A Hopeful Heart

by Amy Clipston

  Hannah sniffed and wiped her eyes. “I never imagined I’d feel unwelcome in the community I’ve known my whole life. I wish mei mamm were still alive. I’d love to talk to her about all of this.”

  Ruth touched her hand. “I understand. Sometimes it seems as if only a mamm can fix things for us, but you can do this. Your kinner will look to you for guidance, and you need to be strong for them, no matter what decision you make. You know I don’t want to see you leave the community. It would break my heart to see you shunned, but God will lead you toward the right path.”

  Hannah wiped her eyes and stood. “We better get back to work.” She started for the door, and then turned back toward Ruth. “Danki for listening. And you know this stays between us, ya?”

  “Of course, Hannah. Your secrets are safe with me.” Ruth hugged her. “Let me know if you need to talk again.”

  “I will.” Hannah moved to the elevator while contemplating what Ruth had said. She knew her actions affected her children, and she never wanted to hurt them. Seeing the disappointment in Lillian’s eyes was too much to bear. She had to stay away from Trey to give her children the lives they deserved. Yet, she kept wondering, how could she walk away from the man who had begun to heal her broken heart?

  She thought about the bishop as she stepped into the elevator. Elmer Smucker was a kind and fair man. She believed he would listen to her when she explained the incident and why she’d embraced Trey. Hopefully he’d give her the benefit of the doubt and understand she meant no harm; she’d only reacted to the stress of the incident. Surely Elmer had sinned by accident? After all, they were only human.

  Hannah smiled. This seemed to be the correct solution. She could stop by to see him at his farm on her way home tonight. She would tell him she’d made a mistake, and she wanted to repent for her sins. Hannah would agree to make things right with the community and ask the bishop to talk to the school board. Then Lillian would be happy and could apply for the teaching position.

  Hannah’s eyes moved toward Trey’s room as she stepped off the elevator on the third floor, and her heart skipped a beat. She wanted to make things right for Lillian, but it seemed an impossible task when her heart was drawn to Trey Peterson. How could she promise to deny her relationship with Trey when the relationship meant so much to her?

  “You can take your lunch now, Amanda,” Nancy’s mother called from the other side of the deli.

  Amanda smiled and waved from behind the cash register. “Okay. I’m going to walk to the Book Café.”

  “Can I come too?” Nancy sidled up to Amanda.

  “Oh. Sure.” Amanda tried to hide her disappointment with a shrug. She’d hoped to sneak over to the bookstore alone and take a look at a GED book. Her curiosity about the GED had been haunting her ever since she’d talked to Mike about it.

  Nancy raised her eyebrows. “Was iss letz? You don’t want me to come?”

  “No, no. Don’t be gegisch.” Amanda waved off the comment while wondering how her best friend came to be as perceptive as her twin sister. “I’d love for you to come.”

  “Mamm!” Nancy hollered to her mother, who stood by the baked goods counter. “Amanda and I are running to the Book Café. We’ll be back soon.”

  Her mother smiled. “Okay, but don’t linger, and don’t spend any money.”

  Amanda followed Nancy out the front door of the store, and the bright sunshine blinded her for a moment.

  “What do you need at the bookstore?” Nancy squinted and turned to Amanda.

  “Lily asked me to look for a certain book for her.” It wasn’t really a lie. Lillian had mentioned she wanted to get a Christian novel she’d seen listed in the back of the novel she was reading. “I thought I’d look today at lunch and surprise her. They have some gut deals on used books.”

  “That’s nice.” Nancy smiled. “I’m going to browse too. I love looking at books.”

  They crossed the street and walked past two other stores before reaching the bookstore. A bell above the door rang to announce their arrival. As they stepped into the store, the smell of coffee permeated Amanda’s nose. She glanced toward a small café area with tables, chairs, and a food counter. The remainder of the store was crammed with shelves of books.

  “Good afternoon!” Rick, the owner, called from behind the counter. “Welcome to the Book Café.”

  Amanda waved and then headed with Nancy over to the Christian fiction section.

  Nancy began perusing the shelves. “What book is Lily looking for?”

  Amanda told her the title and author.

  “I love that author.” Nancy pointed toward the end of the aisle. “I’ll find it for you.”

  Amanda followed her. “I’m going to look over there, okay?”

  Nancy studied the shelves in front of her, not looking up to see if Amanda had motioned where. “Take your time.” She lifted a book off the shelf. “Oh, this looks gut. I wonder if Lily would like this too.”

  Amanda moved to the other end of the aisle and turned toward the front of the store. She spotted Rick standing behind the cash register alone while looking through a book. She longed to ask him about a GED preparation book, but she didn’t want anyone else to know about it. She looked back at Nancy and found her flipping through a novel. Amanda had to act now, or she’d risk getting caught by Nancy.

  Amanda made her way across the store and approached the counter. “Excuse me. I was wondering if I could ask you something.”

  Rick looked up at her and smiled. “How can I help you?”

  “Do you have GED books?” Amanda tried to keep her voice just above a whisper.

  “GED books?” He tilted his head. “You mean like the GED prep book you study before taking the test?”

  Amanda nodded while wishing he’d keep his voice down. “Ya, that’s it.”

  “I think I do have them. Let me check.” He pushed some buttons on the computer. “Yes, I do. I should have three GED prep books in stock. Do you want me to get one of them for you?” He pointed toward the other side of the store. “The GED prep books are over there by the SAT books, in the reference section.” He smiled at someone behind Amanda. “Hi. Can I help you?”

  “No, I’m with her.”

  Amanda grimaced when she heard Nancy’s voice. Oh no. I’ve been caught. She forced a smile. “Thank you for your help.”

  Rick raised his eyebrows. “Do you want me to get the book for you?”

  “No, thank you.” Amanda turned to Nancy, who smiled. Relief flooded her. Oh, gut! Maybe she didn’t hear Rick say, GED book” nearly a dozen times! She looked down at the book in Nancy’s hand. “Did you find Lily’s book?”

  “Ya.” Nancy handed the book to her.

  “Danki. Are you going to get anything?”

  “Not today. Mei mamm told me not to spend any money. She says I buy too many frivolous things. I don’t think books are frivolous, but she’ll tell me to go to the library instead.” Nancy jerked her thumb toward the door. “We’d better get back to the deli.”

  Rick looked between them. “Oh, do you girls work at Fisher’s Deli?”

  “We do.” Amanda handed him the book.

  “I thought I recognized you. I love going there. You have the best baked goods and cold cuts in town.” Rick grinned.

  “Thank you.” Nancy smiled. “I’ll tell my parents you said that.”

  “I’m a loyal customer.” Rick told Amanda the total cost for the book.

  Amanda handed him the money. “Thank you.” She took the bag he gave her and slipped the change into her apron pocket. She followed Nancy out to the sidewalk while thinking about the GED book and wondering if Nancy had overheard the conversation.

  “What’s a GED book?” Nancy’s question confirmed Amanda’s worries.

  “It’s nothing.” Amanda quickened her pace. “We’d better hurry back so we have time to eat lunch.”

  “Wait.” Nancy grabbed Amanda’s sleeve and stopped her. “What are you hiding from me?” She eyed Amanda
with suspicion.

  “I’m not hiding anything from you.”

  “Then why can’t you tell me what a GED prep book is?” Nancy jammed her hands on her small hips. “If you’re not hiding anything, then you’ll tell me.”

  Amanda swung the shopping bag containing the book. “It’s a book you use as a study guide for the GED test.”

  “What’s a GED test?”

  “It’s a test you take to get your high school equivalency.”

  Nancy scrunched her nose. “I don’t understand.”

  “You take the GED in place of going to high school and getting a diploma.”

  “A GED is like a high school diploma?”

  “Ya. It’s like a high school diploma without going through four years of high school.” Amanda remembered how Mike called it torture, and she smiled.

  “What?” Nancy’s eyes flew open. “Why are you smiling?”

  “I was just remembering something Mike told me.” Amanda bit her lip to stop her smile.

  “What’s going on with you, Amanda? Are you going to try to get your high school diploma?”

  Amanda shrugged. “No, I’m just curious.”

  “You’re more than just curious.” Nancy’s frown deepened. “You want to go to college, don’t you?”

  “No.” Amanda slipped her hand into her apron pocket. “Well, maybe. I’ve been wondering what it would be like to go to college. Like I said, I’m curious.”

  “So you want to leave the community?”

  Amanda shook her head. “I never said that.”

  Nancy’s eyes narrowed. “I didn’t want to believe what people were saying about your mamm, but now I’m starting to wonder if it runs in the family.”

  “What did you say?” Amanda glared at Nancy.

  “You heard me. Everyone is talking about how your mamm was seen hugging an Englisher. I guess you’ll be the next one in the family to break the rules.”

  Angry tears stung Amanda’s eyes. “I can’t believe you would say that about mei mamm or me. I thought you were mei best freind.”

  “And I thought you were mine, but mei best freind wouldn’t consider going to college.” Nancy spun on her heel and started back toward the deli.

  Amanda wiped her eyes while watching Nancy cross the street. She stood by the crosswalk and silently debated what to do. She couldn’t risk losing her job, but she also didn’t want to work with Nancy if she had such low opinions of her and her mother.

  Nancy turned and faced her from the other side of the street. “We need to get back to work.”

  Amanda crossed the street and approached her. “Are you going to tell your parents about the book?”

  Nancy shook her head. “No, but I don’t agree with it. And if anyone finds out, I won’t be a part of it at all.” Her frown softened. “I don’t like what you’re doing, but I know what your family has been through since you lost your dat. I know you need this job.” She wagged a finger at her. “But if mei mamm finds out you want to get a high school diploma, I’m not going to lie to her if she asks me about it.”

  “That’s fine.” Amanda walked back to the store while hoping Nancy would keep her word.

  Trey smiled as he made his way from his car to the hotel’s front entrance. He looked up at the bright sunshine and couldn’t help but think it was appropriate for his mood. Today had been a wonderful day. He’d finally made an offer on a farm, and he felt satisfied that he’d made the best choice. It was the first farm he’d looked at, the one that reminded him of his grandparents’ and Hannah’s places. He’d followed his realtor’s advice and offered a fair but lower price than what the owners asked, and now he just had to wait and see if they would accept it. He had a strong feeling they would, and he’d be closing on his new home and future bed and breakfast at the end of the month.

  He spotted Hannah exiting the hotel as he approached, and his smile widened. “Hannah!” He quickened his pace. “How are you?”

  “Trey.” Hannah’s smile seemed more like a grimace. “I’m well. How are you?”

  “I’m doing great.” He tilted his head while studying her troubled eyes. She seemed sad and possibly even uncomfortable. “Is something wrong? You don’t seem like yourself.”

  “No, no.” She adjusted the large tote bag on her shoulder. “I’m just in a hurry. My ride should be here soon.”

  “Oh. I have some great news to share. I made an offer on a place today.”

  “I’m so happy for you.”

  He was unconvinced she was happy, but he didn’t want to question her when she was in a hurry. “I also found a really nice church. I went to a service on Sunday, and the congregation was very warm and friendly.”

  “That’s wonderful, Trey. I’m glad you’re making Paradise your home.”

  “How’s Andrew doing?” He moved closer to her, and she took a step back. Could she be the same woman who’d put her arms around him last week? What had happened to her?

  “He’s fine. Thank you for asking. The gash is healing well. He has some bruising around the bandage, but his headache is much better.”

  “Good.” He wished he could take away the uneasiness in her eyes. “Hannah, what’s going on? You’re not yourself.”

  “It’s complicated. I can’t explain it now.” She shook her head, and he was certain he spotted tears glistening in her beautiful eyes.

  “So, let’s talk. I can come by your place tonight.”

  “No.” She said the word with such emphasis that he flinched. “You can’t come by. I can’t see you at all. In fact, if I’m seen speaking to you, it will only make things worse for my family and me.”

  “Make things worse?” Confusion surged through him. “What do you mean? What happened?”

  She stepped closer to him, and he drank in the sweet scent of her shampoo. “Word got around that you and I hugged, and it’s caused problems for my daughter and also for me. I’m going to visit the bishop on the way home and try to clear things up.”

  “You’ve got to be kidding me.” He shook his head. “Nothing happened.”

  “In the eyes of my church, something did.” She looked past him and took a step away from him. “My ride is here. I have to go. Take care, Trey. I wish you well with your new home.”

  A blue van pulled up to the curb and stopped. Hannah moved toward the van and opened the door.

  “Wait.” Trey pulled a business card from his pocket and handed it to Hannah. “Take this. My cell phone number is on it. Call me if you ever need me. Any time, day or night.”

  She looked at the card, and he hoped she wouldn’t refuse it. He had to leave the door open to their friendship. He couldn’t say good-bye and walk away from her forever.

  Hannah slipped the card into her apron pocket, and he breathed a sigh of relief. “Good-bye, Trey.” She climbed into the van and slammed the door.

  “Good-bye,” Trey whispered as the van drove off. He couldn’t bring himself to accept that this was the end of their friendship. She meant too much to him, and from the pain in her eyes, he believed she cared for him too. Loneliness rushed in, drowning him.

  Trey sent up a prayer begging God not to take Hannah away from him. Somehow, there had to be a way for them to continue their friendship. Only God could figure out the way for it to happen.

  SEVENTEEN

  Phyllis turned from the driver’s seat and faced Hannah beside her. “Are you certain you don’t want me to wait while you talk to the bishop?”

  “There’s no need for you to wait, but thank you for offering.” Hannah gathered up her bag from the floor.

  “Hannah.” Phyllis touched Hannah’s arm. “You seem upset about something. Is everything okay?”

  The concern in her driver’s face caused Hannah to pause. “I’m fine, but thank you. I’ll see you Friday.”

  “All right then. Have a good evening.”

  “You too.” Hannah climbed from the van and began her trek up the long rock path to the bishop’s two-story white home. A line
of red barns that served as his dairy farm stood behind the house.

  She couldn’t erase the memory of Trey’s hurt expression from her thoughts as she made her way toward the porch steps. She could feel his concern and disappointment as she’d climbed into Phyllis’s van, and her heart twisted with sharp pain.

  She knew she shouldn’t have accepted Trey’s business card, but she wanted to keep something, a token, from their friendship. If she couldn’t be his friend, at least she could remember the special times they’d shared during the past month.

  Hannah climbed the steps, and her stomach tightened. She wished she’d prepared a speech before this meeting. She had no idea how to apologize for something she didn’t regret. She hoped the Lord would provide the correct words so she could remove the stigma against her family, despite her own breaking heart.

  After knocking on the door, Hannah cleared her throat and touched her prayer covering. She hoped she looked presentable. She’d known the bishop all of her life. In fact, he’d been the bishop since before she was born. She hoped he’d be as understanding and fair as she’d witnessed him being with other members of the district.

  The door opened with a loud creak, and Elmer Smucker smiled at her. In his late seventies, Elmer was short and stocky with a long, graying beard. “Hannah. Wie geht’s?”

  “Hi, Elmer.” She adjusted her bag on her shoulder. “I’m fine. How are you today?”

  “Fine.” He cleared his throat. “How can I help you?”

  She made a sweeping gesture toward the line of rocking chairs on his wraparound porch. “I was wondering if you had a moment to talk. I promise I won’t take up much of your time.”

  “Of course I have time. Please have a seat.”

  Hannah lowered herself into a rocking chair, and placed her bag on the porch beside her.

  He sat in a chair next to her. “What’s on your mind?”