Letting Go (A Mitchell Family Series)

by Unknown

  Once I heard them talkin’on the porch, I headed into my office and closed the door. I hadn’t really been in here in months. Good thing that my cousin was pregnant and stayin’ here to hide out from her scumbag of a boyfriend. He had several bench warrants out for miscellaneous small crimes he committed in our county. This was the second criminal boyfriend that Miranda had managed to get hooked up with. We all tried to set her up with more suitable guys, but this one went and got her knocked up. Now she wasn’t even sure if she could keep the baby and be able to raise it herself.

  When my ex finally moved out and I got word that my uncle needed help at his farm for the summer, it seemed logical to let Miranda stay here. She took care of the house, filed all of the incoming bills and statements and kept me from getting too far behind on my duties here at the ranch. People didn’t understand how much paperwork was involved in running a business like our ranch.

  After sifting through a massive pile of invoices, I opened my laptop and started surfing around the internet. This morning I was supposed to go to the funeral home to make arrangements with my mother. There was no way in Hell that I was goin’ to let her go there alone. Last night I could hear her crying from clear across her six thousand square foot house. I hated hearin’ her cry, but there was nothin’ but a bunch of time that was goin’ to fix her broken heart, if that would even work.

  My cell phone vibrated and I pulled it out to view the message.

  Mom wants to leave in twenty. ~ A. Karen

  After responding back to them that I would be there, I closed the computer and went up to get changed. My bed had been made and all of my clothes were picked up off the bathroom floor. I noticed Savanna’s things on the vanity top and smiled thinking that I liked the idea of her being here. I wish she could have understood that I just wasn’t ready to let her in. It wasn’t because I didn’t love her, she had to know how much I did, but it was because I just couldn’t handle talkin’ about it yet. Savanna kept pushin’ me to open about it. I didn’t know how to do that.

  After a quick shower, I looked in the mirror and didn’t even recognize the person staring back at me. I was in need of a shave and I looked like I hadn’t slept in months. Dark circles were under each of my eyes. I felt exactly how I looked too.

  I shook out my hair and just left it to dry on top of my head. I didn’t think anyone at that funeral parlor was goin’ to judge me for my appearance. Within a few minutes I was out the door. Savanna was sitting on the porch swing alone. She was looking right at me and I could tell that she was upset. The problem was that I didn’t want to get into it with her right now. I didn’t have time to talk things out even if I was ready to.

  I looked down on the porch deck. “I have to take my mother to make arrangements.”

  “Okay.” She said quietly.

  “I will be back when we are done.” I started walkin’ down the steps.

  “Colt?”

  When I turned around I saw Savanna leaning over the porch railing. “Yeah?”

  “I love you.”

  “Me too.” I said as I headed to my car.

  I knew she wanted more, but I had more important things that I had to tend to. My mother needed to be my first priority. I wouldn’t leave her by herself to do this.

  The smell of a funeral home is something that you never forget. My mother was no longer cryin’. Instead, she seemed incoherent. She made her selections and signed over the check, but her actions were like a robot. She answered the questions as if they were rehearsed. I helped her make the basic selections when she asked, but mostly I just sat there next to her. Luckily, she didn’t have to buy a plot. My family had their own already.

  I was glad to finally get back in the car. My mother was quiet at first and when she finally started talking she caught me off guard. “It was nice of your girlfriend to be here for you.”

  “Yeah, it was.”

  “Did you ask her to come?”

  “No. She wanted to surprise me. I had no idea.” I shook my head. “I don’t even know if it was a good idea for her to come here. Not now.”

  “I know what you are doing Son.”

  “What do you mean Mom?”

  “You are shutting down, probably even pushing her away. Please don’t do that to yourself Colt. You are a good man.”

  “This isn’t how life was supposed to be. This wasn’t supposed to happen.”

  “God has a plan for everyone. Your father lived a happy life Colt. I don’t regret a single moment with him.” She explained.

  I felt myself getting choked up. I wasn’t ready to discuss this.

  “You have to talk about it.” She reiterated.

  “I can’t.”

  “Colt, I love your father. I will love him until I breathe my last breath, but he wouldn’t want us to waste our future away. He would want us to continue to live. He worked hard to give us the life we have.”

  I felt her hand touch my knee. Thankfully, I had reached the ranch. I pulled in front of the house and turned off the car. “I fought him on everything. I can’t take it back.”

  “Come inside with me Colt. I want to give you something.” She said as she climbed out of the car.

  I walked into the house and watched my mother run up the stairs. She came down just minutes later with a box in her hands. It was a shoe box that had been decorated in Star Wars stickers. I remembered the box from when I was a small child. “He kept this. I think you should take it. He would want you to know he had this stuff.”

  I grabbed the box, not really understanding what it contained. It was cool my dad saved the box, but it made me feel worse inside.

  “Thanks. I will look at it when I get home.”

  “Colt. Do you love this girl? If she left and never came back how would it make you feel?” My mother placed her hand on my chest. “I am asking you this because I don’t want you to give up on something that is so important to you. I can tell she loves you. Don’t let her be the one that got away. You will regret it forever.”

  I leaned over and kissed my mother on the cheek. “I will see you later Mom.”

  I headed out of the house with the shoebox in my hand. The drive to the cabin seemed like it took forever. When I got there I noticed I was all alone. I called out and got no answer. Sam was clawing at the back door, so I let her in and headed up to my room. I tossed the box on the bed and sat down beside it. My hand traced the outside as I reminisced on applying the stickers to the box. Back then it was supposed to hold my most special treasures. Of course that meant it had been filled with baseball cards and matchbox cars.

  I flipped the lid and found that it was full of a bunch of things. A pair of shoes from when I was a baby sat on top. I gently took them out, inspecting how small they were, before setting them to the side. The next item I pulled out was a Ziploc bag full of all of my baby teeth. I had to laugh remembering how my parents would prepare me for the tooth fairy’s visit. Underneath the bag sat my father’s Willie Mays rookie card. It was in a plastic sleeve that kept it from being damaged. He always told me it would be mine one day. I turned the card over and looked at the stats. The box had a few of my most favorite matchbox cars, some Star Wars figurines and a giant stack of pictures. I picked up the stack and started looking through them.

  They seemed to be in sequential order. The first picture was my parents holding me as a newborn. Next were me taking my first steps, followed by my first couple birthday parties. Whenever I was unsure when a picture was taken, I looked to the back of the picture where my mother always labeled them. I came across one of me and my dad playing catch with a football, and another where we were wrestling around in the dirt. There were a bunch of Christmas pictures and even more pictures of me going hunting with my father. One of them I was missing my two front teeth.

  The last few pictures were when I was older. Some junior high photos and pictures of games from high school finished off the stack. The very last picture was my college graduation. Under that last picture was a s
mall card the same size as the photos. I hesitated before I lifted it open to read it.

  Colt

  Your mother is making me write you this letter. She thinks there are some things that we never got to talk about.

  Today was your graduation from college. I know we haven’t always seen eye to eye, but I want you to know that I am so proud of you. I’ve been hard on you because I wanted you to be strong and independent. I didn’t want you to ever have to depend on anyone. You may think that I am disappointed in you, but you are wrong.

  I kept everything in this box because they were some of my favorite times with you. Do you remember all of our hunting trips? Remember getting stuck in that storm and coming home freezing and soaked. Your mother wanted to ring my neck for getting you so sick.

  I still remember the day I took you to buy your first shotgun. The look on your face was priceless.

  When you became a teenager, things got even harder for you. You wanted to do your own things, but it was important for me to lay down the law. I couldn’t have any son of mine making foolish mistakes that could ruin his future. You had every girl in town offering herself to you. I wasn’t ready to be a grandfather. I hope you get that now. You hated me for a while, but your mother and I always felt like the more you hated us, the better parents we were being.

  Son, I am writing you this because I think we need to clear the air. If you want to leave and live your life in the city, I won’t fight you. I want you to be happy. The ranch will still be here if you ever want it.

  I struggled for us to have the life we have now. I don’t want you to forget where you came from.

  When you find a woman, love her like she is the only woman on this planet. Treat her right and she will never leave your side. Don’t ever take her for granted. Be the man that we taught you to be.

  Love,

  One Proud Dad

  I read the letter at least ten times. I knew why he never gave it to me. After my graduation dinner, I announced that I wanted to build my cabin on their property and be in the family business. My father got his dream. He probably told my mother to throw this stuff away and she just never had.

  I left everything on the bed while I paced around my room. I was filled with anger and pain. I wanted to run, to disappear. I couldn’t deal with any of this. I felt like everything was closing in on me. I just wanted to wake up from the nightmare.

  When an hour had passed and I still hadn’t heard from Savanna, I headed downstairs. Her car was still not outside. I needed to call her, to tell her I was sorry. I couldn’t let her slip away. Being without her wasn’t an option for me. I needed her more than ever. I called her phone at least ten times and got no answer. I called Ty’s phone with the same result. I left both of them messages and even tried Miranda, but none of them would call me back.

  Maybe I was too late? Maybe Savanna had already gone back to North Carolina. Maybe she changed her mind after the way I treated her?

  I found a bottle of whiskey and started taking drinks straight from the bottle. I wanted to feel nothing. Just for a while, I wanted it to all go away. I lost my father and now possibly my future.

  Chapter 37

  Savanna

  While waiting for Colt to get back, Ty and I took a walk not too far in the woods. When we heard someone screaming we found Miranda holding her stomach in the driveway. A puddle of wetness covered the ground between her legs.

  While Ty hobbled, I ran toward her. She was screaming in pain. “Something is wrong. I hurts too bad.”

  “We need to get you to the hospital.” I said as I took her by the arm and led her to my car.

  “My mother had to go out of town this morning. She won’t be off her plane for two more hours. You have to call Colt and my aunt.” She announced.

  Ty was already trying to dial both of them, but we knew they didn’t have their phones on while they were planning a funeral. We got Miranda in the car and started speeding our way to the hospital. Ty was sitting up front with me, but Miranda was in the back screaming.

  “How long have you been having contractions?” I asked.

  “I don’t know. A few hours.” She replied.

  “How far are they apart?”

  “Every couple of minutes.” She cried.

  “Oh shit!” I looked in the rearview mirror and noticed she was laying down across the backseat. “Ty you need to check her.”

  “You are fucking kidding me right now. There is no way I am doing something like that.” He said frantically.

  “No! I have to keep driving. Lean your ass back there and look between her legs.” I announced as I tried to keep driving while watching Miranda. Beads of sweat covered her face and chest.

  “I can’t do this!” Ty announced when he attempted and then backed up back into the front seat.

  “Stop being a little bitch and do it Ty. This is important!” I screamed.

  “Ah damn, this aint right!” He said as he started climbing over the seat. “You need to pull over. I can’t see anything.” He said as Miranda screamed out in pain again.

  I pulled the car over to the shoulder of the road and both of us got out of the front seat. When I got behind Ty, he opened the back door and moved aside. “Oh God I can feel it coming out!” Miranda yelled.

  I looked back at Ty. He looked like he was going to puke. Can you make it to the hospital? We are like fifteen minutes away.” He said.

  “Miranda, I need to take off your shorts and look. Is it okay?” I asked.

  She was trying to do her breathing and just nodded at my request. With one swift yank I pulled her shorts down to her knees. I was not prepared for what I saw.

  “Oh God! The head is crowning. The baby is coming now!” I said in a panic. “Ty call for an ambulance. Try to figure out where the hell we are.”

  “I can’t have my baby in a car!” Miranda said.

  “Keep breathing. Your baby is coming right now. I need you to push when I say. I have no idea if I am doing this right, but I will do everything I can do, I promise.”

  I took both of Miranda’s knees and spread them as far apart as the back seat would allow. The baby’s head was almost all the way out. Miranda continued screaming. “It hurts. I’m dying! Please just get it out of me! Help me!”

  “Miranda you need to focus. I need you to try to push.”

  “I can’t. It will hurt worse. Please help me.” She yelled.

  I don’t know what made him do it, but Ty opened the door to where her head lay. He scooted himself in and rested her head on his lap. Ty reached over and grabbed her hand. “You can do it. Squeeze my hand and just try Miranda.”

  She kept shaking her head, saying she couldn’t, but her natural urge to push must have taken over. I gave her a nod and watched as she bore down and pushed with everything she had. The baby’s head came out further, but went back in. “Push again. Hold it this time.” I called out.

  This time she pushed harder. Ty held her tight and screamed with her as his eyes watched the little head coming out from between the girl’s legs. When the head was out, the little body started following. It was so slippery that I had to grab her shorts and use them to secure my hold on the infant. Miranda managed one last push before the hips and legs came out. I wrapped the baby in the shorts and heard the sirens of the ambulance in the distance. Miranda still needed to deliver an afterbirth and someone had to cut the cord, but the baby was wailing and Miranda was alert.

  “It’s a girl!” I said as I held the newborn in my hands. She was so small. My hands were shaking like crazy and I couldn’t believe that I had just done something like that. I could only thank God that I had taken a Child Development class this past semester. One of the requirements was to watch a live birth at the hospital.

  Within minutes, Miranda and her daughter were being carted into the ambulance and taken to the hospital. I was covered in blood and other bodily fluids that I didn’t even want to know what they were.

  Just as the ambulance was starting to p
ull away, I saw Ty running toward it. He gave me a quick wave before jumping in the back to go with Miranda.

  That left me alone on the side of the road, in the middle of nowhere.

  It was getting dark out and I knew I needed to get back to the ranch. I jumped in the car, covered in blood and the smell of everything else that came out with the baby. When I pulled up to the cabin, I noticed Colt’s car was back. I looked like Hell and just needed a shower. He had been so distant that he probably wouldn’t even care what I needed to do. After his father’s funeral we were going to have to talk about our future. As it stood right now, I was considering going home and finishing school. Colt acted like I was in the way here. I couldn’t give up everything and be resented.

  I climbed the porch steps and walked into the house. Colt met me at the door. He took one look at my clothes and his green eyes got huge. “What happened? Are you okay?”

  I shook my head but said nothing. Honestly, I was afraid to say anything to him. I couldn’t deal with being rejected anymore. It hurt me so much.

  He kept looking me over. “Miranda went into labor. We couldn’t get in touch with any of you. How long were you at the funeral place? Where is your phone?” I shook my head. “Ty and I helped deliver the baby in the back of my car. The ambulance came afterwards. Your mom and aunt are on the way there. I need to get cleaned up before I head back there.” I said as I started making my way up the stairs.

  I was amazed when Colt followed behind me. When he turned on the water for me and stood in the bathroom while I stripped out of my clothes, I was shocked.

  “Are you going to be alright?” He asked.

  The water was running down my head. I closed my eyes and just tried to get myself to calm down. I must have been running on pure adrenaline. “I don’t know.”

  The hot water felt good and I started scrubbing the dried blood from my fingers and arms. I looked through the glass and saw Colt just leaning against the sink. He wasn’t saying anything, but he wasn’t leaving.