Heart Echoes

by Sally John

“Let me ask first: how are you reacting?”

  River let out a breath. “Honestly, I kind of wish he’d ridden off into the sunset never to be heard from again. It’s not that I think I’ll lose where I stand with Maiya. And she needs to know him. But it’s a wrinkle in our life. A complication.” He shrugged. “So, what about him? He’s not going to pull a Dutch on us, is he? Or swing the other way and sue for custody?” The groundless fears he had not voiced to Teal poured out. He stopped himself short of asking Will if his brother had ever been in love with Teal.

  Will said, “He’s nothing like Dutch, and I can’t imagine him wanting another child. It’s not like he and Teal ever had anything going between them.”

  That answered that question.

  He continued. “Cody has a sweetheart of a wife and three good kids, a job that moves him all over the world. My best guess is he’ll take it in stride. He might feel some responsibility and be glad that you’re in the picture. He’s not the punk he used to be.” He slapped River’s shoulder. “I’d say no worries, man.”

  River felt a sense of relief. It was hard to imagine someone stepping in now, sixteen years after the fact, and wanting to barge into their lives, but the thought had crossed his mind once. Or twice. “Thanks.”

  “Sure.”

  They eventually spotted their wives. Teal was seated on a bench in the shade of a tree; Lacey stood next to it talking to a young family with little ones in a double stroller. Like Will, Lacey struck up a conversation with anyone in the vicinity. They were like a portable Happy Grounds Coffee Shop, hospitality without the coffee.

  Teal’s pallid complexion struck him again. She put up a good front with Will and Lacey, but she hadn’t been herself in the week leading up to their arrival. Given the stress of needing to tell her sister about Cody and now anticipating The Talk with Maiya, it was no surprise, though.

  She gave him a small smile. “Was it fun?”

  “I haven’t laughed so hard in ages.” He sat beside her.

  “Where’s Maiya?”

  He glanced at Lacey to make sure she was out of hearing. She was introducing Will to her new friends. “Minnie McMouse is buying a gift for the aunt. How are you?”

  “I threw up and now I feel better.”

  “Teal.” He put the back of his hand against her forehead. “Are you sick? Do you need to go home?”

  “I’m fine.” She moved his hand and held it. “But I’ll probably make an appointment with the doctor.”

  “Why? What is it?”

  She smiled, a slow, lazy movement of the corners of her mouth. Her eyes twinkled. “Most likely a boy or a girl.”

  Her voice sounded far away, as if he stood at a distance. The words were difficult to make out. “What?”

  “I’m a little slow on the uptake. Nauseous and tired? Ten days late? Duh. Lacey figured it out. I know we haven’t been trying for long, but—” she shrugged—“this seems to be how it works with me.”

  “You’re pregnant?”

  “I think so.”

  “You’re pregnant!” He shouted so loudly Lacey and Will and their new friends stared. “My wife is pregnant!”

  They cheered and clapped.

  “She’s pregnant!”

  Other passersby joined in.

  “We’re having a baby!” He couldn’t stop. His face felt like it might split from his grin. He grabbed Teal in a bear hug.

  “Uh, River.” She pushed against him and looked up at his face. “We might want to tell our daughter before the rest of the world?”

  “What? Oh yeah. I guess. Oh, Teal. I’m so happy. Are you happy? Are you all right? Should we go home? Do you need crackers or something? We should put your feet up.”

  “Am I listening to the next nine months?”

  He chuckled. “Probably.”

  She nuzzled against him and giggled. “I am beyond happy.”

  “Me too.” He rested his chin on her head. “Me too.”

  And then, to his chagrin, he began to cry.

  Chapter 51

  While the others headed to the ice cream parlor, Teal headed to a restroom. The happy hordes of people slowed her progress. She still wore a silly grin, but then so did three-fourths of the other visitors. The remaining one-fourth were tired or hungry and most certainly not in the throes of happy pregnancy news.

  Funny how she had missed the signs, but it had been almost seventeen years. For Lacey, it had only been a little over one. Her sweet sister was ecstatic. Almost as much as River.

  She grinned, although she felt a twinge of sadness for him. The poor guy had cried in public. He said they were tears of joy, but she sensed a touch of sorrow, too. This would bring back all the memories of the joyful time that ended so terribly for him.

  How would Maiya take the news? Teal laughed to herself. Her teenager would be happy and embarrassed—her parents? eww!—and attempt to find an in-between space of cool. Teal wanted to tell her right now, privately. What a crazy place to have told River, in the middle of Disneyland. She had not been able to contain herself after Lacey pointed out the obvious while they rode on a make-believe Mark Twain boat on a make-believe river that rolled enough to make her sick to her stomach.

  Now Teal reached yet another bathroom, grateful for a short line. Maybe she could find Maiya. She guessed which store she had gone to. But River might feel left out. All right. She would not tell Maiya. She would simply bask in a few moments alone with her, the last moments of Maiya being her only child.

  A few minutes later she detoured away from the ice cream parlor toward the shop. Having lived sixteen years in Los Angeles with a daughter, she knew her way around the park fairly well. They first visited when Maiya was three. It became an annual trek, sometimes more when special deals were offered.

  Like Maiya, River had grown up visiting the place with his parents and sister. The little boy in him emerged whenever he and Maiya hit the rides Teal avoided.

  She smiled, imagining the fun they would all have introducing a new little one to adventure, history, fantasy, music and colors, gentle rides, and . . .

  Teal stopped dead in her tracks.

  Had she seen what she thought?

  A gap opened again in the crowd.

  And she saw again.

  Ahead, on the left, at the side of the wide, congested walkway stood her daughter. Maiya’s back was to her, but she was unmistakable. The black ponytail, the khakis with gathered cuffs, the sleeveless grape-purple tee were her. She spoke to a stranger.

  Who was not a stranger.

  The man wore blue jeans and a brown T-shirt, but his bearing was clearly military. Thirtysomething, he stood under six feet tall. His shoulders were squared, his slender arms roped with muscles, his hair buzzed to the length of colorlessness, his face lean and weathered, his eyes squinted against the sunlight.

  They would be green, not quite the dark shade of Maiya’s eyes, but green nonetheless.

  Teal would have recognized him anywhere. No matter that the dishwater-blond hair was gone along with the slumped shoulders, the chains, the black clothing. He had haunted her dreams for over sixteen years.

  He smiled now. Maiya’s ponytail bounced. He laughed. Maiya gestured, her hands painting images in the air. He held out his arms. Maiya stepped into a hug.

  From her father.

  Teal strode, fast and hard, this way and that, no destination in mind. Her heart pounded in her ears. Her throat ached. The world around her blurred. She bumped into people. They apologized. Her voice screamed inside but did not find its way to her tongue.

  Where did one go in the happy kingdom to have a meltdown?

  She just kept walking.

  How could Lacey and Will have done this to her? Was River in on it? Why had they contacted Cody behind her back and set up such a public meeting? Were they nuts or cruel or utterly clueless?

  Poor Maiya! On her own while the others ate ice cream? Teal would have allowed a meeting. She would have.

  Sometime. Somewhere.
Anywhere else than here and not this week. Certainly not before she had told Maiya that Cody Janski was Bio Dad.

  But she would have allowed it. She would have.

  “Lady! Watch where you’re going!”

  Sorry! Sorry!

  She had to sit down. A busy restroom was not the place. There must be a first-aid station around. If only she could find a map. If only she could find an empty bench.

  Certainly not before she had told Maiya that Cody Janski was Bio Dad.

  Maiya did not know him. Will and Lacey did. How had they arranged a meeting? Why wouldn’t Lacey at least have introduced them? Had Cody approached Maiya after Will phoned him to say where she was? Had Maiya walked into a trap, not knowing she was going to meet—

  No.

  No to all of that. River, Lacey, and Will would not have done such a thing.

  This was Maiya’s doing. She had guessed Cody’s identity. Not wanting to ask about him, she and that nerdy Baker had tracked him down, most likely not a problem after hearing stories about him being in the Marines and where he had been stationed. Maiya herself had contacted Bio Dad and arranged . . .

  Oh, God.

  Her baby had done what Teal had refused to do for her. Maiya had not been able to count on her own mother.

  Oh no. Teal would never . . .

  But she had.

  She was, in the end, no different from Randi, no better. Maybe even worse.

  She sobbed and strode smack into the middle of a furry mass.

  “Hey, are you all right?” A woman’s voice came from the middle of the enormous body of yellow-orange fleece. A tiny screen in a red vest shaded a set of eyes. “Do you want some help?”

  Teal shook her head and gazed up at Winnie the Pooh’s face bobbing several feet above her own.

  “Oh, bother.” The voice from the chest pulled her attention back to the eyes. Giant arms enveloped her. “Just have a good cry. Then we’ll go find a honey pot and you’ll feel all better.”

  At that moment, Teal did not have any choice but to do as she was told.

  Chapter 52

  Outside the ice cream parlor on the sidewalk fronted by a make-believe Main Street crowded with pedestrians, River leaned against the wall. He crossed his arms over his chest as if that would stop the wrenching twist inside it.

  The first time he had experienced the telltale sign of dread was when the forest ranger approached his campsite, hat in his hand, face pinched as if he were in great pain. “There’s been an accident.”

  The breath-catching dread never returned until the day after his first date with Teal. They had taken Maiya with them on a picnic at the beach. Teal refused to call it a date; he disagreed. He awoke the next morning soaked in sweat, the wrench working inside his chest, squeezing and crushing and digging.

  From that day on, he understood that to love was to risk losing it all again.

  At a gut level, he knew Krissy would have said, “It’s worth it, River. It’s totally worth it.” And so he forced himself to learn to live with it, to tame it, to respond more quickly with a Fear not, I am with you; give it to Me, give it all to Me. It was either that or curl up in a fetal position.

  But right now he was having trouble forming the words. His pregnant wife had been gone far too long for a bathroom run unless she was sick again. Should he go find her? Then there was his teenage daughter, off by herself in this stupid theme park, at the mercy of who knew how many crazies. . . .

  Lacey touched his arm and handed him a tiny paper cup and small spoon. Beside him, Will received another. “Life is short, guys; eat more ice cream. This is a sample of the black walnut. Oh my gosh!”

  River followed her line of sight. Maiya was making her way on the sidewalk toward them. The sunlight dappled on her face through leaves. She was smiling, talking to someone beside her, a man. . . .

  Lacey rushed toward them and threw her arms around the man.

  Beside him Will let out a low whistle. “It’s my brother. How in the world did he end up here? And with Maiya?” He squeezed River’s shoulder as he went over to greet him.

  Speechless, River watched a scene that made no sense but irked him. The brothers hugged. Lacey and Maiya hugged. They all smiled. Lacey laughed.

  Cody Janski was small compared to Will, his hair all but shaved off, his frame more wiry than slender.

  River could take him, easy.

  But what was the guy doing there? And where was Teal?

  Maiya came over to him. “Where’s Mom?”

  “Restroom. What’s . . . ?” He really didn’t have any words.

  Maiya pulled apart his crossed arms and hugged him fiercely.

  He hugged her back.

  She said, “It’s Cody. My dad. I think.” She let go and made serious eye contact that he could not avoid. “He seems like a nice guy. Wanna meet him?”

  River studied her face, tentative and eager. Her eyes pleaded, her smile slipped. “How did this—how did this happen?”

  “I had to, Riv. I just had to. Please don’t be mad.”

  Maiya arranged it? Of course she did. Of course she had to. Her mother had dragged her feet long enough.

  She said, “Baker helped me find him. And then I . . .” She shrugged. “I called him. I told him what I knew and wondered if he thought he could be my biological father. He was down at Camp Pendleton. We both wanted to meet. I suggested a halfway point.” She shrugged again. “That would be here.”

  He wanted to chew her out for keeping things secret, for putting herself in an iffy situation with a stranger even if he was Will’s brother. But then he saw the sparkle in her eyes and realized how long she had waited for this. He was being as childish as Teal had been. Maiya was the one behaving like an adult. She was taking ownership of her life, making important decisions and acting on them.

  He tossed the ice cream cup in a nearby trash can and gave her a tight smile. “Introduce me.”

  Maiya looped her arm through his and pulled him along. Lacey and Will moved aside so he could shake the man’s hand. Will started the introduction but Maiya interrupted.

  “Riv, this is my dad, Cody Janski. Cody, this is my awesome stepdad, River Adams.”

  My dad? My dad?

  Something sank inside of River. Compared with “my dad,” “awesome stepdad” fell way short.

  Geesh. How old was he? Thirteen? He smiled, hoping it didn’t look as forced as it felt.

  Cody shook his hand and grinned, a wide show of teeth in his narrow face. “Nice to meet you, sir. I apologize for the awkwardness. Your daughter has an irresistible convincing streak in her.”

  River felt some of the tension drain from him. “She gets it from her mother.”

  “I bet she does. Lacey has a similar one.” He winked at his sister-in-law. “Well, I guess I have to ask the obvious.” He paused. “Is it true?”

  River exchanged a look with Lacey. This was Teal’s job, wasn’t it? Lacey widened her eyes as if to disagree, as if to say this could wait no longer.

  Maiya’s eyes grew wide. “Riv, please. I could have half siblings! Nora and William could be my grandparents!”

  Maiya had always longed for this knowledge of extended family. Had she somehow sensed they were not all that far away?

  He could not withhold this gift from her. “Yes, it’s true. Teal told me.”

  Cody said, “No question about it? I am Maiya’s father?”

  Biological. River relaxed his clenched jaw. “Absolutely no question about it.”

  Cody turned to Maiya. “Give me five.” They slapped each other’s hands. “Welcome to the Janski side of your family, Miss Maiya.”

  There was a brashness to him that reminded River of so many of the boys who had attended the academy down through the years. He was seeing them, kids like Jake Ford, seventeen years from now. They would never lose that audacious manner and might even be able—as in Cody’s case—to mold it into creative energy for positive endeavors.

  He wasn’t convinced it mesh
ed with his Maiya’s personality, though.

  As everyone else seemed to talk at once, River noticed out of the corner of his eye Winnie the Pooh, one of the larger-than-life characters that roamed the park, waving and looking for kids to hug.

  Or women?

  Pooh ambled directly toward them, Teal under his arm.

  They stopped, and his wife shook Pooh’s hand and talked at his chest. River stepped onto the street and approached them just as Pooh lumbered around and walked off.

  Teal turned and saw him. His frustrations at her faded. She looked sicker than she had earlier. How could she handle what was happening behind him?

  “Teal.” He reached her, blocking her view of the Janskis.

  The Janskis. That now included Maiya. Would she want to change her name to Janski?

  Teal gasped. She had noticed them.

  He held her, his hands on her arms, keeping her still. “Love—”

  “Oh, River! I saw them back there.” She gestured, a flip of her hand toward nowhere in particular. “A while ago. Oh.” She moaned. “What am I going to do? I can’t face her. I can’t face him. This is all my fault. I pushed her away. I pushed her into this.”

  “Shh.” He bent until his forehead touched hers, willing the rash of words to stop.

  “I—”

  “Shh.”

  She whimpered.

  “Listen to me, Teal. What’s done is done. This is not about you right now. This is about Maiya meeting a sperm donor.” River grimaced at the harsh description, one he created years before but had never spoken aloud. Back then he had needed to depersonalize Bio Dad.

  But now . . . now the guy was a living, breathing human being.

  He said, “He’s a human being, and from this day forward she will have a relationship with him. Right now we set the tone for the future. We cannot communicate that he is the enemy or that she is a mistake. She can’t hear that for the rest of her life.” River straightened to look at Teal. “She’s okay, love. She’s okay. She did this on her own, and she’s proud of it, not angry with you anymore.”

  “But—”

  “Later. You ask her forgiveness later.”