Heart Echoes

by Sally John

  Slut. Owen had labeled Teal that by the time she was twelve or thirteen. She’d had to look it up in the dictionary and realized what an idiot he was. The definition did not apply to her. After a few beers, Owen would add adjectives, words like worthless and no-good. She did not need a dictionary for them. Even back then she could have added despicable and reprehensible, fifty-cent words Owen had no knowledge of.

  “Mr. Parkhurst.”

  He stopped midsentence in his explanation of alimony. “Yes?”

  “Do you drink to excess?”

  “I am a recovering alcoholic.”

  “To the best of your recollection, were you under the influence of alcohol when you had this conversation with Hannah?”

  “Yes, I’m quite convinced that I was.”

  “And yet you remember the conversation?”

  He sighed. “Distinctly enough to know I behaved badly. She did not deserve my response. I knew she loved me and that she hadn’t dated anyone else for over a year. She wasn’t the cheating type. Unlike myself.”

  Teal held in her own sigh. The guy was building a credible case and she had to go with it. “Did you discuss the situation at a later time while sober?”

  “I tried several times to contact her. Some of the voice mails I left while sober.” His lopsided smile reeked of self-deprecation. “She did not answer my calls. She cleared out her desk one Sunday when she would have known I was on the golf course. I went to her apartment one night, not quite sober, and begged her to let me help financially.”

  “You and she spoke?” This was news.

  “Well, I spoke, and she slammed the door in my face. I can’t blame her.”

  “Did you have further contact after that?”

  “No. She changed her phone number to an unlisted one. I went to her apartment again, but she had moved out. I thought of tracking down her parents, but by then I had caught on that she didn’t want me involved.”

  “Did you give her money?”

  “I tried.”

  She let him go on about his attempts to give Hannah money to help with expenses. His mailed checks were not returned, but neither were they cashed.

  He said, “I’ve put money in a trust fund for Maddie. It will be hers when she turns twenty-one.”

  Okay. More news.

  “Mr. Parkhurst, did you tell your wife—uh, your first wife . . .” She scanned a paper.

  As if knowing the typed words blurred before her, Pamela pointed to the name. Janelle, wife number one. Not to be confused with Alison, wife number two.

  She looked at him. “Did you inform Janelle about the affair and the pregnancy?”

  “Not until later.” His cheeks actually took on the color of his tie. “Because it would have given her something else to hold over me. I was concerned it would give her grounds to demand more than half of my money. It was all about the money in those days.”

  Teal had seen the paperwork. Parkhurst and wife number one had settled out of court for a no-fault divorce after ten years of marriage. She received half of their property and should be set for life. A reasonable woman would not have asked for more. Not that Teal had seen much of reasonable when it came to divorce.

  She said, “You mentioned ‘something else.’ Like what?”

  He shifted in his chair. “Two affairs. Abuse—mental, emotional, and physical.”

  Oops. That was a bit more than recorded. Nice daddy material. “You and Janelle did not have children?”

  “No, we did not.”

  Thank God.

  “We would’ve had more kids.” Owen’s voice crept in again. “If you’d gone with your own dad, we would’ve had the money and Lacey could’ve had a real sister.”

  Teal had been sixteen for that one. It was the day she grabbed his belt as he swung it toward her thigh. She swore if he hit her, she would report him to the new neighbor. The friendliest man she had ever met was a sheriff’s deputy. Owen believed her. He never whacked her again. A run-in with the guy about property lines must have convinced Owen he’d best not tangle with him.

  Her palm burned for days, but it was worth it. His verbal abuse reached new heights, but that she could deal with. She spent as little time at home as possible, going to school, running with other rejects, working at the video store, sometimes even sleeping on the back-room floor there after everyone had gone. She figured out how to get scholarships and grants and go to college.

  She might have been a worthless, no-good sister and daughter, but she was no slut. She didn’t have time to be.

  Parkhurst said, “We never wanted children.”

  “Neither of you?”

  “Correct.”

  “And now you do?”

  “Yes. Both Alison and I do.”

  “What changed?”

  He folded his hands on the table. Much as she studied his handsome face for any sign of the reprobate she wanted to see, there was only an ethereal peace about him.

  “In a word, Jesus changed me.”

  She had hoped not to bring Jesus into the matter. If Parkhurst’s experience was the real deal, if the Spirit of the living God had gotten hold of him, then they might as well pack up and go home right now. Hannah might as well invite Maddie’s bio dad over for a get-acquainted dinner tonight.

  He went on. “First Hannah left; then Janelle, along with half of my assets. I produced three movies that barely made it to cable TV. I drank more.” He paused. “Then Alison came to work for us.”

  Teal had seen photos. The woman was a typical Parkhurst company hire: twentysomething and gorgeous.

  He said, “I don’t know how to explain it. She was a whiz in the business and refused to let me run it into the ground. I went to AA for her. I went to church for her. Jesus got through to me, probably through her prayers.” He shook his head as if in amazement. “This always sounds hokey, but I have to say it. God invaded my life, and I am not the man I was five years ago. I want to be a good father, even if it’s only part-time.”

  “Mommy, Mommy! Gammy Jayne says Jesus loves me, and guess what? He does! He told me!” Teal had laughed at Maiya’s big round eyes and four-year-old excitement. “I know, sweetie! I know. He told me too, when you were growing inside my tummy.” The little bowtie mouth formed a speechless O. They had danced a jig around the studio apartment.

  The knowledge that Someone watched over them provided a peace that lasted for years and years.

  It lasted until an earthquake sent her running to Oregon to be reminded at every turn that she was, indeed, a slut.

  “Mr. Parkhurst, I apologize if this sounds indelicate, but why Maddie? Why not move on and have children with your wife?”

  His face slackened, he made eye contact, and she knew she had missed something. She had missed requesting a vital piece of his history during discovery.

  “My wife can’t have children. She has physical issues. We’ve considered adoption, but for now Alison and I simply want to be a part of Maddie’s life. I’m not asking for custody, only for the visitation rights of any father who wants his daughter to see that he loves her very much.”

  He had her on “I want to be a good father, even if it’s only part-time.”

  What if Dutch had ever said that?

  What if Cody would say it if he knew Maiya was his daughter?

  “All right, thank you. We’re finished here.” She abruptly ended the meeting. Before Pamela could kick her, she stood and said her good-byes to the triplets. Mr. Parkhurst. Mr. Nixon. Or something like that. Mr. Jones. Or was it Smith? “Thank you. Thank you. Pamela will show you out.”

  Teal made a beeline for the ladies’ room. She folded herself onto the chair, head on the armrest, arms wrapped around her knees, and decided this time she would stay put until six o’clock.

  Pamela found Teal long before six o’clock. She sat in the other chair. “They’re going to chew up Hannah Walton and spit her out.”

  “And manage to do it with the utmost civility.” Teal sighed and sat up. “Her
version still has holes in it. We need to prep more before her deposition on Monday. Let’s get her in first thing in the morning.”

  “She’s on her way now. She’ll be here at one. I moved your two o’clock to seven tomorrow morning. Today’s three o’clock is now at four thirty.”

  Teal stared at the woman. “Sometimes your efficiency bugs me.”

  Pamela smiled. “Lunch is on your desk. Chicken salad.”

  As more often than not, they ate together in Teal’s office, taking little notice of the food while they worked.

  Fork in one hand, keyboard beneath the other, Teal scanned her calendar on the monitor. Despite her recent absence, it was full. An endless parade of women needed advice, wills, divorces, separation papers, restraining orders, child custody changes, or to haul a deadbeat dad back into court.

  There was so much pain scheduled to cross her threshold.

  She muttered, “Maybe I’ll open a coffee shop.”

  Across the desk Pamela eyed her over her own laptop. “Oh?”

  “Like my sister. You know, she just makes people happy. They come in, unload their woes, drink coffee and eat sweet rolls, and then they feel better.”

  “You make people feel better without the caffeine and sugar.”

  “But this takes so much more out of me than grinding beans and filling the creamer would.”

  Pamela smiled. “It’s been a crazy week. This Walton-Parkhurst case is a rough way to jump back in the saddle, but you’ll be fine. Once you got going this morning, you were great.”

  “Thanks to you. You’re a lifesaver, Pamela.”

  “I’m just your backup, doing my job. By the way, how’s Maiya’s first week back to school going?”

  “Uh, really well, it seems.” She brushed aside a twinge of guilt. The truth was, there had been no heart-to-hearts. At best, she could say she had not heard any concerns out of Maiya. River had been taking her to school; Amber’s mom usually brought her home. Between time with her friends and homework, Maiya had been scarce.

  Just like River and Teal. Her ten-hour days at the office plus two hours of work at home weren’t twenty-four, but they did not leave much time for family. River himself was at his most busy season preparing for the auction; he was gone most evenings.

  “And how was River’s Monday? I forgot to ask.”

  “River’s Monday?” Teal glanced at the calendar again. Monday. What was Monday?

  “The eleventh,” Pamela prompted.

  “The elev . . . Ohhh, nooo.” She set down her fork.

  “You forgot? Teal. Honestly?” Concern filled Pamela’s dark eyes.

  River had spent the anniversary of Krissy and Sammy’s death on his own. Teal had offered nothing to her husband, who understandably still hurt, no comfort from her in the morning or at dinner. Her stomach twisted. “How could I do that to him?”

  “Given this crazy week, it’s obvious how it happened. You didn’t mean to.”

  “But that’s not the point.” She pushed away from the desk and stood. “Oh my gosh. I can’t believe it. How could I do this to him?”

  Pamela twisted the phone toward her and unhooked the receiver. “I’ll call his cell number.”

  “No. He won’t answer. He’s in class. Oh, Pamela. I have to go there.” She yanked open a drawer and pulled out her handbag. “To the school.” Should she take any files?

  “Leave a voice message. He’ll get it sooner.”

  Forget the files. She grabbed her jacket from the back of her chair and rounded the desk.

  Pamela stood and shut the door before she could get through it. “Teal, slow down and think this through. It’s an hour to his school, an hour back. If you hope to spend any time at all with him, you’ll lose the afternoon.”

  “That doesn’t matter! I’ve let this man down far too many times. You have no idea. I swear, I don’t know why he’s still married to me.” Her voice rose and she chirped nonstop like a bird. “Good grief. I left him for weeks. I don’t tell him hardly anything about the way my life was before I met him. I won’t tell him who Maiya’s father is. And now I’ve let him observe this horrendous anniversary all by himself. He’s always playing second fiddle to me and my work.”

  “He loves you, Teal. He knew he was marrying a workaholic.”

  “But this is too much. This is too much. I can’t ask this of him.”

  “And what do I say to Zoe and Heidi?”

  Her question brought Teal up short.

  “Where do I say you’ve gone to this time? What do I say to your afternoon appointments, those women counting on you to do the equivalent of serving them coffee and sweet rolls?”

  “I can’t save the world, Pamela. I can’t be responsible for this company. I never wanted to be a partner.”

  “Partner? You might want to think about saving what’s left of your job. Your calendar is full of busywork, cases no one else wants. The new hire has a complex divorce going for a bigger name than Parkhurst, and she’s in over her head. What you’ve got there—” she pointed at Teal’s laptop—“is straight out of your first year, and you’re better than that, Teal. They need you on the difficult stuff, but you keep this up, and you’ll completely lose their trust.”

  “What are they saying?”

  Pamela pressed her lips together as if holding back.

  “What? So yeah, I’ve basically been out of it since the earthquake. Most of us have, in one way or another. The whole city has PTSD. Oh, no. They wouldn’t really fire me, would they?”

  “It’s idle gossip. Zoe and Heidi would never say anything to me or anyone else. I’m simply trying to read the tea leaves that you’re ignoring. Remember this morning when I said Zoe was available to step in for you?”

  “Yeah.”

  “It was because you appeared frazzled this week. That’s what she said. That’s why she offered.”

  Some of the spunk drained from her. Frazzled? Zoe and Heidi had always been observant, but to notice her in recent days put them at guardian-angel levels. Not even Pamela had noticed Teal was off until that mix-up with the men’s names earlier.

  Teal was good at faking cool. All week she had taken special care with her hair, makeup, and clothes. She kept her shoulders squared. She thought before she spoke.

  She buried that stupid woman who could not look her husband in the eye and she held on to delusional.

  Pamela said, “It’s no secret they didn’t want you to be gone for weeks on end.”

  “River didn’t want me gone for weeks on end either.” She struggled into her jacket. “If it comes down to them or him, there’s no question. I choose him.” If he was still interested. How long would he put up with silly and delusional? What if this was the last straw?

  Pamela touched her arm. “Then choose him, Teal. Only do it so that you both know without a doubt that that’s what you’re doing.”

  The loving admonition on her friend’s face was almost too much to bear. “Okay.” She breathed out the word. “I hear you. Please, you don’t have to cover for me today.”

  “Are you kidding? I love this busywork. I’ll meet with your appointments.” She grinned.

  Teal rolled her eyes. “Take the exam already and get certified.”

  Pamela laughed at the joke between them. She had a law degree, but not wanting the pressure, she never followed through to become licensed with the state. Like Teal, she was where she wanted to be.

  Pamela said, “My main concern is Hannah. No amount of prepping is going to get her ready for the triplets.”

  “Just help her plug some of those holes. He went to her home. He sent her money. Did she see the checks? What did she do with them?”

  “Why don’t I put the investigator onto Parkhurst one more time too?” She went to the credenza, picked up Teal’s briefcase, and flipped through a stack of files. “Maybe we missed something. Maybe he’s not the Goody Two-shoes he appears to be. Maybe tonight he’ll celebrate today’s performance, get hammered, and threaten his wife.” />
  “You have a sick mind.”

  “Thanks.” Pamela shoved folders into the case and handed it to her. “You okay to drive now?”

  “Yes, ma’am.” Without a backward glance, she opened the door and hurried away, anxious to make things right with someone.

  Perhaps for the first time ever in her life.

  Chapter 45

  Sixty minutes was a conservative estimate for the drive time to San Sebastian Academy, located in the foothills on the outskirts of the city. As frazzled as Teal was, the trip was going to take longer.

  Her usual ability to focus on freeway lane openings and zip in and out of them was gone. Instead she concocted a half-dozen scenarios. Would River welcome her with open arms? Would he be in the middle of teaching and need to ignore her? Would he ignore her anyway? Should she apologize profusely about Monday? Or simply kiss his cheek and go home to prepare her manicotti that he liked so much?

  He had seemed fine all week.

  Why did she think that? How would she know? They passed in the kitchen, grabbed whatever for dinner, spoke of routine things, gave cursory good-night kisses.

  At least they had that one night they happened to go to bed at the same time. What had they done Monday evening?

  Monday was her extra-long day. She had arrived home at 10 p.m.

  “Oh, God, I’m sorry.”

  River was such a gift to her, one she had not even hoped for, let alone requested. Did she push him away because he was undeserved? Because why get attached when he would probably leave her?

  Like everyone else in her life had, including Cody.

  Traffic slowed to a crawl, and in an instant the flashbacks that had faded to almost nothing unleashed themselves with intensity. She braked as images of the earthquake nearly blinded her. The echo of squealing brakes, explosions, crunching metal, people shouting and crying deafened her.

  “God, help me. Help me!”

  Tears streamed down her face. She wiped at them, unable to see if brake lights were lit or not.

  “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.” The apology would not stop forming.