Shattered Dreams

by Brenda Kennedy

  “If you ever need a sitter or anything, let us know,” Sara says and walks away quickly.

  “Why would I need a sitter?”

  Brea adds, “Just if something ever comes up and you need a sitter even for overnight, I’m free.” I look over at her and she is smiling. “Have fun and I’ll see you at work on Monday.”

  Before I can say anything, she is walking away. That was very bizarre. I look over at Alec and James as they are walking towards me. James and Alec both look so handsome and they both are smiling at me. I have two of the best-looking dates around.

  “What are you thinking about?” Alec asks.

  I smile and say, “Nothing.”

  “It’s getting late, are you about ready? We could stay longer if you would like.”

  I look down at James; he is yawning. “No, I think James is ready.”

  On the drive home we talk about the beautiful wedding and how much fun it was to be among friends. When we arrive home, Alec parks the car in the driveway. “I’ll get your door for you.”

  I wait in my seat and watch as he walks around the car. I look in the backseat; James is sound asleep. Alec opens my door and reaches his hand in for mine. He is such a gentleman. I take it and stand as tall as I can next to him. “I’ll carry James in while you get the door.”

  I wait for him to unbuckle James from his seatbelt before walking up onto the front porch. I open the door and hold it open wide for Alec to walk through with James. Alec walks down the hall and into James’ room and waits for me to pull the covers down before he lays James down on the bed. “Do you want to wait for me to dress James for bed or are you ready to leave now?”

  “No, Emma, I’m in no hurry. Take your time. I’ll wait for you out here.”

  “Are you sure? It is New Year’s Eve, I’m sure you have someplace you need to be.”

  “No, Emma, I would rather be no other place. I do need to call Raelynn and wish her a Happy New Year.”

  “Ok, if you want something to drink, please help yourself,” I say, as he walks out of the room.

  I walk out into the living room. Alec is standing there leaning against the doorframe. When he sees me, he pushes off from it, smiles and walks towards me. “Did I tell you how stunning you look tonight?”

  My heart begins to race and my breathing catches. “I think you did, thank you.”

  “Are you cold, Emma? Would you like me to start a fire?”

  “Are you sure you don’t need to be someplace?”

  “I have no plans for this evening.”

  “I bought champagne for tonight, would you like a glass?”

  “You get the champagne and I’ll call Raelynn and then get the fire started.”

  He smiles and turns to walk away. I open the champagne and pour two glasses. I take my time so Alec has time to wish his daughter a Happy New Year. When I arrive in the living room, Alec is kneeling down at the fireplace. I just watch him. When the fire gets started, he stands up and smiles when he sees me. I hand him his glass and we both sit on the couch. The room is dark except for the glow from the fireplace and the muted light coming from the kitchen.

  “Is it too dark for you?” he asks. “Would you feel more comfortable with a light on?”

  I have to think about that and it’s not. It feels right. “No, it’s fine.”

  “I had a great time tonight with you and James, thank you.”

  “I should be thanking you. I also had a great time and thank you for helping me with James.”

  “You’re welcome, but I didn’t do anything for you to be thanking me for,” he says, taking a drink.

  “You are very nice to him — to us. You helped with his food, and you even carried him into the house for me. I would say I owe you a thank you for all that.”

  “You’re welcome. I had a great time, and I really like spending time with you and him. He is a great kid.”

  “Yes, he is. It is nice to sit here with you having an adult beverage. It’s been awhile since I have done this.”

  I look at her and smile. It’s now or never, Alec. I take a deep breath and ask, “Emma, would you like to go out to dinner with me next Saturday?”

  She looks up at me and smiles. “Alec, I would love to.”

  “Yes?” he asks with a smile.

  “Yes.” I laugh. We sit and drink the entire bottle of champagne as we hold hands and it feels right. We talk about Max and the devastating loss of losing someone who loves you more than they love themselves.

  He tells me about what a great mother Molly was in the beginning and how difficult it is to be a single dad.

  “I hear people complain about marriage, but I liked being married. I liked having someone around who loved me and cared for me,” I say, softly. “Dating is hard. So many crazy people are out there. It’s hard to know what people are thinking. They look normal but then they turn out to be crazy. I did date some Scumbag Steves before I was married.”

  “Even when you think you know them, you really don’t know them at all,” he says, and it’s almost a whisper. “I did date some Scumbag Stacies before I was married.”

  He adds, “I think I should go; I have kept you up long enough.”

  He smiles and stands up. He reaches for my hand to help me up and I take it. We walk hand in hand to the door. It feels good to hold his hand. He opens the door and turns around to look at me. “Thank you for a wonderful evening.”

  “You are welcome and thank you. I had a great time.”

  He rubs my knuckles with his thumb, and I realize we are still holding hands. When I look up at him, he looks serious. My heart races and my breathing catches. I stare at his eyes and then his mouth. It feels as though time is standing still. He slowly leans down to me and I stand on my tiptoes to meet him. He raises his hand, cups my cheek with his free hand and gently rubs it with his thumb. I close my eyes. All of the sudden I want to feel his lips on mine. He slowly and sweetly kisses me with his closed mouth. No tongue, nothing inappropriate; just a slow, sweet kiss.

  “Happy New Year, Emma,” he says softly, as he pulls away slightly.

  “Happy New Year, Alec,” I whisper, without opening my eyes.

  Chapter Seven: Date Night

  Alec

  I kissed Emma good night on New Year’s Eve and it’s the only thing I can think about. I shower before bed and lie awake. I roll over and stare at the wedding picture of Molly and me. It’s been on the nightstand for the last seven years. Picking it up, I run my fingers over her beautiful face. The first five years were some of the happiest times in my life. I never would have imagined my life would have taken a dive into a toilet, but it did. I stand up from the bed and walk to the closet still holding the picture of Molly and me. The keepsake box that holds all of our memories is still in the corner of the closet where I put it. I remove the lid and take one last look at the picture before I place the picture in the box.

  Next, I look at Molly’s side of the closet and see all of her clothing, shoes, and accessories. They have been here for the past year, untouched. I walk to the garage and grab a few empty boxes and return to pack up Molly’s things from the closet and throughout the house. It’s a new year and a new start. No more holding on to the past and hoping for things that can never be.

  Once the items from the closet and the dresser are packed away, I take an empty box and go into the bathroom. I fill it up just with bathroom items. I stack everything up in the garage and I’ll decide what to do with it later.

  I have a shot of something stronger than I would normally have. Tonight, Jim Bean is my new best friend. I am finally ready to leave the past in the past and see what the future holds.

  The next morning I shower before going to my parents’ house to get Raelynn. Mom and dad always make a large casual dinner of BBQ pork, cooked cabbage, and potato salad for New Year’s Day. My family is not superstitious, but if someone claims something can bring you luck they’ll try it. This has been a family tradition since I was a child. This is an Iris
h tradition that my mother was raised on.

  The whole family is there, even my sister Cameron, Ian, and their new daughter, Savannah. We sit around the large dining room table and announce what our New Year’s Resolution is. My mother believes that, if you announce it, you are more apt to keep it.

  I listen intently at what everyone says and smile at the kids. It’s the first day of the year and a great time to start new. Rae announces she is going to eat more candy and sweets. Cameron and Ian announce they are going to be the best parents they can be for their daughter and dad vows to spend more time with his wife and less time playing golf. We all laugh because this is the same thing he says every year. When it’s my turn, I announce I am moving forward with my life and I am leaving the past in the past. No one says anything, but I know that they know what I mean.

  When everything is cleaned up after dinner, mom sets the dessert and coffee out on the kitchen island. “Alec, have your coffee on the lanai with me.” It’s not a question, but an order. I follow my mother outside to the large open living area.

  “How was your date last night?”

  “It was good. I asked her out again for next Saturday.” I take a sip of my coffee and watch my mother.

  “Is that why you have decided to move forward with your life?”

  “I just think it’s time. I think I have finally come to terms that what my life once was, is over. Molly is gone and I can’t change that. I need to move forward for myself and for Raelynn.”

  My mother walks closer to me and sits beside me on the couch. “I’m proud of you, Alec. It won’t be easy, but I have to agree with you: It’s best for you and Raelynn. This girl you are seeing, Emma?”

  “I’m not really seeing her, but yes.”

  “Is she divorced?”

  “Widowed. He died four years ago during his tour of duty in the Army.”

  “I’m sorry to hear that,” my mother says honestly. “Her son wasn’t born yet?”

  “James was a few months old when his father passed.”

  “She is very young to have gone through so much.”

  “Yes.”

  My dad walks out into the lanai with his coffee and a plate of pecan pie. “What am I missing?”

  My mother looks up and smiles. “Nothing.” She looks at the pie on his plate. “Did you cut the whole pie, or did you only cut yourself a piece?”

  “This was the last piece,” he says, taking a large bite of his pie. “Blake was setting another pie out for everyone, when I left.”

  “If Blake cuts the pie, it’ll be cut in quarters.”

  Mom walks into the house and Dad looks at me. “Is everything all right?”

  “It’s fine. I have a date next week and I was wondering, hoping more like it, if you could get me a reservation at the country club. I know that it is hard to get a reservation for a Saturday.”

  “She sounds pretty special.”

  “She is. I’m a new member and I think your chances of getting a reservation are far better than mine.”

  “Would you like some advice?” he asks, laying his empty plate down on the coffee table.

  I take a deep breath, because I know if I say no, I’ll get it anyway. I smile and say, “Sure.”

  “Is this the same girl with the son from last night?”

  “Yes, why?”

  “Because when you date a woman with a child, it’s a little different from dating someone without a child.”

  I lean up in my chair and rest my elbows on my knees. “I’m not following you.”

  “A woman with a child has obligations and you’ll need to be considerate of her and her child. You need to understand she may not be available whenever you want her.”

  “I can understand that.”

  “Offer to pay her childcare for her for the evening and don’t ever show up for a date empty handed.”

  “Do you mean flowers?”

  “No, I mean, always have something special for her son, too. He probably isn’t used to sharing his mother and this may be hard on him. Four years old is a tough age. Don’t make him feel like you are trying to steal his mother from him. Do you know what I mean?”

  I rub my hand over my chin and nod. “I didn’t think about that, thank you.”

  “It also wouldn’t hurt to have a play date with the kids. Go skating, or the movies, or even fishing. Make an attempt to get to know him. Raelynn would also benefit from this.”

  “Thank you, I’ll have to remember that.”

  A few minutes later all the adults come outside on the lanai carrying plates of dessert and coffee. The kids play in the yard while mom rocks the baby and we all talk about the kids returning to school tomorrow.

  Later that night I bathe Raelynn and I help her to pick out her school clothes for the next day. She wants to wear her Batman costume, but I persuade her to wear regular school clothing. I guess I did the right thing, but I wonder. Usually, it is a good idea to be yourself, but if you can be Batman, maybe you should be Batman.

  Once she is in bed, I walk through the house and remove any photos with Molly in them. I can’t remove everything that reminds me of her, but I can remove her personal items and the pictures of her. I look at the house, which is full of memories of my life with Molly, and I frown. I make a mental note to call a Realtor to look at some new houses. A move may be just be what Raelynn and I need.

  I receive a text from my dad on Wednesday saying he reserved a table at the country club for Saturday night for Emma and me. I call Emma on Thursday and tell her we’ll be going to the county club for dinner and that I’ll be there at 6:00 to pick her up. I also make sure she has childcare for Saturday and let her know I’ll cover the cost of childcare for the evening.

  On Saturday, I drop Rae off at my parents’ house and go home to get ready for my date with Emma. I decide on a black suit with a white crisp shirt and black tie. I stop by the florist to get Emma a much smaller bouquet of lilacs than mom ordered for her previously. I still have no idea what flowers she likes. I may want to know that. I also stopped by and got James a little something special, too. That was great advice I got from my father.

  I pull up outside of Emma’s and take some deep breaths. I reach for James’ wrapped gift and Emma’s flowers before I get out of the car. I stand tall and walk the short distance to her front porch. I ring the doorbell and wait for her to answer. I am surprised when Brooke answers the door.

  “Hi,” she smiles and opens the door wide for me to walk through.

  “Hi, how were your holidays?”

  “They were good, thank you. I’ll let Emma know you’re here. Come in and have a seat.”

  “All right, thank you.” I continue to stand at the door.

  “Alec?”

  “Yes, Brooke?”

  “Alec, I want you to know that Emma is my very best friend and I don’t want you hurting her. She has been through a lot, and I don’t want you playing games with her.”

  “Brooke, I like Emma and I have no intentions of ever hurting her.”

  “Ok, I just want you to know, and if you do hurt her, you’ll have to deal with me.”

  I smile because I understand how much Emma means to her. “I understand. You have no need to worry.”

  “Good, have a great time and you clean up pretty well.” She smiles.

  I smile, too. “Thank you, I think.”

  “Tell Emma I’ll keep James for the night. There’s no need to wake him when she gets home.”

  I nod. “I’ll let her know.”

  “And that’s not an invitation for you to spend the night.”

  Emma enters the room. “Brooke, stop it, geesh! Alec, I’m sorry. My friend is a little crazy.”

  Emma looks at Brooke and says, “And you said you would be on your best behavior.”

  Emma looks at me, then at Brooke again.

  I look over at Emma and smile. She looks stunning wearing a black dress just above the knee, low cut sweetheart neckline with ¾ inch sleeves.

>   “This is my best behavior.” Brooke laughs as she walks out the door.

  Emma says, “I’m sorry. I should have known that she would misbehave.”

  “It’s all right, she just cares about you.”

  “Sometimes I think a little too much. Please come in.”

  “Here, these are for you and this is for James.” I step forward and hand her the vase of flowers and the wrapped gift.

  “Is this your mother’s doing again?”

  “No, it’s mine. She taught me well.”

  “Yes, I would have to agree. Thank you. May I ask what this is?” she asks, shaking the gift.

  “It’s actually pretty cool. I saw this model train for sale this week and decided it would be nice if we all put it together. I know how much he likes trains.”

  “Alec, that is so thoughtful. Thank you for thinking of him. I’m sorry he’s not here to unwrap it in front of you. He is already at Brooke’s for the night.”

  “Emma, it’s fine and you look stunning tonight.”

  “Do I? I’m afraid the dress may not be dressy enough.”

  “It’s perfect, are you ready?”

  She smells the lilacs before setting the vase of flowers in the center of the table. “I’m ready and just so you know, lilacs are my favorite flowers.” She walks past me and smiles.

  I hold the door open for her and say, “Well, that is good to know, Ms. Greyson. Do you have your keys to the house?”

  She holds up her black clutch. “Yes, Mr. Collins. I have everything I need.”

  I watch her walk out the door and make sure the house is secured before walking behind her off the porch. She waits for me and automatically loops her arm in mine. “You look very sharp tonight, Alec.”

  “Do I now?” I ask as I open her car door for her.

  “Yes, you do.”

  She lets go of my arm and sits gingerly in the seat. I watch her adjust her dress before fastening her seatbelt. When I close her door, I look up and see Brooke standing on the front porch. I keep my eye on her as I walk over to get into the car and I nod at her before getting in. She doesn’t wave or smile; she just stands there and stares. Once I am seated and buckled in, I look at Emma and she is looking at Brooke. “She doesn’t like me much, does she?”