that she had ever wanted. I immediately felt selfish because I, of all people, knew what she had gone through to find her present happiness – and how she had helped me to find mine.

  ‘Would you believe that Calum suddenly dropped into the breakfast table conversation that he was coming down this way to visit a client – you remember Bette Ireland, don’t you?’

  As I nodded, a picture of that flamboyant, larger than life author was popping straight into my head. A big blonde woman, she had been Tina’s good friend for years. In fact, she had been there, literally, when Tina and Calum had first met. That meeting had led to a passionate but doomed affair and Bette was the only person – apart from Tina herself – who had known all along that Calum had fathered a child with Tina. Their now grown up daughter, Leanne.

  As I swept Tina before me into the kitchen and switched the kettle on, I could remember all too clearly the furore when Leanne became ill with meningitis and how Tina had felt obliged to make the decision to share with Calum the fact that he had a seventeen year old daughter.

  To say he was an
gry that she hadn’t seen fit to apprise him of this fact sooner – seventeen years sooner, in fact – was a massive understatement. Tina telling him that she’d planned to reveal his identity to Leanne on her eighteenth birthday and leave her to contact him had done nothing to help matters at all.

  ‘You’re very quiet,’ Tina said suddenly, as I put her tea, milky with two sugars just as she liked it, in front of her and pushed the plate of chocolate digestives her way.

  I smiled. ‘Just remembering how it was,’ I said, ‘when Calum found out about being Leanne’s father.’

  ‘Oh, please don’t remind me,’ she pleaded. ‘How I could ever have thought keeping such a thing from him was the right thing to do, I can’t for the life of me imagine now. Thank God they both forgave me eventually – but it was far more than I deserved.’

  ‘You did what you thought was best,’ I assured her. ‘It’s all that any of us can do.’

  ‘Who did you think I was?’ Tina asked suddenly, and I stared at her, until she continued, ‘You know, when you opened the door to me? You obviously weren’t expecting me, so who were you expecting? Someone you didn’t want to see, evidently, because you wrenched the door open with such force and stood there looking as if you were ready to do battle with whoever you imagined was on the doorstep.’

  I pulled a face, felt the ready tears fill my eyes and finally blurted, ‘I think I saw him again, Tina, and even closer to home this time.’

  ‘By him, I suppose you mean the rugby player?’

  I nodded, and could feel the sense of panic that was becoming all too familiar since that first sighting sweep over me.

  ‘And you’re sure – quite sure?’

  ‘Well, that’s just it,’ I admitted reluctantly. ‘I was positive at the moment I saw him, and remained positive all the way home, then I calmed down a bit and managed to convince myself I was wrong – until the phone rang and a man’s voice said my name.’

  Tina looked startled.

  ‘It wasn’t him,’ I shook my head, ‘but I’d no sooner put the phone down than the doorbell went straight away. It was you, of course, but I swear to God I thought he would be standing there and I was completely terrified. What am I going to do, Tina?’

  ‘Nothing, is the answer to that,’ she stated in her calm way. ‘You’re getting yourself into a complete state about nothing, Wendy. Okay, I accept that you saw him once. I understand that it was a huge shock for you, but I think you have to accept it for the coincidence it really was.’

  ‘But he recognised me.’

  ‘No,’ she said firmly, ‘that’s not quite true, is it? He thought he knew you from somewhere – there is quite a big difference. Remember he even said, “Don’t I know you from somewhere?” So he obviously just thought you looked familiar. You told me yourself how you rushed out of there, and you can bet your life that he will have shrugged his shoulders and forgotten all about you before the door had even closed behind you.’

  My shoulders slumped as the tension began to seep out of me. ‘I don’t know how many times you’re going to have to tell me I’m being paranoid.’ I pulled a rueful face.

  ‘As many times as it takes to make you see that you’re worrying for nothing, is the answer to that.’

  ‘Thank you so much.’

  I felt like flinging my arms around her neck I was so full of gratitude. I’d never found another friend like Tina since she’d moved out of the area, and I knew I never would. I shouldn’t be wishing to turn back time, but I couldn’t help myself wishing with all my heart that we still lived in those much smaller houses next door to each other. Life always seemed so much simpler, somehow, when you had a sensible friend on tap.

  ‘You have absolutely nothing to thank me for,’ she insisted. ‘After all, you’ve done the same for me in the past - and would do it again in a heartbeat. It’s what friends are for.’

  We smiled happily at each other, and then I caught sight of the clock and shrieked, ‘Look at the time. I have to go and pick Will up from school. Do you want to come?’

  ‘Try and stop me,’ Tina said.

  We took the car as the time was getting on. Usually though, unless it was raining, I preferred to walk, and we often took a detour on the way home through the local park so that William could enjoy the swings. Today he would be enjoying the company of his Auntie Tina and I knew how thrilled he would be to find her waiting with me.

  ‘And how is my adorable God-child?’ she asked. ‘I have to ask even when I know the answer is going to be completely gorgeous.’

  ‘Well, I would say that, wouldn’t I?’ I grinned ruefully, and then added, ‘but he truly is. I never knew a lovelier child – except, perhaps for Leanne, because she’s gorgeous, too. How is she these days?’

  ‘Completely gorgeous,’ Tina laughed.

  ‘I can’t believe she’s what – twenty-five now? Where did the years go? No sign of her settling down yet, then?’

  ‘No,’ she shook her head, ‘she just loves working with her Dad at the literary agency. He’s happy to give her lots of responsibility, so she has her own stable of authors now and is dealing almost exclusively with chick-lit and romantic comedy. She seems to have an eye for a potential best-seller and is doing really well according to Calum.’

  I was impressed and yet I wasn’t, because Leanne has studied hard to get a first in her degree and then had started as a gofer at Calum’s literary agency. I was sure he wouldn’t have made it easy for her – and I was also sure she wouldn’t have wanted him to.

  Jade and Lucy were looking out for me at the school gates, and they both waved and tried to hide their natural curiosity when they saw I had someone with me.

  There was just time for a quick introduction before the bell rang and the next minute Will came hurtling across the playground towards us. His eyes grew huge with excitement when he was close enough to see who was with me.

  ‘Auntie Teeeeeena,’ he shrieked, leaping into her waiting arms and shrieking some more when she twirled him round until his small body was flying horizontally. ‘You haven’t been to see us for ages,’ he said the minute she put him down, his tone accusing.

  ‘William,’ I admonished sharply, ‘don’t be so rude.’

  ‘Well, she hasn’t,’ he pouted and then redeemed himself slightly by adding, ‘and I’ve missed her.’

  ‘Aw,’ Tina crouched down in front of him and pulled him back into her arms, ‘I’ve missed you, too, Will – loads.’

  ‘Have you?’ he obviously wasn’t going to be appeased easily, and wanted a bit more in the way of confirmation.

  Tina laughed and assured Will, ‘Yes, I truly have and, as it’s naughty of me to have stayed away so long, I’ve brought you a present to say sorry.’

  ‘A present,’ he trilled, and throwing his arms around Tina’s neck, he demanded, ‘Where is it?’

  ‘Oh, William,’ it was all I could do not to hold my head in my hands in despair at such a lack of manners.

  ‘What?’ he stared at me innocently, ‘I was only asking.’

  Tina stood, holding my son in her arms. ‘He’s right, he was,’ she laughed and told the impatient child, ‘It’s in Uncle Calum’s car, but he’ll be joining us very soon – and might even be there when we get home. I’m sorry, Will. I should have brought it with me.’

  ‘That’s all right,’ he assured her and, apparently mollified by the thought of the impending present, he wrapped his little arms around Tina’s neck and planted a kiss on her cheek.

  ‘Well, ‘she said, ‘I have to say it was worth coming all this way just for that, Will.’

  We walked back to the car with Will dancing alongside Tina, clutching her hand and trying his hardest to get from her any hints as to what the present might actually be. He became almost hysterical when we pulled into our driveway and found Calum sitting on the doorstep with a gaily wrapped, big square parcel in his hands.

  ‘Don’t...’ I began, but I was wasting my breath because Will was unclipped, out of his boos
ter seat and out of the car before I could put the handbrake on. ‘What have I told you?’ I demanded, but was well aware my words were falling on deaf ears.

  Calum remained seated almost until the very second before Will reached him, and then he was on his feet and holding the package aloft. He laughed as Will jumped up and down with no chance at all of reaching the prize being held so tantalizingly out of his reach.

  ‘Calm down, William, and give us all a chance to get inside.’

  I lifted my cheek for Calum’s kiss and thought how well he looked – and how handsome. In his fifties now, his mature years sat well with him. As he pulled Tina close and kissed her full on the lips I noted again what an attractive couple they made and how obviously deeply in love they still were.

  ‘Come on, Calum,’ Tina ordered the minute we were safely inside with the door closed behind us, ‘stop teasing the child.’

  William gave her the brightest of smiles and held out his hands eagerly to Calum, completely confident – as I was – that her words would be heard and understood.

  ‘Oh, wow, how brilliant is that, Will?’ I breathed, excited for my son as the paper was ripped away from a box that held a real grown-up football, sporting the Liverpool logo if I wasn’t mistaken. I was touched that they had remembered Will’s favourite team.

  ‘It’s lovely,’ Will said dutifully, hugging the ball, still in its box, to him. Then he stared at it, ‘but why has it got scribble all over it? I’m not allowed to use pens on my toys.’

  ‘William...,’ I was seriously beginning to despair over these lapses in the good manners that Jon and I had instilled into him.

  Calum just laughed and, pulling the boy onto his lap, he pointed to the writing and carefully explained that the scribbles were, in fact, signatures of the whole Liverpool football club team, ‘and, do you see here,’ he pointed, ‘it says To William with best wishes.’

  ‘Wow,’ William breathed, ‘is it especially just for me?’

  ‘Definitely, just for you,’ Calum assured him, ‘and one of these days, if your Mum and Dad will let me, I’d like to take you to Anfield so that you can meet the players in person. Now, how about we get the ball out of the box and have a quick game in the back garden before dinner? We are invited to stay to dinner, aren’t we, Wendy?’ he asked cheekily.