The Hangover

by Emma Nichols

  Eva’s eyes widened. Her pulse raced, and her mouth felt as dry as bone. She couldn’t breathe. ‘What are you talking about?’

  ‘Look for yourself,’ Rosa said, taking a long swig from the bottle.

  ‘Stop, please,’ Eva said, making a move to take the bottle from her.

  ‘Fuck you, Eva. Don’t you fucking dare take…’ the tears were beginning to fall.

  Eva dropped the envelope and fell to her knees, pleading Rosa to make some sense. ‘Rosa, what’s happened. I don’t understand.’

  Rosa’s eyes searched out the envelope.

  Eva reached for it, sliding into a seated position on the floor opposite her girlfriend. As her eyes registered one image, she flicked through to the next one. Her shoulders rose, and her eyes widened. ‘This isn’t…’

  ‘You? Of course it’s you.’ Rosa interjected.

  ‘Yes, it’s me.’ Eva sighed deeply, rolling her eyes to the ceiling. Rosa had started to sob.

  ‘No Rosa. Yes, it’s me, but this is Charlie, and this isn’t what it looks like.’ Rosa continued to cry, but her desire to believe that Eva was being honest had piqued her interest sufficiently for her to stop drinking. ‘This has been made to look like something its not.’ Rosa wanted to latch onto the words, wanted them to be true. The tears stopped and waited for Eva to continue. ‘I’ve been working with Charlie for some time now. She’s helped me get clean.’ Eva pinched at the bridge of her nose as to prevent the anger that was beginning to infiltrate her veins. Who would do this? ‘She’s also been helping me with a business idea that I’m putting together to help the guys, and my dad, in London.’ She turned her head to assess Rosa’s response. The sadness in Rosa’s eyes ripped through her and she couldn’t hold back the tears that surfaced in an instant. ‘I wouldn’t do this to you,’ she cried, holding out the picture. ‘This was a kiss on the cheek and it’s been made to look like a full-on snog. I don’t understand who would do this,’ she said, shaking her head.

  Rosa watched. Deep down she knew that Eva wasn’t lying. ‘Who could be so cruel?’ she asked, feeling her own surge of adrenaline.

  Eva shrugged her shoulders, working hard to not pick up the bottle of wine and drink it herself. She stood to remove herself from temptation. The desire to withdraw, even from Rosa, burned deep in her solar plexus, but she stood her ground and held out her hand. Rosa took it, stumbling as she got to her feet. Eva pulled her into her arms and held her tightly.

  ‘I’m so sorry,’ Rosa said. ‘I wanted to believe…’

  ‘Shhh,’ Eva whispered, rubbing her hand through Rosa’s hair, kissing her on the forehead, tenderly. ‘It’s okay.’ Eva sighed, as her brain worked through the options. She pulled back suddenly. ‘Dee,’ she said.

  Rosa shook her head. ‘I asked her. I know what she did to you was out of order, and she knows that too. But really, I don’t think she is capable of this,’ Rosa said, sniffling into the cuff of her sleeve.

  Eva trawled through her memories. Surely Mitch wouldn’t do such a thing. Why would she? Then, the penny dropped. ‘Carine,’ she blurted. ‘Wait here. I’ll be back in a bit,’ she said, releasing Rosa and racing to the door. She had exited the building before Rosa had processed the fact that she had gone.

  30.

  Eva opened the door to the office. The space was empty. She walked across the road to Carine’s flat and banged heavily on the door. She banged again and only silence came back at her. She walked down the street, glancing into the local bars as she passed. Nothing. She popped into Frank’s, but he hadn’t seen Carine for at least a couple of weeks. He was looking good, she thought, but she didn’t have time to chat and excused herself before he tried to convince her to dine. Intent on finding Carine, she took a cab to Le So What.

  ‘Hello stranger,’ Ali’s friendly voice came from behind the bar.

  ‘Hi,’ Eva responded, her eyes searching the bar with desperation.

  ‘Looking for someone?’ the astute woman asked.

  ‘Yeah, Carine. You remember, tall, long blonde hair, Parisian woman. We came in a while ago,’ Eva explained to a nodding Ali.

  ‘I remember,’ she said. ‘She came in a while ago. Sat over there in the corner booth,’ she said, pointing into the darkest corner in the room.

  ‘Thanks,’ Eva said, stepping out at pace across the dance floor. Other than a couple sat at the other side of the bar, the place was empty. But then it was still early, and most people wouldn’t be out and about until later. She was grateful for the fact since she didn’t want to make a scene, but she had no idea how Carine was going to react to her presence. Since returning from London, the woman had been behaving quite strangely towards her. Approaching the bench-seat, she could see the blonde hair covering Carine’s face, her head resting in her hands and hanging over her empty glass.

  Her eyes rose up, but her head barely moved. ‘Hello,’ she said. The word was slurred and as she motioned to move her elbow slipped off the table causing her to almost fall off her seat. She righted herself and motioned for Eva to sit.

  ‘You’re drunk,’ Eva said, ignoring the request.

  ‘Yes. I’m afraid so,’ Carine responded sarcastically, trying to deliver her words with sophistication.

  ‘Why did you do it?’ Eva asked, calmly.

  ‘Jealousy,’ Carine replied honestly, knowing exactly the topic of conversation to which they were both referring.

  ‘But why would you want to hurt me?’ Eva asked, unable to reconcile Carine’s obvious affection for her with an act that was so destructive.

  Carine was shaking her head as Eva posed the question. ‘I don’t. I love you. I want… wanted you.’ Carine sat upright, but her eyes refused to focus. She stared through Eva. ‘You’re gorgeous, and I fell in love with you. I’m sorry. I was stupid, pathetic. I thought if she threw you out once and for all, we could be happy together.’ Carine’s eyes wandered around the bar as she spoke.

  Eva slumped into the seat opposite Carine and rubbed her hands across her face, contemplating her next move. ‘No.’ The word that came out was barely audible.

  ‘I know. It was stupid of me.’

  ‘What about Tori?’ Eva asked. She wanted to know the truth about Carine’s relationship with the American woman.

  Carine shrugged, and her eyes lowered to the table. ‘I haven’t been entirely honest,’ she admitted. She didn’t notice Eva’s eyes widen.

  ‘What do you mean?’ Eva asked. She needed to know the details before she decided whether to sack the woman sitting opposite her. She felt torn. Carine looked older than her forty-four years, and the elegance she normally carried so well had deserted her. But, she had been there when Eva was at her lowest point and she was good at what she did. She at least owed her the opportunity to explain herself.

  ‘I wanted you to feel sorry for me. I wanted you to care. I wanted you to feel about me the way I feel about you. Tori never had an affair. There were no other women and we hadn’t split up then,’ she explained. ‘She was always faithful, and I never deserved her anyway.’

  Eva recognised the fact that Carine was talking in the past tense. ‘So, what about now?’ she asked.

  ‘She’s gone,’ Carine slurred, sinking back into the seat, trying to hold Eva’s strong gaze.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ Eva said.

  ‘I deserve it,’ Carine responded. She wasn’t feeling sorry for herself. She wasn’t feeling anything. ‘My life’s a mess and I’ve created it.’

  Eva admired the honest self-reflection, but was still reeling at Carine’s deliberate attempts to sabotage her relationship with Rosa. ‘I still don’t get it.’

  ‘I can’t cope with the idea of getting older. I cling on to stuff… people, work, power, to make me feel better, but it never lasts.’

  Eva leaned back in her seat, ‘But you’re not old,’ she said.

  ‘Yes, I know. I’m not that old, but the idea of it obsesses me,’ she said.

  ‘You need to talk to someone,’ Eva said, reflect
ing on the help Charlie had been at a time when she felt so low.

  ‘I’m talking to you,’ Carine said.

  ‘No, not me. I’m not the person you need to talk to. You need to talk to someone professionally.’

  ‘Ah my darling, such a great idea, but that would involve me revealing my weaknesses to a stranger, and that, is a step too far.’ She held up her glass, swilled the remaining whiskey before downing it in one go and wincing at the burning sensation in her throat.

  Eva stood. ‘Think about it,’ she said. ‘In fact, you seeing someone is a condition of you keeping your job,’ she added. ‘You’re good at what you do Carine, but you can’t stay at the agency unless you learn to handle whatever it is that is… poisoning your brain,’ she waved a hand in Carine’s direction. ‘You and I were never an item and we never will be,’ she added.

  ‘I know,’ Carine responded, despondently.

  ‘Let me know what you decide. And, an apology will be expected… to Rosa, not me,’ she clarified. Turning sharply, she walked out of the bar, leaving Carine slouched in the seat.

  Carine staggered to the bar and ordered another whiskey. ‘This will be your last tonight,’ Ali said. Carine downed the amber liquid in one hit and walked out the door into the dark evening chill.

  *

  Eva unlocked the front door, taken aback by the aroma that wafted out with the heat, into the night. She had walked for an hour before returning home. She hadn’t decided what to do about retaining Carine, but she had calmed down. Rosa met her at the door and she fell into the warm embrace. ‘I’m so sorry,’ Eva said.

  ‘I’m sorry too,’ Rosa said. Her tone was flat, exhausted by the stress that had worn her down with worry throughout the day. The light sense of relief had yet to exert a fully positive effect. ‘I should have trusted you,’ she said, placing a tender kiss to Eva’s cheek.

  The spot burned on Eva’s skin and sent a fiery trail down her neck and back. ‘It was Carine,’ she confirmed. ‘I need to talk to you.’ It was now or never, but if they had a future together Eva needed to let Rosa know what had transpired between her and Carine.

  Rosa took Eva’s hand and led her through to the kitchen. She served up two plates of the stew she had prepared and placed them on the table. ‘Sit down,’ she said. She had all the time in the world and no matter what it was Eva needed to get off her chest, it wouldn’t change the way she felt about her. Whatever it was, she vowed to work it through.

  Eva sat, her eyes lowered to the glorious aroma of food rising from the plate. ‘This smells great,’ she said, drawing her eyes back up to meet Rosa’s gaze. The smile on her girlfriend’s face provided the reassurance she needed. Taking a deep breath and releasing it, she started to talk, watching Rosa’s every move. Rosa didn’t look away or tear up, and she didn’t look heartbroken at the fact that Eva had slept with Carine. The only emotion Eva could read was compassion, and when Rosa took her hand and rubbed her fingers tenderly, it was Eva’s floodgates that opened, and it was Eva who wept.

  Rosa moved around the table and pulled Eva into her arms. ‘Thank you for telling me, and you need to know that it doesn’t matter. We weren’t together then, remember. But we are now, and I love you,’ she said. ‘Now, and the future is what matters.’ Cupping Eva’s face, holding her eyes with her own, she closed the gap between them. The soft sensation on Eva’s lips sparked every nerve in her body and she flinched. She had never felt more vulnerable, more exposed, and then she also felt an overwhelming sense of safety.

  Eva pulled out of the kiss. Rosa’s eyes were as dark as the night sky and her lips swollen from the lightest of touches. ‘Will you marry me?’ Eva asked. The words came out broken, but the sincerity was never in question.

  ‘Yes.’ The response came quickly and without hesitation, followed by a clashing of teeth as their mouths met with a charged urgency that continued long into the night.

  *

  Eva sat on the slightly damp grass, fingering the gold embossed lettering on the ornate plaque. The sun sat brightly in the early spring sky. Even the daffodils had already started to bloom. Eva laid a bunch of them on the grave of Elsie Jones, directly below the plaque. Rosa rested a hand on Eva’s shoulder. They read the words on the plaque in silence.

  Rowena Adams (Nee Jones).

  Born 12th January 1959, Died 22nd December 2016.

  Daughter of Elsie and Ewen Jones.

  Loving mum to Eva Adams.

  The gravestone behind the plaque, belonging to Rowena’s parents, looked weathered and the stone engraving had lost its clarity over the years. Rosa squeezed Eva’s shoulder, turning her head.

  ‘It’s a lovely spot,’ Eva remarked, looking out over the waters of the Bristol Channel. The breeze was still cool, but it was the situation that caused Eva to shiver. She stood and tucked herself into Rosa’s arm. ‘I’m so glad you’re here,’ she said.

  Rosa squeezed her tightly. ‘There’s nowhere else I’d rather be,’ she said, kissing the top of Eva’s head. They stared at the urn sitting on top of the grave. ‘Do we need to tip the ashes?’ Rosa asked.

  Eva sighed, ‘I guess,’ she said, with a heavy heart.

  ‘Only when you’re ready,’ Rosa said. ‘We’ve got time.’

  ‘Your mum’s waiting for us,’ Eva said.

  ‘And your dad,’ Rosa reminded her, not that Eva needed to be reminded of their visit to see the boys and David en route to Brigitte’s.

  Eva touched her hand to her chest, making contact with the pendant underneath her coat. Standing taller, having regained her composure, she traced her finger down the side of Rosa’s cheek. ‘I’m so in love with you,’ she declared.

  Rosa pulled her close. ‘I’m in love with you too,’ she said.

  Eva broke the hold and bent down to pick up the urn. She undid the lid and started to pour her mum’s ashes onto her grandmother’s grave, allowing the tears to fall freely and the wind to whisk away the lighter dust as it fell. When she turned to face Rosa, she too was crying. Eva leant in, and kissed her full on the lips. ‘Let’s go see your mum,’ she said.

  ‘She’s going to love you,’ Rosa said, as they linked arms, ambled across the grass, and out through the cemetery gates.

  About Emma Nichols

  Emma Nichols lives in Buckinghamshire with her partner and two children. She served for 12 years in the British Army, studied Psychology, and published several non-fiction books under another name, before dipping her toes into the world of lesbian fiction. You can contact her through her website and social media:

  www.emmanicholsauthor.com

  www.facebook.com/EmmaNicholsAuthor

  www.twitter.com/ENichols_Author

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