Heart Echoes

by Sally John

  Lacey smiled. “No, probably not. Thanks, though.”

  “Anytime.”

  They sat in a comfortable silence, gazing out over the ocean and toward Maiya.

  Teal said, “There she goes. I knew she’d do it.”

  Maiya walked out on the promontory, a high, rocky bluff surrounded by water on three sides. Lacey watched her and saw the little girl she must have been, so much like her mother, with an adventurous streak. How she wished she had known Maiya throughout the years. They were playing catch-up at the relationship-building.

  “Teal, I have to confess something. I told Maiya about Cody and Dylan.”

  “Cody and Dylan!”

  “I thought if she knew I had a crush on delinquent types like she did, I’d establish a common ground.” She turned, saw the stoic expression in Teal’s profile, and wanted to take back her words.

  “Kids don’t have to know everything about us. They’ll still like us.”

  “I wasn’t trying to get her to like me. I wanted her to understand that she wasn’t the only teenager who fell for a loser.”

  The muscle in Teal’s jaw tensed.

  Maybe the heart-to-heart was over.

  She decided not to mention what else she had told Maiya, that Cody had grown from loser into respectable Marine staff sergeant. Teal knew that. Through the years, Lacey had told her whenever Will’s brother did something noteworthy. But to admit she told Maiya could be construed as encouragement to hang in there with Jake.

  That had not been her intention.

  But what if Maiya heard it that way?

  Then Lacey had overstepped her role as doting aunt.

  She would have made a lousy mother.

  They sat for a while in silence, not as comfortable as before, and watched Maiya dance around on the promontory. Teal began chitchatting again as if she’d swept Lacey’s stupidity under the rug.

  By then Lacey did not have the energy to care much. She’d blown their first heart-to-heart. Self-reprimand and physical exhaustion were an ugly combination. When it was time to go, she stood on legs about as strong as rubber and plopped back onto the bench.

  “Lace?” Teal sat down again beside her. “What’s wrong?”

  What wasn’t wrong? She was messing up her one chance to be a good sister and an influential aunt. She was losing Will. The physical aftereffects of cancer and treatments still ruled her life.

  Maiya knelt before her. “Aunt Lacey?”

  She heard the concern in both of their voices but had nothing left inside her to comfort others. “Call Will.” She fumbled pulling the phone from her jacket pocket.

  Teal took it from her.

  The world began to spin and Lacey climbed on board its carousel. Chaotic thoughts bombarded her. There was no cancer, but the pain in the emptiness where there should have been a womb pierced like a surgeon’s knife cutting, cutting, cutting.

  “Aunt Lacey, drink some water.”

  She felt a plastic bottle at her lips and took a sip. Arms came around her and she leaned into Teal.

  “He’s on his way. Ten minutes.”

  It would take longer than that unless he drove like a maniac through town and sprinted like an Olympic athlete over the half mile of rugged trail to reach their spot.

  On second thought, maybe he could do it in ten minutes.

  “I’m such a wimp,” she whispered.

  “Shh. Shh.” Teal ran her fingers through Lacey’s short hair over and over. She kissed her forehead.

  A faint scent of perfume emanated from Teal. It carried the pure blend of floral and spices characteristic of expensive designer brands. Maybe Will would order some online for Lacey. Then she could be the type of woman who had it all together.

  “Mommy, she’s shivering.” Maiya’s voice was scared.

  It’s okay. It’s okay, Lacey wanted to say, but it wasn’t true.

  “Put your wrap on her legs.”

  She felt the warm press of soft fleece against her thighs.

  No, things were not okay. Her body rebelled against her, short-circuiting energy that should have been readily available. It turned it into stress, the very thing that fed that army of cells that had declared war on her. Could it rouse them from the dead? Maybe they weren’t dead as in dead and gone. Maybe they were just lying in wait for new rations.

  Muffled voices broke through the fog in her mind. Teal’s arms slipped away, replaced by stronger ones.

  Will had come. She would be all right now.

  “Lacey?” He gathered her to himself. “Can you hold on to me?”

  Always. She clutched his shirt with both hands. He stood, scooping her up like an overflowing laundry basket. Her ear against his chest, she heard the rumble of his voice.

  “She probably overextended herself hiking out here.”

  “And,” Teal said, “she’s been doing way too much for us. She’s got to be worn out.”

  Will, the diplomat, did not reply.

  He had warned her. “Pace yourself,” he had kept saying. “They can take care of themselves. No, you don’t have to stock the cottage with groceries and flowers and DVDs. You don’t have to entertain them every single moment of the day and night. Tutor? You’re really going to tutor? Are you insane?”

  No, just hungry for family. How could she contain herself? This was her sister and niece come to visit!

  Will set her down now and helped her into the van. He strapped the seat belt around her, whispering, “Hang in there, Lace. We’ll be home soon.”

  As he moved away, Teal leaned in. “Go home and rest. We won’t come for dinner.” She looked across at Will now climbing into the driver’s seat. “Take care of her.”

  “Got it.”

  “No, I mean take care of her. Don’t you dare let her down.”

  His sharp intake of breath filled the van. “No disrespect, Teal, but what exactly gives you the right to show up after nine years and tell me what to do?”

  “She’s my sister.”

  “She’s my wife.”

  Lacey whimpered. She could hold back the tears no longer.

  “Sorry.” Teal squeezed her arm, backed out, and shut the door.

  Will pulled from the parking space and across the lot, his foot heavy on the gas pedal. “Fruitcake.”

  Lacey wept. It was the sort of crying jag that drew from a deep, bottomless well of despair. It lasted through the drive home and through Will helping her into her nightgown. It would continue even after exhaustion caused her to sleep.

  He tucked her into bed and sat on its edge, dabbing at her face with a wad of tissues. “Sweetheart, you’re just tired. Try to relax. Things will look better in the morning. They always do.”

  Dawn was fourteen hours away.

  He said, “I’ll apologize to her.”

  “Will.” Her throat hurt to talk, her voice rasped. “I hate this in-between.”

  “I know.”

  “I hate it.” She blubbered. “I’m not dead, but I’m not alive either, am I?”

  “Shh.”

  “If you want out, I understand.” There. She had said it. “Seriously. You didn’t sign up for this. You can go.”

  “Lacey, shh.” He climbed over her and lay on top of the covers, still wearing his boots and jeans. “You’re as fruity as your sister.”

  She curled against his long body. She was a small, bony version of the girl he had married, almost lost in his embrace. He rested his chin on the top of her head with its too-short hair and began to sing softly a version of “Amazing Grace.”

  “Hallelujah, grace like rain falls down . . .”

  It was how he had calmed her on the most difficult days. He would kiss her bald head and sing about the incomprehensible grace that got them through each day.

  But he hadn’t addressed the issue she raised about them.

  Chapter 33

  Awkward had become the byword for life in Cedar Pointe. Teal disliked it intensely.

  The previous day’s testy exchange w
ith Will at his van—Lacey between them like a sacrificial lamb—had been bad enough. Trying to smooth things over with Maiya, who had, thank goodness, only overheard their tones, was agonizing. But the private, brief session with Will twenty minutes ago at the coffee shop pushed unpleasant to the max. I’m sorry, Teal. I’m sorry, Will. I shouldn’t have . . . No, I shouldn’t have . . . Truce? Truce.

  Truce. Right. As long as he kept his distance from that vixen Holly.

  “Mom.” Maiya looked over at her from the driver’s seat.

  “Eyes on the car in front of you, please.”

  She harrumphed and turned back. “Got it under control. It’s not like it’s a freeway.” She flipped her long hair over a shoulder.

  Hands at nine and three. Teal resisted the urge to say it out loud.

  Maiya said, “What I was going to say before I was so rudely interrupted is maybe we should ask Gran out for lunch.”

  Teal rubbed her forehead. Talk about awkward. They were on their way to visit Randi at the library, where she worked. Wasn’t that enough? Did they have to do lunch too?

  But she said, “Sure.”

  “She must have a really hard life with Owen.”

  Teal rolled her eyes. She could not help it. Where had Maiya missed the part about Teal growing up with the man? “You think?”

  “Why are you so snippy?”

  “I’m not . . . I’m sorry. Work is on my mind.”

  “Sheesh. What else is new? Why don’t you go back to work? I’ll hang out with Gran and not bother you anymore today.”

  Teal pressed her lips together. Things were spiraling out of control. “Maiya, I don’t appreciate your lip. I realize you get it from me, but that’s beside the point. No more, got that? We’ll invite Gran to lunch and yes, give her a pleasant time, which she does not have at home.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  Teal sighed to herself, tired of the sorry this, sorry that.

  Will had told them that Lacey still did not feel well that morning and needed to spend the day at home alone, resting. He was sorry—sorry again—that she was not up for tutoring.

  Although Maiya would have been fine on her own doing schoolwork, guilt got the best of Teal. It was her fault Lacey was exhausted. Will was obviously tired of her company too. Then there was the whole point of the trip, to spend more time with Maiya.

  It seemed a good time to rid herself of that other niggling guilt brought on by not seeing her mother since last week.

  Not that her mother had made an attempt either.

  “Cedar Pointe Public Library.” Maiya slowed and pulled into a parking lot in front of a small building with a slanted green metal roof tucked in a pocket of pine trees. “There’s Gran waiting for us.”

  More likely having a smoke, Teal thought but said nothing. As they climbed from the car, Randi waved, dropped a cigarette onto the sidewalk, and squished it underfoot. Her grin stretched from ear to ear.

  She appeared even older than she had the other day. The sunlight shadowed every crease in her face and lit up the gray in her hair. Her black slacks bagged and the baby-blue overblouse hung crookedly.

  A wrenching sensation tugged in Teal’s chest. Miranda Morgan Pomeroy had lived a hard life.

  Maiya bounded from the car and down the sidewalk as if in sight of a long-lost love. Randi met her with arms wide open. Granddaughter and grandmother hugged with a laugh.

  Ostracized toppled awkward as the byword for life in Cedar Pointe. Lacey and their mother had often held each other in the exact same way that Maiya and Randi were now embracing, leaving Teal out in the cold. Seeing them together unearthed the empty feeling and flung it out of the deep hole where Teal had buried it. Now it sat front and center in her awareness.

  Let it go. Let it go. Let it go.

  Her daughter and mother turned to her, waving for her to join them.

  Teal bit her lip. Like a hunted, wounded deer panting for water, she wanted it. She wanted it so badly.

  The moment passed, and she waved back with her cell phone, pointing to it and holding up five fingers. She would be there in five minutes.

  They shrugged, again together, and headed inside the library.

  Teal got back into the car and spent the five minutes repairing her eye makeup and wondering why she wore mascara in a town where people most likely thought it made her look uppity or like a floozy. Of course, that had been their opinion since long before she bought her first Maybelline product. No reason to try to sway them to think otherwise at this point.

  She used up fifteen more minutes talking with the office because, yes, she was a workaholic. No reason to pretend she wasn’t.

  She spent the two minutes walking into the library apologizing to God for being snippy and a miserable example of His compassion for humanity.

  The building was fairly new, with plenty of windows, open spaces, and bright colors. She found Maiya and Randi in the children’s section, a separate room at the back. They sat at a table, hunched over a book.

  Maiya spotted her approach. “Mom! Gran knows my favorite book by heart.”

  Randi looked up and smiled. “Goodnight Moon was Lacey Jo’s favorite too.”

  “Imagine that.” Teal showed her cell phone to Maiya. “Off.”

  Maiya gave her a thumbs-up. “The library tour is over and we’re hungry. Gran said she can take the afternoon off. There’s a new place up in Banbury she thinks I might like. ’Kay?”

  Banbury. It was thirty minutes up the 101. Thirty minutes each way. Randi had the entire afternoon open.

  But did Teal have a choice?

  “’Kay.” She mimicked Maiya’s shorthand talk. “I drive.”

  Randi said, “Shotgun.”

  Maiya laughed. “You’re too quick for me.”

  Randi joined in. Every wrinkle smoothed and the eyes, blue like Lacey Jo’s, sparkled.

  They sat in a booth next to windows overlooking the harbor. It was a picturesque scene with rock jetties, yachts and small boats moored at long piers, a lighthouse in the distance.

  Randi dipped a french fry in a puddle of ketchup. “The fish-and-chips are not as tasty as the Crazy Scandinavian’s in Cedar Pointe.”

  “But it’s still good.” Maiya wiped grease from her fingers. “I like the clam chowder better here. It has less potato in it.”

  “Don’t you like potatoes?”

  “Nope.” She held up a fry. “Unless it comes in the shape of a stick fried to a golden brown.”

  The two of them laughed. They had been doing a lot of that.

  Teal pulled her shirttail from her blue jeans and unsnapped her waistband. “Oof. All I know is that I’ve been eating way too many fish-and-chips.”

  Randi said, “Oh, you could stand to put on a few pounds.”

  Teal wasn’t slender. Could this be a compliment? She waited for more.

  It did not come.

  Randi pointed at the window. “That lighthouse over there reminds me of Dutch.”

  Fried batter and oil churned in Teal’s stomach.

  Maiya said, “Who’s Dutch?”

  “Who’s Dutch?” Randi’s jaw dropped. “You don’t know?”

  Maiya shook her head.

  “Duane Upton Morgan was your mom’s dad. Everybody called him Dutch.”

  Maiya’s eyes grew large. “You know his name.”

  “Now why wouldn’t I know his name, honey? I was married to the man. It’s where you got your last name: Morgan, same as your mom’s before she married what’s-his-face.”

  “River. I just never—” Maiya glanced at Teal— “uh, heard much about him.”

  “You both got your black hair from him too. He was good-looking.” She patted her chest. “My first real heartthrob. It didn’t last long. Obviously. Probably wouldn’t have even gotten started if Teal hadn’t been on the way, if you get my drift.”

  “Randi.” Teal threw everything into her tone. Please be quiet! Maiya does not need to hear this! The man has nothing to do with us! I don�
��t care if we have his black hair and last name. Just drop it!

  Her mother pursed her lips. “Sweetcakes, trust me, your daughter is old enough to hear that I was pregnant before I got married.” She turned to Maiya and winked. “Both times.”

  “Did he have green eyes and attached earlobes?” She pulled on one of her ears.

  “His eyes were like your mom’s. I have no idea about earlobes. He did have them.” Her laugh disintegrated into a cough.

  Teal’s mind hit a blank space. She needed to change the subject fast, but nothing came to her.

  Maiya said, “Was he smart?”

  Randi took a drink of soda. “Dumber than a rock. You get your smarts from me. You, Teal, and Lacey Jo. Now those earlobes must come from . . . Oh, for crying out loud. You don’t know who he is, do you? You don’t know your daddy’s name.”

  The color of Maiya’s beautiful, deep forest-green eyes intensified. She blinked, her eyelashes gathering droplets.

  Randi made a noise of disgust and turned to Teal. “That is the one thing I am so ashamed of you for.”

  “For getting pregnant outside of marriage?”

  “No. For not telling us who he is.” She shook her head. “I am so proud of you for all the rest. You left Cedar Pointe and made something of your life. You put yourself through college. You got your law degree. You raised Maiya all on your own. You got a good job. But that.” She shook her head again. “And now come to find out you never even told this little girl. Shame on you, Teal. Shame on you.” She slid from the booth. “I need a smoke.”

  Speechless, Teal stared at her retreating back as she walked outdoors.

  Maiya sniffed.

  Teal looked at her precious daughter wiping her nose with a napkin. “That was the nicest thing your grandmother ever said to me in my entire life.”

  “Huh?”

  “She’s proud of me.”

  “And ashamed.”

  “Yes. That’s important to hear too. It means she really does care.” Somewhere deep inside her hard shell. Teal reached across the table and grasped Maiya’s hand. “I will tell you when it’s time. The thing is . . .” She paused. Was it time to tell her one part?

  “What, Mom?” Her voice rose in frustration. “What’s the thing?”