Letting Go (A Mitchell Family Series)

by Unknown

“I don’t plan on losing.” She replied confidently.

  “You’re on. I am just warning you now, I draw the line at holding your head when you’re puking later.”

  She just smiled and started shuffling the cards, while I grabbed the bottle of whiskey that was in the bedroom. The bottle was still half full, so we had plenty for this game.

  After four more hands, Savanna and I were dead even with two shots each. She was starting to slur her words like last night, but was convinced she was going to continue. I felt relaxed, but not drunk at all. When she lost the next hand, she stood up from the table.

  “Are you cheating?” She asked as she pushed her finger against my nose.

  I laughed. “No you silly little drunk. I am just that good.”

  She stood there giving me that look again. “Do you know that I haven’t had sex in over six months. I went from having it like everyday to never. Do you know what that is like?” Before I could open my mouth she kept going, slurring away. “Of course you don’t. Someone like you probably gets ass every day. Hell, you probably have a little black book, or do they just each have a day of the week?”

  I tightened my lips and creased my eyebrows. She couldn’t have been more wrong. “You are drunk. It would be best if you just stopped talkin'. You obviously have no idea about how I live my life.” I said defensively. “And just so you know, I am just a regular guy. You keep saying guys like me like I am some special breed. I aint Savanna. I am just as normal as you. I had one girlfriend in the past year and I have never had a fuckin' black book.”

  She looked directly into my eyes. I stood still for some reason. “Why do you keep calling me that?”

  “What?”

  “Savanna. Nobody calls me that.”

  I ran my hands through my hair and turned to walk out of the room. I needed to separate us. Drinking was obviously a bad idea.

  “Tell me Colt.”

  I turned around and found her less than a foot from me. Her eyes looked up into mine. “You should probably go to bed Savanna.”

  She never looked away. “You said it again. Tell me why.”

  I smiled and looked away. “Fine. I can’t call you Van anymore. It doesn’t fit you.” I confessed.

  I went to walk away but she grabbed my arm. “It is my name, how doesn’t it fit me?”

  “No, it isn’t your name. Your name is Savanna and it is beautiful, just like you.” I said in almost a whisper.

  I couldn’t look her in the eyes. I knew what would happen next if I did. I walked into the kitchen and started doing the dishes, trying so hard to focus on anything but her. When I got the last plate cleaned and turned around I found her standing there.

  She had tears in her eyes. “Colt. Will you sleep next to me again tonight?”

  I leaned against the countertop. “That really aint a good idea. Last night was different, but we both have been drinkin’ and I can’t promise that I will be a gentleman.” I confessed.

  I put my head down so that she couldn’t see me reacting to her. Instead of saying something she approached me. I looked up at her as her hands touched both sides of my cheeks. They reached up and ran through my hair. “Savanna.” I whispered, wanting to tell her to stop, but the words wouldn’t come.

  Her finger brushed over my lips and she traced them with it. I watched her bite her lip. It made me lick and bite mine. I leaned my forehead against hers. “We can’t do this.” I said hesitantly.

  I closed my eyes but kept my head against hers. “I know.” She whispered.

  With my hands on her shoulders I backed her away from me and turned her to face the bedroom. She looked back at me and started walking, but suddenly stopped. “Will you just please sleep next to me? Please?” She begged.

  I shook my head. This was trouble. She needed to leave tomorrow. I couldn’t do this after tonight. Every part of my body wanted her, and it was becoming hard to restrain when she was in front of me offering.

  I waited a few minutes before going into the bedroom. I hoped that she had passed out, but instead she was still standing on the side of the bed. She hadn’t seen me come in and I froze as she removed her shorts and climbed into bed. How in the hell was I supposed to sleep next to her when she was only wearing her fucking panties? I pulled off my shirt and made sure not to remove my shorts before climbing in the bed next to her. We were far enough apart where I didn’t have to touch her at all. I tried to get comfortable on the edge, but soon needed to lay on my back. As I was turning, I saw that she was laying on her side, just looking at me. “Sorry for earlier.” She said calmly.

  I propped my head on a pillow and looked at her. I shouldn’t have, but I did. “It’s fine. I can’t imagine the stress you been under for all this time. I can understand that you are lonely, hell I get lonely a lot.” I confessed.

  “Everyone blames me. I just can’t take it anymore. Sometimes I just wish it was me in that hospital bed.” She confessed.

  I reached over and touched her cheek. “Please don’t talk like that Savanna. What happened wasn’t your fault. Shit, he wasn’t the angel they think he was.”

  She sat up and I realized I stuck my foot in my mouth. “What does that mean? If you know something tell me?”

  “I just meant that he was hooking up with all those girls instead of just waitin' for you.” It was partially the truth. I didn’t have the heart to be the one to tell her he had cheated while they were really together.

  “Oh. Do you think it is stupid of me to pretend like we are together even though he is lying in that hospital?” She asked.

  We were so close and answering this could change things. We had already taken things too far. But, I couldn’t see her wasting away in that hospital room having false hope that he would ever wake up. It wasn’t fair to her. “You aren’t pretendin', but if you ask me, I would say he wouldn’t want you to be miserable. When you love someone you want them to be happy.”

  She smiled a little. “I do want to be happy again. I just think it is never going to happen. I don’t know if I can let myself go through with it”

  “Well when the time is right you will know. You will feel it in the pit of your stomach and thinking that you will never have the chance will tear you up inside. That is when you will know for sure that you are ready to move on.” I said confidently.

  I watched tears fall down her eyes. “I want you to kiss me.”

  Her request caught me off guard. “What did you just say?”

  She got even closer to me. “I’ve never kissed anyone besides Ty. I just want to know what it feels like and since I don’t have any other guy friends, I was hoping you would do it.” I opened my mouth but she started talking again. “Never mind, it was a stupid idea. I am so….”

  I pressed my lips against hers, first gently while waiting for her to respond. I pulled away and looked at her. Savanna dug her hands into my hair and pulled my lips to hers again. I tried to be gentle with her busted lip, but she wasn’t even paying attention to it. Her tongue slid across mine for the first time and it was like fuel for the fire. My hands came up and grabbed her face as my tongue played with hers. I teased her lips with mine and licked them before sliding my tongue back into her mouth. When we finally pulled away we separated quickly, neither of us wanting to say anything.

  I was about to turn over and go to sleep when I felt her hands touching my back, and then I realized it wasn’t just her hands. Savanna’s lips kissed the top of my back and I felt her tongue as she did it. “You asked for a kiss Savanna. You know we can’t do anymore than that.” I whispered.

  I turned to face her, to make sure she heard me.

  “Was I bad at it?” She asked.

  “Are you kidding me? You were great Savanna. Please can we go to bed?” I begged.

  “If you answer one more question.”

  “Fine.”

  “If I was never with Ty and my face didn’t look so bad, would you have wanted me then?” She asked curiously.

  She was so close t
o me and I could still taste her on my lips. “Savanna, this is so wrong. We shouldn’t be here together. We shouldn’t have kissed.”

  “Just tell me the truth.” She begged.

  I looked at her again. In the dark it was hard to see her black eye anymore, not that it mattered to me at all anyway. I knew how she really looked and that it was just temporary. “Even if I tell you yes, it doesn’t matter because it can’t happen. So why do you need to know so bad? It is just going to make things harder.”

  “I just haven’t been around people in a while especially a guy, but being around you has been so different. I feel like there is something happening between us. I just need to know if I am going crazy.”

  Shit. Do I lie and break her heart or tell her the truth and throw caution to the wind? I wanted her, but the problem was she wasn’t like other girls. I had known her for so long. I spent my summers here as a kid and she was always a part of them. She wasn’t the kind of girl that you fucked and forgot about. That is probably why my stupid cousin couldn’t seem to just let her go.

  “I am going to say this once and I don’t want you to ask again. I think you are gorgeous. I don’t want to call you Van because you are a beautiful woman who deserves a beautiful name. If you were never with Ty, you would be all I thought about until I had you for myself. Now can I please go to bed?”

  “Yes.” Was all she said.

  Chapter 9

  Savanna

  There are times when someone drinks where they wish they could forget what their drunk self did or said the night before, but last night just wasn’t one of those nights. I remembered everything that was said. Mostly, I remembered every word that came out of Colt’s mouth. I was almost afraid to open my eyes to see if he was still lying in the bed next to me. I opened my eyes just as Colt stirred next to me. When I turned to look in his direction, he was already looking in mine.

  “Hey.” He said.

  “Hi.”

  Obviously he was wondering what to say next. Something had happened between us and as much as I should be upset with myself over it, I couldn’t help but to feel happy.

  “Your eye looks better.” Colt said as he reached over and pushed the hair away from my face.

  “Is it still black?” I asked.

  “Eh, it’s kind of like a faded brown and purple now. Your face isn’t swollen though, and your lip is barely noticeable.”

  Since he was clearly looking at every aspect of my face, I started to blush. It was weird, being here like this with him, but at the same time, exciting.

  I needed to change the subject. “So what are your plans today?”

  “I don’t know. What did you have in mind?” He asked.

  I was shocked that he asked. I figured he would be the first one of us to bolt out of this bed and drop me off at the dorm. “I am pretty comfortable right now.” I admitted.

  “Me too.” He said as he looked at me and smiled.

  I smiled back and we just lay there looking at each other for a long time before either of us said anything.

  For the next two hours Colt and I laid in bed across from each other talking about everything under the sun. It started as a joke, but soon progressed to an intense conversation. I thought it would be awkward talking about such personal stuff, but after a while I realized it was easy. Colt hung on to my every word and he seemed genuinely interested in everything I was saying. Whenever he would ask a question, I would have to answer, but he would have to answer the same one too. After two hours, I felt like I knew so much more about him.

  His favorite color was gray. He preferred Country music over any others. His favorite food was hot wings and anything breakfast. He talked about college and jobs that he had. We even talked about funny things we did as teenagers.

  Colt only got out of bed because we were both starving. I offered to make pancakes, but he claimed he made the best in all existence. After they were served, I had to admit that they were pretty dang good. Not being around other people had become so normal to me in the past few months. I had shut everyone out in fear of being hurt or rejected. I honestly wanted to be around Colt. He made me smile and always said the right things. He made me feel like we were kids again and that it was alright to smile and want things.

  I insisted on doing the dishes and Colt didn’t argue. He was sitting on the couch with Sam sprawled out over his lap. Once again he wasn’t wearing a shirt. I caught myself glancing over and just looking at his body. He wasn’t giant, like over muscular, but he was well defined. I thought about the way his skin felt last night when we kissed and I felt my cheeks getting hot. As much as we were trying to fight it, I wanted to kiss him again, even more so today. I kept replaying what happened last night in my mind and all of the things he said to me.

  That was one thing that neither of us brought up so far today, and part of me worried that he may have regretted it. He was right about me needing to be happy with my life. Ty wouldn’t want me to be miserable. Was I wrong for wanting to move on? Was I an awful person for being attracted to someone that saved and took care of me? He was the first person who had treated me with respect since the accident. Even if he didn’t want me for more than a friend, I would be okay with that. Except for my so called friend Brina, he was all I had.

  Once I finished in the kitchen, I headed over to the couch. We sat on opposite ends and started watching a movie. After a while he sat a pillow in his lap and offered me to lay down. At first it was innocent, but as the time passed I felt his hands stroking my hair. I wanted to look up at him, but I didn’t have the nerve to do it. I was afraid he would stop and I didn’t want him to.

  “Savanna?”

  “Yeah?”

  “I know you have to get back to school tomorrow for finals, but I need to talk to you before you go.” He stated.

  “Okay. Just so you know, I don’t have finals until Tuesday.” I said as I smiled up at him.

  His face was serious so I sat up and faced him. “What’s wrong?” I asked.

  “I um. Well I didn’t really sleep much last night. After what happened….the kiss I mean, well it got me thinkin'. Then after this morning I knew for sure I needed to bring this up.”

  “I’m not following you Colt. Just tell me.” I said wondering what was going on. “Do you want me to leave now? Are you mad about the kiss?”

  He looked down at his knees. “I really enjoy your company and I don’t want you to leave. I was kind of hopin’ you would stay.” He said in a calm voice.

  My mouth dropped open. I didn’t know what to say…..

  I had loved Ty since I was fourteen years old, but the past two days with Colt had made me feel alive again. So much had happened to get me to where I was right now. I didn’t want to turn my back on Ty, but how long could I wait? For countless days I had done nothing but cry and want to end my life. Finally, someone made we want to smile again. At first, I thought it was through pity, but I could see the fire for me building in Colt’s eyes and just knowing it sent sensation through my body that I thought would never exist again.

  I wanted more…

  I wanted him…

  Colt

  I shouldn’t have said it, but I did. I just wanted to be around her and it wasn’t because of some kiss, even though that was pretty hot. It was because I genuinely enjoyed her company and seeing that she enjoyed mine, well it made my decision making easier.

  She was like a lost little puppy and I wanted to save her. I wanted to see her smile and I especially wanted to feel those lips. Even if this was a temporary attraction, I wanted to explore it more.

  At one time, she may have been my cousin’s girl, but right now she was all alone. Maybe I was being a horrible relative, but I was a grown man. I’d been so horrible to her in the past. I couldn’t help but want to make it up to her, to spend time with her and show her that she was allowed to smile again.

  “Say something.” I said in a panic when I saw the look in her eyes.

  She closed her eyes and sho
ok her head. “I don’t know what to say Colt. I mean, what is this thing that is going on between us? Is it real or is it just something new and exciting? I want to tell you that I can’t stay. I want to say that I regret kissing you.” Her eyes locked with mine. I could feel my heart beating in my chest. She was going to tell me we weren’t on the same page and that she just couldn’t do something like this, with me of all people. How could I expect that she would. Of all the people in the world, why would she want to start something with her boyfriend’s cousin?

  Before I could tell her never mind, she shocked me by taking my hand. “But it would be a lie Colt. I don’t know what is happening, but I don’t want it to stop. I haven’t felt this way in so long. I haven’t let myself live. And if you don’t kiss me right now, I might pass out from all of this excitement.”

  Without hesitation, I pulled her into my arms and pressed my lips against hers. There wasn’t anything gentle about it this time and I could sense her sudden eagerness. We went from something innocent to an explosion of lust.

  I ran my hands into her hair and pulled her in closer. With my other hand I touched her thigh and ran my hands slowly at the base of her shorts. Savanna grabbed the collar to my shirt and pulled me even closer into our kissing. She held me tightly as her lips drug over mine. Her soft tongue played with my bottom lip before she bit it gently with her teeth. When her hands found the edge of the bottom of my shirt, I pulled away. “Are you sure about this Savanna, because if we go any further, I won’t be able to stop. “ I admitted.

  I put my forehead against hers and waited for her to reply. She reached for my lips again, but I pulled away, awaiting her answer. She kept her eyes closed but I watched as she licked her lips. “I want you Colt.” She whispered.

  I didn’t reply with words, instead I grabbed her shirt and pulled it over her head. I could feel the heat building as I caught my first glimpse of her bra. Her perky little lips found mine again as one of my hands caressed her breast. I finally let her pull off my shirt and our mouths only separated for seconds as it left my head. Savanna slowly kissed my chin and I held my head back and absorbed how amazing her tongue felt as she drug it against my neck. With both of her hands she began feeling my chest, paying close attention to my nipples. When she reached them she pinched them both while she kissed my shoulder.