by Emma Nichols
‘I know you’re in pain,’ Rosa continued. ‘That much is easy to see. Maybe that’s what attracts me to you,’ she admitted. ‘At least in part?’ she added, after a brief pause. ‘I feel such a strong pull towards you. I have done since the moment I saw you in the bar.’ She chuckled to herself, shaking her head at the memory. But, the sound laced in sadness and possibly regret. ‘I’m not used to feeling vulnerable in this way Eva… and you were here.’ She looked around the room. ‘That night: the night that young girl died. You were here. I let you into my home…’ she paused, ‘and into my heart. And… I can’t get you out of my heart Eva. Lord knows I’ve spent enough hours trying to work out how I might do that.’ She huffed to herself at her vain attempt to rid herself of Eva, when in reality it was the last thing she wanted to happen. Eva’s eyes had risen and rested on Rosa as she continued. ‘I have no resistance… I feel totally exposed around you, which is why it hurts so much when you isolate yourself. When you withdraw it’s like a piece of me dies inside. I know it’s about self-protection. I get that. But that doesn’t stop me hurting.’
Eva moved until her left knee made contact with Rosa’s right thigh. She reached across and took Rosa’s hand in her own. Rosa let her. ‘I’m so sorry,’ she said, and she really did mean it. ‘I know I withdraw…’ she started speaking, softly, hesitantly. ‘I don’t know why.’ Rosa squeezed the hand in hers, lightly, urging Eva to continue. ‘It’s so instinctive, I don’t even realise I’m doing it. I spoke to mum earlier in the week,’ she said, piquing Rosa’s interest. ‘We talked about my father, not that he felt like a father to me,’ she added. ‘I was very young. I don’t really remember him: just the arguing. He left one day and never came back. Then there was Anna…’ she paused. ‘We were best friends and then she left me too. Well actually we left, moved to Paris,’ she corrected. She looked up, held Rosa’s gaze. ‘I’ve always felt abandoned, alone. I guess it’s what I’m used to.’ She shrugged at what she considered to be an absolute truth.
Rosa rubbed her thumb across the back of Eva’s hand. ‘The nightmares,’ she stated.
‘I think so.’
‘Do you remember them?’ she asked.
‘Not really. I’m just left feeling like a child, vulnerable, isolated, and so very scared. When I drink, all that goes away, and I can function again.’ Rosa nodded as she processed Eva’s world. Eva smiled weakly, Rosa responded. ‘Please don’t throw me out,’ Eva begged.
‘I can’t,’ Rosa said, stroking the side of Eva’s face, toying with her hair. Eva made a move towards her, but the press of Rosa’s fingers to her lips prevented her making the contact she craved. ‘I need you to promise to try,’ Rosa said, seeking Eva’s eyes for something deeper.
‘I promise,’ she said, and Rosa wanted to believe her.
Rosa leaned in and kissed her tenderly on the cheek, before standing and pulling Eva up to her feet. ‘You need to get to work,’ she said. She collected Eva’s hand and pressed it to her lips. Thank you,’ she said.
Eva squeezed the hand holding hers and then reluctantly released it. The last thing she felt like doing was going to work, but she would be expected and the other last thing she needed was Carine on her back. She groaned and rolled her eyes as she recalled the networking event they were scheduled to attend. ‘I’ll be back late tonight. We’ve got an event to attend. I’ll pop back early afternoon for a couple of hours, and then how about brunch tomorrow?’ she asked.
‘Okay.’ Rosa’s weary tone weighed heavily on Eva. Rosa moved towards her, wrapped her arms around her, and for a brief moment Eva’s world felt safe again.
*
‘I’d like to nail this proposal before we go out this evening,’ Carine stated, noticing Eva’s edgy response. ‘If that’s okay with you, of course?’ Her tone didn’t seem to leave an option to refuse.
Eva stared at the clock on the wall. 6.10. She wasn’t going to get home this side of the networking event. Her face twitched, agonisingly. She picked up her phone from the low table and tapped on the keys, sighing deeply as she pressed the send button. She had promised she would be back for a couple of hours before going out and guessed that failing on her promise wasn’t going to go down too well with Rosa. Hell, it wasn’t going down too well with her right now either. ‘Okay,’ she said, feeling more than a little dejected.
Carine reached into the desk draw and pulled out a bottle of whiskey and two glasses. ‘Let’s lighten the mood, eh? You want some?’ The squeaking sound of the corked bottle top was enough to raise a dry smile on Eva’s face.
The aperitif was a welcome distraction from the task at hand, and numbed the guilt with a warm glow as the amber liquid hit the back of Eva’s throat. ‘Nice,’ she said, turning her attention back to the screen in front of her.
Carine poured them both another drink. ‘Can you double-check the outcomes we’ve promised. I think we might be missing something here.’
‘Sure’. Eva studied the bullet points. ‘I think the numbers are too low,’ she offered. ‘If we get this campaign right, they could get twice as much interest as this.’ She pointed at the screen. ‘It’s about getting the right sales channels, then maximising the impact.’
Carine’s ears pricked, and she sat taller in the chair. Eva fascinated her, amused her, and impressed her. ‘So, you do know your stuff,’ she said. It was a statement not a question.
Eva smirked. ‘This stuff I know.’
‘Change it to what you think we can achieve, as long as you also know how we will achieve it. If we over-promise and under-deliver, we’ll only do business once, remember.’
Eva grimaced at the words, acutely aware of the fact that she was currently under-delivering on her own promise to Rosa. She glanced at her phone, willing a pardoning text from her girlfriend. None came. Tapping on the keys she amended the document in front of her. An hour and a half had gone by before she looked up again. Just the clicking sound, the occasional deep sigh, the glugging of drinks being poured, and the squeaking of the chair, had filled the space as both women worked. Eva leaned back and rubbed her tired eyes. As she stretched out her stiff neck she was aware of Carine watching her. ‘What?’ she quizzed.
‘Nothing.’ Carine responded, her voice slightly broken. Eva could have sworn she had spotted a colour shift in Carine’s cheeks, but she ignored the observation. ‘We need to get going in a bit. I need to change,’ Carine said, her voice back to normal.
‘Shit, I’ve got nothing to change into and it’s too late to get home and out again.’ Eva looked down at herself in her ripped jeans and oversized jumper.
Carine’s eyes glanced over her too, with an altogether different kind of look. ‘I don’t know,’ she said with a tilt of her head. ‘You look pretty hot to me. Could come in handy,’ she said. It took a few seconds for Eva to register that Carine was joking. ‘I’ve got something you can borrow,’ she said in a more serious tone. ‘What size shoes are you?’
‘Forty.’
‘Mine will be too big for you, but Tori’s will work though,’ she said, looking at Eva’s feet.
‘Tori?’ Eva questioned blankly.
‘My partner,’ Carine reminded her. She started to put on her coat and reached for her bag. ‘Come on, we need to get going.’
‘Ah, yes.’ The vague memory of Carine mentioning her partner in their earlier conversation was coming back to her. ‘Where does she work?’ Eva asked, suddenly intrigued to find out more about the Parisian’s private life.
‘New York.’ Carine’s response was curt, bordering on dismissive. Eva’s eyes widened. She waited for more. ‘She works in New York,’ Carine stated, becoming more impatient with the questioning than there was call for. ‘Now, let’s get going.’
‘Err, right.’ Eva closed her laptop, rose to her feet, and followed Carine, feeling confused by the edgy response she had just received to what she considered a simple question.
‘I didn’t realise you lived so close,’ Eva said, as they turned right at the se
cond street they passed, up a slight slope and right again into a small courtyard that seemed to service a number of flats. Eva felt a slight chill at the thought of this woman being able to virtually see into her mum’s office from here. She followed Carine up a short flight of stairs and stopped behind her at a solid oak door. Number 4. Carine swiftly unlocked and entered the flat. Eva stepped into the foyer, taken aback at the size of the property. She would never have guessed from the outside. The entrance hall was almost as big as her entire flat. She scanned the space. The décor was perfectly balanced. The picture on the wall and the sculpture sitting on a plinth by the front door looked like original pieces. It was very chic. Totally Carine.
‘This way,’ Carine said, jolting Eva out of her appreciation. Carine led the way into a large bedroom with a walk-in dressing room. She flicked through the clothes on the hangers, pausing as she looked from each item to Eva and back again. ‘Wear this,’ she said, eventually, throwing the flimsy looking dress in her direction, before stepping into a cupboard filled with shoes. She pulled out a pair that matched perfectly with the dress and handed them to Eva. ‘Shower’s through there,’ she pointed. ‘We need to be out of here in ten. Can you do that?’ she asked, exiting the room with urgency. ‘You can leave your own clothes in the bathroom,’ she added.
‘Sure,’ Eva responded, but the door had already shut before the word came out. She walked through to the en-suite, quickly undressed, and stepped into the shower, trying to avoid getting her hair wet. Within a few moments she had stepped out again, dried, and put on the silk chiffon dress and two-inch heels. She stepped out of the room and headed towards the foyer.
Eva’s breath hitched in her throat as she caught sight of Carine waiting for her. It wasn’t so much the long, black, fitted dress that accentuated her slim figure that caught her eye; it was more the slit up the side of the dress that revealed the extent of her toned legs. Eva swallowed hard. ‘You look… stunning,’ she said, before she could censor her thoughts.
Carine eyes scanned Eva from top to toe. ‘You look pretty hot yourself. Take this.’ She threw a matching jacket across to Eva. ‘Let’s go or we’ll be late.’ They stepped outside just as the taxi Carine had ordered pulled up. She opened the door for Eva. The devilish smile on her face didn’t go unnoticed by Eva’s body.
Carine talked for most of the journey, reminding Eva of the rules for the night. The event was being hosted by a local entrepreneur at a small gallery: an avid supporter of The Arts, and a bit of a wacko by all accounts, who’s intention was to provide local businesses with the potential to connect with agencies, and other resources that might help them promote their work. This was an opportunity for them to identify new clients as well as touching base with a couple of their regulars. ‘Got it?’ she asked.
‘Yes,’ Eva responded.
12.
As the two women entered the gallery the sound in the room seemed to stop for a split second. Eva had to work hard to overcome the anxiety buzzing in her stomach, as the eyes in the room turned towards her and Carine. Carine seemed to take it all in her stride, taking two glasses of champagne from the passing waiter, handing one to Eva, before targeting someone she knew and heading straight for them.
Eva’s eyes scanned the room; all her senses were telling her to run. She didn’t know if she’d ever get used to this type of event, or handle this feeling. She sipped from the glass, wincing as the bubbles hit the back of her throat. It wasn’t her favourite drink, but she’d make do. She was still feeling the effects of the whiskey and there was no way she was getting trashed tonight. The promise of brunch with Rosa in the morning brought a smile to her face.
‘You look happier.’ Eva didn’t recognise the voice, but as she turned, she remembered the slight built woman with pixie-cut hair and hazel eyes from the park.
‘Hi.’ Eva smiled warmly. ‘I wouldn’t have expected to see you here,’ she said, pleasantly surprised to see someone resembling a familiar face.
‘Ditto. I’m Charlie,’ she said, offering out her hand.
‘Yes, I remember. E…’
‘Eva, I remember too. What brings you here?’
‘Work.’ Eva shrugged. ‘My mum has an agency that caters for arts based businesses,’ she added.
‘Is that your mum?’ Charlie asked, intimating towards the back of Carine’s head.
Eva burst out laughing, drawing a few pairs of eyes, then tried to duck down to avoid being identified. ‘Sorry. No, that is definitely not my mum,’ she said, still chuckling to herself. Her mum couldn’t be more different in almost every way.
Charlie smiled. ‘I didn’t quite catch her, I assumed…’
‘Sorry, I wasn’t laughing at you, just that my mum’s a lot bigger and about half as tall.’ She was exaggerating with her hand to demonstrate, and Charlie chuckled. ‘So, what about you?’
‘Me?’
‘What are you here for?’ Eva asked.
Charlie seemed to stumble over words that hadn’t yet been articulated, and the colour of her cheeks shifted. ‘I’m… the host,’ she said. Eva’s mouth dropped open and Charlie laughed heartily.
Eva placed her empty flute on the passing tray and picked up two filled glasses. ‘Here,’ she said, holding one out to Charlie.
‘I probably won’t get through this one,’ Charlie said, holding up her half-full glass. Eva downed one of the glasses and placed it on a low table. ‘Wow!’ Charlie exclaimed. ‘You like a drink,’ she said, but there was no judgement in her words. Eva could feel the heat of embarrassment rising to her head, nonetheless.
‘What else do you do?’ Eva asked, her interest in the younger woman piqued. She wouldn’t have described Charlie as a wacko though.
Charlie’s easy smile touched Eva and she felt suddenly happy to have the curious woman in her world. Something intangible about Charlie gave her faith in the future. It was inexplicable, but also very real. ‘I’m also an energy healer and health freak,’ Charlie confessed.
‘Oh,’ Eva grimaced acknowledging that her level of alcohol consumption was in complete contradiction with the dancer’s lifestyle choices. Charlie smiled compassionately at Eva’s obvious discomfort.
‘It’s okay. It’s a personal thing for me, others are free to choose how they live,’ she said, with sincerity. Somehow, the kindness of her words didn’t make Eva feel any better about the habit that was beginning to consume her life. She blushed with the awareness and Charlie placed her hand on Eva’s arm. Eva felt instantly calmed by the warm hand and the energy radiating from Charlie into her. She watched as Charlie released a slow breath, noticing a shift in her vision as the room moved into sharp focus.
Carine glided towards Eva, holding every inch of her six-feet in height, and towered over Charlie. ‘Hi, I’m Carine,’ she said, breaking the spell Charlie held over Eva. Charlie removed her hand from Eva’s arm. Eva didn’t know whether she felt grateful for the interruption or not. She didn’t know what to think about what had just transpired between them, but she hadn’t experienced anything like it in her life. She stood, entranced, and feeling puzzled.
‘Charlie,’ Charlie said, shaking Carine’s hand firmly.
‘Sorry to interrupt you both,’ Carine said, aware that she had imposed on what appeared to be an intense interaction. Her fascination spiked, as did the possessive feeling that rushed to her head. ‘Eva, can you make a point of speaking with Mr Dupree at some point. He’s the one with the really bad hair,’ she said, her eyes pointing at the dark haired, large man, who appeared to be holding court in the far corner of the room.
Eva nodded. ‘Sure.’
‘Right, I need to mingle.’ Carine said. ‘We need to seduce a few clients,’ she said, more for Eva’s benefit than Charlie’s’ Charlie laughed, and Eva rolled her eyes. ‘Catch up later. It was nice meeting you, Charlie,’ Carine said, though the fleeting glance told a different story. She took off at pace towards the tall, dark, tanned male beckoning her.
‘That’s definitely not
your mum,’ Charlie said. Eva chuckled at her beaming smile. She liked Charlie, a lot.
*
Eva wasn’t sure when Charlie had left the event, she’d spotted her from time to time but not for a while, and she had no idea what the time was now. There were only a few hard-core punters left, from what she could see through her increasingly foggy vision. Carine seemed to be on top form, entertaining a group of men. Eva watched as the woman toyed with her adoring audience, puffing up their feathers at the same time as clipping their wings. Carine was impressive to watch. Eva glanced at her phone. No messages. As she looked up, Carine had moved again and was staring directly at her. ‘Ready to go?’ she asked.
Eva’s heart fluttered. Carine looked a million dollars; even better than she did when they had gone out that evening. Eva tried to focus; swayed, then went to speak, but Carine stopped her, brushing her fingers across Eva’s lips. The touch was exhilarating, even to her fuzzy mind.
‘Shhh,’ she said. ‘Let’s get out of here before Eric over there realises I’m still here.’ Her smile was warm, and as she led Eva by the arm, the touch felt tender.
Eva allowed herself to be directed out of the building and into the taxi. She sat, for the short journey, trying to recall the events of the evening. Thoughts of Rosa filled her mind, she felt sick, and then her eyes closed.
‘Are you okay,’ Carine asked. She wrapped an arm around Eva’s neck, allowing her to rest into her shoulder. By the time they arrived at Carine’s flat, Eva was asleep. It took every effort to wake her enough to get her out of the car and into the building. ‘You can’t go anywhere tonight,’ Carine said. Eva mumbled something incomprehensible and Carine helped her onto the dark brown leather couch in her living room.
Leaving her there, she walked to the kitchen and returned with a glass of water. She wandered into another room and came back with a blanket, placing it over Eva, who was now slouched and snoring. Carine removed Eva’s shoes, goose bumps rising at the sight of the slender legs and the feel of the taut skin of her toned calf muscles. She released a deep breath, headed to the door, and turned out the light.
