Big Girls Don't Cry

by Brenda Novak

  Isaac sat on the edge of the couch, feeling uncomfortable again.

  “Yeah…at Softscape, several years ago…Okay…Wait, have you called Lucky yet?…Why not?…Jeez, Gabe…The party’s next week.”

  It was her brother.

  “A lot of good,” she said. “No, but…” At that point, she must’ve moved into another part of the house, because Isaac could no longer make out what she was saying.

  He waited, wondering how many times Keith had sat in this very room. Did his brother-in-law ever regret what he was doing? Fear discovery?

  Closing his eyes, Isaac leaned back on the couch and thought about calling Liz. He wanted to get his terrible announcement over with. Tonight. But he decided to wait and tell her in person, so he’d be there to help with the kids, give her a chance to recover. Somehow, he and his sister would get through the coming weeks just like they’d survived the years with Luanna.

  Finally he heard Reenie’s voice again, saying goodbye. When she came back into the room, he stood to hand her his cup.

  “Tea was great,” he said. “Thank you. I’m feeling much better already.”

  “Good.”

  “I’d better get going.”

  She blinked in surprise. “But we’re not finished yet.”

  “I still need to rent a room.” In Boise…

  “Give me another minute or two. They’re not going to fill up at the Timberline.” She set his cup on a neat stack of magazines. “Have you ever heard of One-Eye Integration treatment?”

  “No.”

  “It’s usually for people suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder. But someone did a study somewhere that showed it’s effective for migraines.”

  She’d managed to pique his interest in spite of his eagerness to leave. “What does it entail?”

  “Eye exercises, basically. By manipulating your field of vision, you can dramatically reduce your headache symptoms. Just cover one eye and—”

  The telephone rang again.

  “I’m sorry,” she said with a helpless shrug. “I’ll be right back.”

  Isaac silently cursed this new delay. He should’ve left when he had the chance. He wanted a few minutes alone on the Internet to research what might happen to Keith, and to plan what he was going to say to Elizabeth. Maybe he should sit down with his sister and his brother-in-law, so Keith would have to admit the truth.

  Reenie was coming down the hall. Still preoccupied and anxious to be gone, Isaac turned expectantly toward the entrance of the room, then caught what she was saying into the phone. “No, it’ll be better as a surprise. Just a minute…”

  Dread filled Isaac as she appeared.

  “Guess who I have on the phone?” she said brightly.

  “Who?” he replied. But he had a sinking feeling he already knew.

  * * *

  KEITH’S BLOOD RAN COLD the moment he heard the man on the other end of the phone. It was Isaac. He instantly recognized his brother-in-law’s voice and could hardly speak for the fear that seized him.

  “Wh-what are you d-doing in Dundee?” he asked. He didn’t know what else to say. Isaac was supposed to be in Phoenix, golfing this week. How could he have discovered Reenie?

  “It’s over, Keith,” Isaac said simply. “It’s all over.”

  Keith stared bleakly at the other parents in the gymnasium who were watching Mica’s gymnastics class. Before he’d withdrawn to return Reenie’s “urgent” message, he’d been talking and laughing with them. He’d been one of them, no different. Now they seemed so far removed from him. “What do you mean?” he whispered. “What’s over? I don’t know what you’re talking about.” On one level, the significance of finding Isaac at his house in Dundee registered; on another it didn’t. The idea of Isaac standing in the same room as Reenie was too horrible to contemplate.

  “Of course you do.” Isaac’s voice came through low and somber. “I’m looking at your wedding picture right now.”

  “I—oh, God, Isaac, please. What have you told Reenie?”

  “Nothing. I wanted to talk to you and Elizabeth first. But…I wasn’t expecting…Now I can’t—”

  “You’ll hurt them both,” he interrupted. “You know that, don’t you? Stay out of it. Leave it alone.”

  “I can’t do that.”

  Panic shredded Keith’s nerves. “Think of the damage you’ll do!”

  “You caused this, Keith, not me.”

  The heavy sadness that permeated those words stole Keith’s breath. He would have felt better if Isaac had ranted and raved or screamed at him. This unyielding response gave him no room to cajole or justify. “I have kids,” he said helplessly.

  “I know. That makes the situation even worse, doesn’t it? Anyway, I’d—I’d rather not talk about it now. I’m coming to Los Angeles tomorrow. I’ll call you when I get in. Make sure you’re available.”

  Keith could’ve sworn he had a steel ball crushing his chest. Reenie. What must she be thinking? He could hear her in the background, her voice rising as she demanded to know what was going on.

  If Isaac told her, Keith knew she’d never forgive him. They’d been together for eleven years. She’d see what he’d done as the worst kind of betrayal. No one would understand how each decision had been forced by the one before it. “You have to let me explain.”

  “I’d like you to do that, Keith. I really would. I can’t help hoping there is an explanation. Because Elizabeth doesn’t deserve this. From what I can tell, Reenie doesn’t deserve it, either. They’ve both been good…” Keith waited for him to say wives and felt a bead of sweat trickle down from his temple. Fortunately, Reenie spoke at that moment, and Isaac veered away from using that word. “They’ve been good to you.”

  “I—I didn’t mean for it to end up this way. You have to believe me. Think of your sister and Mica and Christopher. Certainly you love them as much as I do.”

  “Don’t try to manipulate me,” Isaac warned.

  Keith felt like a drowning man clawing at the slippery rocks of a canyon wall. “I couldn’t walk away from them, Isaac. I—I didn’t know how to tell them. How could I?”

  “You should’ve found a way.”

  “Don’t get involved, please? Stay out of it.”

  “It’s too late.”

  “No! I’ll make up something to explain this to Reenie.”

  “Keith—”

  “Give me the phone!” It was Reenie, sounding almost hysterical.

  God… “It would be better to leave things as they are,” Keith said, his words coming much faster than usual. “Believe me, I think about the situation all the time, searching for a way out. There isn’t one. Not now. Maybe when the kids are older—”

  “Are you joking?” Isaac interrupted. “You should’ve told the truth from the beginning. You—”

  Suddenly Reenie came on the line, sounding as breathless and panicked as he felt. “Keith, what’s happening? Who is Isaac? Why is he here?”

  “Honey, I…I love you. I’m coming home. Do you hear me? Don’t do anything until I get there. I’m coming home. I’ll quit my job. Right now. Buy you the farm as soon as I get there. I won’t leave Dundee again. I promise, okay?”

  There was a terrified silence as these words sank in. “Keith, what have you done? It’s something that will tear our family apart, isn’t it?”

  “Not if we don’t let it, honey.”

  “There’s another woman?”

  He cringed at the high pitch of her voice. “There’s no other woman for me, Reenie. Just you. I promise. I’m coming. I’ll explain everything,” he said. But how? He’d lied to her for nine years. He had other children to support, other responsibilities. He’d been sleeping with another woman half of every month, a woman who depended on him as much as she did.

  A pain-filled cry came through the phone. It traveled through him like a shard of glass. The cover-up was over. He’d known it had to end soon. He was exhausted and had been for the past several years. But not like this….


  Maybe once he was back in Dundee he could convince Reenie that it had all been a terrible mistake. If she realized the dilemma he’d faced, maybe she’d forgive him. Reenie was an unusual woman, stronger than most. She’d stay with him for the sake of their girls, right? Which might give him enough time to resurrect their relationship. As much as he loved Elizabeth and Mica and Christopher, he’d known all along that it couldn’t last forever.

  Wiping the sweat on his forehead with his sleeve, he tried not to think about them. They’d be devastated. He’d be devastated, too. He already was. But he had no choice now, except to let them go. He’d send them money. Reenie would have to allow that much. The court would mandate it. Eventually, he’d find relief in knowing he had nothing left to hide.

  “Reenie, get Isaac out of there. He’ll destroy us, destroy our family, do you hear?” he said.

  “I don’t know what to believe,” she whispered.

  “Trust me. I’m coming home.” He hung up, then told Mica’s friend’s father that he had an emergency and asked for help getting Mica home.

  An expression of concern wilted the man’s smile. “Sure, no problem. Are you okay, buddy? It’s not Liz, is it?”

  “No,” Keith muttered.

  “You don’t look so good—”

  Keith didn’t wait to hear the rest. He dashed out to his car and headed straight to the airport. He felt terrible for abandoning Elizabeth so suddenly, without a word. Briefly he considered calling her on his cell phone but quickly discarded the idea. What would he say? He couldn’t tell her. Not right now. His palms were sweating; his heart was pounding. He was having some kind of anxiety attack. He shouldn’t even be driving, but he had no choice. He had to reach Dundee. Isaac would take care of Liz when he arrived tomorrow. She’d be okay. But Keith feared if he waited even a moment longer, he’d lose Reenie.

  He prayed it wasn’t too late already.

  * * *

  ISAAC WATCHED tears course down Reenie’s cheeks as she glared at him. After Keith had hung up, she’d let the phone drop to the floor. It beeped loudly, but he didn’t bother to pick it up.

  “You lied to me.” She spoke softly, but there was a fierce anger in her words. “You’re not who you said you were.”

  He drew a deep breath. “Yes and no.” God, this was what he’d hoped to avoid. Elizabeth was his responsibility, not this stranger. But as angry as Reenie was, he couldn’t turn away from the pain in her eyes. She was just as innocent, just as hurt as Elizabeth was going to be. “I’m Isaac Russell, but I’m not writing a book on small-town relationships.”

  “You used me.”

  “I did what I had to do and now…now that you know this much, you should hear the rest.”

  Her eyes were wide, frightened. “The rest of what?” she asked, but raised a hand before he could answer. “No, I won’t listen. You’re lying. You’ve got to be lying. Again. Like before.” Her hands curled into fists. “I want you to leave.”

  Isaac jammed his fingers through his hair. “Is there someone I can call to stay with you tonight?”

  “No. Get out. Get out right now!”

  Isaac didn’t want to push her any further, but he couldn’t leave her alone like this, either.

  “Let’s call someone,” he said. “Your brother. What’s Gabe’s number?”

  “Get out.” She grabbed his arm and tried to drag him to the door. “You have no right to be here. I’ve asked you to leave!”

  Her strength surprised him. “I’ll go in a minute,” he promised, and set her aside as gently as possible.

  She grabbed him again. Only this time she seemed less angry. Torn, yes. Panicked, yes. And…hurt. She was shaking so badly, he feared she might be in shock. “Tell me everything,” she said, squeezing her eyes closed against the tears that were beginning to fall.

  Isaac took her hands. They felt small, cold. “Reenie—”

  “Just tell me,” she said, her body tensing, as if preparing for a physical blow.

  Isaac could almost see the terror rising in her, threatening to take control, could feel the shudders as they passed through her. He had to do something.

  Leaning forward, he pushed the hair away from her ear and held her tightly. “It’s worse than an affair, Reenie. Your husband is married to my sister.”

  She tried to jerk away, but he held her to him in an effort to calm her. The quicker he told her the rest, the better. “He met her on a plane, got her pregnant and married her.”

  She gasped as though he’d just shot her, and he wished there’d been a gentler way to break the news. “I’m so sorry.”

  She sank onto the couch without responding.

  “Reenie?”

  “You can go,” she said, her voice suddenly deadpan.

  Isaac wanted to sit with her, but he knew he wasn’t the right person to offer comfort. She’d only fight him. He needed to get someone else over here, someone she trusted, who’d look after her and the girls until Keith arrived.

  “How can I reach your brother?”

  She didn’t answer.

  “Reenie?”

  Nothing.

  She had to have a list of numbers somewhere. Striding briskly from the room, he stood in the hall and tried to orient himself. Where was the damn kitchen?

  Through an open doorway to his right, he saw a tiled countertop. But a sleep-tousled Jennifer emerged from another room and nearly stumbled into him just as he started toward it.

  “Where’s my mother? What’s wrong with her?” she asked worriedly.

  “She’s a little upset right now,” he told her. “But she’ll be fine.” He hoped. “Can you tell me how to reach your Uncle Gabe?”

  The girl split a worried look between him and the opening to the living room down the hall, from which they could hear Reenie’s muffled crying. Her mother’s sobs obviously disturbed her, but she led him to a phone list on the fridge before slipping away.

  Isaac found the number he was looking for and dialed.

  “Hello?” The person who answered sounded like a young boy.

  “Is your father home?”

  “Yes. Can I tell him who’s calling?”

  “Isaac Russell.”

  “Just a minute, please.”

  Isaac paced back and forth for several long seconds, listening as Jennifer tried to comfort Reenie. “Are you okay, Mommy? What’s wrong? Mommy?”

  Blowing out a frustrated sigh, he pivoted and paced back. Finally, a deep voice came across the line. “Hello?”

  “Mr. Holbrook?”

  “Yes?”

  “This is Isaac Russell.”

  “Who?”

  “Who I am doesn’t really matter. Your sister needs you. Can you come over right away? Or send someone else in the family?”

  “What’s wrong?” he asked, his concern apparent.

  “Keith’s run into some…problems.”

  “He isn’t hurt, is he?”

  “Physically, no one’s hurt. But it’s not a pretty picture. Reenie will explain when you get here,” he said. Then he hung up. There wasn’t anything else he could do for these people. Now that Keith was on his way to Dundee, Isaac needed to reach his sister as soon as possible.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  THE SILENCE FELT ODD, unnatural as Reenie rolled over in bed. She was still half asleep, and yet she knew something was wrong. Something terrible. The wisp of a memory threatened to surface. She attempted to suppress it but heard Isaac Russell murmuring those hateful words in her ear again and was instantly overwhelmed with grief.

  For the first time in her life, she wasn’t sure she could handle what lay ahead.

  Hushed voices coming from the kitchen reached her ears. Her girls. Why were they whispering? What about school? She had to get up. She felt as though she’d been run over by a bus. But she had a responsibility to care for her children.

  She tried to shove herself into a sitting position, only to fall back, too weak and exhausted to move. “This can’t be happ
ening,” she muttered, and tried again. On her second attempt, she managed to sit up and scoot to the edge of the bed, where she blinked against the light filtering through the slats of her blinds. Someone had turned the clock away from her. Who?

  As if in answer, she heard a man’s voice mingling with her children’s. It was Gabe. Of course. Her brother had come over right after Isaac Russell had left.

  The other details about last night—the way Keith had sounded on the phone, the palpable guilt in his reaction—started coming back to her in wave upon wave of sickening mental images and sounds. No use resisting. Maybe the truth was too painful to fully embrace, but she couldn’t escape it. She already knew the terrible secret Isaac had brought to her door was true. Keith had been cheating on her for years. He had another wife, other children… a family that he went to each time he left her.

  Bile rose in her throat. She choked it back while staring at her bare toes. Life-shattering catastrophes didn’t happen to her. Her poor brother had lost the use of his legs. Her father had rocked their family with a twenty-four-year-old secret. But she’d always been able to console herself by searching for the bright side. At least Gabe was still alive. At least her father hadn’t abandoned them as he could’ve done.

  Where was the bright side in this? She’d been living a lie. And now it was all clear. Why she’d sensed a growing detachment in her husband. Why Keith had fought her so hard when she’d begged him to quit his job. Why he never called when he was away and only responded to urgent messages.

  She remembered Isaac’s questions in the restaurant. How do you know how much he makes?…Because he tells me…Do you file your taxes separately?

  She dropped her aching head into her hands. She’d made it easy for her husband to deceive her. She’d been too gullible, too trusting.

  But where was Keith’s conscience? How could he lie to her so unashamedly? Betray her so completely? Betray their children? And when, exactly, had it all started?

  There was so much she didn’t know. The news had hit her hard, and she hadn’t pressed Isaac for any of the nasty details. Now, question upon question whirled through her mind, along with confusion and doubt and a terrible, seething rage.