His eyes held the nervous flicker of hers. ‘I want to feel my baby growing inside you.’
Her eyes widened as his hand slid from her shoulder to the mound of her belly, his long fingers pressing over her with exploratory gentleness.
She saw his expression change from seriousness to wonder. ‘Can you feel anything?’ he asked.
‘I can feel your hand.’
‘I meant the baby. Can you feel it moving yet?’
‘I felt it this evening for the first time,’ she said, her tone instantly softening. ‘It was faint at first but the second time was stronger.’
He moved his hand over her in a caressing motion, sending her pulses soaring as his fingers sought the overstrained fastening of her skirt.
‘Do you mind?’ he asked, hesitating.
She shook her head, not trusting herself to speak, her breath locking in the back of her throat at the feel of his warm hand on her bare flesh.
‘Do you ever wonder what the baby will look like?’ he asked after a moment.
‘Yes…’
‘So do I,’ he confessed. ‘I keep imagining a little girl with curly chestnut hair and a fiery temper.’
‘I’ve been thinking along the lines of a boy with black hair and an arrogant disposition.’
He grinned down at her as he removed his hand. ‘I wonder who’ll be right.’
She adjusted her skirt with suddenly uncooperative fingers. ‘I don’t really care as long as he or she arrives safely.’
‘Are you worried about the birth?’ he asked.
‘A bit…’ She caught her lip between her teeth. ‘It’s times like this that I really miss my mother.’
Xavier frowned at the inherent sadness in her tone. It was one of the first times he had heard her mention her mother voluntarily and he wondered if it meant she was starting to trust him.
‘I’ll be there for you,’ he said.
She gave him a sceptical look. ‘Yes, but for how long?’
‘What do you mean for how long?’ he asked. ‘You know how much I want this baby.’
‘The baby, yes.’
‘You think I don’t want you as well?’
She gave him a twisted, humourless smile. ‘I’m not exactly the woman of your choice, am I?’
His frown deepened at the hint of regret in her tone. ‘Carli…’ He paused, searching for the right words.
‘Don’t insult me by pretending you want me as well as the baby,’ she got in before he could speak. ‘I know what your plan will be as soon as it’s born.’
‘Then perhaps you’ll be so kind as to enlighten me, as I haven’t the faintest idea of what you’re talking about.’
She threw him a derisory glance. ‘How long will it be before you make your move to snatch my baby away from me?’
‘You think I would do that?’
‘Wouldn’t you?’
‘Of course I wouldn’t.’
‘You do it for others,’ she said. ‘How is Aidan Dangar, by the way? Have you two been busily planning the annihilation of Eliza all week?’
‘Look, I know what sort of reputation I have and for the most part it’s warranted,’ he said. ‘I confess ever since our divorce I have been somewhat heavy-handed in cases where I considered there to be a grasping ex-wife who wanted to twist the knife a little bit.’
‘You think I was like that towards you?’ she asked. ‘I didn’t ask for a whopping settlement. I could have but I didn’t.’
‘No, perhaps not, but you can hardly deny your bitterness towards me,’ he said. ‘You constantly made things difficult as the papers were being processed.’
If only he knew why she had been deliberately obstructive, she thought sadly.
‘If I was bitter you have only yourself to blame,’ she said. ‘I gave our marriage everything I could, including letting my career slip to make room for yours. But in the end there was nothing left for me to do but get out before I ended up like my mother.’
‘Your mother’s situation was completely different. You didn’t have to throw away what we had. We could’ve worked it out.’
‘How?’ she asked. ‘By me subsuming my life into yours as your mother did for your father? I would’ve gone mad getting my hair done twice a week and going to numerous bridge and sherry parties.’
‘My mother is of a different generation, but you could have carved your own way.’
‘How? By having the brood of children you expected me to deliver in rapid succession?’
‘I only suggested starting a family because I thought it might help you to feel more settled. I was getting desperate. I didn’t want to lose you.’
‘You didn’t fight the divorce.’
‘Yeah, well, male pride has its limits, you know.’ He turned away to make his way up the stairs. ‘I’m going to have a shower. Mrs Fingleton left something in the oven for dinner. Help yourself.’
She sighed as she watched him go up the stairs, wishing she could find the words to call him back.
He’d loved her once; could he do so again?
Carli woke after a fitful sleep to hear Xavier moving about downstairs. She tossed back the bedcovers and, slipping on a light robe, made her way down to the kitchen.
He turned to look at her as she came in, taking in her tousled hair and hollow eyes with a sweeping glance.
‘Bad night?’ he guessed, handing her a cup.
She took the cup and, dragging out a chair, sat down. ‘I think it’s the strange bed. I can’t seem to get used to it.’
He leant back against the bench, one ankle crossed over the other in a casual pose. ‘Why not move back into mine?’
Her eyes skittered away from his as she cradled the cup in her hands. ‘I don’t think that’s such a good idea.’
‘Why not?’
‘You know why not.’
‘Because you don’t want to admit to wanting me?’
‘No…I mean yes…NO!’
‘You sound confused.’ His tone was light with amusement.
‘I’m not confused. I just don’t want to complicate things any further. We’ve been divorced for five years, how can you expect me to slip back into bed with you as if nothing has happened?’
‘How will it complicate things if we conduct a normal relationship?’
‘Normal?’ she blurted. ‘What exactly is normal about this situation between us?’
‘You’re making things more difficult than they need to be,’ he said. ‘We could have a very satisfactory relationship if only you’d let go of your anger towards me.’
‘Satisfactory for whom?’
‘For both of us,’ he said.
‘How long do you expect such a relationship to last?’ she asked. ‘One of us might fall in love. What then?’
He turned to put his cup in the sink before he answered. ‘I guess if our emotions were engaged elsewhere it could prove difficult, but I have no such engagement at this point, and you clearly don’t, otherwise you wouldn’t be pregnant to me, so it’s a moot point.’
‘I wouldn’t be pregnant to you if you hadn’t made it impossible for me to say no.’
‘You like that high horse of yours, don’t you?’ He gave her a mocking smile. ‘If it appeases your conscience to paint me as the dark seducer who had his wicked way with you, go right ahead; it doesn’t really concern me. You came to me willingly, perhaps more willingly than any other woman I’ve had in the past five years.’
Carli’s hand around her empty cup tightened until her knuckles were as white as her set mouth, rage boiling in her blood until she could hardly see out of her flashing eyes.
‘If you’re going to throw that cup at me let me warn you, pregnant or not, there will be consequences,’ he warned her, his words so closely echoing those of the past it triggered the flickering pulse of expectation between her thighs.
She didn’t give a damn about the consequences. She clenched her teeth and threw the cup but he raised his hand and caught it mid-air, placing it on th
e bench with a nerve-jangling chink as his steely gaze collided with hers.
‘There’s a whole tea service in the cupboard to the left of you,’ he said. ‘But why not help yourself to the Wedgwood on the right?’
‘You don’t know how tempted I am to do exactly that,’ she spat back.
‘Don’t let me spoil your fun. I’m more than happy to wait for mine.’
The sensation between her thighs flickered again, more strongly this time.
‘What are you going to do, Xavier?’ she goaded with a courage she didn’t quite feel. ‘Force yourself on me?’
His eyes held hers for a tense pause. Carli wished she hadn’t thrown the words at him, for she knew if he took it into his head to prove his point she would have no defence. She wanted him as much if not more than he wanted her and she was sure he knew it.
‘You know me better than that, Carli,’ he said in a voice deep and rough with desire. ‘One kiss is all it would take and we’d both go up in flames.’
Carli felt the heat rising in her traitorous body, making her limbs weaken with need. She saw the answering blaze of passion in his dark gaze as it ran over her lightly, lingering on the swell of her breasts before returning to her flushed features.
‘Want to put it to the test?’ he asked, stepping closer, his chest almost brushing the pointed, aching peaks of her breasts.
She couldn’t breathe. Her body was leaning towards him without her permission, the words of resistance locked somewhere in the back of her throat.
‘One kiss, Carli…’ His warm breath feathered the upper curve of her mouth, making her lips tingle with the need to feel his mouth on hers. ‘Just one little kiss…’
Her eyelids came down in time with his lowering mouth, the air of her escaping sigh mingling intimately with his breath. She felt the stroke of his tongue and her mouth flowered open beneath the increasing pressure of his as he took possession. She felt the hard planes and ridges of his body against the soft pliancy of hers, increasing her desire for his commanding, intimate presence.
He lifted his mouth from hers and she felt the burr of his skin along the sensitive curve of her cheek as he trailed a hot blaze of kisses over her face, each one leaving her breathless with clawing, grasping need.
His mouth returned to hers with renewed purpose, drawing from her a response she had previously fought with herself not to give, but she knew now it was hopeless. She wanted his kisses, his caresses and his possession and there seemed no point denying it any longer. Holding him off was punishing her, not him. He could always find someone else but she had only ever wanted him.
Five years apart had changed nothing.
What did it matter if he felt nothing for her any more? She was carrying his child, so surely that counted for something?
It had to count for something.
She drew in a ragged breath as he parted her robe, the solid press of his body against hers thrilling her in breathless anticipation. She felt his hand searching for the betrayal of her neediness, the silky slide of his long fingers inside her, sucking the air right out of her chest. He played her like an instrument, the music of his caress rising in a crescendo in her body. She felt the tightening of her inner muscles, the hectic pulse of her blood asking, pleading for more and more of his expert touch. She felt herself soaring and choked out a gasp of surprise as her body clutched at his fingers greedily, her back arching so she could extend the pleasure for as long as she could.
She heard the rasp of his zip but hardly registered it had been her hand that had released it. She heard the swift inward draw of his breath as her fingers feathered over him, lingering on the already moistened tip, the strong surge of blood thickening him even further as she stroked and caressed him.
‘You’re going to have to stop that,’ he gave a rough gasp, ‘or in about sixty seconds you’re going to get more than you bargained for.’
She increased her pressure subtly, knowing exactly what would send him over the edge. How many times had she done this in the past? She had delighted in it, relishing in the feeling of feminine power it gave her to know she could bring him to a quivering, shuddering release with the touch of her mouth or hands.
‘You want me to stop?’ she asked, deliberately slowing down the movement of her hand.
His dark eyes glittered with unrelieved tension, burning a pathway to her soul as they seared hers. ‘No…’he groaned, bracing himself.
She gave him a look from beneath her lashes and shimmied down his body until she was on her knees before him.
‘Oh, my God…’
She smiled around him, her teeth scraping him gently, teasingly, just the way he liked it. He looked down at her and wondered if he was dreaming. How many times had they done this in the past?
He felt himself going over the edge and there was nothing he could do to stop it. He shut his eyes and let himself go…
Carli got to her feet and turned away, not sure she wanted him to see how much his response had affected her. It seemed so ironical that she could taste him in her mouth and yet she didn’t even know what he thought about her now. Did he still hate her for insisting on a divorce after that final argument? He had every right to, for she had acted so childishly when all it would have taken to repair things was a simple ‘I’m sorry’. Her pride way back then hadn’t been too heavily into those two words and nor indeed had his. Hadn’t the passage of time changed anything between them?
She suddenly felt cold in spite of the summer temperature, her body feeling feeble and unsupported without the hard presence of his against hers.
He seemed uncomfortable meeting her gaze and she watched as he moved away towards the pantry, tossing over his shoulder with enviable casualness, ‘Want some breakfast?’
She stared at him, wondering how he could possibly think of food at a time like this.
‘What’s wrong?’ he asked, turning back to face her, his expression giving no hint of what had so recently passed between them.
It irritated her that he could be so unaffected while she was still struggling to quell the aftershocks of his touch on her tender flesh.
‘No, thanks,’ she said with deliberate irony. ‘I’ve already had something.’
He gave her a droll look as he reached for the cereal. ‘Very funny.’
She stood uncertainly before him, trying to decode his mood, but he was as inscrutable as ever. She gave herself a mental shake and forced her mouth into speech, saying the first thing that came into her head. ‘I was just wondering what you do on the weekends these days. Since it’s Saturday I thought you might have something in mind.’
He tipped some cereal into a bowl before answering. ‘I do.’ He poured some milk over the cereal and placed the carton back on the bench, his gaze deliberately meeting and holding hers. ‘I’m playing golf with Aidan Dangar.’
It wasn’t quite the answer she’d been expecting, nor was it particularly heartening to think of him spending three hours with Eliza’s soon-to-be ex-husband, no doubt formulating the removal of the children from her custody as soon as he possibly could.
‘So while he’s busy chasing stupid little white balls around an overgrown lawn with you, what do you expect his sick wife to be doing?’ she asked, unable to stop the resentful pitch of her voice in time.
‘And the point of your question is?’
‘He should be at home helping Eliza get better, not sucking up to you so you can help him take her to the cleaners.’
‘I take it you’ve been listening to her well-worn sob story of how hard life is in the suburbs.’
She took immediate offence at his sneering tone. ‘She’s not well, Xavier. She’s got a hormone imbalance.’
‘She’s a complete nutter, that’s what she is,’ he tossed back. ‘Have you been to the house lately? Surely you don’t think the way she lives is normal? I don’t blame Aidan for escaping that hell hole.’
‘How absolutely typical!’ she snorted. ‘You don’t get it, do you? You men are
all the same. You expect the women in your life to look like a supermodel and cook like a celebrity chef and yet as soon as the relationship hits a rough patch you’re out of there with the divorce papers flapping in your wake.’
‘If you remember, you were the one who insisted on a divorce, not me,’ he reminded her.
‘We’re not discussing us, we’re discussing Eliza and Aidan!’ she said heatedly.
‘Stay out of it, Carli,’ he cautioned. ‘Eliza’s been running off the rails for months.’
‘You’re not listening to me,’ she said in frustration. ‘Eliza is unwell. Once she gets better hopefully so too will their relationship.’
‘You’re a lawyer, not a marriage counsellor. Besides, shouldn’t you be concentrating on what’s happening in your own life before you take on someone else’s problems?’
She felt her shoulders sag with the effort of holding her fort against him. ‘I just wish you wouldn’t dismiss my opinions as if they don’t count. I hate it when you do that.’
‘Sweetheart, listen to me.’ He hitched up her chin with a long, tanned finger as her heart tripped over itself at the first endearment he’d used in five long years. His eyes held hers with mesmerising force, her breathing becoming shallow and erratic as he drew her closer, almost touching but not quite. She felt the magnetic pull of his body and had to do everything in her power to resist it.
‘I’m very interested in your opinions and if I had more time right now there are a few I’d like a little more information on, but I promised Aidan I’d spend the morning with him. He’s not handling this situation all that well.’
‘Tell him not to go through with the divorce,’ she said, pulling out of his embrace.
‘It’s not my place to tell him how to run his life.’
‘He’ll destroy Eliza if he goes through with it,’ she said. ‘I just know he will.’
He gave her a long, hard look that made her feel increasingly uneasy. She’d never been all that comfortable with his dark scrutiny and now even less so. She hardly realised she was holding her breath until he spoke, his deep, velvety voice forcing the banked up air in her lungs out in a rush that made her feel instantly light-headed.
Back In Her Husband's Bed (Bedded By Blackmail) Page 12
