Lone Star Holiday

by Jolene Navarro

  She bit her lips and pressed her fist against her mouth. Swallowing hard, Lorrie Ann refused to let the cry escape. Despite her best efforts, she heard a pathetic sound slip past.

  The worst part? She was sure John heard it, too. Her knuckles became wet with silent tears. She wanted to scream, but she knew that wouldn’t ease the pain. In a last-ditch effort to stop a full-on sob, she squeezed her eyes shut. God, please just make the pain stop. “This is why I never, ever talked about the past. It can’t be changed, so why relive the stupid heartache?”

  John pulled her back into his arms. She couldn’t stop the unleashing of emotion. The weak whimpering sounds became painful sobs, stuck in her throat, causing her to take large gulps of air.

  “I hate this.” Breathe. “I hate being weak. And I’m getting you all wet. Sorry.”

  “Hey, that’s why I’m here.”

  She wiped at his shirt. “Being a pastor, you probably have to deal with people’s emotions all the time.”

  “Is that how you see me? As your pastor?”

  She laughed at the frustration in his voice. “You’re so much more than just a pastor. I never dreamed I’d have a pastor as a friend. God knows what we need before we do, right? God knew no ordinary Christian could help me. My life needed a full-time professional.”

  His jaw flexed. “Lorrie Ann, I want to be more.”

  She shook her head. “I can’t, sorry.” Pulling herself away from his warmth, she forced herself to walk slowly through the cabin and out his door. This night he didn’t follow her.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Lorrie Ann watched John lift a faux roof panel on one of the storefronts as Jake drilled the pieces together.

  After she left his cabin three days ago, he stayed on her mind. The idea of being loved by a man like him seemed unreal. Then she imagined how his church would react and that was very real.

  “Hello, anyone home?” Katy waved her hand.

  “Sorry, I got distracted.” She put her autosmile in place.

  “Yeah, right.” Katy laughed. “Pastor John seems more...I don’t know, relaxed? Would you know anything about that?”

  “I think music...” Before she finished, Katy swiped at Lorrie Ann’s arm.

  “I’ve seen the way he looks at you.” She sighed. “He’s such a good man, and being a small-town preacher has got to be tough.” Katy looked over to the men assembling the stage. “It has to be a bit lonely. He can’t really talk to anyone.”

  “He needs someone the community can trust, too.” Lorrie Ann bit the corner of her lip. By leaving, she would be doing the right thing.

  “They don’t know you. Anyway—” Katy shrugged her shoulders “—God is the One we need to trust.”

  Lorrie Ann rubbed the palms of her hands into her eye sockets. All this thinking formed a major headache. She needed to change the subject.

  “What I need is a clean run-through. Why didn’t someone stop me when I told Celeste she and a small herd of six-year-olds could open the play?” Ugh, another headache.

  “I think we did.” Katy laughed. “I’d be more worried about the foul odor your mood-setting donkey might bring to the manger.” She wrinkled her nose.

  “Oh, don’t remind me.” Lorrie Ann groaned then, taking a minute to look around at the unfinished youth building. “At least the building committee outdid themselves. If nothing else we’ll have a great setting.”

  Three teenage girls giggled as they wrapped the metal poles in white icicle lights. In Lorrie Ann’s mind, the jury was still out on tacky versus beautiful. It had been Katy’s initiative, so she was willing to explore the idea. She glanced down at her clipboard. “Have you seen Vickie, or a hint of a costume?”

  “No, but as much as she can be pigheaded about you, she would never do anything to hurt the play or the kids. You just gotta have some trust.”

  Lorrie Ann stopped herself from rolling her eyes. If she heard that word one more time, she might throw something.

  Her gaze found John again. He had moved to stage left to erect the manger.

  She smiled. She did trust him and her aunt Maggie. Maybe there was hope for her. She sighed and loosened her grip on her to-do list. She needed to trust God in all things.

  “You’re staring again.” Katy bumped her and laughed. “You’re worse than a high-school girl with her first crush.” She took a sharp intake of breath before breaking into a giggle. “Don’t look now, but guess who’s headin’ our way?”

  Lorrie Ann felt her skin getting warm. She needed to get away from him. Fear of giving up her dream for him caused her throat to close up.

  “Hey, ladies, I can’t believe how well it’s coming together.” The devastating smile that wiped out all good intentions flashed her way. Did he even know what kind of weapon he carried?

  Katy laughed. “Lorrie Ann’s list of problems is still longer than her ‘done’ list.”

  Lorrie Ann glared at Katy and reevaluated the best-friend status she had given her.

  “Just a little trust, Lorrie Ann.” He winked at her.

  How dare he wink when everything was falling apart, including her life as she knew it.

  “We’re so far ahead compared to years past, and this is the most ambitious show we’ve ever attempted. The setting is incredible, Lorrie Ann. You and Jake have outdone yourselves.”

  Katy looked around. “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”

  John bent his neck to watch the girls above them hanging the lights. “At night, all the white lights will be spectacular. Great idea, Lorrie Ann.”

  “Katy’s idea, not mine.”

  Katy wrinkled her nose. “Are you sure it’s not too home-fried?”

  Lorrie Ann hugged her. “Nope, John’s right. They’re perfect.”

  Katy raised her eyebrows and mouthed John’s name while batting her eyes.

  Lorrie Ann cleared her throat, which to her horror brought his attention back to her.

  “Are you all right, Lorrie Ann?” He stepped closer to her.

  “Um...Pastor John, do you think we can have a full dress rehearsal next Saturday?”

  He narrowed his eyes at her and tilted his head. “That’s the plan, Miss Ortega.”

  Katy touched Lorrie Ann’s arm. “I have to go. Rhody is taking me to a movie in Kerrville, without the boys. He says he has a surprise.” She made a face. “Hope it’s good.”

  John smiled. “I’m sure it is. Enjoy your evening.” He glanced over to the stage, where Jake, Adrian and Rhody stood putting the last pieces together. “I’ll make sure he gets home.”

  “Thanks, Pastor John.” She waved.

  “Lorrie Ann, about the other night. I—”

  She held her hands up to stop his words, took a deep breath and forced her eyes to look at him.

  “Right now I need to stay focused on the play. But your words have planted themselves in my brain. I just don’t know what to do about them.”

  He stepped closer. His fresh, masculine scent filled her senses. She closed her eyes.

  “Maybe you should put them in your heart instead of your brain.”

  Her eyes popped open, and she moved back. “Maybe you should tell Rhody it’s time to go home. Katy’s been talking about their date nonstop.”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  He leaned in, not allowing her to escape. The smell of his apple candy excited her senses as his lips fluttered close to her ear. “This isn’t over.” Then he turned, leaving her.

  She watched him walk away. When she left town, a part of her heart would be staying here forever.

  Lorrie Ann looked at her notes but didn’t see them. Maybe she could stay here and see what happened.

  “Lorrie Ann!” Aunt Maggie’s voice broke into her musings.

  “Aunt Maggie,
hey, did you get a chance to talk to Vickie?”

  “Yes, yes, yes, but that’s not why I’m here.” A huge smile covered her aunt’s face. “I have a big surprise for you.”

  Lorrie Ann sighed. She hoped the great revelation would be a new donkey.

  “Close your eyes.” Her aunt disappeared behind a line of SUVs. “Are your eyes closed?”

  Lorrie Ann rested her face in the palms of her hands. “Yes.”

  “Surprise!”

  Bringing her face up, Lorrie Ann blinked in confusion. “Mother?”

  The slim woman standing in front of her should look to be in her mid-forties; instead, she looked older than Maggie, who was fifty-two.

  Lorrie Ann had to be in shock, because she felt nothing. More than fifteen years had passed since she’d seen her mother, and now, out of nowhere, she appeared. No anger, no happiness, nothing.

  Lorrie Ann gave a small laugh. Last week, she had decided to forgive her mother for all the bad decisions, for putting men and drugs ahead of her daughter. What did God do? Plant the woman right in front of her.

  Sonia crossed her arms over her chest and rubbed her hands up and down her bone-thin biceps, as if to ward off the cold that no one else felt. Lorrie Ann could see purple and pink streaks of color on the underside of her dark ponytail.

  She darted her gaze to Maggie then back to Lorrie Ann. “Hello. I’m sure you don’t want to see me. I... Um...my, you’re beautiful.”

  A million thoughts ran through Lorrie Ann’s mind; questions ricocheted across her skull. “Where have you been?” She noticed her mom looked clear-eyed. It was like trying to start a conversation with a stranger.

  “I live in San Antonio. I’ve been sober for two years now.” She gave Lorrie Ann a lopsided smile.

  In shock, Lorrie Ann stared at the two women. “You’ve been in San Antonio this whole time? Sober?”

  She nodded. “When I made the decision to get sober, I called Maggie, and with Pastor Levi’s help, they found a rehab center in the Hill Country. I spent six months there, then eight months in a sober house. Now I have my own apartment and a job.” She bit her bottom lip.

  “I don’t understand. Why didn’t you call me?” She turned to Maggie. “You knew? The whole time you knew!” Shock flashed into hurt, but Lorrie Ann preferred anger. She glared at the women who had raised her.

  “Hey, ladies.” John’s voice interrupted the scene.

  It gave Lorrie Ann time to collect the pieces of her thoughts and put them back together in some sort of order.

  She watched as he swallowed Sonia in a bear hug. “How have you been?” He then moved to Maggie and kissed her on the cheek. “So, you finally convinced her to come up and see Lorrie Ann?”

  Lorrie Ann looked at him. She had let her guard down and trusted him. She should have known better. He had known all along. This was what happened when you trusted people. They betrayed you.

  He looked uncomfortable. Good.

  Maggie broke the silence that had started to linger. “I thought we’d surprise Lorrie Ann.”

  John’s eyebrows shot up as he jerked around to Lorrie Ann. He opened his mouth, sure to say something wise. Lorrie Ann didn’t want to hear it.

  “Can we go to the farm and talk? If that’s okay.” Sonia’s voice was hesitant.

  Lorrie Ann wanted to get away, to get a chance to clear her thoughts. “Sure.”

  They moved to the car, away from the only two people she had trusted the most. Sonia continued talking. “I just need to say I’m sorry. There’s no way to make up for the mess I made of your childhood, but...”

  Lorrie Ann stopped at her door and looked over the car to the woman who had abandoned her to Aunt Maggie’s care.

  “Listen, I’ve lived in L.A. for ten years. I’ve seen what drugs and alcohol do to a person. That you’ve been sober two years is great.” Taking a deep breath, she forced a smile, for now one of her practiced smiles. They both slid into the BMW.

  “You know God’s timing is...well...so God.” Lorrie Ann backed the car out and paused. “A few weeks ago, I probably would have screamed at you or just stomped away in anger.” She shifted gears and made eye contact with her mother.

  Tears hovered on the bottom of Sonia’s lashes, and in a raspy voice she whispered, “I deserve it.”

  John and Maggie still stood in the same spot she had left them. They stopped talking and watched her drive past, but Lorrie Ann kept her eyes facing forward. Silence filled the car.

  * * *

  For three hours she sat on the back patio talking with her mother. As a teenager, she’d dreamed about this. She might even accept God had put her here at the right place and the right time. Why fifteen years later?

  “Mother, I have one question.” She swallowed, trying to get past the dryness. “Why did you leave me?”

  Sonia stood. Wrapping her delicate arms around her middle, she looked out over the hills. “You were getting older, and I feared that I would be too...messed up to protect you. Your aunt and uncle had asked to take custody of you from the time you were a baby. I knew they would give you a safe place to live, a loving home, school.”

  “Why didn’t you say goodbye?”

  “Oh, sweetheart, I had tried to leave you with Maggie and Billy before, but you would cry and beg to go with me. I always gave in, so I knew I would have to sneak out and not come back. I’m so sorry. You’ve treated me better than I deserve.”

  Lorrie Ann shrugged. “You’re my mom.” She had her answer to the question that had hounded her for fifteen years, and it didn’t change anything inside her.

  “Lorrie Ann, I know the hurt I caused you will not go away overnight. Thank you for giving me another chance to know you.”

  They both turned at the sound of boots on the gravel path. John stepped into the light. He cleared his throat and fisted his hands in his front pockets. “Ladies.”

  Sonia gave him a quick hug and said good-night before slipping through the screen door.

  Silence hung in the air. John moved to stand next to Lorrie Ann and reached for her hand. “Lorrie Ann...”

  She snatched her arm away. “You knew. This whole time, you knew about my mother being sober and in San Antonio, but you didn’t think I needed to know?”

  “Lorrie Ann, it wasn’t up to me. Your mom was scared of giving in to the addiction again and didn’t want you to know until she felt it was safe.”

  She crossed her arms over her waist. “I trusted you, and Aunt Maggie...Yolanda...you all knew!”

  “Lorrie Ann.” He reached for her.

  “Don’t. Stop saying my name. I trusted you and you lied to me.”

  “It wasn’t our—”

  “I don’t want to hear excuses.” She sat down hard and stared at the landscape but didn’t actually see the beauty around her. In L.A., people lied, but you expected it. You worked with the knowledge everyone had his or her own agenda. “I’ve decided to take the new job in Nashville. They need me there in two weeks.”

  “You’re just looking for an excuse to push me away. Don’t do this, Lorrie Ann.”

  “Why?” She turned to glare at him. She had gotten too close and had made the mistake of falling in love. “There is nothing for me here.”

  She moved away from him and opened the door. Turning back, she forced herself to meet him eye to eye and waited for him to say something, anything that would convince her to stay.

  After what seemed like hours of silence, she turned her back to him.

  Before she started crying or did something else just as stupid, like rush into his arms, she snapped her body around and marched to the kitchen door. She didn’t stop until she collapsed on her bed and sobbed herself to sleep.

  Chapter Seventeen

  “Lorrie Ann!” Celeste ran full blast an
d threw all her weight onto Lorrie Ann’s torso, nearly causing them both to go over on the ground. “I missed you at our Wednesday-night dinner.”

  “Me, too, rug rat. I just had too much to do here.” Plus, I can’t bear to be in the same room as your father. “Are you ready to head home? You did a great job leading your group down to light the lanterns tonight.”

  “Rachel’s in back with Uncle Billy and Aunt Maggie. They’re decorating the bucket that’ll lift Rachel.”

  “Let’s go get her. You have school tomorrow, and this has been a long day.” Lorrie Ann took Celeste by the hand and headed to the back of the stage.

  From there, it didn’t take long to get home and go through the bedtime ritual. Several times, Lorrie Ann caught herself wanting to hug the girls and never let them go. If she thought about it being the last time, she’d start crying.

  Rachel wore a small brace now and could move much easier, so the girls slept in the loft again.

  Slipping to the edge of Celeste’s bed, Lorrie Ann pulled the cover up to her little chin and stroked her hair. “Well, you get the end of the story tonight.” She swallowed the lump that suddenly clogged her throat.

  Rachel surprised her by swinging her leg out from under the covers and sitting up. “No, Lorrie Ann, please don’t stop tonight.”

  “But tonight the princess is reunited with her father. She gets to go back to his kingdom,” Lorrie Ann whispered, praying she could get through this without crying.

  Celeste clapped her hands. “Yeah, the bad duke is banished.” She threw her arms wide, causing the covers to slip off her.

  “Celeste, you are such a baby. Don’t you know what this means? She is the princess. She’s going back to L.A.” Rachel crossed her arms and glared. “She’s leaving us.”

  A sharp intake of breath made Celeste’s mouth open, and her eyes went even larger. “No. You...you have to stay.”

  Lorrie Ann closed her eyes against the pain she saw in the innocent eyes. Maybe it was her own guilt she tried to hide. “Sweetheart, we always knew I wasn’t staying forever. I have a new job in Nashville.”