The Texas Rancher's Vow: The Texas Rancher's VowFound: One Baby

by Cathy Gillen Thacker

  They had time for one more bout of damn fine lovemaking, too, before he had to pick up William from the babysitter. Thad tumbled Michelle onto her back, slid between her thighs. “And speaking of spectacular…” He loved the rising excitement and passion in her eyes. He kissed his way down her throat, his body already hardening.

  She arched against him as he made his way to the sweet ripeness of her breasts. “You can’t be ready, Thad. We only—”

  He took the tantalizingly aroused peak into his mouth. “Just watch me.”

  * * *

  “BEING A FATHER agrees with you,” Dotty noted when Thad arrived to pick up William an hour later.

  “What makes you say that?” Thad held William while Dotty gathered up baby things and put them in the diaper bag.

  “I’ve known you since you were a kid. I’ve never seen you looking so happy.”

  Thad was happy. And for more reasons than just the infant in his arms. For the first time in a very long time, he felt part of a family. Felt as if all things were possible. And if his instincts were correct, Michelle felt the same.

  By the time he and William returned to his house, Michelle had set the dining-room table for dinner. Working like a well-rehearsed team, Thad gave William his bottle while she put the finishing touches on the coq au vin and tossed a salad. She lit the candles. He situated William in his infant seat, next to them. The meal seemed like a harbinger of many wonderful evening meals to come.

  “I have to say,” Thad praised as they dug into the expertly prepared chicken and mushrooms in wine sauce, “all those cooking lessons you took as a kid paid off.”

  Michelle grinned and handed him the basket of crusty French rolls. “You’re not bad in the kitchen yourself.”

  She looked pretty in the candlelight. Content, just hanging out with them. Thad wanted to make love to her all over again. “I’ll be better once I graduate from the junior-cookbook level,” he promised.

  Michelle chuckled and held up a hand. “You don’t have to be good at everything, Thad.”

  “I want to be—for you.”

  Their eyes locked. Michelle looked as caught up in the raw sentiment of the moment as he was, and Thad knew life was good. Better, in fact, than he had ever dreamed. And when they took William upstairs to see his finished nursery for the very first time, his cup truly ran over.

  Together, Thad noted, he and Michelle had done an incredible job of changing the former study into every little boy’s dream nursery. A chenille rug covered the wood-plank floor. The linens in the mahogany crib were brightly colored. A matching border in the same car-and-truck motif separated the two tones of blue on the wall. A dresser that doubled as a changing table was fitted with a cozy, terry-cloth-covered pad. A rocker-glider sat in one corner. Cloth-lined wicker baskets held diapers and toiletries. A collection of toys and books filled the low bookshelf.

  William looked around as they readied him for bed. When he was dressed and swaddled, they set him down in his crib.

  “I think he likes it,” Michelle said softly.

  Thad wound up the music box on the colorful mobile attached to the crib rail. The sweet sounds of “Brahms’ Lullaby” filled the room. Thad reached over and squeezed Michelle’s hand. “He knows we’re as lucky to have him as he is to have us.”

  By the time the music had stopped, William was fast asleep.

  Michelle and Thad turned on the baby monitor, then went downstairs.

  “Social services should definitely be impressed on their next unscheduled visit before the court date,” Thad remarked.

  Michelle’s mood sobered. Thad knew she was likely thinking like a lawyer again and pondering all the things that could conceivably happen next. As a doctor, when waiting on the lab results that would allow him to diagnose and treat a patient, he often did the same thing.

  He also knew that second-guessing what the experts were going to recommend was pointless. He and Michelle were already doing everything they possibly could—save one last thing—to make sure their joint petition to adopt William was approved.

  Michelle frowned and stepped away from him. “Speaking of which…we need to talk about a few things,” she stated.

  Talking was the last thing Thad wanted to do. Especially when she was looking so on edge.

  Knowing that what seemed unworkable at night after a long and tiring day often seemed quite manageable in the morning, Thad tried to buy time. Leaning against the counter, he studied the pink flush rising in her cheeks—the one that always appeared when she was on the brink of getting upset.

  Telling himself there was no need to panic—Michelle was not trying to hold him at arm’s length again but was just worried about the social services evaluation and Judge Barnes’s decision—he asked gently, “Can it wait until morning?”

  Words were not likely to help right now. Making love to her, holding her while she slept would.

  Michelle shook her head. “Tamara could be here by then.” She shoved a hand through her hair, pushing it away from her face. “We have to figure out our regular weekly schedule, figure out who’s going to be taking William to the sitter when, and so on. Once we do that, we need to get the schedule typed up so we can give it to them.”

  “Can’t we just make some general rules and take each day as it comes?”

  Michelle’s chin jutted out in the stubborn way he knew so well. “It’s always better to have everything in writing,” she said, sounding more lawyerly than ever. “And besides—” she gestured vaguely “—we need to figure out who is sleeping where tonight.”

  Thad had figured they would be sleeping together. He crossed the room to her side and wrapped his arms around her. “My bed is plenty big enough.”

  Her body stiff, she splayed her arms across his chest, wedging space between them. She looked up at him in frustration. “We’re supposed to be doing this whole bird-nesting thing, remember?”

  Thad regretted ever agreeing to such a ridiculous plan. Although at the time, it had made sense, he admitted reluctantly. “We made that decision days ago,” he countered. “We weren’t making love then, and regularly spending our nights together. Now we are.” Now everything had changed…

  She was becoming upset. “We only started doing that because William was sick.”

  Thad was beginning to see where this was going. He didn’t like it. “It doesn’t matter how or why we got close to each other, Michelle, just that we are.” He didn’t want to lose that.

  “That’s where you’re wrong,” she claimed.

  “Tell me you’re not comparing me to the situation with your ex-fiancé.”

  She was.

  “I learned the hard way. It doesn’t matter how wonderful it feels at the time.” Michelle’s eyes gleamed resentfully. “Traumatic bonding doesn’t last.”

  “It could in our case,” he said, “if we want it to, and I do.” Knowing that the only way he could convince Michelle to see things his way was by being exceedingly practical, forthright and analytical, too, he gathered her in his arms. “I don’t want to figure out which nights we’re going to spend away from each other, Michelle. I want us to be more than a family of three. I want us to be a couple.”

  He paused, then decided what the hell—it was time to take yet another leap of faith. Time to convince her how truly committed he was to their future together. “I want us to get married,” he blurted.

  * * *

  MARRIED! MICHELLE STARED at Thad, feeling as if the floor had dropped out from under her. She couldn’t deny she wanted to be with Thad all the time, too, but the thought of marrying him for practical reasons that had very little to do with the kind of romantic love she felt for him had her reeling.

  She had been down this road before. Been with a man she loved, but who—in the end—did not sincerely love her back. She couldn’t do it again. Couldn’t risk her heart. Couldn’t risk their entire future, because now William was involved, too. “I’m not playing around here, Thad. This is serious,” Michelle
said quietly.

  “Damn right it is,” he responded with genuine feeling. “Think about how much easier it would be. Think about all the benefits. We wouldn’t have a disadvantage over all the other families who’d like to adopt William, too. There would be no misunderstandings—with Violet or anyone else—about what we mean to each other.” His voice dropped a seductive notch as he continued persuasively, “No more women chasing me. No other men chasing you! No more awkward run-ins with the social worker. We could go to Judge Barnes next Monday as husband and wife and prove to him how committed we are—not just to William, but to each other and to our family.”

  Disappointment and disillusionment mingled inside her. “You’ve thought this all out, haven’t you?” Michelle couldn’t help it—she was beginning to feel a little used.

  Thad’s eyes darkened. “We have something special,” he coaxed, linking his hands with hers. “An attraction that will last.”

  A physical attraction, maybe, Michelle conceded. As for love… Thad may have acted as if he loved her and made love to her as if he were crazy about her, but he hadn’t ever actually come out and said he loved her.

  Michelle had no doubt that if she were to make that a condition of marriage, he would dutifully utter whatever time-honored phrases she wanted. The only problem was, empty words and rote phrases weren’t what she wanted, either. She wanted the kind of enduring love that had been lacking in her life thus far. She wanted a foundation of love for their family. Not just friendship. And certainly not just lust.

  Because lust alone would not last. And when it faded, where would they be? Headed for divorce court?

  The thought crushed her spirit.

  She knew how hard divorce was on kids. She couldn’t—wouldn’t—put William through that.

  So it was back to keeping one foot out the door.

  “Listen to me, Thad.” Injured pride brought a lump to her throat and she disengaged her hand from his. “Everyone who takes the plunge and gets married—for whatever reason—thinks they will make it. And believe me, as someone who practiced family law for five long years, I’ve heard every imaginable motivation for saying I do. But I’m here to tell you, only the couples with deep, abiding, real love have even a hope of making it for the long haul.”

  And the long haul was the only way she’d ever want a marriage.

  “Michelle…” Thad began, reaching for her again.

  She held her ground. “We can’t do this for appearances, nor can we do it to enhance our chances of adopting William. Because if we go into that courtroom and what we say doesn’t ring true, Judge Barnes will know it. Trust me, he’ll be ticked off.” She sighed. “And if that happens, I can almost guarantee you we won’t have the outcome we want where William is concerned.”

  Thad grimaced in exasperation. Clearly he was very disappointed in her for not going along with his plan.

  Unfortunately that changed nothing.

  Moving away from him, she persisted doggedly, “We owe it to William to stay off—not go down—a path that could potentially lead to heartbreak.” Or, if they were very lucky, lifelong bliss. “We need to focus on what we know to be true—that we both love William with all our hearts. Everything else that has happened has been wonderful. But you and I don’t need to rush into anything. Not when we can remain lovers and friends and co-parents and leave it at that. At least for a while. Till the initial excitement of adopting William passes and we can be sure our feelings for each other and the overwhelming passion we feel right now won’t fade.”

  Thad looked at her as if she were a complete stranger. He clamped his arms in front of him. Stood, legs braced apart. “That’s a very convincing argument,” he countered in a low, silky smooth tone.

  And one, Michelle thought too late, he’d heard before, to heartbreaking result.

  “But I don’t believe a word of it.” Thad stepped closer. “This has nothing to do with what is practical and what is not. You’re just afraid to love, afraid to believe in us and our future.”

  The ache inside Michelle intensified. She had no reply for that. Because Thad was right. She was afraid of putting it all on the line, the way she had before. She’d much rather hold on to what they had than risk wanting too much and losing everything in the process.

  Thad shook his head in silent admonition. “You know what’s ironic about this?” He threw up his hands and stepped away. “All along, I was worried that I was the one who couldn’t make an intimate connection with someone. Well, guess what?” he said, his anger spilling over. “I was concerned about the wrong person!” He leveled a lecturing finger her way. “You’ve had one foot out the door this whole time, and you still do. You’re the one who won’t allow yourself to take the risk.”

  Michelle turned wounded eyes to his. “That’s not true!” she cried, just as upset. She clenched her fists at her sides. “I’m committed to being a mother to William, and a companion and lover to you.”

  “Just not a wife.” Bitterness tinged his voice.

  She traded contentious glances with him. “We have to be practical,” she repeated. “Marriage without love won’t work. The rest of it will.”

  Thad’s jaw hardened at the implacable note in her tone. His handsome features frozen in a blank mask, he countered with a willfulness of his own. “I’ll co-adopt William with you, because I think he needs you as his mother, but as for the rest of it, I think we should go back to being just friends and co-parents. Nothing more.”

  The unexpectedness of his rejection was like a slap in the face. Wanting to be sure she understood what he was saying, she said numbly, “Not lovers.”

  Thad’s muscles had turned to stone. “Definitely not lovers.” He pushed the words through clenched teeth.

  Tears stung her eyes. They had taken care to be so practical, to protect their hearts, their hopes, their future. How had it come to this? “That’s really what you want?” she asked in a disbelieving voice, aware she had never felt more abandoned.

  Thad turned away, a stranger to her, too. “It’s the way it has to be.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  “Thanks for coming in on such short notice,” Glenn said the following morning.

  Catching the veiled concern in the other man’s eyes, Thad shook hands with his attorney and took a seat on the other side of the desk. “You said you wanted to talk to me about the adoption.”

  Glenn nodded and rocked back in his swivel chair. He rested his elbows on the arms of the chair and steepled his fingers in front of him. “I wanted to go over the specifics of the nesting arrangement.”

  Thad eyed Michelle’s law partner warily. “Shouldn’t Michelle be here for this?”

  Glenn frowned. “I spoke to her earlier. She’s already conveyed her thoughts on how it should go.”

  Or in other words, Thad thought sullenly, she did not want to see him.

  Glenn opened the folder in front of him. “She would like each of you to parent three twenty-four-hour periods a week. And then every other week, you’ll each have an extra day.”

  Trying not to think about the last time he’d kissed Michelle and held her in his arms, Thad shrugged. “Sounds fine.”

  “She’d like to care for William on the days you are working at the hospital. So if you will provide her with your work schedule via email, she’ll mark off her calendar, as well.”

  Struggling to contain his disappointment, Thad said, “Sounds…efficient.” Which was just like Michelle. Only now she would be using that same preparedness to avoid him whenever possible.

  “When she is in residence at your home, she would like to sleep downstairs on the sofa—and she requests you do the same at her home, when you are in residence,” Glenn continued.

  The thought of sleeping in Michelle’s bed where they’d once made love and never would again was unbearable to Thad. It was understandable she wouldn’t want any reminders of their failed romantic relationship, either. “No problem,” he said tersely.

  “She woul
d like the nesting schedule to begin today. And since you had William last night and are at the hospital until eight this evening, she’d like to pick William up at Dotty Pederson’s when she leaves work this afternoon.”

  Thad thought about the way William fixed his gaze on Michelle’s face whenever she was near. “I’m sure he’ll love that.”

  Glenn scrutinized Thad closely. “Are you okay?”

  Thad did not know how to answer that. Yesterday at this time, he’d thought he had everything he had ever wanted. Now…if Judge Barnes approved their joint petition to adopt, he and Michelle would have a son to love, their homes and the satisfaction of their careers, but that was it. There would be no big romance. No sense of family, at least not the one they’d almost had within their grasp. And damn it all, he still didn’t know why Michelle had broken it off. The truth was, he might never know. “I’ve had better days,” Thad admitted finally.

  “So has Michelle,” Glenn confided. “I saw her this morning before she left for probate court. She looked like hell, too. Still gung-ho on being a mom, but otherwise…completely shut down.”

  Thad exhaled sharply. “I get the feeling you’re trying to tell me something.”

  “I don’t know what’s been going on between the two of you except that lately she’s been happier than I’ve ever seen her. And it wasn’t just because she finally has a chance to become a mom. It was something more—and now that’s gone.” Glenn paused. “What did you do to make her feel so blue, Thad?”

  * * *

  “I HAVE TO BE honest,” Tamara told Michelle during her last unscheduled home visit later that same day. “I didn’t think this whole nesting arrangement was going to work.”

  Michelle moved around Thad’s kitchen nearly as easily as she moved around her own. Doing her best to disguise her broken heart, she set a cup of hot coffee in front of the social worker and offered up an efficient smile. “But now you’re a believer.”

  “Hard not to be!” Tamara broke apart a freshly baked scone. Beside her, William was seated in his bouncy chair, batting awkwardly at the arc-shaped toy bar in front of him.