You Make Me Weak (The Blackwells of Crystal Lake Book 1)

by Juliana Stone

  Hudson waited until she left the room and then wandered over to his father’s bed. The family photo was still there. He reached for it and walked over to the window where the lighting was better. Just as before, the image of his much-younger father and all the earnest faces of him and his brothers tore at him.

  The past was something he couldn’t get away from, it seemed, and ignoring it wouldn’t do anyone any good.

  “What you got there?”

  His father’s raspy voice brought him back, and Hudson returned to his bedside, carefully placing the photo back on the table. John sat up, his color much improved from only a few days before. His father’s eyes softened. “That was a good day.”

  “It was.” Hudson nodded. “I hear you’re coming home tomorrow.”

  “That’s what the doctor said. Darlene’s been fussing about. You know how women get.” John paused. “You sticking around for a while? Now that I’m not dying?”

  Hudson shoved his hands into his pockets. He heard the hope in his father’s voice. “I’ve got some things to take care of, so I’m not leaving just yet. Not real sure what my immediate plans are.”

  “One of those things happen to be Rebecca Draper?”

  Hudson frowned. “What’s that supposed to mean?” How the hell would his father know anything about what he and Rebecca were doing?

  “She say something to you?” Hudson asked, curious as hell.

  “Who?”

  “Rebecca.”

  “No, son. She didn’t have to.”

  Hudson studied his father. “I know she comes to see you.”

  “She does.”

  “Why?” And there it was. The burning question that had been buried inside Hudson ever since he’d seen Rebecca in John’s room several weeks earlier.

  John relaxed onto the double pillows behind him and sighed. “I suppose a part of her feels sorry for an old man looking down the road and seeing nothing but the end of his days here. She’s got a big heart and a huge capacity to forgive. I can see why you love her.”

  “I don’t…” Hudson was brought up short. Love? He clamped his mouth shut, his eyebrows furrowed in a deep line. “We’re not in love, Dad.”

  “I didn’t say anything about the two of you in a plural sense. I’m talking about you, singular. You’re in love with that girl. Probably have been all along. You’re just too dumb to know it.” He shook his head and sighed. “Something you come by honestly, if you want the truth. Sometimes the good is right there for the taking, but we don’t see it because the past is too overwhelming.”

  Hudson didn’t know what to say, so he kept his mouth shut.

  “Sometimes a man has got to say, fuck the past. Leave it behind and never dwell on it again.”

  If Hudson was shocked at the vulgarity of his father’s words, he didn’t show it. But as he stood there staring down at a man who’d influenced so much of who Hudson was, of how he’d gotten to this place in his life, he wasn’t willing to let John off the hook. All that shit he’d buried was still there. The anger. The hurt. The blame. In that moment, he realized that not only did the past shape a person, its fingers took hold and never let go. It walked beside you every single day of your life.

  A man couldn’t say, fuck the past. A man had to embrace it, he had to own it, learn from it and then move on.

  “That’s the coward’s way out.”

  “Maybe,” John replied, offering a small sad smile.

  The door flew open again, and a petite, bubbly nurse appeared. Her scrubs matched her appearance, boasting pink piglets and purple rainbows. “Time for a few tests, Mr. Blackwell.”

  Hudson took a step back. “I should go,” he said, eyes on his father. “What time do you think he’ll be discharged tomorrow?”

  The nurse glanced down at the chart in her hand. “Probably before eleven. We’ll give you a call once we know for sure.” She frowned. “Doctor Thorne has your information?”

  Hudson nodded.

  “Good.” She bustled over to the bed.

  “Okay. I’ll be here tomorrow.”

  John Blackwell watched his son leave the room, and while the nurse got busy with her task, he thought ahead to his homecoming and all that it meant. After the nurse was done and he had the room to himself, he reached for the large book on his table and thumbed through it until he saw what he wanted. Next he picked up the phone.

  “Hello?” The voice was clear, and the sound brought a smile to his old, lined, and tired face. He had a reprieve. A small window to fix something he should have a long time ago.

  “Hello?” Rebecca’s voice sounded uncertain.

  “It’s John.”

  He settled back on the bed and got to work.

  Chapter 26

  The last Sunday of each month was designated as family day. Rebecca and Liam, along with her brother Mackenzie, his wife, and the baby, usually attended church with their mother. It was a simple gesture—one that made their mother happy—and truth be told, Rebecca loved the sense of family it evoked. It was a far cry from the household she grew up in. One ruled by fear because their father was a bullish, mean-spirited man with a fondness for whiskey and physical violence.

  There was a time when Rebecca had believed none of the Draper kids would survive the darkness that existed inside the four walls of the small bungalow on Inverness Street. But they had. And while her other siblings were scattered across the United States, she and Mackenzie had found their way back to Crystal Lake. Back to their mother. And they’d managed to create a new life.

  It helped that Ben was locked up, because when he was out, things weren’t the same. Rebecca would go weeks without seeing her mother, because there was no way she would allow Ben to get anywhere near her son. The sins of the father weren’t forgotten, and damned if she would let him sink his claws into Liam.

  It was early afternoon, and the sun filtered in from outside to light her mother’s kitchen in a soft glow. It was forgiving, the light, and the tired paint on the walls, the chipped cupboards and worn linoleum weren’t as pronounced as usual. Mackenzie had been after their mother for the last year or so, wanting to update the place, but she would not hear of it.

  Or rather, she knew Ben would hit the roof. He’d call it charity, and it would gall him to accept anything like that from a son who’d pretty much denounced him.

  Rebecca watched her son playing with his cousin Hannah Rose, and her heart squeezed tightly. He was trying to get the baby to laugh and it sure as heck didn’t take much. Hannah Rose was at an age where you could do almost anything and get a giggle. Each time the little girl’s laughter and squeals filled the room, Rebecca’s heart squeezed even more.

  Her mother walked into the kitchen and immediately went for the children. The older woman was looking frail these days, and her clothes hung loose. Rebecca knew it was hard for her—loving a man who didn’t deserve it. A man who never failed to disappoint. A man who, lately, spent more time in jail than out. The hard life Lila Draper had led was written across each and every line on her face. It was a constant reminder to Rebecca of all the things she didn’t want. Of why she’d left Liam’s father.

  Her mother glanced up just then, and her expression of joy warmed Rebecca’s heart. There was light, even amid all the darkness in this home. That was something.

  “Mackenzie and Lily will be back for dinner. I was thinking of ordering Chinese. What do you think?” Her mother scooped up the baby and set the girl on her hip.

  A memory rolled through Rebecca’s mind. Hip Girl. That was what her mother used to call Rebecca when she was little.

  “I… What was that?” she asked, clearing her throat as she reached for a coffee cup.

  “Dinner.” Lila Draper jiggled the little girl, and another round of squeals filled the kitchen. “I was thinking Chinese. Mackenzie loves the new place in town, but I haven’t tried it yet.”

  “Sorry, Mom.” Rebecca poured herself a coffee. “Liam and I can’t stay for dinner.”

 
“Oh?” Surprised, her mother leaned against the table, arms still firmly wrapped around Hannah Rose. “You have something else on?”

  Rebecca took a sip and nodded. Okay. How to put this in a way that wasn’t going to send her mother around the bend? She took family Sunday seriously, and so did Rebecca, but how could she refuse John?

  “Are you going to share it with me?”

  There was no way around things other than the truth. Suddenly cold, Rebecca cradled the warm cup between her hands. “John is coming home from the hospital.” She glanced at the clock on the wall above the fridge. “Actually, he should be home already.”

  “John?” Her mother’s puzzlement slowly gave way as she studied her daughter. “You mean John Blackwell?”

  Rebecca nodded. “Yes.”

  Her mother was silent for a few moments, and then she cleared her throat. “Liam, come take the baby, will you? Put her in the playpen in the front room. The lighting is so much better there. And grab her little dolly. The soft one with the orange hair. She loves it.”

  Rebecca sighed inwardly. She knew what was coming, and there was no sense in trying to stop it. She thought she was prepared for it too, but when her mother folded her arms across her chest and nailed her with a look that said, are you kidding me, a bit of the air escaped the balloon, so to speak.

  “Let me get this straight.” Her mother’s eyes were hard, and her lips were pursed tightly.

  “You’re missing a family dinner to go out to the Blackwell place because all of a sudden, John has decided he needs to see you at his homecoming? I thought that man was on his deathbed.”

  “Mom, that’s not…” But her mother was fired up and didn’t give Rebecca a chance to finish her sentence.

  “When did you and John Blackwell get so damn cozy anyway?”

  “I—”

  “Or is it Hudson you’re going to see?”

  “No.” Rebecca stood straighter. “No. Why would you think that?”

  Lila rubbed her temples and sighed. “I saw him at the arena yesterday. He was up in the bleachers. I didn’t notice him at first, but you kept looking over there, and finally I had to try and see what was so damn interesting. I think you spent half the game watching Hudson instead of watching your son play.”

  That got Rebecca. It got her hard. She set her mug down and squared her shoulders. “That’s a shit thing to say and totally untrue.”

  “That’s what I saw.”

  “Well, then you saw wrong. Hudson came to watch Liam play because Liam asked him to.”

  Her mother’s eyebrows rose dramatically. “Liam asked him? When would Liam have the chance to ask Hudson Blackwell to come to his hockey game? Why would Liam ask Hudson to?”

  “I’m not discussing Hudson Blackwell with you.” Defensive, Rebecca took a step back.

  “That’s it, Becca. Do what you always do when things get tough.”

  “And what would that be?” Her voice rose, but she didn’t give a rat’s ass.

  “You run.”

  Her eyes widened at that, and she sputtered. “Run? What the hell are you talking about?”

  “Not more than two months after he left, you ran off with David.”

  “I didn’t run off, Mother. We got married.”

  “You didn’t love him. You didn’t want to deal with the pain, so you took up with the first boy to make you forget.”

  “Wow.” Rebecca was speechless. “You’re giving me advice on relationships? On love?” She laughed, but it was a harsh sound. “I might have left town, but I’m sure half of Crystal Lake wonders why you’re still here. Still with Ben.”

  “I know you don’t understand what your father and I share.”

  “Understand?” Something big let go inside Rebecca. Something hot and nasty and filled with a rage that came from nowhere. “You have the most dysfunctional relationship I’ve ever seen. He’s awful. He’s selfish and nasty and hates all of us—”

  “Don’t you ever say that about your father. He doesn’t hate you. Or me. Or Mackenzie. Not everyone loves the same. He’s just…”

  “What?” Rebecca stepped toward her mother, her hands fisted at her sides. “What the hell is he?”

  “He’s lost.”

  “Oh. Is that it? Lost.” She sounded hysterical. “How could I not see that? Was he lost when he stumbled home from Deb Martin’s every weekend? Was he lost when you called him out on it and he’d reward you with a black eye or a broken arm? Was he lost when we’d make too much noise and he was hungover so the back of his hand was what he used to silence us?” Tears pricked the corners of Rebecca’s eyes, and she wiped at them, her hands shaky. “Was he lost when he punched me in the face for wearing mascara to the dinner table? Or when he beat the ever-lovin’ crap out of Mackenzie for no reason at all, other than he was piss drunk and in a shit fucking mood?”

  Her mother turned away, shoulders hunched, body trembling. She looked so small and fragile, and all the fire inside Rebecca died.

  “I wanted better for you,” her mother whispered. A sob escaped, and Rebecca took another step toward her mother, hot tears making tracks down her cheeks. “Hudson broke your heart, Rebecca.”

  Rebecca could have stayed silent, but that voice inside her, the one she’d buried for years, couldn’t stay quiet.

  “Ben breaks your heart every single day.”

  “That he does.” Lila’s voice wavered. “And it’s my cross to bear.”

  Her mother exhaled and slowly turned around. For the longest time, the two women stared at each other in silence. They could hear Liam and Hannah Rose, and Rebecca hoped like hell her son hadn’t heard their raised voices.

  Lila walked toward Rebecca and grabbed her fiercely in a hug that spoke volumes. “Promise me you won’t let Hudson break yours again.”

  “You don’t have to worry, Mom.” But even as the words left her mouth, Rebecca heard the hollow ring to them, and she was pretty sure her mother did as well. She couldn’t shake the sense of gloom that settled over her, and by the time she and Liam reached the Blackwell home, she wished she’d never agreed to come out.

  It was close to five in the afternoon by this time, and with the sun hidden by heavy clouds, the landscape looked cold and bare. Gone were the leaves that had painted the lake in rich fall colors, and she knew that sooner rather than later, the area would be heavy with snow. She cut the engine and sat back, wanting a few more moments before they went inside.

  “Wow.” Liam gazed up at the large house. “They must be really rich.”

  “It’s impressive,” she murmured. She remembered the first time she’d come back here with Hudson. She’d been scared silly.

  “I think I should go home, Huds.”

  “What?” He slid closer to her. “My dad’s going to love you.”

  They sat in the front seat of his car, where they’d been sitting for the last ten minutes. She was pretty sure he thought she was a wuss. Or crazy. Or both. Sometimes she wondered just what it was Hudson Blackwell saw in her.

  The front door opened, and she shot up straight, heart in her mouth as John Blackwell slowly made his way down the front steps. The man was as handsome as a movie star, and she saw where Hudson got his good looks from.

  He stopped just outside the car, and darn it if that cat didn’t still have her tongue.

  Hudson rolled down the window, and his father didn’t bother to lean in. His voice was deep and cultured. Nothing like Ben’s.

  “You two coming in, or are you going to sit in the driveway all afternoon?”

  “We’re coming in, Dad.”

  “Don’t take all day.”

  And with that, he headed back into the house. Rebecca spied two heads at the front window. “That Travis and Wyatt?”

  “Yep.” Hudson reached for her and dropped a kiss on her cheek. “Come on. They’re not so bad.”

  She reached for the door handle but turned back to him as a thought suddenly struck. “You ever bring a girl home before?” She kept h
er voice neutral and tried to sound like she didn’t care all that much. It was hard to do considering her heart was beating a mile a minute.

  Hudson looked at her. A direct gaze that set her heart fluttering all over again.

  “Never.”

  Turned out, Rebecca did care. She cared a whole lot.

  “There’s Hudson!”

  Liam climbed out of the car and ran up to the man who stood on the front steps, staring down at her. He was dressed simply. Faded denim clung to his long legs, topped by a white T-shirt and a blue-and-white plaid. The sleeves were rolled up on the shirt, exposing his muscular forearms and those tantalizing tattoos. His hair was combed back and looked fresh, as if he’d just come out of the shower, and every single thing about him called to that part of her she’d kept locked away for so long.

  Hudson broke eye contact and leaned close to hear whatever it was Liam was saying. He ruffled her son’s hair and then pointed to the front door.

  The time to retreat had passed. Rebecca hadn’t gotten through the last year and a half by hiding in the shadows. Maybe her mother was right. Maybe she had been a runner, the keyword being had. But no more. It was time for her to figure this out. Whatever this was.

  She opened the car door and headed for the house.

  Chapter 27

  “So Liam tells me he’s away next weekend at a hockey camp.”

  “He is,” Rebecca answered slowly, moving around Hudson so that she could lean against the counter and watch her son. Her boy was in the family room with Hudson’s father and Darlene, trying to explain the intricacies of some virtual game all the kids were playing. He was pointing his phone at the window, and Hudson grinned because, clearly, the older two were at a total loss.