You Make Me Weak (The Blackwells of Crystal Lake Book 1)

by Juliana Stone

  After debriefing, she’d been the first person he’d called. But just like the past few hours her phone went straight to voice mail. Pissed him off. He needed to hear her voice like he needed air to breathe.

  Needed to know she was still waiting.

  Hudson drove like a son of a bitch—Wyatt would have been proud—and they reached the familiar sights of Crystal Lake at just after six o’clock. His brother must have sensed he was home, because he pushed back his Dodgers ball cap and gazed out the window as they crossed the bridge and sped along River Road.

  “This place doesn’t change.”

  It did. And it would. But Hudson didn’t bother pointing that out. Wyatt would figure it out eventually.

  They pulled up in the drive, and Hudson hopped out before Wyatt even had time to put his hand on the door. He spied his father’s car, a rental he was going to assume belonged to Travis, and—his heart jumped—Rebecca’s modest vehicle.

  He strode up the steps, uncaring that his jeans were wrinkled or that the boots he wore were still caked with dirt and European mud. He knew he looked like shit, but he didn’t give a crap. It was the least of his worries.

  He pushed into the house, was immediately assaulted by the familiar scents of turkey and stuffing and all the fixings that went along with that. Voices spilled out of the great room. Liam’s, then his father’s, laughter.

  Then Rebecca’s soft rejoinder.

  He didn’t take his boots off, even though there would be hell to pay from Darlene, and strode into the back room as if the hounds of hell were nipping at his heels. Maybe they were, because if things didn’t work out the way he’d envisioned, Hudson would probably spend the rest of his days putting out fires and taming the beasts.

  He saw her right away. She was bent near his father, a smile on her face as John recounted a story or joke. When Darlene gasped, she glanced up, and that was when everything went wonky.

  The room sort of faded away, and he blinked rapidly until his vision cleared. He was aware that Wyatt was beside him and that Travis got up from the chair by the fireplace. This should have been a monumental occasion, considering it was the first time all the Blackwell men had gotten together in years. But Hudson didn’t give a crap about that. In this moment, all he cared about was the pale woman standing beside his father.

  “You look like shit.” That was Travis.

  Hudson ignored his brother. There was time for all that later. He crossed the room and nodded to his father before pausing in front of the one person on the planet he needed to see more than anyone.

  “I’m back.”

  Her face was blank, though she was breathing fast and hard, as if she’d just run a mile.

  “Becca.”

  Liam had gotten to his feet and taken two steps toward him, but stopped in his tracks when he sensed the tension in the room.

  “Bec?” he asked again, swallowing a hard lump as he tried to gauge just where her head was at.

  “Not here.” Her words were whispered.

  “Becca, we need to talk.”

  She shook her head, chin trembling slightly. “Not here. I can’t…”

  Wyatt walked by him just then and slapped him on the shoulder. “I’m not real up on the way relationships work. But I’m going to guess you need to do some groveling before this situation improves.”

  His brother continued by him and gave Rebecca a big hug. Wyatt kissed her on the cheek and then crossed over to the bar to help himself.

  Wyatt was right.

  “You mind if I steal your mother for a bit?” Hudson aimed the question at Liam, though his eyes never left Rebecca.

  Liam looked surprised, but shrugged and glanced at his mother. “I don’t care if she doesn’t.”

  “Becca?” He held out his hand. She raised her chin. Pursed her lips. And at first, he was afraid she was going to tell him to go to hell. Instead, she whispered something to John, kissed Darlene on the cheek, and grabbed her purse.

  “I won’t be long,” she said to Liam, ruffling the top of his head. “Are you going to be okay?”

  “If you are.” Her son looked at Hudson, and his expression said it all. Don’t mess with my mom.

  She turned to Hudson, her voice clipped. “Where are we going?”

  God, she looked beautiful. Jeans and a simple blue sweater never looked so damn good. Her hair was loose, piled around the cream, red, and blue scarf she’d wrapped around her neck. Her lips were soft and pink, and her eyes… A guy could lose himself inside them.

  “You’ll see.” He waited for her to pass and followed her outside to his rental.

  They rode along in silence, which was strange considering they hadn’t spoken in weeks. Maybe Rebecca was feeling exactly the way he was. Nervous. Afraid to open his mouth and somehow shatter the image he’d kept in his head. The image of where this was going.

  Of where he wanted it to go.

  He knew exactly when she realized where it was they were going. She sat up straighter. Her breathing began to quicken. Her hands were balled in her lap.

  When he pulled up in front of the lodge, Hudson didn’t cut the engine because he needed her to see. So he got out of the truck and opened the door for her. She blinked up at him and hesitated, but when he offered his hand, she accepted.

  They walked up the steps and stood on the porch, and when he pointed to the window, to the bright red-and-blue sign that was there, she began to shake.

  “It says Sold.”

  “It does.” He cleared his throat, tried to dislodge the big old lump that was there, and then gave up. So what if he sounded like a wuss. Nothing was going to stop him now. “I bought it.”

  She jerked her head back. “I don’t… Why?”

  Hudson turned to her and grabbed her hands in his. He stared down into the only face that had ever owned him body and soul. No more just getting by. He was finally ready to live his life, and he needed this woman in it.

  “It was our dream, once. Remember? Everything about this place is us. What we wanted. What we envisioned for our future.”

  “But, Hudson. We were so young. God, we knew nothing. Sometimes the things we think matter, like our dreams, don’t make sense in the real world.”

  “Sometimes we need to cling to those dreams. Sometimes we need to work to make them happen. I’m ready now.”

  “Ready for what?” Her voice was barely above a whisper.

  “Ready to work. Ready for a family.” He paused, because this was the biggie. “I’m finally ready to be the man you deserve. I’m here to stay. I want a life with you and Liam. I want this place to be part of our life. I know it’s a big change—”

  “Damn right it’s a big change. And you seem to forget that it’s not just me I have to think about. You left, Hudson. Again.” She thumped him in the chest. “You left for over three weeks with no word. Not one phone call.”

  “Babe, I couldn’t call. Our operation was dark. I was undercover. Trust me, if I could have made contact, I would have.”

  “I…” She shook her head. “I know you said that but…Sal died.” Her voice broke, and he inched toward her. “And I’m used to dealing with that kind of stuff on my own, but I just thought…” She shook her head and closed her eyes. “I just thought maybe this time, I’d have a shoulder, you know? I thought that maybe the past wouldn’t bite me in the ass again.” A sob escaped. “I let myself hope, Hudson. And I—”

  “Becca. I’m not leaving again. Ever.”

  Her eyes flew open. “What are you saying?”

  “I’m saying the hounds of hell couldn’t drag me from you. I’m saying a goddamn tornado could cut through here, and no way would I let go.” He stepped closer yet. “I’m saying that I love you, and I want us to have a life together. I want—”

  He didn’t have time to finish his sentence on account of the warm body pressed so tightly into his. Rebecca’s mouth found his, and they clung to each other in a kiss that spoke volumes. It was sweet and tentative, bold and daring.
It was all-consuming, and when she finally dragged her mouth from his, Hudson literally felt weak.

  “I’ll take that as a yes,” he murmured against her cheek. “I love you, Becca. I don’t think I ever stopped.” He moved again and cupped her chin, because he needed her to understand. “I’ll never leave you again.”

  He kissed her nose. “I.”

  And then dropped one on her forehead. “Love.”

  Then he made his way to the corner of her mouth. “You.”

  She shivered against him and rested her head against his chest. “There was never anyone else for me, Hudson. Never. I loved you with all my heart. From the time I was fifteen and first met you. I love you even more now.”

  She sighed and looked up at him. “You do look like shit, though. Why don’t we head back, and you can have a nice, long hot shower, and we’ll fill your family in on our plans.”

  He dropped another kiss to her nose, because, damn, it was a cute nose. And just, well, because he could.

  “You must be hungry.”

  Her eyes widened. “Um. No. I had turkey dinner at my brother’s, but John insisted Liam and I come by this evening. Now I know why.” She bit her bottom lip, her forehead furrowed. “He told me. About your mom and the other woman.”

  Hudson stilled.

  “About why you left.” She paused. “Do your brothers know?”

  “No.” He shook his head slowly, as the familiar wave of pain hit him. “It’s not my secret to tell.”

  “Sometimes it’s best to let things be.”

  Hudson wasn’t so sure about that, but right now, his focus was Rebecca and her son, Liam. He didn’t want to think about the sins of his father or the way they’d changed the dynamics of his family. There was still a lot of pain there, and he had a feeling the day of reckoning would come. There was a sibling out there. Somewhere. Would the lure of Crystal Lake be too much for him or her?

  He shook the thoughts from his head and pulled Rebecca back toward the still-running truck. “You mind driving? I haven’t slept in forty-eight hours.”

  She gave him one last slow and sinful kiss, and then they hopped in the truck. Seconds later, they were headed back down the road that would bring them to town.

  “You’re not going to miss your job?”

  He shook his head. “No. I’ve got a lot of good I can do here. Things I’m passionate about. Namely you.”

  Hudson turned up the heat and got comfortable.

  “We’ll have to take it slow with Liam. I’m sure he’s figured out we’re more than friends, but he’s used to being the only man in the house.”

  “Sounds like a plan.” God, the heat felt amazing.

  “Like we’ll date for a few months.”

  “Okay.”

  “No sex at all.”

  “Sounds good.”

  “Like maybe never.”

  God, he was drowsy. “Yep.”

  “Never again. The no-sex thing.”

  That got his attention, and he smiled to himself. “Nice try.”

  “Thought I’d slip that in there. Just to see if you were paying attention.”

  Her voice was like a song, and she chattered away, filling his head with love and hope and contentment. Hudson had taken the long way, but he was finally home.

  Epilogue

  Christmas Eve Day

  Rebecca

  For the first time in years, Rebecca was caught up and ready for the holidays. She’d done her shopping early, wrapped the presents the week before, and with the vet clinic closing at twelve, had the afternoon to relax for a busy evening ahead. She and Hudson were having an open house at their completely renovated lodge, and they were expecting a host of friends and family to come out.

  Kimberly had just locked the clinic door and turned the sign to CLOSED when Ethan Burke, who’d just officially taken over from his father, walked in from the back office with the older Burke, carrying a decanter and four glasses.

  “Merry Christmas,” Ethan said, indicating the girls should each have a drink. “Thought we’d toast to the holidays with a rum eggnog.”

  “Sounds lovely,” Kimberly said with a grin. “I’ve got some Christmas cookies in the back.”

  Rebecca’s smile faltered. Eggnog? The thought turned her stomach. Whoever’d come up with the idea of combining eggs and cream for a drink was nuts. She shuddered and reached under the reception desk for her purse.

  “Sorry, guys. I can’t stay. I’ve got a ton of stuff to do before the open house tonight and need to run.” She slipped into a slate gray wool coat and wrapped a cream-and-navy scarf around her neck. Hiking her purse over her shoulder, she wished everyone a Merry Christmas and made sure they knew to pop in any time after seven.

  “Wouldn’t miss it for the world,” Kimberly said with a smile and a hug. “I’m so happy for you, sweetie. You deserve the best Christmas ever.”

  Feeling more blessed than she could ever remember, Rebecca headed to her mother’s for a cup of tea before going home to soak in the tub. Snow was falling yet again, large flakes that filled the sky and covered the roads. The tops of the evergreens were heavy with the white stuff, and just the day before, several inches fell, so that Crystal Lake and the town that shared its name looked like a winter wonderland. Everything glistened and looked new and fresh.

  She hummed along to her favorite Christmas carol, and a feeling of melancholy stole over her as she picked her way along the snow-covered path up to her mother’s front door.

  She made a note to get Liam to shovel it and pushed open the door, stomping snow from her boots as she called for her mother. She took a moment to breathe in the smells she loved—ones that made her think of Christmas. Gingerbread, fresh from the oven. Cinnamon. The fresh scent from the evergreens on the Christmas bough across the fireplace. Cinnamon!

  “Mom?”

  Rebecca slipped off her boots and hung up her jacket before walking to the kitchen. The gentle strains of Bing Crosby echoed down the hall, and she followed his voice. “White Christmas” indeed.

  The table was filled with Tupperware containers as well as Christmas tins, all filled with Lila Draper’s homemade goods. Her mother was a whiz in the kitchen—always had been—and as much as Rebecca’s childhood had been dark and sometimes filled with despair, Christmas, with its sense of hope, coupled with her mother’s amazing cookies and cakes, was a memory she would always cherish.

  Her mother was at the sink, staring out the window, and with a deft movement, Rebecca lifted the lid on the closest tin and snagged a cookie. She glanced down at it and smiled. Win! It was shortbread.

  “I’ll grab the kettle,” Rebecca said, taking a bite from her cookie. She reached into the cupboard for a couple of teabags.

  “Oh. Becca. I didn’t hear you.”

  Rebecca glanced sharply at her mom. Saw the side profile, the puffy eyes and red nose. The lightness she’d felt all morning suddenly vanished, and Rebecca quietly set about making them tea. She forgot sometimes. Forgot that her happiness, her absolute contentment with her life, didn’t belong to anyone else other than Rebecca and Hudson. The holidays were tough for a lot of folks, and with her father still in jail, she knew her mother was grappling with sadness and heartache.

  Rebecca was glad her father wasn’t around to ruin things, and she knew Mackenzie felt the same. But that didn’t negate or lessen the fact that in spite of her father’s many shortcomings and fondness of the bottle—their mother still loved him.

  Lila was quiet as Rebecca made the tea, and when it was ready, the two of them took their cups into the dining room. They sat in silence for a good long while, and then, with a sniffle, her mother offered a wan smile.

  “I’m sorry, Rebecca. I’m not great company today.”

  “You don’t have to be sorry about anything.” Rebecca grabbed her mother’s hand, wanting to provide some kind of comfort.

  “I was hoping your father would call this morning but…” Her mother grabbed a tissue from her pocket and dab
bed the corners of her eyes. “He didn’t. He hasn’t called in over a month.” Her mother attempted a smile through her tears. “I guess he’s busy, or…something.”

  “He probably is,” Rebecca eventually said, taking a sip from her tea. What else could she say to that?

  Lila held her cup, hands shaking. “Did I ever tell you how I met your father?”

  Rebecca shook her head and spoke softly. “No.”

  Her mother smiled, though it didn’t quite make it to her eyes. “It was a Christmas dance at the community center. I wore this beautiful red velvet dress. The crushed kind, you know? It shimmered when I moved and fit me like a glove.” Lila winked at her daughter. “I was quite the looker back in the day.”

  Rebecca smiled. “I don’t doubt that you were a hottie. Still are.”

  Lila squeezed Rebecca’s hand as a smile stole over her face. “I was there with another man. One of the Bradley boys. Can’t remember which one.” She chuckled. “I dated both of them.”

  “Mom.” Rebecca was shocked and giggled. “You tart.”

  “I had my moments.” She seemed lost in thought for a few seconds. “I knew who your father was, of course. He was the most handsome man in Crystal Lake. All the girls were crazy about him. But he only dated older women, and I’d never been alone with him.” Her voice trailed off, and she got a faraway look in her eye. “Until that night. I got in a fight with whichever Bradley boy I was there with. Hank, maybe? He wanted to leave and go somewhere to do something I had no interest in doing.”

  By the look in her mother’s eyes, Rebecca had a pretty good idea what that something was.

  “I left and went outside for a smoke.” Her mother shrugged at the look on her daughter’s face. “I know, honey. But back then, everyone smoked. Anyway, your father followed me outside. He walked right up to me and, without saying a word, held up the tiniest piece of mistletoe you’ve ever seen. I remember he pointed to the cigarette in my hand, and I tossed it in the snow. He took another step closer, and good Lord, but he was so handsome. He held the mistletoe above my head and said I had to kiss him. I was shocked. I told him I was there with another man, and he just looked at me and said…” She lowered her voice and mimicked a man’s baritone, “‘Not anymore. Now kiss me.’”