Heart Echoes

by Sally John

  Teal stared at the articulate, courageous young woman who was her daughter, and she calmed.

  He scowled, and his nice-looking face took on years. “I do not appreciate the two of you dropping in here like this.”

  Teal said, “I apologize for that. I thought—I thought . . .” Tears threatened. She rushed her words. “That after so many years, a face-to-face reunion was in order.”

  “Well, now you’ve had it. Is there anything else?”

  Maiya said, “Uh, like, maybe we could get to know each other? Go have coffee or lunch?” There was a trace of attitude in her tone, but it was couched in a melodious graciousness beyond her years. “Another time, if you’re too busy now.”

  “I’m too busy now, and I’ll be too busy later.” He leaned sideways against his desk and turned a photo frame around. It was a five-by-seven of a woman and four teens who looked like a set of twin girls and one of twin boys. “This is who I am. This is my family. And this—” he gestured at the window—“this is my work. Listen, Megan, I left Cedar Pointe and everyone in it a lifetime ago.”

  “Maiya. My name is Maiya Marie Morgan.” She gestured toward Teal. “Aren’t you at least interested in learning about your daughter? She went to college and law school and—”

  “I have nothing to offer either of you.”

  Teal swallowed the hesitation and said the name she had yearned to say since her own lifetime ago. “Dad.”

  He flinched.

  She went on. “We are not here to ask for money or to be put in your will or to interfere in any way with your new family.” Without warning an odd happiness enveloped her. She was with her dad, up close and personal at long last. She cocked her head and smiled. “No matter how old a daughter is, she always wants to know her father.”

  “Okay. Genetically, I am most likely your father, but I don’t want any part of whatever you think that means now.”

  His words hit her like shrapnel, one razor-edged shard at a time, paralyzing every nerve in her body.

  He said, “Apparently you’ve done all right for yourself. You appear to be a successful woman. The past thirty years did not have a debilitating effect on you. Now, we’ve had our meet and greet. I sincerely wish you both all the best.” He paused and made a flimsy attempt at a self-deprecating smile. “I’m afraid I really don’t have any interest in further contact.”

  Teal’s ears were ringing. Squiggly lines bounced before her; the room lost its distinct outline. They had to leave. They had to get out of there.

  “Mom,” Maiya whispered, her head near Teal’s, “ask him why.”

  Ask him why what?

  Maiya squeezed her hand.

  Why. The question that had burned for thirty-four years.

  Teal raised her chin and willed herself to focus on his face. “Why did you leave me?”

  He shrugged. “I couldn’t stay.”

  Maiya puffed through her lips a sound of disgust. “That is seriously lame, dude.” She took hold of Teal’s arm and they turned. “We’re outta here, Mom.” She opened the door.

  A teenager stood there, her hand raised to knock. “Knock, knock.” She grinned. She was one of the redheaded twins in the photograph.

  From behind them, Dutch called out, “Susanna-Bobanna! Come on in.”

  “Excuse me,” she said as they two-stepped around each other.

  From the hallway, Teal looked back.

  “Daddy!” The girl rushed into Dutch’s arms. “You’ll never guess!”

  “Guess what, sweetheart?”

  Maiya pulled her from the doorway and out toward the reception area.

  Teal stumbled along beside her, trying to keep up the quick pace. Gleaming white tile flew beneath her feet. It gave way to concrete and then grass and at last black asphalt.

  They stopped at the car and looked at each other.

  Maiya’s face was flushed and she was out of breath. “Unbelievable! A stinking piece of dog doo-doo disguised as a human being!” She ranted, generous with profanities she was not allowed to say.

  Teal took the keys from her jacket pocket, where she’d kept them close for the hasty retreat now in progress. She handed them to Maiya and burst into tears.

  Chapter 39

  LOS ANGELES

  “Oh, Riv, Mom’s an absolute, total mess.” Maiya sounded on edge but not quite free-falling over it yet. “I don’t know what to do.”

  Against school rules, River had answered his cell in the middle of his independent living skills class because it was Teal. He figured she was calling with a report on the Dutch Morgan meeting. She knew his class schedule. She would not be phoning unless things had gone south.

  At Maiya’s first “Oh, Riv,” he snagged a hall monitor and asked him to keep an eye on his guys, a half-dozen working on résumés. He headed outdoors, listening in disbelief to her rendition of what had happened. At the baseball field, he settled on the bleachers.

  Maiya said, “She just kept crying but we needed a bathroom and I was hungry so we found a McDonald’s and then she upchucked in there. She wouldn’t eat anything—”

  “Slow down, Mai. Take a deep breath.” He heard her ragged attempt. “Did you eat?”

  “Yes.”

  “Are you okay to drive back? Can you find the way?”

  “Duh. I head south on the 101. It’s just that Mom—she’s sitting in the car now, like, totally checked out. She said she can’t talk to you. What do I do?”

  “Hon, basically she’s all right, but she’s probably got a migraine. Some ice will help. Do you see a convenience store?” He waited, imagining Maiya searching the strip mall where she said they were parked.

  “Yeah, there’s one with a gas station.”

  “Buy two large cups of ice and zip baggies. Make an ice bag and wrap it in a sweatshirt or something.”

  “O-okay.”

  “Do you need gas?”

  “Um, I could check.”

  “Just fill it up.” He rubbed his forehead. “You can do this, Minnie McMouse. Your mom will sleep the whole way, and you’ll be fine. You’re an excellent driver.”

  “Thanks.” Her voice gained strength. “Riv, I have redheaded aunts and uncles who are, like, my age. Isn’t that wild?”

  “Wild.”

  “Not that it matters. I’ll never see them again. Do you know what? He didn’t even say Mom’s name. Not once. He never said Teal. And he kept calling me Megan. What a jerk. Such a waste of oxygen. Oh, and get this: he called the girl Susanna. Do you believe that?”

  River clenched his fist. “Did your mom hear?”

  “Probably. She was standing right next to me.”

  Susanna. Teal’s middle name. River wanted to hurt the man. He wanted to hurt him bad. “Maiya, I’m sorry I wasn’t there.”

  “Yeah, me too. It was pretty awful.” Her voice became subdued. “Mom’s really special, isn’t she?” It wasn’t a question. “I don’t know how she ever came from this Dutch guy and creepy Owen. Gran’s not much to write home about either.”

  “Your mom made positive choices. Instead of living in self-pity because of how they hurt her, she just got on with her life.”

  “Until I made her go see Dutch.” Maiya cried softly. “Oh, Riv. This had to be the worst day of her entire life and it’s all my fault.”

  He consoled her as best he could long-distance, gave her another pep talk, and reminded her to buy gas.

  He did not think he could feel any worse about not being there for his girls, but he did.

  Chapter 40

  CEDAR POINTE

  If Lacey didn’t know better, she would have sworn Teal suffered from a hangover. The previous day’s migraine had ravaged her sister’s face.

  Teal sipped the latte Lacey had brought over from the shop. “Mm. Baker’s working?”

  “No. I made it all by myself.”

  She smiled wanly.

  “And I made the pumpkin muffins from scratch. None of that store-bought junk for you today.” She took one fr
om the box, set it on a plate, and slid it across the table. “Eat. Maiya said you didn’t have a thing yesterday.”

  “Yes, ma’am.” She pinched off a bite, popped it in her mouth, and shut her puffy eyes.

  Lacey watched her chew, wishing she could ease her sister’s pain. Poor Teal, rejected all over again by her father. Owen might have been absent for Lacey in more ways than not, but at least he hadn’t deserted her and Randi.

  The previous late afternoon, after Maiya had driven them back, Teal went straight to bed in the cottage. Will had brought Maiya to their house, and the story of the meeting with Dutch spilled from her.

  Unable to get beyond tearful empathy, Lacey was glad to have Will, Nora, and William there adding calmer, wiser support.

  Teal looked at her. “Lace, I’m all right. Really.”

  “I just can’t believe he could do that.”

  “Don’t cry. Please.”

  Lacey nodded and wiped her eyes with a napkin.

  Teal broke the muffin apart. “It’s a positive thing. I can now officially close that chapter. No more wondering what happened to him or where he is or what he’s like.”

  “No more blaming yourself for his abandonment.”

  “I never . . .” She sighed. “Okay, yes, I have. I’ve spent my life believing I’m not good enough. If I were, he would have stayed or at least made contact.”

  “For years my mother-in-law told me that Dad’s drinking was not my fault. My head understood, but not my heart. Then I got cancer and my heart broke. Life came down to just me and God. It was like He filled up all the places that hurt. I don’t have to earn His love.” Lacey smiled. “I still try to some days, though.”

  “It’s so deeply ingrained in me, I can’t imagine ever stopping.”

  “We can’t think our way into new ways of living. We have to act first. The mind-set follows.”

  “As in ‘just do it’?”

  Lacey chuckled. “Yeah, something like that. Just act like God adores you, no matter how awful you think you are, and after a while, it will become your first thought every day. It will be what echoes in your heart instead of those lies from the hurts.”

  Teal gave a thumbs-up sign.

  Lacey bit her lip and sat back. The obviously sarcastic gesture triggered feelings of defeat that were all too familiar.

  Way too familiar.

  When was Lacey going to stop overlooking Teal’s critical, abrasive demeanor? Was that really an act of love?

  She leaned forward. “Teal, do you know that God loves you?”

  “Yes, I know that.” Her tone snipped. “Sorry.” She softened her tone. “I’ve told you about the neighbor who took care of Maiya when she was a baby and how I went to her church. We still go to the same one. Jayne and her friends loved and accepted me for who I am until I finally made the connection, that God is like that. I couldn’t have done what I’ve done without believing He loves me.”

  “And yet you’ve been trying to earn it.”

  Teal glanced away. “I suppose.”

  “For me, the word love doesn’t cut it. There’s so much more to this relationship with the holy Father. I mean, God is absolutely crazy about us. He can’t stop thinking about us. He’s always watching over us, waiting for us to notice Him so He can show us what new gift He’s got in His hand.”

  Tears puddled in Teal’s eyes. “That’s the kind of father River is with Maiya.”

  Lacey smiled. “I noticed.”

  “I guess we don’t get one in the flesh.”

  “Nope. Not fair, is it?” Over Teal’s shoulder she saw Maiya emerge from her bedroom. “Sleeping Beauty is up.”

  “Mommy!” Maiya rushed across the room and flung her arms around Teal. “Mommy!”

  Teal hugged her daughter, eyeing Lacey. “Thank you,” she mouthed.

  Lacey nodded.

  “Mom! Are you okay?”

  Teal laughed. “If you don’t strangle me.”

  “Sorry.” Maiya let go and sat in the chair next to Teal. “’Morning, Aunt Lace. Mom, I’m so sorry.”

  “Honey, I told you: it’s not your fault.”

  “But you were out of it when you said that.”

  “Well, I’m not out of it now, and it’s still true. I was telling Aunt Lacey that seeing Dutch took an enormous burden off me, so I’m glad you insisted we go.”

  “Really?”

  “Really. Now I don’t have to wonder about him anymore.”

  Maiya looked at Lacey. “That’s kind of what I said last night, isn’t it?”

  “Kind of.” Lacey held her breath, hoping Maiya would not repeat what she had declared over dinner to her, Will, and his parents about her own father.

  Maiya turned back to Teal. “I don’t want to meet my bio dad anymore. I decided while I was getting ice for you. Why would I sign up for what you’ve gone through? I am over and done with him.”

  So much for that hope. Now Teal was off the hook.

  Maiya shrugged. “Nora said maybe mine is a nice guy. And I said flying the coop is flying the coop. He left. He can stay gone.” She lifted the lid off the box of muffins. “Ohhh, pumpkin? Yes! Aunt Lace, you’re the best.”

  Teal met Lacey’s eyes again, obviously irked.

  Anger stabbed at Lacey and she let it flash in her return gaze. If Nora was indeed Maiya’s grandmother, she had every right to encourage her with possibilities about her dad.

  Just as she had last night, Lacey wanted to tell Maiya she had it all wrong. She wanted to shout the truth. But your dad does not even know you exist! His name is Cody Janski, and he is a nice guy who deserves to know. You will like him! Your grandparents deserve to know! They already love you!

  As if hearing the internal tirade, Teal shook her head slightly. Her message was loud and clear: Don’t go there.

  Over the week and a half, Lacey did not “go there” with anyone. It wasn’t her place to reveal her sister’s secrets to others. And pressing Teal to open up would just press her further into her shell, so she did not bother to try.

  However, she figured Maiya was fair game for some subtle influencing. The aunt’s rule book said so.

  Under the guise of schoolwork, Lacey poked around the subject as often as possible. It wasn’t that difficult. Father issues were all over the place, from stories for English to US history to biology. What’s missing in this character’s life? How did the childhood of that president affect his choices? What do you think about environment versus heredity in that situation?

  Maiya was not slow. “Aunt Lacey, dads are not the most important people in the world. Why do you keep talking about them?” Her breath caught. “Do you know who he is?”

  Lacey looked her in the eye and chose her words carefully. “I’ve asked your mom, but she refused to tell me. He is an important figure in your life, though, no matter that he is absent, and honestly, I hope that you won’t give up wanting to learn about him.”

  “You weren’t there! You didn’t see how awful Dutch Morgan is. You didn’t see Mom fall apart. Meet my bio dad? Yeah, right. No thank you.”

  “What if your dad is nothing like him?”

  “But he is exactly like him because he does not want me. And besides, I have River.”

  After that, Lacey kept herself in check. She had done what she could to plant doubt in Maiya’s heart. Perhaps it would prompt Maiya to ask Teal again for her father’s identity, once they recovered from the Dutch encounter. Maiya was the only one who could change Teal’s mind about that, and Teal’s changed mind was the only way her sister was going to find any true peace.

  A week or so before Teal and Maiya’s departure, the Janskis left for Phoenix. The good-bye affected Nora harder than usual.

  She held Maiya’s face in her hands and whispered loud enough for Lacey to hear, “I pray that someday you will get to meet your biological father and that it will be a happy occasion. You never know. He may care very much about you. You may have grandparents and even half siblings who would want to be pa
rt of your life.”

  She watched as Maiya responded wordlessly to Nora, with a curious gaze and a soft smile. It was Lacey’s own typical response to her mother-in-law. The older woman’s wise words would sink into Maiya’s heart, more deeply and effectively than all of Lacey’s put together.

  During the days following the Dutch fiasco, Teal was subdued, as if still reeling from the event. She all but disappeared from sight and often drove up to a coffee shop in Banbury in order to work, saying it was easier where no one knew her. At Happy Grounds, people always stopped by her table to chat.

  At last, with far too much unfinished business still between them, Lacey and Teal said good-bye. They stood with Maiya and Will outside the cottage near the packed car.

  The sisters hugged for a long time and then made the eye contact that had shifted in recent days. Lacey decided the “finished” business won out over the other stuff. They had reunited and enjoyed one another’s company. Silently she forgave Teal for not telling her what she was not ready to tell her. She forgave Teal for sleeping with her boyfriend.

  “Oh, Lacey. Thank you, thank you for everything.”

  She nodded, a sob building in her chest.

  Maiya moved Teal aside and grabbed Lacey in a hug. “Come to LA for Thanksgiving. Please, please, please? We have a guest room. Well, it’s Mom’s office, but it has a sleeper in it.”

  Lacey looked at Teal.

  She smiled. “I won’t let another year go by, let alone nine.”

  Lacey glanced at a beaming Will, who said, “We’ll make it work.”

  Maiya yelled, “Yay!”

  Teal leaned in to whisper in Lacey’s ear, “I love you, Sis.”

  In that instant Lacey felt she’d reached the end of a long yearning. It was the first time her sister had ever told her she loved her.

  Chapter 41

  They headed south on the 101. Maiya drove while Teal settled into the passenger seat, eyes on the expanse of sky and ocean bathed in sunlight.

  A profound sense of release enveloped her. She had gone to Camp Poppycock with two goals in mind: to mommy her daughter and to connect with her sister, who had never given up on trying to build a relationship. Both had been accomplished and then some.