Friends and Other Liars

by Kaela Coble

  Murphy gives his speech. His hands shake as he reads from his piece of lined paper, and his voice is a little wobbly at first, but he does good anyway. He makes a joke about Emmett making all the wedding plans because he’s too particular to leave them to Steph. He says how beautiful Steph is and how lucky she and Emmett are to have found each other. It’s one of those moments when it hits home that we’re all grown up. I’m sitting here pregnant, Emmett is getting married, and Murphy is giving a toast that doesn’t have any burps or swear words in it. It’s good and bad. Good because we’re independent; we’re choosing the lives we want to live. Bad because it’s a slippery slope until we’re old, and the first one of us has already died.

  Krystal is up next, and to my surprise she gives a beautiful toast, talking about how Steph was the first one to tell her she should go to college, and how Steph’s support is what got her through some really hard times with her, Krystal’s, family. This is the first I’m hearing of it, but Krystal even lived at Steph’s for a while when her family was down on their luck. People—including me, damn hormones!—are actually crying, wiping their eyes with the special red napkins I helped Steph pick out. I look at Ruby, who looks back at me. How strange… Krystal is Steph’s Ruby. It makes sense to me now why they are so close. It even makes me like Krystal a little more.

  We eat dinner, and then it’s time for dancing. The only fun thing about being at a Chatwick wedding and not drinking is watching how stupid everybody looks the more they drink. The dance floor is full of fools, and even though I’m dead tired and my feet ache more than after a full day at the salon, I dance too. Your friends only get married once. Hopefully.

  At one point, Aaron and I are dancing in the middle of the floor, and Emmett and Steph are next to us. Ruby and Murphy see us from their separate corners of the dance floor and hip bump their way through fourteen million of Steph’s cousins to join us. It’s like no one else is there, just our little crew, like always. I mean, Steph is new…and Danny’s not here. But right now, all that matters is that the rest of us are together. My heart swells with the love I have for these people. My chosen family, who understand each other better than any outsider ever could, secrets or no.

  And then Krystal is there. She swoops in from whatever corner she’s been sulking in, and she’s got that look in her eye like she’s had about enough and is about to make a stand, ruining everyone else’s time in the process. I shoot her a warning look, and she relaxes a little bit and pretends she just came over to dance. She shakes her way in between Ruby and Murphy, who, in Krystal’s defense, are a bit glued together.

  Ruby arches an eyebrow at me but tries to pretend getting boxed out doesn’t bother her. She dances with Aaron and me instead, taking deep swigs from Aaron’s beer. When Krystal leaves to request a song, there Ruby goes, back to Murphy, both of them throwing their heads back and laughing like they’ve never had a better time in their lives. If she’s trying to butter him up before she tells him what she’s hiding, I think it’s working. The music changes to a slow song, and I see a moment of hesitation before they clamp together, swaying back and forth.

  I stop paying attention to them and look into my husband’s eyes. It’s not our song, but I remember dancing to it at our wedding, and even though my swollen tummy makes it hard to be near to each other, I know we’re even closer now than we were the day we got married.

  I hear a stomping of heels, and suddenly Krystal is back. She puts her hand on Ruby’s shoulder and gives her one firm push. “I’ll take it from here, Ruby,” she says, stepping into Ruby’s place.

  Ruby takes one step backward from the force but doesn’t say anything. She looks stunned.

  “Uh-oh,” Aaron says to me under his breath.

  “Krys, I was dancing with Ruby,” Murphy says, standing motionless.

  “Oh, trust me, I know you were dancing with Ruby,” Krystal slurs, trying unsuccessfully to get Murphy to sway with her to the music. “The little slut’s been all over you all night.”

  “Excuse me?” Ruby yells.

  “Uh-oh is right,” I say to Aaron, leaving him so I can try to stop this inevitable scene. Krystal clings to Murphy’s arms, like she’s hoping he will start dancing with her and then the fight will be over, and she wins. If you ask me, the prize isn’t worth it. Obviously, I love Murphy, but he has got to be the most selfish person I’ve ever met in my life. He never does anything he doesn’t want to do, and if he’s doing you a favor, it’s probably because either he owes you one or he’s looking for you to owe him one. But these girls, it’s like they think it’s charming or something, his complete lack of thought for anyone else. Case in point, he doesn’t defend either Krystal or Ruby. He just stands there and waits for me to clean up his mess. I’m a mother already, and I haven’t even given birth yet.

  I put one hand on Krystal’s shoulders and one on Ruby’s and lead them away from the crowd. They don’t fight me. What are they going to do? Hit a pregnant lady? Aaron, Emmett, Steph, and Murphy all follow us off the floor and into the lobby of the reception hall. I might not be able to put out this fire, but I can at least try to quarantine it before it spreads across the whole damn reception. On the way out of the room, I catch sight of Charlene, who is propping up the bar and cackling to Nancy, who’s thankfully sipping bottled water. So that’s where Charlene’s been all night. She looks at us curiously but I look away quickly. One problem at a time.

  “What is your problem?” Ruby explodes once we’re through the doors of the hall and in the lobby. “We were just dancing! We’ve been friends since we were little kids. I can’t dance with someone I’ve known my whole life at our friend’s wedding?” Ruby is Fired Up. I almost have to laugh, because it’s just like the halls of Chatwick High—Ruby fuming because one of Murphy’s girlfriends was rude to her. Is it the alcohol that’s aging her down ten years, or is she just under the influence of Murphy?

  “I’m getting a little tired of this lifelong-friend BS,” Krystal says, arms crossed. “I barely even heard of you until Danny offed himself—”

  “Watch it, Krystal,” I cut in.

  “Sure, Ally, stick up for your best friend Ruby because I mentioned your best friend Danny. Did you know your best friend Ruby was sleeping with your best friend Murphy?”

  I pause. How would Krystal know about that? I glance at my friends, who all look confused except for Murphy and Ruby. Ruby shakes her head just enough so I can see. But the cat’s out of the bag now, so we might as well declaw the damn thing. “That was a long time ago, Krystal. What business is it of yours?”

  Krystal holds one finger about an inch away from my face and slurs, “One week after Danny’s funeral, after I’d given Murphy the space he said he needed, I went to spend the night at his house. Resuming our normal routine.” She directs this last sentence to Ruby, who is biting her cheek, her arms crossed now. “I smell perfume on my pillow that is definitely not mine. I ask Murphy about it, and he tells me I’m crazy. Then we go to New York, I hug Ruby when we get there, and for the rest of the day her stench is on my clothes and I know. I know it was her.” She points at Ruby, who is no longer shaking her head.

  Oh.

  Like I said, when Ruby finally admitted Murphy was the father of her baby, it wasn’t a total shock. But it never occurred to me they still had something going on, after all this time. And what business does Ruby have sleeping with a man when she hasn’t even told him he knocked her up?

  Aaron—my good old peacemaking, tension-breaking husband—slugs Murphy on the arm. “Jesus, Murph, change your sheets much?”

  I can’t help it. I laugh.

  Krystal narrows her eyes at me. “Oh, is that funny, Ally? It’s so funny that your perfect little Ruby screwed Murphy, even knowing I was in the picture? Oh, but that’s right! I remember, you don’t place too high a value on fidelity, do you?”

  I feel like I’ve been slapped. And what’s worse, Krys
tal is looking at me like Charlene has been—like she knows something about me.

  Aaron’s face hardens. “All right, I’ve heard about enough of this. Let’s go.” He puts his arm around Krystal, gripping her shoulder and trying to guide her outside, even farther away from the reception. At this point, I hope he dumps her in a snowbank.

  “Don’t put so much effort into defending your wife, Aaron,” she says, practically spitting as she talks now. “She probably wouldn’t even be your wife if you knew she slept with Danny Deuso!”

  He drops his grip.

  “That’s right,” Krystal says, marching back to me, breathing her cheap beer breath straight into my nose. “That’s right, Ally. I heard the two of you talking about how Danny switched your secret with Ruby’s. I wasn’t eavesdropping; it’s pretty hard not to hear everything in that shoe box she lives in.”

  Ruby holds up both hands. “Hold on, Krystal. That still doesn’t explain how you know this. Ally didn’t tell me her secret that night. Who’s to say you’re not just making shit up to cause trouble?”

  Krystal sneers at Ruby. “I found it in her purse. That secret compartment Aaron told us about at Steph and Emmett’s engagement brunch. It’s not my fault she wasn’t smart enough to throw it out.”

  And there it is. My secret is out. About a half second later, Ruby lunges for Krystal. Emmett catches her just one inch before her fist makes contact with Krystal’s face. I can tell he didn’t want to stop her, and I wish he had hesitated just one second longer. As he drags her away, Ruby shouts so many swear words that I haven’t even heard some of them before. She must have picked them up on the subway.

  Emmett puts his hand over her mouth. “Ruby, shut up. Jesus, the whole hall can hear you!” he scolds her quietly. She continues to struggle as Krystal stands there smugly even as she inches her way back over to Murphy, who keeps stepping farther away.

  “Tell me this isn’t true, Ally,” Aaron pleads. I say nothing. I can’t. He looks at me, his eyes starting to glaze over with tears. His hands go to his head, his fists clench around clumps of the hair I took fifteen minutes to style.

  “Was it his?” he asks hoarsely.

  I blink. “Was what whose?”

  “Was it Danny’s baby? The one you aborted?”

  Oh my God, in all the confusion and all the beer, he’s thinking that both the secrets are mine.

  Emmett, Steph, Krystal, and Murphy have eyes as wide as saucers. If they didn’t overhear Aaron shouting the word abortion at me on the street, they’ll certainly figure out what was in my envelope now. But I don’t care about them right now. I care about my husband. I shake my head, “No, Aaron, you’ve got it wrong—”

  “Oh, spare me!” he yells, his arms flying up into the air.

  “Aaron, let’s just go outside and talk about this.”

  “I don’t want to talk to you! Every time we talk, I get a different story. Speaking of which, real genius move getting Ruby involved. What did you hold over her head to get her to lie for you?”

  Suddenly I feel like a caged animal. My eyes search desperately until they land on Ruby. She is still struggling against Emmett’s grip, his hand still clamped firmly over her mouth. She is shouting through it and, judging by Emmett’s winces, trying to bite her way out.

  Aaron turns to leave, and suddenly I know if he walks out that door without knowing the truth, I will lose him forever. But even if I tell the truth, if I throw my friend under the bus in front of everyone, in front of Murphy, who shouldn’t have to find out like this, it won’t make a difference. He won’t believe me.

  “Aaron, stop,” says Murphy, stepping out from the corner to block my husband’s exit. We all whip our heads around to him. What could he possibly contribute to this situation?

  “I don’t know about Ally and Danny, not for sure anyway…and if something did happen, it was a long time ago. But I do know this. She didn’t have an abortion. Ruby did. Danny put Ruby’s secret in Ally’s envelope.”

  Our mouths hang open like we’re trying to catch flies.

  “How do you know that?” Aaron demands. “Did they tell you to say that?”

  “No,” Murphy says. “I know because I’m the one who got her pregnant. I knew about it and never said anything. That was my secret.”

  • • •

  “It was when we weren’t together!” I yell after Aaron, who is walking away from me. We are in the parking lot, and neither of us have coats on to protect us from the December–almost January air. My teeth chatter, and in the back of my mind I’m worried about what a lowered body temperature will do to the baby. In the front of my mind is desperation at the thought of my husband leaving me. Even after he seemed to believe what Murphy said—by the way, what the fuck Murphy, right?—Aaron still walked out. Because my real secret, that I slept with Danny, is upsetting enough without bringing a secret pregnancy into it.

  Aaron stops in his tracks. Turns. “So what, Al, you guys did it when you were like fourteen? You’re telling me I wasn’t your first? Where do the lies end?”

  “No,” I say, waving my hands. “No, it was that month when you first went away to college. You were the one who wanted to break up, remember? I was devastated! I loved you, and I wanted to make it work, but you thought it would be better for us to have some time apart, to figure out if being together was what we really wanted. You can’t be mad I slept with someone when we weren’t together! You slept with Christie Bedard during that time, if you remember.”

  “Yeah, but I came clean about it, Ally! And as I remember, I had to work for months to regain your trust after that, and still you’ve held it over my head for a decade. Always bragging that I’m the only man you’ve ever slept with, like you’re some saint. And all the while, you slept with one of our friends? Danny, no less?”

  “I was hurt! I thought we would be together forever, and then you dumped me! I just needed… I needed someone to make me feel less hopeless. And there was Danny, telling me he always had a thing for me…”

  I can hardly remember the night. The first night, anyway. It was late. I had drank a good amount of wine, had a good cry over a chick flick, and then Danny called to tell me he had heard Aaron and I had split. He wanted to see if I was okay. I was drunk, and alone. Ruby was MIA, and my mom would have just told me that all men are shit, which isn’t very helpful. I was still pissed at Emmett for the way he dumped Nicki, and Murphy would have taken Aaron’s side. So I asked Danny to come over.

  He was there in minutes. He told me he was sorry, that Aaron was an idiot, that if he had me, he never would have let me go. And then he told me he had feelings for me, that he’d had a crush on me since we were kids. I basically mauled him, I was so hungry to feel wanted, and besides, I had always thought Danny was cute in a below-the-tracks kind of way. I told myself it would just be the one time, but he kept showing up, never letting me feel down, never letting me be alone.

  It was addicting. He was so fun and spontaneous, and he read me poems that he had secretly written about me and just hid for, like, years. I loved Aaron, but the closest I got to poetry with him was when he burped the alphabet. After a week, Danny told me he was in love with me, that he wanted to be with me. Instead, I got back together with Aaron.

  “Always had a thing for you?” Aaron says. “Are you fucking kidding me right now, Ally? We hung out with that kid every day. You’re telling me he looked straight into my eyes acting like we were all just such good friends, and the whole time he was trying to get you for himself?”

  “No! I never knew anything about it until the night…it happened. I swear, he never said anything. He always respected our relationship. But then…we didn’t have one, and…”

  “And he took advantage of you,” Aaron says. It’s more a challenge than a question.

  The countdown from inside the hall interrupts us. “Four…three…two…one…Happy New Year!” an
d Aaron and I just stand there, staring at each other, my heart in my hands. Aaron waits for reassurance I’m not sure I can give.

  Danny didn’t take advantage of me any more than I wanted to be taken advantage of. I may not have loved Danny the way he loved me, but I wanted him that night, and the night after that, and the week after that. The time he and I spent together was one of the most painful and beautiful times in my life—the only time in my life I imagined myself with anyone other than Aaron, imagined myself living an entirely different kind of life, running away and joining the circus, not giving a damn what anyone else thought—and when Aaron and I decided to get back together, I was sad to have to let Danny go.

  No relationship is perfect, and when things get rough with Aaron, I always have the memory of my time with Danny to get me through. And when things get really rough—like last spring when the strain of trying unsuccessfully to have a baby for two years made us fight so much that Aaron went to stay with Murphy for a few weeks, Danny was there that night when I was drunk by myself at Margie’s Pub. And in the morning, when I woke up next to him, it certainly didn’t feel like he had taken advantage of me. It felt more like I had taken advantage of him, of the feelings I knew he still had. When I explained to him that Aaron was my husband, and that the night before had been a mistake and could we please never talk about it again, he had been crushed but not surprised. After all, it was déjà view for him.

  Clearly, he hadn’t been as understanding about that night as I thought. But if there’s someone out there who knows the whole story, let the asshole just try and prove it. All Danny wrote was that I cheated on Aaron, and I told him about the first time, and that’s enough. I don’t really care what Danny wanted anymore. I’ve spent the last four months torturing myself over Danny’s suicide, worried that rejecting him again was what led him to kill himself. Maybe it was, maybe it wasn’t. I will never know. The last thing I want to do is smear shit over the wonderful memories the two of us shared, the tender moments when he held me in his arms, when I saw in his eyes the person I always wanted everyone to think I am.