Gray Back Bad Bear (Gray Back Bears Book 1)

by T. S. Joyce

  “Sounds pretty awesome, though. Getting to change into this big strong animal, never getting bullied, always feeling like a badass.”

  “Mmm,” he said noncommittally. “You were bullied?”

  “You mean in school? College no, because no one cares what kind of freak flag you fly there, but in high school…you know, it might surprise you, but I wasn’t the put-together vixen you see before you.” She gave him a smile to let him know she was teasing.

  “Braces?”

  “Oh, yeah. Headgear. My teeth looked like old cemetery headstones. And my parents didn’t have much money, so when we figured out my vision sucked, my mom bought me some glass frames from one of those old thrift stores and had some lenses put in them, so I was rocking grandma glasses until I was a sophomore. I picked up a job tutoring middle school kids on the weekends just to purchase a snazzier pair. As you can imagine, an updated pair of glasses didn’t really stop the teasing.”

  “Kids can be jerks at that age,” he said in a faraway voice.

  “What about you? Were you the cool kid in school? Wait, wait, wait, let me guess. You were built like an eighteen-wheeler even in high school, so your coach recruited you early and you were star of your football team, taking them all the way to state by your senior year. You spent the entirety of your last year in high school smelling like cheerleader poon and managed to win homecoming and prom king. Am I close?”

  Matt pursed his lips as the smile faded from his eyes. “I didn’t go to school.”

  “You didn’t go to college?”

  “No, I mean, I didn’t go to high school or middle school. I’m self-educated.” He frowned. “Kind of.”

  Willa sat up, shocked to her core. “I don’t understand. So you did homeschool?”

  “No, Willa.” A strange humming growl emanated from his chest. “I mean not everyone gets to go to school. Maybe for humans it’s easier, but for me and the kids I lived with, it wasn’t doable. We lived out in the woods in this shitty RV I found us, and I worked three jobs to keep us fed. There wasn’t a lot of time leftover for school. I was a kid raising kids.”

  “What about your parents?”

  “Stop looking at me like that.”

  “Like what?” Shocked and horrified because the stuff he was telling her pointed to a long life of pain, and fun-loving Matt didn’t fit the bill for a wrecked life.

  “Like you pity me. Fuck.” He shook his head and looked away, but she’d already seen it. His eyes had lightened to that inhuman silver color. “Don’t ask me questions like these anymore. One week, remember? I don’t want to talk about anything—”

  “But maybe you should—”

  “Not with you! I’m not keeping secrets because I’ve had some hard life I can’t come to grips with, Willa. I’ve talked to my friend, Kong. Told him everything. I know the dangers of keeping shit like that inside, and I didn’t do it. But with you… Don’t you get it? I just want to have fun. I don’t want the serious shit I have to deal with when I talk to my crew or my friends. I want things to be light with you. Easy.” Matt slid an angry glare to her. “I want to be someone else with you.”

  Willa bit her lip and nodded until her words found her again. “Okay. Easy. I can do that.”

  “Good.” Matt pushed off the rock and dove under the falls. The sunlight glinted off the silver spider webs of his scarred back as he swam just under the surface of the water and away from her, blurring as he escaped the edge of her good vision.

  She unclenched her hands that she hadn’t realized she’d gripped into fists, and her heart ached. Matt wasn’t interested in her, or even interested in being friends.

  He only wanted to escape himself for a little while with someone who didn’t know him.

  Chapter Five

  Too far away for Willa’s blurry eyes to see, there was splashing and chaos on the shore where Matt was headed. They weren’t alone in this magic place under the waterfall anymore.

  Confused and a little gut-hurt, Willa slipped off the rock and back under the falls. As she swam closer to the shore and the people there became clearer, her stomach sank with every stroke.

  Brittney’s high-pitched flirty laugh echoed across the water, drawing a wince from Willa. And when she stepped clumsily onto the shore, her tankini clinging to her like an ill-fitting second skin, Brittney was hanging from Matt’s neck, whispering in his ear while he held her elbows and listened with a faraway look in his eyes. Great.

  “Hey again,” Jason said with a friendly smile. “Sorry we crashed the party, but these three were relentless to come up here.”

  “I thought you said no potential mates up here,” Matt said to one of his crew mates. Creed, she remembered him calling the dark-haired, dark-eyed man from last night.

  “We’re not potential mates,” Kara said, peeling her tank top off to expose her perfectly perky boobs nearly bobbing out of her purple teeny bikini. “Potential bed-mates only,” she said with a wink at Jason.

  Jason growled low in his throat and nipped at her neck, then jerked his chin toward the water and took off. Kara followed, giggling loudly.

  “That’s an awesome bathing suit,” Brittney said as she peeled her beach dress off to expose her perfect ten body, barely contained in her bikini. “I think my grandma has the same one.”

  Cheeks heating, Willa jerked her gaze to the water so Matt wouldn’t see how bad Brittney’s insults stung. Really, she should be used to it by now.

  “I saw your post online,” Brittney said to Matt. “This place sounded amazing so we just had to come check it out for ourselves.”

  “Wait, you accepted her friend request but not mine?” Willa’s voice came out high and hurt.

  Brittney snorted as Matt seemed to struggle to find his words. “Okay, why is that shocking to you?” she asked Willa as she passed. “Come on, Matthew. I want to see the waterfall.”

  Matt ran his hands over his wet hair, spiking it up in all directions. “I can tell by the look on your face you’re figuring out I was telling the truth,” he murmured as he walked by. “I’m not a nice guy.” He brushed her hip with a light touch of his fingertips as his gaze followed Brittney. “I’m sorry if you got hurt.”

  “That’s fine,” she said, unable to hold his gaze. She looked down at her feet in the sand instead. She ghosted a glance up to him and looked back down before he saw her eyes brimming with stupid tears. “It’s my fault for thinking you had more substance.”

  Matt flinched, but left her standing there as he walked purposely into the water after the bombshells, who were splashing and laughing with Jason and a blond guy she recognized from the bar last night.

  She slipped into her board shorts and glasses and pulled her oversize cover-up over her head. Smiling politely at Creed, she pulled her backpack over her shoulders.

  “Nah, you can’t leave now,” Creed said, sympathy in his dark eyes. “Come on over here and sit with me. I hate swimming.”

  Gia yelled, “Creed, come on!” but the man shook his head and dug a pair of beers out of a red cooler someone had set in the sand.

  He popped the top on both of them and handed her one.

  “Why don’t you like swimming?” Willa asked, settling down into a forest green bag chair.

  Creed’s eyes tightened, and he shook his head. “I just don’t.”

  Awesome. More mysteries. Why couldn’t anyone just give a fucking straight answer around here? To mask the very pathetic, human growl clawing its way up her throat, she took a ridiculously long swig of beer. Watching Brittney chase Matt with long, graceful strokes through the water made Willa regret staying. Maybe if she drank her beer faster, she could excuse herself and go back to the campground to nurse her heart wounds in private.

  Why were the bombshells getting to her like this? It’s not like they were doing anything out of character. It had obviously upset Brittney last night when Matt invited Willa out here instead of her, so of course she would’ve manipulated the rest of his crew into bringing th
em out to Bear Trap Falls. It wasn’t even about Matt. Willa already knew what the future held, like a freaking psychic. Brittney would chase Matt until he gave in, which would probably take all of three point eight seconds, she’d sleep with him, and then she’d gloat in front of Willa every chance she got. She’d done the same thing to Paul Dunner freshmen year of high school and Seth Mayor a year later. And they weren’t even friends then. It was some sick game Brittney played to make sure Willa still knew her place. She’d learned quickly to hide any crushes on boys because they would inevitably end up on Brittney’s long list of conquests.

  “I don’t know why I’m still stuck in high school,” she murmured.

  “What?” Creed asked. “Y’all are legal, right?”

  “Oh, good God,” she muttered. “Yeah, we’re all college graduates and plenty legal. Do you ever feel like you’re stuck in some immature drama that you just can’t escape?”

  Creed gave Jason a hard glare and drawled out, “Yep.”

  “Well, that’s me and the bombshells.” She downed the rest of her beer and handed him the empty. “Creed, it’s been real. I think it’s high time I bowed out of the drama, though.”

  “You’re better than them, you know?” He looked up from his own bag chair with serious eyes.

  “Nah.” She hoisted her backpack onto her shoulders. “I’m not trying to be better than anyone. I’m just trying to be better than I was yesterday. See you around.”

  Creed smiled and lifted his half empty beer. “Later.”

  “What, you’re not even going to say goodbye?” Brittney called in a pouty voice.

  Willa flipped that canker blossom the bird over her shoulder and made her way through the trees in the direction of her truck. She kicked a limb off the trail and fought the urge to try and break it in half for good measure. She had scrawny arms and no muscle tone, so it would just give her splinters and a bicep spasm.

  And why were her stupid tears trying to escape again? Stupid Matt and stupid Brittney and stupid—”

  “I hated that.”

  With a gasp, Willa skidded to a stop and clutched her chest as if it would keep her heart from leaping out through her rib cage. Great gads, Matt was fast.

  He stood leaned against her truck, arms crossed over his bare chest, navy swim trunks hanging low, still dripping wet with river water.

  “Hated what?” she gritted out, pushing by him to throw open the door and toss her backpack inside.

  Matt scratched his neck, then pulled her into a spine crushing hug. “I don’t like Brittney. I don’t want Brittney.”

  Willa struggled against him, beating his chest with her closed fists and screeching. “Then why did you act like you couldn’t get away from me fast enough?”

  “Because I want to take this slow! Fuck, Willa. I want to take things slow. You aren’t like the others. Not to me. Stop.” He gripped her pounding wrists. “Stop!”

  A sob wrenched from her throat, and she threw herself backward until her shoulders slammed against the bed of the truck. “Don’t touch me.”

  Matt let off a humorless laugh. “That’s supposed to be my line.”

  “So Brittney gets to see the real you, but I don’t.”

  “Because I want you to see me as I am. Not the stupid persona I’ve used to…”

  “To what? Say it, Matt.”

  He gripped his hair and then flung his hands forward. “To seem normal!” He backed up against the truck and slid down. Sitting in the dirt, he pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes and rasped out. “I wanted you to stick around long enough to get to know the real me, and if I accept your friend request, you’ll see what an asshole I’ve been.”

  “Full disclosure or I’m leaving, and I’m not coming back, Matt.”

  “I know. And you should know everything. I just didn’t want you to.” He swallowed hard and pulled a cell phone from a canvas bag beside him. He punched some buttons and said, “There. Please don’t hate me.”

  Willa yanked her cell phone from her backpack and strode around Matt to the back of the truck. She pulled the tailgate down and sat, settling against the hard metal. Was she strong enough for this? She liked the Matt she’d gotten to know, but was she going to feel the same after she saw whatever he was afraid of showing her?

  His social media wall was bombarded with pictures of him with other girls. In some, his eyes were glossed over as if he’d been drinking. In others, he was clear and smiling. The happiness never reached his eyes in those, though. All of the women were beautiful, but after scrolling a while, they all looked the same. Matt certainly had a type. There were videos of him making out with women at Sammy’s bar. One of him doing karaoke with a set of gorgeous twins who did a triple kiss with him at the end. Willa’s stomach curdled, and she felt sick.

  In another video, one of his crewmates—Jason?—had walked in on Matt in the bathroom at Sammy’s bar with his jeans lowered to halfway down his ass as he tried to cover up a girl he was obviously fooling around with. Matt said, “Come on, man. This is sacred.” He put his big hand over the camera lens, but the entire time, he and Jason were laughing.

  More selfies of women biting his ear, arms around his neck, a video of him skinny dipping in a steaming pool with a bevy of beauties. Hashtag spring break. Hashtag did a werebear. Hashtag bucket list.

  Just like the bombshells had come for, Matt had given into so many others.

  Warm tears streaked down her cheeks and landed with soft splats against her board shorts.

  “What are you searching for, Matt?” Her voice came out broken and sad.

  “A mate.”

  “Is sex an addiction for you?”

  “No.” He stood and locked his hands on either side of her hips, rocking the truck with the force of it. “Willa, it’s not like that. I know the difference. My sister…shit.” He took a deep breath and tried again. “This isn’t every night or every week. Those posts are the highlight reel. My bear needs a mate, or I’m going to lose my mind.”

  “Matt, be serious.”

  “I am! I am being serious. He’s never been right. My animal is wild and wants to fight everything, all the time, and I can feel my control slipping with each year. I’ve seen it happen—seen a dominant bruin go mad because he loses control of his animal. I want a mate.”

  “As a hail mary to save yourself from insanity? And what if that doesn’t work? Where will that leave your mate?”

  “It will work, Willa. You have to trust me, it will. I can already feel it working.”

  She drew back and froze, eyes wide. “What do you mean?”

  “It’s you.”

  Her face crumpled, and she couldn’t hold his blue gaze any longer. “What do you mean it’s me?”

  “You’re my mate.”

  “Aw, fuck off, Matt. I don’t want to play this game.” She shoved him back and slid off the tailgate, then slammed it closed as fury pounded through her. He had some nerve.

  “It’s not a game, Willa, I swear. I knew at the bar, the first time I talked to you.”

  “You didn’t even notice me until I ran into you! And you just left me to go swim with Brittney. I don’t know how this mate stuff works, but I’m pretty sure you aren’t supposed to be chasing other tail. Are you even capable of monogamy?”

  “Yes! I haven’t even thought of another woman since I’ve met you.”

  “For one whole day you haven’t thought of another woman.”

  “This is why I wanted to take things slow, Willa. It’s instant for me. Dammit, I thought I’d never find you, but now my bear is ripping me up from the inside out because I made you cry. I know it’s not the same for humans, though, so I thought if we could just date, and you could see how happy I can make you, you’d give us a chance.”

  “But…” She thought of all the drop-dead gorgeous women he’d been with. “I’m not your type.”

  “You’re exactly my type.”

  “Fearful nerd is your new thing?”

  Matt
let off a surprised laugh. “Yeah. I guess so.”

  “I’m leaving to go back to my life in Louisiana in a week,” she said softly. “I’m going to get a job and go back to my apartment and my worm farm and live a normal life.”

  “Well, I was hoping to court you into sticking around here a little longer. We can bring your worm farm here. I can build you one as big as you want. We have room for everything where I live. Worm farms, gardens, space to play your instruments…whatever would make you happy. I had all these plans.”

  She tried to stifle her smile as the flutters in her stomach picked up again. “What sort of plans?”

  His tone dipped low to a seductive purr. “I’m going to show you my deluxe singlewide mobile home in the heart of Grayland Mobile Park.”

  “Mmm hmm, I like it.”

  He gave her a crooked, sexy smile and took a step closer, pinning her against the truck. Running his hands through her damp hair, he continued. “Then I was going to cook you some seafood and show off my culinary skills.”

  “Mmm hmm.”

  “And then I was going to take you on a date in town and maybe let you give me a hand job.”

  Willa snorted a laugh and smacked his arm. “Stop it, and be serious. My resolve is wavering.”

  The smile dipped from his face, and he leaned forward and kissed her forehead. “And then I was going to take you to meet my sister because I really like you, and I want Cassie to meet the woman who settles my bear.”

  Choked up, Willa cleared the thickness from her throat and tried to look severe. “No more girls.”

  “Only you.”

  “No more chasing tail and throwing attention at controlling skanks like Brittney.”

  He kissed her forehead again and whispered, “You have my word.”

  Hmm, the word of a playboy. “Matt, this is your warning. The second you mess up with another woman, you know I’m gone, right? That’s not me, sticking around for a man who doesn’t deserve my affection.”