Lies Like Love

by Louisa Reid

  ‘Mum, it’s still early,’ I complained. Plus I didn’t want to go up there, especially not now it was dark. Mum got up and wandered into the kitchen, opened the fridge, rummaged inside. When she turned back, her hands full of cheese and a jar of pickle, she saw me still standing behind her and stepped forward.

  ‘Early night for you. It’ll do you good. And don’t forget Madison.’ She filled her plate and pulled Peter with her back into the living room, shutting the door behind them.

  It was hours before she went to bed and too late to creep out. But I waited until I heard the sound of her snores before I sneaked downstairs, Madison’s eyes following me, out of the flat and down to the letter box, just in case.

  Inside was a chain of paper hearts, curled and coiled like a sleeping snake. I pulled them out. Each one carried words, as usual, precious words that I could treasure and try to understand: dive, dreams, trust, heart, seas, fire. It was perfect and I went back up to my room, smiling.

  New Year’s Eve

  Audrey

  Early on New Year’s Eve I sat on my bed and attacked a skirt with a pair of scissors before pulling it on, with a black T-shirt of Mum’s. It was too big but I found a belt and wrapped it tight round my waist. I almost had a little black dress. With a needle and thread I tried to hem the skirt, pricking my finger in the process and making it bleed. Next I attacked my hair, piling it up in a messy bun and spraying it with half a can of Mum’s hair spray. I stared in the mirror in the bathroom. Still too thin. Still too pale. Circling Mum’s blusher on to my cheeks, I wondered where Leo and I would go and what we would do. I wondered if he’d definitely come. Yes, he’d promised. A seed of excitement took root, began to grow. I couldn’t remember my last party. The finished product stared out of the bathroom mirror. I looked a mess but at least I was me. A work-in-progress sort of me.

  ‘What do you think?’ I asked Peter.

  He glanced up. ‘About what?’

  ‘My outfit?’

  ‘You look weird, Aud,’ he said, without looking up again. He was right. I stuck my tongue out at the mirror. Pulled a silly face, made myself laugh.

  I changed the skirt for jeans, left the hair and added lipstick. Mum’s red was better than nothing. I had to stare in the mirror to do it. It was all right; I was all right.

  ‘Where are you going?’ Peter had come to watch. He sat kicking the side of the bath.

  I thought about it. He’d have to come too.

  ‘Do you want to go and see Leo?’ I asked him.

  He nodded, slowly.

  ‘It’ll be fun.’ I smiled, tried to make it look like it wasn’t a problem, that I couldn’t care less. ‘Mum won’t find out.’

  ‘OK,’ he said. ‘All right.’

  And then there was a loud banging on the door. Even though I was expecting him, I jumped.

  ‘Who is it?’ Peter said. I raced out of the bathroom, down the stairs and flung myself at the front door and wrenched it wide.

  For a second neither of us said a word. We just stared. Then I straightened the dodgy outfit, thought about my face, my mouth wearing such a grin. The stupid lipstick. I covered my mouth.

  Leo read my mind. ‘You look beautiful,’ he said. ‘Different. Good though.’

  I wiped my lips with my hand. Smeared a dark stain on my skin.

  ‘Come on.’ Leo grabbed my hand. ‘Get your coat.’

  ‘Where are we going?’

  ‘You’ll see. Come on, Peter.’

  ‘I’d better leave a note, hadn’t I?’

  ‘Yeah, sure.’ He paused.

  ‘Saying what?’

  ‘That you’ll be out for the night. Back tomorrow. That you’re safe and Peter’s at Sue’s – she won’t mind babysitting, although I’ve not said where we’re going. I think she might object to that bit of the plan. Anyway. Those are the only clues you’re getting. Quick, let’s go.’

  I scrawled the message and left it propped on the worktop by the kettle and dashed after Leo and Peter, whooping out into the fresh air, racing my brother down on to the drive.

  Parked on the gravel was Sue’s Land Rover.

  ‘What’s happening?’

  ‘We’re going on a road trip,’ Leo said. We faced each other. He wanted me to get in the car with him and drive away. My legs began to shake at the thought. I’d not travelled anywhere without Mum. I wasn’t sure I could.

  ‘You’re kidding me.’

  It wasn’t a good idea. I almost turned and walked back up to the flat, but Leo put his arms round me. ‘It’s OK, Aud; you’ll be with me.’

  I put my cheek on his chest. I could hear his heart pounding too and I took a deep breath.

  ‘A road trip?’

  Leo waited for me to agree and I stared back at the Grange. It was watching us, silently reprimanding; the trees bent a grave, dark warning too. But the wind didn’t shake Leo. He stepped towards the car, opened the passenger side, and swept a way forward with his arm.

  ‘Come on, Aud. Get in. Buckle up. You too, Pete – let’s go.’

  ‘Mum’s going to go mad,’ I said, out of the side of my mouth to Leo, strapping Peter in.

  ‘You left her the note – give her a call once we’re en route, explain where we’re going, where Peter is – Sue said she’d babysit – then at least she won’t worry. What do you think?’

  My legs were still wobbly; I sat next to my brother, tried to calm down, and took his hand. Peter was smiling and I wished he could come too. Leo started the engine and I watched his hands switching on the headlights, manoeuvring the gears.

  ‘Don’t worry, you know we’ll be fine.’ Leo was staring at me – his face demanding smiles with his own, and I felt the hope and excitement in the thud of my heartbeat, the speed of my breath. Leo kept looking as if he expected something and I tried to see how he felt, but couldn’t read it all – such a mixture of things, though mostly it was light. Like Blackpool Illuminations, the whole wonderful happiness of it, impossibly hopeful. Come with me, his eyes said, I’ll take you away, take you somewhere where the only thing to fear is the brightness of stars and how incredible the world is when you see it from the sky.

  The gears crunched and we were off, down the driveway towards the gates. I expected to see them swing back before we could drive through, locking us inside, but we sailed past, probably too fast to be safe, but what did it matter? We were free.

  ‘Where are we going?’

  ‘Surprise. Wait and see.’ He checked his watch and we drove along the narrow lanes to the farm, only Peter’s chatter interrupting the quiet. Any second now something was going to explode. I hugged my brother tight when he climbed out, kissed him, but he pushed me away and wiped his face, then, just before he ran inside, he turned and blew me a kiss. I caught it, put it in my pocket and climbed back into the car, sitting so close to Leo our bodies may as well have been Velcroed together at the hips, shoulders, thighs. I didn’t know if he could drive like this, but I wasn’t going to move. He put his face in my hair, his mouth to my ear.

  ‘I missed you,’ he whispered, sounding sort of different – out of control, maybe.

  I grabbed his hand and held it, crushed his fingers. How much I’d missed him was there in every bit of my body; I wondered if he could see everything beating, that I was burning. I swallowed and wound down the window for fresh air but the icy blast didn’t cool anything.

  The roads were busy but Leo handled the car like a pro, only stopping to fill the tank.

  ‘What is this?’ I asked him.

  ‘Magical mystery tour,’ he said again. ‘I told you.’

  ‘I’m scared.’ I smiled as I said it, not meaning it any more, not really. Scared of all kinds of things, of me, and him, and being together. Of escaping.

  ‘Don’t be,’ he said. ‘I don’t want you to be scared, not ever with me. I’ll look after you, Aud, I swear, and this will be fun; it’s meant to be exciting.’

  ‘What about my mum?’ I stared out at the traffic. It was a stupid
thing to say. She didn’t matter, not right now and how could she know where we were? She couldn’t follow us. She couldn’t stop us.

  ‘Call her now.’ Leo got out his phone and handed it over.

  ‘She’s going to be so angry, you know that. She’ll spoil things.’

  ‘OK, call her in the morning. Or we can text.’ I held the phone, dangled it from my fingers, doing nothing. ‘Go on, ring her. It’ll be fine. I can explain if you like.’

  I couldn’t think about it. Mum wasn’t welcome here, with us; she’d make me go back and I didn’t want to now. I handed back his phone.

  ‘Don’t worry,’ he said again as he started the car and pulled back out on to the motorway. Names of towns I’d never heard of tangled, confused, in my head, and as the miles passed I started to think about what we were doing, what it meant.

  ‘Thanks for this, Leo,’ I said. ‘Whatever it is. Wherever we go. I like it. We could just drive forever. Not stop. What do you think?’

  ‘Why not?’ He squeezed my hand, pressed play on the CD. Started to sing. I grinned and sat back in my seat, watched the traffic and the fields pass, laughed at Leo getting the words wrong, joining in with the chorus.

  ‘You sure you know where we’re going?’ I peered out of the window, trying to catch the names of towns, looking for clues.

  ‘Yup. Memorized the route.’ Leo looked so pleased with himself that it made me smile. I nudged him gently.

  ‘Wow.’

  ‘Yeah,’ he said, grinning, ‘I’m pretty amazing like that. Total hero.’

  ‘You are amazing, Leo.’

  ‘Well, thanks,’ he said, not even bothering to disguise his blushes. ‘Say it again; I like it.’

  ‘No. Then you’ll get all big-headed. Leos are arrogant too, you know. Well, they can be.’

  Leo stared out of the windscreen, overtaking, then briefly caught my eye. The look made me blush. ‘You know, it’s a good job I think you’re amazing too, isn’t it?’ he said.

  ‘You do?’

  ‘I do. And don’t laugh.’ He frowned. ‘It’s not funny. It’s seriously affecting my ability to be a useful human being. Sue says I mope.’

  ‘Mope?’

  ‘Yes. I had to stop myself from storming the Grange paratrooper-style, stealing you out of there under cover of night. Or from hanging out outside your window like that idiot Romeo.’

  ‘Romeo was an idiot?’

  ‘Well, I always thought so. Until I started to experience some of his angst. Now I have more empathy.’

  My cheeks ached from smiling. ‘Really?’

  ‘Yes. My least favourite of all the tragic heroes, because quite frankly he has no gravitas. Can’t hold a candle to Othello. Even old Macbeth is more interesting, and you know how I feel about him. Look, nearly there. We need to turn off here. Let’s hope the traffic doesn’t get any worse.’

  London. I’d never been to London, didn’t know what to expect. As the evening turned truly dark we rumbled down another busy road.

  ‘Leo?’

  ‘Umm hmm.’

  ‘Are we going where I think we’re going?’

  ‘That would be telling.’

  Leo

  He hadn’t been sure if London was the best choice, but when he saw Audrey’s face he knew he’d done the right thing. Pulling up outside his parents’ place, he felt nervous again.

  ‘Here we are. We can dump our stuff.’ He led the way up marble steps to the imposing front door. The house was all lit up, even though no one was home.

  ‘What is this?’

  ‘Well, this is where my parents live sometimes, when they’re over here, if they’re not using a hotel. Which for some reason my mother often prefers. I think it’s because then she doesn’t have to do any cooking or any domestic duties whatsoever.’ He locked the car and pulled Audrey towards the building. ‘My mother, as you will see when we go inside, has transcended the domestic.’

  ‘Oh. That’s pretty weird.’

  ‘Agreed. But find me someone who isn’t.’

  ‘It’s cool though. I’d like to transcend the domestic, or whatever. Basically, stop doing all the flipping jobs is what I think you mean.’

  ‘Exactly. When I’m a rich man, not just a rich man’s son, I’ll buy you a robot to do all your chores. Or maybe we’ll just travel the world; no possessions, no ties. Just you, me and wherever we want to wander.’

  Audrey kissed him on the cheek, fast. ‘I’ll be there,’ she said. ‘Don’t go without me, OK?’

  She held his face in her hands and he wondered if they both saw the same thing: an aeroplane, Audrey in a white dress and sunglasses. He’d be in jeans and a vintage leather jacket. He saw them holding hands above the clouds and the endless opportunity of their forever, and wondered if he could fix it for this summer; they should find a way to make something like that happen, some time soon. Anything was possible.

  He led her into the hallway, downplaying it all the way. Audrey gawped: the baby grand, white carpets, glowing art. He knew it sang of money, style, luxury. But to him it wasn’t really a home, not like Sue’s place. As a kid he’d played quiet games, contained and controlled – moving his little cars sedately through the thick pile carpet – and later awoken from dreams of walls covered in thick scrawls of black crayon, sweating and shaking at the thought. He’d get up every time, pad to the living room, switch on the lights. Check the wallpaper remained pristine after all. Audrey wanted to linger, admire and inspect, but he told her they could only stop a minute, freshen up, then hit the town.

  Audrey put down the figurine she’d been examining – a little bronze Cupid – and realigned it on the chest of drawers.

  ‘First, though, you have to play me something.’ Aud perched on the edge of the sofa, her long legs crossed at the ankles, her face expectant.

  ‘What?’

  ‘I want to hear you play. I never knew anyone before who could play the piano. My dad, he had this old banjo or something, like a little guitar it was, but he wasn’t much good.’

  ‘Seriously?’ He lifted the lid to reveal the keys and felt a strange pull towards the instrument as he flexed his fingers, already thinking. What would he play? Something special. Something for her. And for him. Something for them. Leo rested his fingers on the keys. His heart stopped and restarted.

  ‘All right,’ he said, although he wasn’t sure how this was going to feel. In his head the piano was still partly to blame. All the music that had run through him before he cracked up, his fingers dancing over imaginary keys, his dreams full of whirling storms of crotchets and semi-quavers, riotous arpeggios, taunting major chords marching like soldiers, the minor lament making him cry.

  ‘Right. Here goes.’ Leo thought for a while longer. Then it came to him and it was like he’d never stopped, every note was still there in his fingers, waiting like memory, like fingerprints, fossils. He forgot Audrey was there. Forgot about everything.

  ‘Oh, my goodness,’ she said when he finished, and he only just heard her; he was shaking a little, wanting to start again, play it all over from the beginning, better this time.

  ‘Leo,’ Audrey said, clapping her hands, ‘you’re like flipping Mozart or something.’ Breaking the spell and making him smile. He turned round slowly to look at her.

  ‘Yeah? How did you know?’

  ‘What, you mean it was? Actually Mozart? You’re kidding me. Will you teach me?’

  ‘Sure, some day. But now we should go.’ He pulled himself away from the piano, grabbed his jacket, handed Aud hers, ushering her back out on to the street.

  ‘You know this is massively posh, this place, don’t you?’ she said, pausing to stare up at the white Georgian mansion as she zipped up her coat.

  ‘I guess I do. Although there are posher places.’

  ‘We’re not going to them, are we?’ The fear in her voice made him laugh again.

  ‘No. Far better than that. OK?’

  They caught the Tube down to Trafalgar Square. It was getti
ng colder outside, but was hot and stuffy on the Tube. They had to stand, swinging from the overhead bars, grinning as they collided.

  ‘What are you doing?’ He stared and grabbed her arm. Audrey was pulling off her coat.

  ‘I’m hot.’ Audrey let go of the hand rail and chucked her jacket at Leo, then threw her arms out, insisting on space, forcing the other travellers to back away. People stared, then looked away as she began to twirl and swirl – singing the tune he’d played for her, or what she remembered of it at least, la-la-ing the rest. Her head was back, her hair flying. Leo watched her, part alarmed, part in awe.

  ‘This is wicked,’ she said. ‘You know what? We’re free,’ she sang, spinning on the long vowels. She grabbed Leo, wrapped her arms round his waist, made him dance with her, their waltz, until they ricocheted into the side of the carriage, almost collapsing on top of one another. Someone tutted, but mostly people ignored them, probably thought they were drunk. Leo held her up, pulled her straight as the train shuddered to a halt.

  ‘Come on – we get off here. You can be as excited as you like now, Aud,’ Leo said, dragging her on to the platform and towards the escalators.

  ‘I don’t think London’s big enough for how excited I am. Trafalgar Square? Is that where we’re going?’ She yelled and ran up the escalator, making him chase.

  ‘Yes. Then the river. It’ll blow your mind, Aud.’

  ‘It’s blown,’ she said, ‘long ago,’ and bumped him with her hip, making him stumble a little. All night she’d be tripping him up, surprising him, making him fall again and again, head over heels.

  ‘Thank you for this.’ Audrey stood on tiptoe, kissed him and they walked into the crowds squeezed tight together, bodies attached from waist to shoulder, and he thought that this was what happy felt like. This was almost perfect.

  Audrey

  None of it frightened me. Not the crowds or the noise or the feeling of being cut loose, like a kite or a kid’s balloon. I was with Leo and we walked through the throng of people like we floated, as if they didn’t even exist. We didn’t talk about anything real. But Leo made me believe in possibility as we pushed through the crowds with the stars above us and the night ahead, and I saw flashes of the future, one I’d never imagined, and realized how different the world was through his eyes. He believed we were only just beginning.