By a Thread

by R. L. Griffin

  I’m in D.C. for the weekend. Let’s get together.

  Stella looked at the message again, not knowing the number, and then she began laughing. “This is priceless.” She showed it to Millie.

  “Are you kidding me?” Millie said incredulously, “Is that Jesse McIntyre?”

  “I believe so... I don’t know anyone else from Atlanta that would want to get together with me.”

  “El, you are so lucky.”

  Stella’s face fell a little before she replaced it with another big smile. “Whatever.”

  “What are you going to do?” Millie asked giggling like a twelve-year-old.

  “Nothing, I’m not in DC right now so we cannot get together.” She responded quickly to his text that she was out of town for the next few days. His reply was quick.

  Next time

  “Okay, should I come up with something charming to say back or just leave it?” She looked at Millie, who was watching Patrick with a look of desire on her face.

  “Ewwwwwwwww, keep that face to yourself. Did you hear me? What should I say back?”

  Millie slowly turned her head to face Stella, “Nothing. It will drive him crazy.”

  “Not really trying to drive him crazy, but I don’t have a problem with nothing.” She threw her phone back in her bag and picked up her book.

  “You know it won’t end well, right.” Patrick was her best friend, her brother, and she would have liked nothing more than her two closest friends to get to fall in love and live happily ever after. She just didn’t see it happening. Being the alpha male that he was, Stella couldn’t see Patrick being okay with Millie making more money then him.

  Millie breathed out, “Yep. I’m aware.”

  “You ever heard the expression you don’t shit where you eat?”

  “Yes.” Millie answered shortly.

  “Don’t be pissed at me when my house becomes a battle zone when it goes down.”

  “You’ll just have to come to my house then.”

  “Well, you just have an answer for everything, don’t you.”

  “Pretty much.” Millie smiled and went back to admiring Patrick.

  Chapter Forty-Eight

  Throughout the months of June and July, Stella maintained a routine of studying, throwing up, studying, and running. Her brain was so fried every night when she left school, she couldn’t complete full sentences. Turning her brain off after 7:00 every day and running with Cooper was mandatory for her not to lose the delicate grip she held on sanity.

  Before July 4th, Stella and Millie took a mock bar exam. The mock exam took four hours and at the conclusion of the test Stella sat on the Metro grading her test and cried. She’d failed miserably. Taking the weekend off from studying, she drank heavily and felt sorry for herself. Then she headed right back into the library on Monday to her study group with Millie and Davis.

  Time for the actual exam finally came. It seemed like no time had passed since her graduation, but each day had also seemed endless. Stella’s mother surprised her with a massage the day before the bar in order for her to relax. Stella ate lunch at Cosi and then went to the spa across the street. She took off her clothes and lay on her stomach, waiting for the masseuse to come in and work magic.

  “Okay Stella, you’ve come in for some relaxation today. Anything in particular?” the man asked in a low relaxing voice and he rubbed oil on his hands.

  “I’m taking the bar exam tomorrow and just trying to relax.” Stella replied with her eyes closed.

  “Really?” The rubbing on her back stopped and her eyes popped open. “I got arrested the other day because someone hit me in a bar fight at Finnegan’s. I think it’s bullshit, I was defending myself. What should I do?”

  Are you fucking kidding me, Stella thought. My masseuse wants legal advice? This is classic.

  “Needless to say, my massage was not relaxing,” Stella was telling Millie about her bizarre massage over dinner. They were sitting in the restaurant of their hotel in Norfolk, Virginia, where the Virginia Bar was being conducted. The entire bar process was the most ridiculous thing Stella had ever voluntarily done to herself. The application process took months to complete and after today she wouldn’t know if she actually passed until the end of October.

  “That would only happen to you.” Millie’s eye was twitching, and had been for several hours. They had gotten adjoining rooms so they could relax tonight before they attempted to sleep and make sure they got up on time. “Two days and it will be over.”

  “Can you believe it?”

  “Not really, I’m so stressed I don’t know how to deal with it.”

  “You should just throw up like I do. I feel much better after that.” Stella smiled weakly, taking a big bite of her hamburger.

  Two days later Stella exited the huge ballroom where over 400 graduates were taking the Virginia Bar exam and fell on the floor in exhaustion where Millie was stretched out waiting for her.

  “Holy shit, I guess I need to go ahead and sign up for the February exam. That kicked my dumbass.” Stella scratched her head and looked at Millie. “Let’s get the fuck out of here.”

  “Agreed,” Millie replied as she pushed herself off the floor. “What did you think about the question on Riparian rights?”

  Stella put her hands over her ears, “No. We never talked about exams in school and I’m not about to start now. We can’t change our answers, so it doesn’t matter. “

  The ride home was mostly silent, as Millie and Stella were drained. Millie dropped her off at the curb in front of her house, “You not coming in?”

  Millie shook her head, “I just want to sleep.”

  Stella leaned back in the window of the passenger side of Millie’s Volkswagen. “You okay?”

  “As okay as I can be, I guess. We’ll talk tomorrow... And drink. Let’s drink tomorrow,” Millie said.

  “Sounds like a plan. See you tomorrow.” Stella walked toward her house and saw Cooper jumping at the door. Opening the door, Stella stuck her head in and Cooper jumped up on her, putting his huge paws on her chest. Cooper never failed in showing her how much he loved her; she needed that.

  Chapter Forty-Nine

  Stella had been sitting in her office on her second cup of coffee when Stan had stuck his head in and tell her to come with him to a meeting. This, she’d determined, was not uncommon. Younger attorneys were pulled into many sorts of meetings with the other more seasoned attorneys for all kinds of reasons. Reasons ranged from being eye candy to taking notes. No matter the reason, young attorneys were not prepared for these important meetings, but had to catch up during the meeting itself. It seemed to be a form of hazing.

  She pressed her palms down her grey trousers and looked around at the conference room where they waited. The windows spanned the entire length of the room giving a great view of the Potomac River. She was nervous and trying not to show it by talking to Stan too much. He was pleasantly sipping his coffee. He looked at her, “Stop fidgeting,” he ordered.

  “I’m not,” Stella answered. She took a sip of coffee as the door opened and an older African American woman walked in wearing a black pantsuit followed by a grey-haired man in a cheap-looking brown suit. She sat back in her chair, then in came a disheveled guy with long matted hair and a ratty beard. He walked in with his head down and didn’t really look at her or Stan until he sat down, directly across from her. She thought she was having some sort of mental breakdown until his eyes went wide at the sight of her. She closed her eyes and it was like fireworks went off behind her lids, she took a deep breath and then opened them again, hoping she was just hallucinating. She wasn’t. She pushed back her chair abruptly and mumbled something about the bathroom. She ran from the room, down the hall and made it to the first stall before she vomited. She kept throwing up, over and over.

  Not sure how long she had been in there, she sat on the floor and leaned her face against the cool tile wall. She did not believe it. It was Jamie. He’d lost a significant amount of we
ight and his hair and beard were disgusting, but it was him. She would know those eyes anywhere. What the fuck, she thought, he’s ALIVE. Stella could honestly not wrap her brain around what she had just seen with her own two eyes. A knock came at the door. Stan pushed it open a bit.

  “Stella, you okay?” Stan poked his head in.

  “Shit, Stan, I must have food poisoning. I’m so sorry.” Her voice shook a little, but she assumed that would be normal given how much she had just thrown up. He sighed and shut the door.

  “Holy mother of fuck,” she leaned her head back and closed her eyes. She pushed herself up and went to the sink. She looked at her face, she kind of looked crazy. Maybe she was crazy. She splashed water on her face and swished it around in her mouth.

  She pushed the door open and Stan was waiting for her, “You got any gum,” she asked.

  “You better not be pregnant.” He turned and they walked down the hall. “I’ve been briefed. I will share everything with you in the car.”

  She sat, numb and shocked, in Stan’s car as he filled her in. The ATF wanted the FBI’s cooperation with a four-year undercover operation that had gone bad. The operation was out of Montana and involved the undercover agent that was sitting across the table, a Jamie or Jimmy or something, Stan couldn’t remember.

  “So what is it exactly they want us to do?”

  “When we get back to the office I’ll check to make sure with Jeff, but I’m pretty sure you will be able to handle this one yourself. The ATF has already done our work for us, with the exception of fucking it up, and you just go and be the DC presence with the FBI team out of Montana that is already there. They just need you to go and gather intel for us and work under the FBI attorney from the Montana office.”

  Shocked. “Okay.”

  “Like I said, I got to check it at the top, but I’m pretty sure you leave tomorrow. It will probably be for a few weeks, or months, depending.”

  Weeks, or months? What the fuck did it matter? Her entire world just imploded. She was not going to mess up the only good thing in her life, her job.

  “Listen, I know you are sick so I’ll drop you off at the Metro before going to headquarters. Keep your phone on and start packing. I’ll get you all the deets later.”

  “Okay.”

  “This is going to be easy, a cake operation,” he said smiling at her, mistaking her quietness for nervousness. “You don’t need to have passed the bar. Pretty cool first assignment, though, right?”

  She nodded. “Very cool. I’m just trying not to throw up in your car right now.”

  “Appreciate it.” He pulled over at the McPherson metro station. “Stella, if I don’t see you before you leave. Good luck. Be in touch.”

  “Of course.” She started to close the door, then leaned back in, “Thanks, Stan.”

  She turned and walked in a daze into the Metro station.

  Chapter Fifty

  “Suit up, Cooper,” she said as she walked into the house. He jumped off his chair and followed her into her room. She pulled on shorts and a tank top, put her ear buds in and fastened her phone to her arm. “Nothing like a mind-numbing run to make it better,” she said and rubbed Cooper’s ears. Cooper started doing the dance he did when she got his leash out. She grabbed a bottle of water and made her way to the street and started a punishing run.

  Kid Cudi blaring in her ears, she ran down King Street and turned left when she hit the water. Running until she hit the dog park, she let Cooper off his leash and watched him bound around. Then she let herself go, falling to the grass, sobbing. Laying on her back, she opened her eyes as Cooper finally made his way back to her and licked her tear-soaked face. Cooper lay next to her, making sure he was touching her, and closed his eyes with his nose nuzzled in her side. Running out of tears after awhile, she simply closed her eyes. Her body felt hollow. She opened them when felt someone standing over her.

  “George.” She said, no feeling or emotion left.

  “Hey El, whatcha doing?” He sat down next to her in his running shorts, his shirt was off and tucked into the back of his shorts.

  “Nothing much,” she said looking around, pushing herself up on her elbows. Her phone buzzed and she checked the messages, ten from Patrick. She ignored them.

  “Looks like that, middle of the day, laying in the dog park.” He brushed the hair that had fallen out of her ponytail out of her eyes.

  “Don’t touch me,” she exclaimed and jumped up. “I’ve had enough of everything, shit.”

  He raised his hands in surrender and said, “Whoa, sorry, Stella.”

  “I’ve had a shitty four years and today’s been right up there, so sorry. I don’t want to chat.” She bent to put Cooper’s leash back on and doubled over.

  “El,” George stayed where he was, “let me take you home.”

  “I don’t want shit from you.”

  “I know.” He shook his head, “How did I fuck this up so much?” He asked of himself rubbing his hand though his black hair.

  Then he got up and lifted Stella and put her over his shoulder, “Come on. I’m taking you home.” She had no fight left. She had fought life for too long. She curled into to him. “Come on, Coop,” he slapped his thigh signaling Cooper to come with him. Cooper happily followed them both to a townhouse right across the street.

  “I thought you were taking me home.”

  “This is my house.” She looked up and took in the townhouse that overlooked the park and the Potomac. The location alone made the townhome worth over a million dollars.

  “You live here?” She thought nothing could surprise her anymore. “Fuck, I didn’t know you at all, did I?”

  “You know the important stuff.”

  “Oh, like how you like your dick sucked.” Her insides were turning, she was going to be sick.

  George sucked in a breath and let it pass. “That’s pretty important,” he laughed.

  Stella was currently incapable of seeing humor. “You’re liar, just like everyone else. George or whatever the fuck your name is...”

  Putting her down on the stoop, he looked into her eyes, “I’m not sure what’s happened, but let’s talk. Let me get you and Coop some water. Talk to me, El. Please.” He ran his thumb across her jaw line. You could call me a motherfucker for the rest of my life and that’d be fine if you would just talk to me.”

  “Well, that might be embarrassing for you,” she said without smiling, but followed him in the house. Taking in the den area, the corners of her mouth turned up infinitesimally. It was just like she would have thought, cluttered and homey.

  “I see you got some new ink,” George said letting his fingers sweep over her left shoulder tracing the half of a heart. He smiled.

  “I don’t want to talk about that,” she instinctively moved away from him and sat on his worn brown leather couch. Three of the walls in his den were bookshelves full of books. “I love this room. The smell of books makes me happy.” She closed her eyes and Cooper walked over and plopped down on her feet.

  “What do you want to talk about, El? What was so bad today or four years ago?”

  Her phone buzzed again, it was a message from Stan.

  Stel, all a go for tomorrow. Your flight is a 2:55 out of National. Pack for a couple of weeks, you may be able to fly back if you are there longer. Good luck.

  She sighed and texted back.

  great I will come by the office and pick up the deets.

  He responded immediately.

  no need, ATF agent will be accompanying you on flight and will fill you in

  “Just when you thought things couldn’t get any worse,” she muttered. NO. FUCKING. WAY would she sit next to Jamie the entire flight to Montana, she thought.

  George crossed the room in a few strides and grabbed her phone scanning through her messages from Stan and then Patrick, he cocked his head to the side in a question. She struggled to get her phone back, but he moved quickly from her and held her away with one hand.

  “Nosy m
uch,” she said finally getting away from his grip and snatching her phone back.

  “Come on Coop, let’s go.” Cooper lazily stretched his legs and arms, then sat back down.

  “You going somewhere, El?” George moved in front of the foyer, effectively blocking her way to the front door.

  “Got an assignment for a few weeks out of town.” She looked down, “Come on Coop, let’s go.”

  “Why won’t you talk to me? I mean you even told Sam.” Hurt emanated from his eyes.

  “Well, then you already know,” she had no energy for this conversation. Sighing, “If you ask me questions I will answer them.”

  “You were engaged?” They stood toe to toe staring into each other’s eyes.

  “Yes.”

  “Jamie?”

  “Yes.”

  “He died?”

  “I thought so, yes. I saw him today, so I guess not really.”

  George’s eyes got wide. “What do you mean?”

  “I guess instead of breaking up with me, he and the ATF decided to fake his death to start a four-year-long undercover operation for him.” Her knees almost gave out at the admission. Not being able to look at George, she closed her eyes.

  George absentmindedly ran his hand through his hair. “Wow, they do that? Are you okay? Holy shit.”

  “What do you think?” she answered without opening her eyes.

  “Okay, that was a stupid question.” He leaned his head back looking at the ceiling, as if an answer to the situation would fall out of the sky. Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes trying to figure out how to play this.

  Gently, he reached out and took both of her hands and pulled her into him, wrapping his arms around her. She let him hold her, move her to his leather couch and ease her into the cushy pillows. He put his hand on her leg and she leaned her head on his shoulder. They sat like that for several quiet minutes. Without moving, Stella asked, “So did it work out?”